Dear diary, just had to read the bromancer and prattling Polonius today ...

Dear Diary,

what a terrible start to the week, but at least the pond now knows why the ABC didn't have the first clue about the terrible hurricane that struck Alabama, leaving devastation and thousands homeless. 

Still,  best follow the silly old Major Mitchell and ignore the tweets, it's the only path to sanity … save ignoring dumb birds like the Major, a feather short of meaningful flight …

Next week, the Major furiously scribbles that the Donald should stop tweeting.

Was that all so long ago, as long ago as the dog botherer calling for a debate, yet again?

Yes, don't bother with the science, just tug your organ in an endless debate and all will be well. Sheesh, did the pond mention organ tugging? Turns out the dog botherer doesn't have a sex life …

Please, whatever you do, don't talk about sex in front of the dog botherer … it agitates him so …

Meanwhile, on another planet, the reptiles slipped in a very small story, so that nobody much would notice …

Remember, whatever you do, don't talk about sex, but do remember to blather on endlessly about the urgent need for debate …

What else, dear diary? Well the Oreo started the week on a high note too … because it takes a rich imagination to celebrate an Etonian of the Boris kind, while the cunning are busy making a fortune shorting the pound …

There's so many stupidities just in that headline that the pond quickly moved on, but where to?

 

Actually the pond proposes to dashing Donners that reading the reptiles will dumb down standards and guarantee mental underperformance, especially if tempted by Dame Slap, still carrying on about 18C …oh will it never fucking end?

Moorice was somewhere in there too, but this one took the Donald cake …

Yes, apparently the Donald was right to propose a meeting with the Taliban at Camp David, with 9/11 only a few days away, and then, realising it was such a stupid idea only a moron of the highest water could have proposed it, he was exceptionally right to cancel it …

And that, dear diary, only skating on the surface of the reptile follies as they try to deal with the world around them, brings us to today, and a double bunger of delight …

But who should go first? Prattling Polonius is a pond legend, and all that dreadful talk of China needs to be stamped out at once, but then the burbling bromancer is also a pond legend, and who better than he to know how to wrangle the Donald?

And what better way to begin than to insist once again that the Donald was right … to cancel the bizarre negotiations some moron had set in motion … and so needing the firm hand of the Donald to take action against said moron ...

Indeed, indeed, but as this is going to be a long one, the pond thought a few cartoons might help things go down more easily …

And so to a little Donald worship, in inimitable bromancer style … where unpredictability is a formidable strategic asset …and never mind the odd bankruptcy on the way ...

Yes, you read it, you really did. "He is pretty prudent." What next? Could his basic political instincts be "pretty sound."

Oh he feels pretty, oh so pretty, here have a pretty cartoon …

Some might even like a pretty vape, before they get on to the next pretty …

Pretty good, pretty good, and pretty sound ...

Fuck, it must be a difficult, tedious job trying to weave sense out of nonsense … but somebody's got to do it, and the bromancer is a steady hand … it's just a pity no-one gave him a sharpie to help …

Now on with the bromancer doing his best to sell the Donald ...

Indeed, indeed, a pretty good result for pretty prudent man pursuing pretty sound policies, with only a whiff of predictable unpredictability …

Ah, Mad magazine, so long ago, and yet so now …

And so the bromancer, for some peculiar reason, now feels the need to mention a few Donald weaknesses - not so we can spend the next year bogged down in an endless litany of follies, but merely so we can enjoy Donald's remarkable strengths …

Why, it turns out, with Bolton gone, there will be peace with Iran within weeks, much like negotiations with China and North Korea have become a triumphal procession of success after success ...

Prudence, weakness. By golly, this is tricky stuff. Has the bromancer thought of scribbling some 'woke' stuff about sex as an alternative?

Here, have a few cartoons ...

Every so often it seems like reality will intrude on the bromancer's dream world … but in the end, this endless piece has simply been about reassuring the lizard Oz readers that Chairman Rupert is helping the Donald lead them to a bright future ...

Indeed, indeed, you see, we're all right Jack, and everything is good, and Josh and SloMo are in top form, and everything is being done behind closed doors, which is how it should be done, and it's the art of the deal, even if the moron didn't actually write, or possibly even read, his book on the art of the deal …

Well after that, it was good to see Rowe in top form with his own Donald cartoon, and plenty more Rowe to catch up on here …

Just remember it wasn't Oscar Wilde, it was the bromancer that wrote the story, and wielded the Sharpie and embellished the hair …

And so to prattling Polonius.

The pond can already hear the whingers and the cry-babies and the moaners and the whiners complaining that it's too much. The bromancer doing the Donald at length, and now we have to read prattling Polonius?

Think yourself lucky if you've made it to this point. There are subscribers to the reptiles of Oz who read endless piles of shit on a daily basis, so why should a weekend visit to the pond be any different?

Indeed, indeed, and it just so happens that Rowe was on hand to provide a cartoon …

But what's this? The bloody ABC …

Sheesh, shouldn't they just be 'woke' and talking about sex, just to send the dog botherer into a frenzy?

Well it's all here, and here, and even the Hartcher at Nine was cluck-clucking and tut-tutting ...

Sheesh, difficult times, so naturally Polonius had to pull out his master Jedi mind trick ...

This almost takes as much skill as the bromancer selling the Donald ...

Read that and marvel. The situation in China has improved dramatically in recent decades … as recent events in Hong Kong demonstrate …and poor Clive apparently didn't note what went on in Mao's time.

Why he probably overlooked Stalin too, but what's remarkable is the way that Polonius is such an adept revisionist …with subtle hints of fragrant lickspittle lackey and paper tiger on the back palette …

Oh dear, why did Rowe have to drag Shanghai Sam into it?

You see, it's all going tremendously well, nothing to see here, now that the Chinese government realises it just has to slip the Liberals plenty of cash, preferably not in a working class Aldi bag, something more a little upmarket, in the Toorak or Vaucluse style, and then Polonius will be out and about defending a Communist dictatorship up hill and down dale, and talk of how things are on the mend, and on the up, and it's all good, and soon enough we too will be able to digitally track and reward virtuous souls and punish recalcitrants, and why on earth did any reptile ever mention Orwellian or 1984, when all can be forgiven and forgotten ...

Yes, yes …

And so the pond is out of room and out of time and way over length, and must turn to Rowe yet again to help out with a few other matters that turned up during the week, featuring good old Angus beef …

How good is the lizard Oz? How good are the reptiles down under? Pretty, pretty good ...