Of course the reptiles were full of it today, but the pond would like to hearken back a day to what was then commentary, but now must only pass as digital fish and chip wrapping …
The pond only does this digital post-mortem because it has the odd fish head hanging around the house, and because the pond's remaining readers have expressed tremendous regard for the analysis of the bromancer …
Quite possibly there are some who use his columns to decorate the walls of outside dunnies, or perhaps find some other use for them therein …
The pond can approach the task with equanimity … one way or another, Britain is comprehensively fucked, but this only seems fair, given the way that Britain has, in times past, fucked assorted parts of the world, including but not limited to parts of the middle East, Africa and the Indian sub-continent (and incidentally invaded the dreaming in search of a new and better prison).
But alas, and alack, the bromancer's little Englander heart has been broken by the born liar and philandering rogue, Boris of Eton (or East Cheam if you will) …
Now you will read nothing here of the grotesque lies, distortions, blatant untruths and dodgy financing of the leave campaign. That's all done and dusted, and it is gospel that the people have spoken, nor is there anything to be said about the glorious delusion that Britain will, outside Europe, turn into an economic powerhouse as dazzling as the number of women Boris has fucked, or the many newspaper columns in which he has lied, or at least prepared two versions thereof … but oh, the betrayal of the 'leets, and how they torture the hapless bromancer ...
Notorious act? Yes, it's the people's representatives in what is alleged to be a parliamentary democracy, expressing a view and voting on it, a thought designed to rouse Herr Hitler and the bromancer to a state of wrathful indignation! Parliamentary democracy, say wot, old chum?
Oh how the institutions conspire...if only there was a strong man born to rule who might seize the time and do away with these petty, petulant obfuscators …
Here, have a cartoon …
There are plenty more at The Graudian here, and please don't forget to read Marina Hyde beating up on David Cameron's greased piglet here.
Of course she's intentionally funny, but the bromancer's humour is more of the unconscious kind ...
Oh the bromancer gently weeps along with George's guitar, but the pond thought another cartoon might help …
That's better, a Rowson always helps, and here the pond must confess shamefacedly that last night it drifted off during the live broadcast of parliamentary proceedings, and decided it would be more fun to sleep in a state of suspense and wake up in the morning to see the result, knowing that the fun would continue for years … while the bromancer would live to rage another day ...
Oh proud British lions, reduced to sheep by assorted conspiracies, and what have you been made to eat?
And speaking of brass knobs, what better way to throw back to the bromancer knob, bleating his unhappy heart out?
On and on he goes, and the pond began to get restless and a little indignant. What about that other triumph of the Murdoch press and Fox and Friends? Why wasn't attention being paid to his triumphs?
But the bromancer wasn't finished, not by a long shot … still yearning for a no deal, a crash and burn ...
Yes, yes, it's all a furphy, and let's not forget that the Donald did it first, and did it best …
And so to the last digital bromancer fish and chip wrapping, already well out of date and smelly, but much loved, apparently, by the remaining pond readership ...
He remains sceptical? Of a notorious liar and fornicator? Of a git who passes himself off as a man of the Etonian people?
Talk about a dream turning to ashes and dust in the mouth so quickly … the fickle Murdochians, how they yearn for dictatorship throughout the world. What a pity the Chairman is getting a tad tottery and doddery ...
Well the pond's only in it for the cartoons, as the Murdochian choices around the world do their very best to fuck the world …
Oh brave sceptical Murdochians, oh wondrous achievements …
"...the pond's remaining readers have expressed tremendous regard for the analysis of the bromancer … "
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, DP, absolutely. Could any of the other reptiles get even close to this kind of impassioned "exposition" by the Bromancer ? Oh, doesn't it just once again make us yearn for those magical times when Great Britain still ruled the world ?
"...nor is there anything to be said about the glorious delusion that Britain will, outside Europe, turn into an economic powerhouse "
Surely you mean: "Britain will resume its glorious destiny as the world's leading economy" don't you ? In addition to being "the world's leading democracy" and "the world's leading centre of arts, crafts and learning" too ? But not the world's leading exponent of soccer, I'm afraid. No. those glorious days are gone forever.
"the pond's remaining readers have expressed tremendous regard for the analysis of the bromancer … Quite possibly there are some who use his columns to decorate the walls of outside dunnies, or perhaps find some other use for them therein …"
ReplyDeleteCurse you DP. I took up your suggestion and you should see the state of my computer screen.
Ah how fortuitous: Nick Cohen has an article in the Graudian today titled "Have you heard of the catastrophic men theory of history?" [ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/oct/20/catastrophic-men-theory-history-step-forward-boris-johnson ]
ReplyDeleteIn the article, Cohen writes that: "It is an essential part of the catastrophic character that catastrophists do not learn from their mistakes or realise they are making them."
And that just about sums up the reptiles in general and the Bromancer in particular, don't you think ?
Anyway, I just can't resist Cohen's take on a Bromancer true love hero: Jacob Ree-sMogg:
"Remember Jacob Rees-Mogg’s semi-literate instruction to his civil servants that they must address untitled men as “esq” when the practice is archaic. Or his insistence that they never use “hopefully” in his presence: even though the adverb has stood in for “I hope” for centuries and no serious linguist has the smallest problem with it."
It would seem that in general Polonius is just a lesser Ree-sMogg.
Vita sic est.