In which the megapond returns with all the favourite dinosaurs doing a Jurassic walk ...

 

The pond couldn't think of a better way to revert to megapond mode than a fiery blast of climate science denialism and a bromancer exuding an uxorious devotion to sweet, dinkum, clean, pure Oz coal and gas.

Let her rip, master bromancer, but please note, the pond will be terribly disappointed if the Bjorn-again one fails to get a mention ...

Save the planet? Piffle, the proud lizard Oz climate scientists have no concern or regard for the planet, not when it comes to supplying reptiles everywhere with endless warm hot rocks ... 

Who among us could expect a reptile to sacrifice his hot rock? And who could expect a reptile to give up his emissions? Yes, the pond should have warned that this is going to be a long haul, as might be expected in a megapond intent on extinction ...

Ah, yes, the steadying insight of a bromancer, who can recognise complete baloney, everything's in the best possible shape, and what's all the fuss about dinkum, clean, honest coal? 

As for that talk of India, the pond was reminded of that New Yorker story, perhaps paywalled:

Since 1980, the number of heat waves—defined by the World Meteorological Association as periods of at least three consecutive days during which temperatures significantly exceed the historical average—has increased by a factor of fifty around the world. Climate models suggest that India’s current heat wave was made thirty times more likely by global warming, and they predict that another degree of warming could lead to thirty-two times as many extreme heat waves as there were at the end of the twentieth century, each lasting five times as long. India, which is home to one in every six people on earth, has emitted just over three per cent of the planet’s greenhouse gases—and yet it will be among the nations most ravaged by the climate.

It’s tempting for Americans and Europeans to conceive of extreme heat as a scourge for poor, faraway people without reliable electricity or air-conditioning. But climate change has inflicted lethal heat in Western countries, too. This summer, Europe has experienced record heat. Last week, temperatures reached a hundred and eight degrees in Spain and a hundred and seventeen in Portugal; more than seventeen hundred people died of heat-related causes. In the U.K., where the temperature reached a hundred and four for the first time ever, the government issued a “red warning” for extreme heat, urging people to stay indoors so as not to risk “serious illness or danger to life.” In France, triple-digit temperatures contributed to raging wildfires. Meanwhile, heat waves already kill more Americans on average than any other extreme weather event. Last summer, in the Pacific Northwest, temperatures soared thirty degrees above normal, reaching a hundred and eight in Seattle, a hundred and sixteen in Portland, and a hundred and twenty-one in British Columbia. Streetcar cables melted, roads buckled, crops burned, and schools were closed. In just three weeks, the heat wave caused nine billion dollars’ worth of damage, and more than fourteen hundred people died.

Just three per cent?

Sorry. As per recent reptile climate outbursts, the pond will ignore the temptation to introduce actual climate scientists, or stories with divergent tales that run against reptile reporting. Why ruin a reptile climate scientist's tale of expertise with actual experts, or stories from the front line? 

Some might be tempted to head off elsewhere for their complete baloney ...

...but the pond wants undiluted reptile bunkum, of the Barnum if not Bailey kind ...

Yes, if you've done much to fuck the planet, the more you fuck the planet, the better off you'll be when the planet is fucked. It's only logical, reasonable and rational, and that's a good thing ... now let's get giving that dinkum clean coal some reptile lovin' ...

Of course the pond had to carefully neuter that click bait video, but kept it in for the record and for a reminder that we're in a free fall disaster. 

Not from global warming mind you, but from those foolish baloney pedlars righteously smoted and smited by the bromancer for their failure to love coal ... oh and gas of course, reminder that your bloated reptile emissions must celebrate gas, because however they come, fossil fuels are the go ... always have been, always will be, because how many times must we be told that some days the sun don't shine, and some days the wind don't blow, but you can guarantee reptile emissions are endlessly repeatable ...

And at this point the bromancer could enter the house of climate science denialists fully justified and righteous, because he turns to the reptiles' chosen one, the Bjorn-again one, and lo, he has risen yet again in the lizard Oz ...

Carry on reptiles, let's continue the fucking of the planet so that we might enjoy the fruits now, because frankly who cares about vulgar youff? Why the chairman has already gone over ninety and must be ready to dodder off, but in the meantime, it's consume now and worry about it later ...

A final question. Would it be a dinkum reptile piece without mention of "the climate hysteria of the moment"? Of course not, and how could you possibly doubt that an hysterical bromancer wouldn't go there?

The pond would really like to get the name of the bromancer's supplier of bennies, but in lieu of that, will now turn to the dog botherer for some speedy stimulation ...

Of course, of course, the pesky, difficult uppity blacks are in need of some whitesplaining, though not before being given a parable about "the virtue signallers."

Before going on, the pond trusts that everyone has supped at The Weekly Beast, but for those infidels that didn't, please allow the pond to share this titbit (if you want a tidbit, you must follow the link) ...

ABC exposé underwhelms

With the word “exposed” in its title you would think Chris Kenny’s doco Your ABC Exposed would have uncovered something.

But the attack on the public broadcaster was a laundry list of Kenny’s grievances which have been raised before in countless pieces in the Australian, where he is an associate editor and columnist, and on Sky News.

But so excited was the former Liberal party adviser he hired a mobile billboard and had it drive around the ABC’s Ultimo headquarters. The bizarre display was in addition to all the promotional pieces on Sky News and in the News Corp papers.

Despite his attempts to drum up interest for the exposé, a total of 85,000 people tuned in on Tuesday night at 8pm. Over on the ABC at the same time Miriam Margolyes had five times as many viewers for Australia Unmasked.

To be fair, it was a relatively good audience for Sky and for Kenny, whose earlier regular show The Kenny Report had just 32,000 viewers.

Ouch, double ouch, venerable Meade, must you say "just 32,000 viewers"? Just, as in just 32,000 out of some 25.69 million?

What Your ABC Exposed did deliver was up a lineup of rightwingers and others disillusioned with the ABC who were in furious agreement with Kenny, including a bizarre interview with Jonathan Shier, whose 19-month tenure as ABC managing director came to an abrupt end when he lost the support of the board. Shier welled up with tears while discussing how ABC staff campaigned against him. He told Kenny he was crying because he cared deeply about public broadcasting.

Excellent stuff and there are a couple of tweets in the original, and it put the pond in good heart to continue with the whitesplaining ... the dog botherer's just the reptile to whip those pesky, difficult, uppity blacks into line ...

Shocking. Fancy anyone calling Pauline a racist. Sure she's been a racist from the day of her very first speech in parliament ... with blather about being swamped by Asians and pesky blacks getting special benefits, but must we mention that? Should we mention that Pauline got kicked out of the Liberal party, being deemed as too racist hot to handle? Of course not ... why should anyone have to plough through her maiden 1996 speech when the dog botherer just loves to death his rude Pauline ...

Now back to the whitesplaining ...

Indeed, indeed, and yet it was remiss of the pond not to mention a few of Pauline's maiden points ... so that you might see if you find some echoes here ... as she rebutted that dreadful Hasluck chappie ...

...remember, when he gave his speech he was talking about the privileges that white Australians were seen to be enjoying over Aboriginals. Today, 41 years later, I talk about the exact opposite – the privileges Aboriginals enjoy over other Australians. I have done research on benefits available only to Aboriginals and challenge anyone to tell me how Aboriginals are disadvantaged when they can obtain three and five per cent housing loans denied to non-Aboriginals.

This nation is being divided into black and white, and the present system encourages this. I am fed up with being told, 'This is our land.' Well, where the hell do I go? I was born here, and so were my parents and children. I will work beside anyone and they will be my equal but I draw the line when told I must pay and continue paying for something that happened over 200 years ago. Like most Australians, I worked for my land; no-one gave it to me.

Apart from the $40 million spent so far since Mabo on native title claims, the government has made available $1 billion for Aboriginals and Torres Strait Islanders as compensation for land they cannot claim under native title. Bear in mind that the $40 million spent so far in native title has gone into the pockets of grateful lawyers and consultants. Not one native title has been granted as I speak.

The majority of Aboriginals do not want handouts because they realise that welfare is killing them. This quote says it all: 'If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day. If you teach him how to fish you feed him for a lifetime.'

And if you give a woman a seat in parliament, the bile and the good times will flow, but back to the mansplaining whitesplaining ...

Um, after all of the above, those sentiments seem to have arrived a little late on the scene ... let us remember Pauline and her love of the two Wongs man ...

Arthur Calwell was a great Australian and Labor leader, and it is a pity that there are not men of his stature sitting on the opposition benches today. Arthur Calwell said:

"Japan, India, Burma, Ceylon and every new African nation are fiercely anti-white and anti one another. Do we want or need any of these people here? I am one red-blooded Australian who says no and who speaks for 90 per cent of Australians."

I have no hesitation in echoing the words of Arthur Calwell.

Why did we ever leave the 1950s? It remains a mystery to the pond and the reptiles, and so to the final gobbet of whitesplaining ...

And there you have it... allegedly the dog botherer with the best of intentions, and without a mention that it's all the ABC's fault, and for all his protestations, helping fuck everything so that it might be still born, killed off by saucy reptile doubts and vinegarish reptile fears...

At this point, the pond had to summon exceptional strength because for days the pond had lived in bliss, without the advice of nattering "Ned", but now Everest must be conquered, the "Ned" peak must be reached, and without the benefit of oxygen ...

Some might wonder why the pond started with that splash, but it's the short "Ned" version and might save some precious time, so that they can enjoy their lives. The short version: everything's fucked, there goes the first term, what a waste of time that was ... yes, the year not even out, and there goes the first term, and so no need to read on ...

For those who want the long version, it's only six gobbets, close to the length prescribed in the bible for Noah's Ark, and it begins with a splendid visual reference to Master and Commander ...

Ah the good old days of literalism in the lizard Oz graphics department returns, because what better way to get a superior outlook than with a spyglass ... though the pond will never be satisfied until the reptiles bring back the cult master ...

As for the most elemental aspects, the pond did enjoy this Kudelka ...

But that's the last visual treat for awhile ... because we must do "Ned" in a hard yards way, with only a meaningless snap of parliament as a way to break up the verbiage ...

The reputation of Labor as a governing entity is at stake?

Didn't the reptiles read their splash? There goes the first term, and here goes "Ned", rabbiting on endlessly ... sighing at the sky, and reminding the pond that Chicken Little never had anything on our "Ned" ...

By this point, the pond had remembered far too vividly why it had most enjoyed not having to plough through "Ned". 

Even reading about the behaviour of that ratbag Putin and his band of terrorists provided more hope to the pond ... hope that the Ukrainians might give the invaders a sound thrashing and send the fuckers home ... and so as a snap of Vlad the impaler hovered into view at the bottom of this gobbet, the pond felt a sudden desire to be reading news from the front ... but it seems that the days of turning kitchen pots into munitions has long gone in reptile la la land ...

And now, with Vlad given his snap, it's time for the usual "Ned" ritual, a feature of all the features he's scribbled in his dotage. 

"Ned" must turn to quoting an expert, who will "tell the Inquirer", which if the pond is not mistaken, means he's speaking to "Ned", which means that "Ned" must fancy himself as "the Inquirer" ... and luckily the pond knows how to deal with Inquirers ...

…when Shan himself became a master, he used to say to an inquirer, 'Whether you say "yes", you get thirty blows; whether you say "no", you get thirty blows just the same.' A monk asked him, 'Who is the Buddha?' 'He is an old monk of the Western country.' 'What is enlightenment?' Shan gave the questioner a blow, saying, 'You get out of here; do not scatter dirt around us!' Another monk wished to know something about Zen, but Shan roared, 'I have nothing to give, begone!' (pdf)

Yes, at this point the pond has nothing to give, better call Saul ...

The good news? Well the first term is a complete loss, and there likely won't be a second term, and soon enough beefy boofhead Angus will be given the keys to the Treasury, and what could go wrong with that, but best of all the pond has filibustered its way to the last gobbet ... better call Saul and Richo for last drinks ...

Indeed, indeed, let the rich have it all. It's the reptile way. Never fight over the pie, just accept your lot with a smile and a tug of the forelock, and think yourself lucky that you don't have to get up at 4am and poke out an eye in preparation for a serve of "Ned" ...

And so to the closing, which inevitably involves the immortal Rowe ...