Wednesday, July 06, 2022

In which imaginary friends, nuking the country and nattering "Ned" are on the reptile menu ...

 


The pond woke to the news that Boris had rather carelessly misplaced a couple of cabinet ministers. 

This completed a virtuous circle, because the pond had lulled itself to sleep watching a UK parliamentary session,  a level of perversity down there with the Marquis. 

Some minor functionary, some lapdog, some labradoodle, had been assigned the task of fielding questions from a dismal array of back benchers. (For the record muh lud, it was the right dishonourable Michael Ellis).

It turned out that in another world he'd been a barrister, which explained how his answers routinely, easily, slid from the oily to the greasy. 

The only surprising thing about the ritual performance was that most of the anguished questions seemed to come from agitated Tories. It was dismal entertainment, with the pond constantly reminded of the Professor dying in the field, saying "look what Boris has made me become", though no such insight came from the pathetic hack, a reminder of the banality of weevils ...

Then came more news of the sociopathic Vlad the impaler wrecking Ukraine, and the pond decided to get up and start the day with a dose of reptile stew ... only to discover there was a truly weird mix of ingredients on offer ... so why not start with the weirdest?







Someone is experiencing Entzauberung with petulant Peta? Is that like the Entzauberung with Boris? 

The pond couldn't quite see the point of the exercise, but then the pond had been a cowardly lion with a tin head and had ducked its petulant Peta assignment, and so must now do penance, though it draws the line at too many hail Marys ...









Now the pond is first to join in talk of imaginary friends, and pie in the sky on the bye and bye, but all this seems to be playing into the reptile game, with an ostentatious display of learning, of the kind the pond usually expects from the hole in the bucket man on a Friday ...

Surely this means that the fault of all this heretical treachery can be lumped at the feet of scholars and intellectuals (known to the reptiles as the inner suburban 'leets), who have ruined everything with their tedious book larnin' and their atheistic gibberish ... and so it came to pass ...






Damn you scholars and intellectuals, damn you all to hell ... nuke the lot of 'em, fancy taking the Garden of Eden as a fancy metaphor and myth, when we all know the reptile earth is flat, and only cranked into gear some ten thousand years ago ...

A 2017 Gallup creationism survey found that 38 percent of adults in the United States held the view that "God created humans in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years" when asked for their views on the origin and development of human beings, which Gallup noted was the lowest level in 35 years. It was suggested that the level of support could be lower when poll results are adjusted after comparison with other polls with questions that more specifically account for uncertainty and ambivalence. Gallup found that, when asking a similar question in 2019, 40 per cent of US adults held the view that "God created human beings pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so". (wiki)

Go Fox News viewers, go! Go SloMo of the shire, go!

And speaking of a good nuking, so to a more traditional reptile repast, and here the task is to look for signs of lobbying ... it might take a while, but the pond is confident that it will get there ...







Who is this Tony Grey, and why is he blathering on about nuking the country and nuking the planet in such a naked way, smoothing over difficulties, and laying palms in the path of reptile donkeys?

For the answer, patience is required ... first we must get rid of the tricky question of cost ...








Oh it's all the go with SMRs, but the answer to just how there are fifty shades of nuking grey is now at hand at the end of the very last gobbet ...








Oh indeed, indeed, free advice from an unencumbered, neutral source without the slightest sign of skin in the game. This is the sort of objective scribbling we need if we're to nuke the country and the planet and do it properfly ... but sadly the pond must report that the lizard Oz editorialist didn't get the memo in their very own rag.

Instead the lizard Oz editorialist provided the answer to a pond correspondent who had wondered what had happened to gas, and gaseous reptiles. 

Well the answer is, there's still a fizz in the carbonated reptile juice ...forget nuking the country, go gas ... explain how, lizard Oz editorialist ...









A 2% take-up, and the reptiles are having nightmares, and suddenly a night with British MPs didn't seem such bad entertainment ...

The pond can't begin to count the number of times it's heard the reptiles carry on about the wind not blowing and the sun not shining, and so forget the nukes, it's on with gassing the country and the planet ... because climate science, quoi? Gas, a carbon intense fossil fuel? Quoi? Interrogatif désignant une chose ...








There's no doubt about it. Boris is fucked, the country is fucked, and not just Britain, because the reptiles won't be satisfied until they've fucked the planet ...

And so to the bonus, and of course it had to be nattering "Ned". 

The pond took a look at Dame Slap having her usual argument with feminists - Dame Slap loves doing her patented "I'm alright Jill, so why don't you just fuck off with your talk of equality" routine - but the pond thought only this was worth noting ...









It brought out the pedant in the pond. Catherine the Great might have been a ruler of Russia, but she wasn't a Russian ruler ... she was a Prussian who knew how to do a bit of shape-shifting and fool the likes of Dame Slap ...

Catherine the Great, Russian Yekaterina Velikaya, also called Catherine II, Russian in full Yekaterina Alekseyevna, original name Sophie Friederike Auguste, Prinzessin von Anhalt-Zerbst, (born April 21 [May 2, New Style], 1729, Stettin, Prussia [now Szczecin, Poland]—died November 6 [November 17], 1796, Tsarskoye Selo [now Pushkin], near St. Petersburg, Russia), German-born empress of Russia (1762–96)... (EB here).

So that's what happens when you get a twit blathering about pop psychology, and offering Vlad the impaler the comfort of allegedly deep questions of history, security and economics. 

Could Dame Slap be a Vlad lover, in the same way that she donned the MAGA cap?

In a curious way, it seemed to prove Dame Slap's point. Why should a woman get a lavish amount of News Corp pay for being a fuckwit, when there are many fuckwitted men willing and able to step into the breach and show the way forward when it comes to treating women with disdain. Just call Faux Noise for the latest news on abortion in America...

And so to "Ned" ... as usual issuing advice, instructions and orders from the rear ...








The pond was unnerved from the get go. Was "Ned" implying that a coalition government, or perhaps the reptiles, didn't love a rules-based order?

Did they prefer a Boris-based style, full of lies and endless bullshit? Then the pond remembered that News Corp was right behind the mango Mussolini, the GOP, and the fucking of America, and understood why "Ned" might have baulked at the notion of a rules-based order ... unless of course they happened to be Dame Slap style rules, with allegedly deep questions of history, security and economics... because why not invade another country and ruin it, if you want to emulate Catherine the Prussian ...

Did the pond make a mistake by not sticking with the Dame?









Sorry, sorry, the pond wanted to slip that piece of nonsense from Dame Slap into the mix, so it could have a break with a cartoon ...











Oh heck, have another ... where's the harm ...










Well you can't expect Dame Slap to worry about such things, she's more a Prof Henry (Higgins) type ...

And now back to carrying on with "Ned" ...








The pond must add two notes here, as a way of celebrating "Ned's" style. Note the way "Ned" freely deploys injunctions - Albo must beware, Albo must find his own language, and so on and so forth "must", echoing down the musty reptile corridors - and "Ned" "must" find some way of borrowing another's thoughts. 

Come on down Hugh White ... pay attention Albo, "Ned" has found his Neville ...







And there you have it, and that's why "Ned" is as fine as any entertainment as anything the British parliament might offer ...

"Selling climate change is the easy part."

Do none of the reptiles ever read the lizard Oz? Is the pond the only one that bothers? If that's the easy part, please explain why the planet is spiralling down to hell in a handbasket, ably assisted by News Corp ...










9 comments:

  1. "an ostentatious display of learning, of the kind the pond usually expects from the hole in the bucket man on a Friday ..." It surely was that, wasn't it - and even more inner suburban leets than Holely Henry can usually muster. So, we come to Myton's real point: "But for most people, the Bible is a book they never read at all." Quite so, and this was rigidly enforced by the Catholic priesthood: the Vulgate was written - by Jerome beginning as late as 382 AD - and of course, being in Latin was only able to be read by the 'educated' clergy, especially as vernacular translations were forbidden and Catholics could only learn of their faith by asking the clergy.

    But then came Tyndale:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Tyndale

    And what was the terrible sin for which he was martyred: an English translation of the Bible to make it accessible to everybody and which survived him: "One estimate suggests that the New Testament in the King James Version is 83% Tyndale's words and the Old Testament 76%." So was Myton right: "If Christianity is facing seismic collapse, it's because its foundations have been eroded by scholars and intellectuals across hundreds of years." Oh no it's not, because the vulgar masses don't read the scholars and intellectuals any more than they read the Bible. But many of them did read Tyndale.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I read the Bible once, with the help of Asimov's Guide (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asimov's_Guide_to_the_Bible). You think you have read some boring stories, you should read the Bible! The phone book is more interesting.

      Delete
    2. You did better than me then, Joe; I didn't even quite make it through the Pentateuch in the KJV version. I did get to read Ecclesiastes though: “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

      But then, there's also Omar the Tentmaker:
      "Come, fill the Cup, and in the fire of Spring your Winter-garment of Repentance fling: the Bird of Time has but a little way to flutter—and the Bird is on the Wing."

      Delete
  2. "...in 2019, 40 per cent of US adults held the view that 'God created human beings pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so'". Thanks for that Mr Gallup. But next time, point the 40% to the Omphalos hypothesis and ask them if that's what they mean.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphalos_hypothesis

    ReplyDelete
  3. They do love to dole out their bull don't they. Grey: "Labor scraped into government in a climate change election in May primarily because of promises it made on the vexed issue." "Vexed issue" - what's "vexed" about it ? If we'd kept going in the way we've been going there would have been rather a lot of "vexed" voters. We could also say that the LNP "scraped into government" twice (after the utter revulsion against the Muncher) because of promises it made but didn't even come close to keeping. Yoohoo, LNPers, have you worked out why so many Teals got elected yet ?

    And: "If the new government fails to put the country on track to achieve its target of cutting 43 per cent of CO2 emissions by 2030, it can be safely predicted disappointed voters will exact stern retribution." Oh really ? The voters will opt back to the LNP for yet another session of failing to even make any promises ? Yes, of course they will. The voters just love extreme heat, droughts, floods and bushfires.

    Is it worth pointing out that every Labor government since WWII has had at least two terms - even Whitlam's and his second election was even a double dissolution.

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  4. Oh they do love their nonsense pronouncements don't they. Grey: "Renewables need another power source when the wind doesn't blow and the sun doesn't shine." Is there ever such a time ? At least he said "doesn't" not "don't". But this is the one: "With contemporary reactors, the 2011 Fukushima disaster would never have happened." Oh my, somebody please call God and tell "him" that the human race has finally achieved God-like perfection.

    But then: "Small modular reactors, which would be ideal for Australia, are gaining widespread acceptance throughout the world." How can this be when none is actually built, commissioned and working yet ? One sorta working prototype in Russia does not even begin to add up to "widespread acceptance throughout the world". Get back to us when at least half a dozen have been in successful, trouble-free operation for 5 years throughout the world.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Could Dame Slap be a Vlad lover, in the same way that she donned the MAGA cap?" Well: Kroger, Monckton, Trump, IPA ... who else but Putin fits the pattern ?

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  6. "In his extensive and justified overseas travel ..." Oops, is Noodled Neddy seriously, if surreptitiously, putting down the very Littleproud and the Angus Breed ? Is this going to become habitual - at least while the Labs are in power - or is this just another reptile tactic: the further you raise them up, the further they have to fall.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well it seems somebody has noticed:

    "Study finds policy focus on demand has been ‘one-sided’ and resulted in a ‘widening wedge of inequality’"
    Australia spent $20bn on first-home buyer support over a decade – and pushed up prices, report says
    https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2022/jul/07/australia-spent-20bn-on-first-home-buyer-support-over-a-decade-and-pushed-up-prices-report-says

    ReplyDelete

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