In which, for a nanosecond, nattering "Ned" made the pond doubt ...

 

 

 

 

The reptiles have continued to ignore the antics of gorgeous George, so it was a real relief to see them still taking Clive's gorgeous cash in the reptile claw, yelling freedumb, freedumb to the world ...

But the rest of the lizard Oz offerings this day? A complete mind fuck, and as usual with the pond, that's a mild understatement ... 

If the pond didn't know any better, if the pond didn't understand the reptiles paid not the slightest attention to the pond, if the pond were more into paranoia, the pond might be feverishly thinking that the reptiles had deliberately tried to turn the pond's understanding of the world, and the reptile place in it, completely upside down ... 

It started with "Ned", at the start of the day placed in the middle of a triptych of terror ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was as good a chance as any for "Ned" to show a little of the old reptile climate denialist spine. 

 

There, right next to him, on the far left of the triptych, a climate cabal was on the loose, and hunting down thoughtful people who knew that clean dinkum Oz coal with zero emissions was just around the corner ...

But what does he do? Wring his hands, sigh at the clouds, don sackcloth and ashes, and pin a white feather to his chest ...

 

Surely the sight of those smug bastards in the limo, hooning down the fast lane, should have sent "Ned" into a furious natter ... but no, he abjectly and meekly surrendered ...

Where was the notion that Labor would fold like a pack of cards? Where was the message that the reptiles would never give into the climate change cult, packed, as it is, with religious zealots and cargo cultists?

Instead the pond should note that at this point the reptiles inserted a click bait video with a truly dangerous message on the chyron ...

 

Pretty clear endorsement from the business community? Waiter, some soap for the chryon ... and stop Larry David from chanting pretty, pretty good ...

And it only got worse from there. It wasn't Labor folding like a pack of Alice cards, it was nattering "Ned" ...

 

 

The pond was reeling, the reptile world a topsy turvy mess thanks to "Ned's" betrayal.

At this point the pond should note that the reptiles tried to insert another more sensible click bait video with a more sensible message, and a terrifying sight, sure to arouse reptile readers ...

 

 

 

Oh the windmills of doom, the windmills that terrified that beefy Angus boofhead, and ruined Jolly Joe's view ... and the message in the chyron was right. You've got a lot of explaining to do, young missy, oh yes there's going to be a lot of explaining needed ...

But damn it, it was too late, "Ned" had already done all the mansplaining, and looking at those windmills ... the light was good, the sky picture perfect blue, just a dotting of clouds, as if Gainsborough had become the designated reptile painter, the fields bright green, with a hint of yellow, and van Gogh banished like a gorgeous George, no crows to disturb the serenity ...

To say the pond was devastated is an understatement ... such treachery afoot, it was inconceivable ...

 

And there was Rowe, joining in the jollity, with more scandalous, lively, cheerful, exuberant jovial joy here ...

 

Oh yes, freedumb lives ...and a national reptile treasure celebrated...

 

 

 

 

But worse was to come ... because Dame Slap had apparently gone pinko, full commie swine ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, how could this be? 

And even worse, the pinko prevert Slap tried to get sentimental about teachers of yore, trying to send the pond down memory lane ... 

Oh yes, Mr Brown, we all remember those days being made to read Kidnapped a chapter at a time in the classroom, to fill up the English periods, while you tried to land pieces of chalk in the garbage bin down below, a metallic clink wafting up to the first floor windows when you hit the mark ...

 

 

Now the pond isn't going to blame those wretched teachers for setting loose Dame Slap on the world, and teaching her to don the MAGA cap, and join "Lord" Monckton in proposing the UN would use climate science to establish a world government by Xmas ...

But the pond did realise it had been taken in by the old pea and thimble trick.

Initially the pond had been astonished at the notion that Dame Slap would endorse a strike in the state until recently made great by gold standard Glady ...

But it turned out that this was just a typical Slappian ploy, a way of celebrating the trudging Tudge as someone who has done the hard yards ...

Yes, there was something to be retrieved from Dame Slap pretending to go pinko ... she was just playing dumb, in a freedumb way, and still had the racist statue routine, and other white civilization Tudgy routines, in reserve.

Truly for a moment Dame Slap and that headline had unnerved the pond and got it going, but it was the sort of Bre'r Rabbit tar baby we no longer talk about, designed to lure the pond into the blackberry bushes (and hasn't it been a good year for cheap blackberries, the pond's favourite Tamworth approved fruit?)

 

Memo to Dame Slap. They were calling teachers dumb cunts forty years ago, and the pond still recalls vividly the maths teacher who got a shiv in the back long, long ago. It's true that he was a terrible maths teacher, and full of sardonic, sarcastic remarks, but back then, Tamworth High was one of the largest schools in the state, and the playground was a jungle ...

As for the rest, what a cheap trick that headline was. Dame Slap doesn't have the slightest interest in the teachers' strike or teachers' pay, or teachers' conditions. 

She just wants to pander to the trudging Tudge, one of the most useless ministers in SloMo's cabinet, and with delusions of grandeur about his abilities and insights, and given the state of SloMo's cabinet, that's saying something. It takes considerable skill to sound more stupid than that beefy boofhead, Angus ...

 

 

 

Unite with the trudging Tudge? Good luck with that, but in a way the pond was relieved, and could trot out a couple of old saws ... you know, leopards and spots, or perhaps the more things change, the more they stay the same, and how silly of the pond to have thought that Dame Slap would have suddenly gone all bolshie ...

Here, have an infallible Pope to celebrate education in the gold standard state ...

 

 

 

Yes, a few folded, fitted spreadsheets will surely fix those pesky, difficult teachers ...

And so to a bonus, and the pond must note that the war on China, hinted at above, has taken a decidedly odd turn ...

 

 

Look, there was the bromancer and that Jennings chap singing from the same song sheet ... and it was a relief to the pond that Jennings was on the case ...

 

 

But in the usual way the pond decided to stick with the clueless bromancer, not least because he was brief in his cluelessness ...

 

 

 

Say what? The Biden administration making a nuanced and calibrated decision?

The pond's hopes for a war with China by Xmas were dashed. What had happened to the bromancer of old? 

Surely he'd have been calling for an athletes' boycott, surely he'd have been demanding that no television station be allowed to broadcast the games, as dictator for life Xi will surely use them as a propaganda showcase ... a way of promoting the grandeur of life under the new emperor, same as the old Mao one ...

It would have been a never no mind to the pond, as it hasn't the slightest interest in winter sports - that's the way it goes if you were brought up in Tamworth - but suddenly the pond felt it was back with nattering "Ned" and the white feather, and nothing the bromancer said made the pond feel better ...

 

A well-measured decision? The bromancer has gone soft, what with that blather about a small but significant gesture ...

It's a completely useless, and meaningless, and token gesture, and once upon a time the bromancer would have called it out ... but in these days without submarines, it seems that's the best the bromancer can manage ...

And now, speaking of well-meaning gestures, there's a tidy reminder of the history of Olympics boycotts on the Wayback Machine here, with a tidy collection of cartoons...

 

 

 

Javelin catcher? Hmm, should have been updated to biathlon target ...