The reptile week began, as it usually does, with an exercise in group think that quite took the pond's breath away, until the pond remembered that it had forsaken the daily stupidity of keeping the loons company …
Of course Major Mitchell was at the head of the group think, as he usually is …
It was irony of the richest kind, talking of diversity, when all the reptiles had been at one howling at the climate science denialist moon, and that very night, by an eerie coincidence, Media Watch ravaged the reptiles for their climate denialism … inter alia ...
Had the dog botherer learnt anything? Did the reptiles take to heart the chastising? Of course not, there was the dog botherer this very day, rabbiting away in his usual delusional manner, while off skiing with the pixies …
All the same, it should also be noted that Paul Barry bizarrely did a bit of victim blaming and shaming, by blaming scientists for not speaking out (where's the ABC in all this? Or the Nine rags? Only the imported Graudian seems to give a toss), but how can you speak out regularly against a rampant tosser? Once you've established he's a tosser and a wanker and a dropkick moron, what's the point in repeating yourself? Barry is paid to do it, and the pond does it out of perverse pleasure, but perhaps Barry should have noted the supine both siderism way that the ABC goes about its business ...
Meanwhile, it turns out that the Major had got himself into trouble yet again, with the Weekly Beast doing a little gloat at the end of the week …
A shitty rag? How outrageous! Why it fills up ABC breakfast on a daily basis. And as for the government organising state media to act like state media?
Why, the Major was only doing what all crypto-Fascists, actual reptile Fascists, and Marxist Leninists do - demand a government run media so that "Orwellian" might be trotted out yet again … with the blather done over a coffee prepared by the finest baristas in the world, the Surry Hills 'leet.
Yes, the pond has a spy who regularly wanders past the reptiles in their native home, and observes them sneaking about supping on a coffee or three from the Surry Hills 'leets, but there's only so much irony to go around with the sugar-free sweetening lavished on the wondrous hypocrisy...
Why, the Major was only doing what all crypto-Fascists, actual reptile Fascists, and Marxist Leninists do - demand a government run media so that "Orwellian" might be trotted out yet again … with the blather done over a coffee prepared by the finest baristas in the world, the Surry Hills 'leet.
Yes, the pond has a spy who regularly wanders past the reptiles in their native home, and observes them sneaking about supping on a coffee or three from the Surry Hills 'leets, but there's only so much irony to go around with the sugar-free sweetening lavished on the wondrous hypocrisy...
The Beast also seemed shocked by a recent columnist the reptiles had imported …
The pond was also outraged, but for a different reason. How dare the reptiles publish such a leftist liberal stooge? Why the man is shameless in his dissembling …look at him embrace climate science, as if born to the greenie XR lifestyle ...
Could it get worse? Well the reptiles could start running columns by Hitler, featuring extracts from his meisterwerk, but how would they cope with his vegetarianism? Clearly that's a Commie plot …
Never mind, instead of Adolf, the pond had to sweep everything aside, even though this weekend the reptiles had some choice stuff …
… because, look there, on the far bottom right, did you spot it? The onion muncher lives, he scribbles, he's a contributor …
Bugger off, Herr Hitler, get lost Erdogan (the Donald has given you everything you wanted), it's time for the onion muncher to return to centre stage …
Oh how the pond has missed him, and yet how loyal the pond is … why even Polonius's distracting prattle about pedophiles in the ABC (remember, there are none in the Catholic church) and the craven Craven mooning over Banjo must wait its turn ...
The pond almost burst spontaneously into tears, rather like the spontaneous combustion celebrated by Dickens.
To quote Tennyson, to reveal the Victorian at the heart of the man! And yet hadn't the Pope just anointed as a Saint a man who had a deep lifelong relationship with another man, and a Victorian at that?
Even worse, some of the reptile readership took a view ...
Steady Roy, you tell him Melanie, put Roy in his place.
We need someone with more substance, someone with a little more relevance, someone who can talk with deep affection of the trickle down effect, and freedoms broadening, from mighty kings and grand knights and dames, to the lowly peasants who each week pay to read the reptile royalty ...
Yes, yes, it's wondrously fatuous stuff from a fop who spent his last years in parliament pursuing a small-minded vendetta, blood-clotted eyes seething with hate, but there you go, that's the onion muncher in a nutshell, and how the pond loves this form of nuttery …
"In my time"? Yes, there'll be a lot of that, the brooding and the narcissist attention to self … with others now playing all kinds of musical chairs from which the onion muncher has been excluded …
Too soon? Was it wrong for the pond to reach for an infallible Pope so early in the onion muncher proceedings?
Perhaps, but at least an infallible Pope avoids the pond starting a Saturday by reaching for a gin and tonic … slurring into the swill as we swig down memory lane ...
Ah yes, a crowned republic, there's that "Orwellian" rag again, and what a splendid jig it is … but now, having observed "In Howard's time", we come to that most splendid header, "Under Abbott" … which the pond hastily reminds stray readers, has nothing to do with untermensch ...
Oh glorious memories, and never mind that strange talk of a commonwealth, when we are after all a crowned republic, but once again some carping reader had to interrupt the fond memories of "UnterAbbott" …
How vexatious, how trivial, MR … why, you've forced the pond to reach for another infallible Pope …
Enough of the present. It's time to resume that wander down memory lane, and talk of Ming the merciless, and all that's decent and good and proper ...
Indeed, indeed, and instead of the infallible Pope, perhaps the pond should have used an illustration evocative of the great man's predicament, courageously never changing in his ways, yet somehow tied down …
Oh how they brought him down, bound him and betrayed him, and yet he rises, and it's time for a plug … perhaps the real purpose all along ...
Indeed, indeed, it is possible to be both a liberal and a conservative, or perhaps even a Trumpian, because why not? What's in a word to epic Orwellian users of words?
Ah yes, philosophical liberalism, see what it has produced … but for a moment there, the pond was forgetting it was all about the onion muncher, so for my part, we must never forget the 'for my part' bit ...
Or perhaps he might have had a chortle at silly buggers who couldn't even hold the seat of Warringah, and so perforce must make do with blathering in the lizard Oz … while elsewhere a speaker in tongues who thinks the rapture might land by Xmas, ruled the roost and created confusion in the land, or at least in comrade Bill's mob, lost in the wilderness …(speak up, Paul Barry, speak up?)
Well it's been all the pond could have expected, and perhaps more, and so to the last gobbet and the final plug, the reptile work done, the pond's loyalty rewarded, those who think the onion muncher has no place in the banner denied and shamed yet again ...
And you can take that from a politician voted out of his seat, who once served in a government which saw a PM lose his seat as it got voted out of power …
Humility? Lessons learned? Climate science? Identity politics? Treating others as actual human beans?
Here, have a sanger and a Rowe, with more Rowe here … and if you happen to be in Surry Hills, drop in to have a coffee served by the greatest baristas in the world. There's a good chance you'll meet reptiles going about their business, contributing to the daily overload of irony and hypocrisy, silliness and folly, in this gloriously crowned republic ...
The poor old doddering onion muncher gets himself into a real twist over SSM - again. What was 'affirmed' in an argument for conservatism 'as recently as 2004' becomes a 'codification' which the 'traditional concept of marriage long predated' when challenged in 2018. If it was so traditional, why did it need codification, and why is that codification no longer relevant, now that SSM is legal?
ReplyDeleteI think ScoMo will need all of Pope's five feet just to keep afloat in the coming days.
Morrison and his family prayed for victory on election night. He's an odd god this god of Morrison's. He seems to favour the wealthy and powerful and the 'punishers and straighteners'.
ReplyDeleteSo sayeth the Tones: "...respecting values and institutions that have stood the test of time."
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, name some ! Nothing much ever really "stands the test of time": societies either adapt and adjust, and occasionally revolutionise (same-sex marriage anybody ?) or they freeze and die. And that is the one single aspect of humanity that has repeatedly "stood the test of time", just ask any and all of the "great" civilisations that no longer exist.
Then he's off again: "The Howard government was certainly liberal when it reformed the tax system, simplified industrial laws and reduced government spending."
Oh yeah, it was "liberal" to pieces when Johnny Winston introduced Workchoices - that wondrous piece of "simplified industrial laws" that saw Howard's government massacred at the election (the LNP lost 21 seats) and Howard himself was consigned out of his own safe seat into condign political oblivion.
But he's really into it with this: "...it was Burke himself who pointed out that an entity without the means of change lacked the means of its own conservation."
A classic bit of conservative "do what I say, not what I do" from a man who so lacked the means of change that he couldn't achieve his own "conservation" as an MP and is now just a petty sludge chucker for the reptile herpetarium.
To claim “the Liberal Party as the political custodian, in this country, of . . the conservative tradition of Edmund Burke.” suggests that Liberal Party MPs are familiar with Edmund Burke’s writings. I think we can exclude those who believe it is a telling insult to the Manager of Opposition Business in the House to yell ‘Burke by name, and Burke by nature’. The odd member who writes opinion pieces for journals and newspapers of small circulation may have found a convenient quote, attributable to Edmund, to give that patina of learning to their dogma, but it takes a few seconds only for the internet to bring up quotes.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that very few have given themselves the pleasure of reading Burke at length. If they have, they have not recognised themselves in the categories of members of parliament who Burke excoriated as failed attorneys, who should not have been entrusted with setting new laws in place, because they manifestly had not shown sufficient understanding of existing ones when they were sinking in their previous profession. Nor should we overlook that Edmund was prompted to write ‘Reflections on the Revolution in France’ in part because he had seen a massive boondoggle (except that that useful word had not been coined at the time) within the Naval Office - seeking more and bigger and much more expensive ships - because of the ‘threat’ from . . . .