In which Polonius and nattering "Ned" reveal some of their deeper fears and anxieties ...

 

The pond must first acknowledge the diligent work of partisan hacks toiling away in the bowels of Pravda down under, the only company benefit being the 'leet baristas of Surry Hills … though it always strikes the pond as somewhat odd when one of the partisan hack players decides he can also be the referee …

But that's the dog botherer for you, partisan hack one minute, and partisan hack referee the next, with lightweight Troy supposed to provide what passes for balance in lizard Oz la la land …

But having acknowledged their fine work and after tipping the hat to the venerable Meade in the Guardian's Weekly Beast for that wonderful headline, 'Pravda had better fact checking': Alex Turnbull takes aim at News Corp, the pond must just recommend that story of sublime Andrew Clennell folly and turn to prattling Polonius.

You see, the battle is heating up, and the reptiles are in a panic, and something set Polonius off, and when his teeth are on edge, he simmers and stews and then he erupts …

Now Polonius has a nice little set-up in the heart of the city of Sydney, which routinely panders to the rich and seeks subsidy for them. It's a nice little earner, and so Polonius is perfectly positioned to talk of self-interest …usually with a touch of disdain and moral superiority about anyone who disagrees with him, especially anyone at the ABC, who by Polonial definition, are wrong about everything.

But it's not just the ABC. Polonius's 'leet Farrer Place moral superiority can just about disdain whatever you've got …and usually with a bonus history lesson, and never mind a few errors along the way ...

Yes, for the record, Polonius's fund-raising has seen a lifetime of pandering to the rich and the corporate sector - please no names, no vulgar disclosures, no hideous transparency - which perfectly positions him to get busy shedding crocodile tears for the poor and the vulnerable …

Is there another reason hidden amongst the tears? Well truth to tell, the onion muncher is in mortal peril, and perforce, Plonius must spring to his aid … what with the onion muncher always being on the side of the  weak and the oppressed, while the filthy rich harangue and haunt him from their well-heeled Warringah castles ...

Say what? Some large companies no longer make political donations? Does this mean Polonius's own business model is in peril?

Never mind, the pond does appreciate attention being drawn to that honourable judged delivering his worthy lecture, which, like Polonius's prattle, shows a deep concern for carpenters …

Today, 17 October, is the feast day of St Ignatius – not the famous St Ignatius of Loyola, but the Bishop of Antioch. He is said to have been the first person to use the words “catholic church” in writing as meaning the active church that is identical across all Christian congregations. One does, however, suspect that a close search of the New Testament would reveal cognate usages before his time. The career of St Ignatius was marked by a stress on the real humanity of Christ, and therefore on the actuality of the physical sufferings of Christ. He had an ardent desire for martyrdom as a means of sharing the Passion of Christ. His fame rests on seven letters he wrote after his arrest during a persecution of the church in Antioch. He wrote them as he travelled in chains under military escort to Rome. He reached Rome in about AD 110, as the non-politically correct are for the time being permitted to call that year. That was in the reign of that beau idéal of the so-called “good” Emperors, the Emperor Trajan, successful soldier and promiscuous drunk. St Ignatius’s desire for martyrdom was met when he was condemned to the wild beasts in the Roman arena. The career of St Ignatius of Antioch is not entirely irrelevant to what follows ...

What follows is equally rich and fruity, and the pond will leave others interested in the ramblings of judges in their dotage to read here … 

It sounded pretty 'leet to the pond, full of ponce words like "cognate usages", but what would the pond know, because Polonius has a final gobbet, and there's still more blather about carpenters …

And here sadly the pond must pick a bone with Polonius. 

You see, one of the things that inner city urban 'leets of the Polonial kind is to regularly traduce rural folks and rural towns. The pond suspects they never get out and about and actually go into the bush.

There's an implicit sneer and a condescension and a deep cynicism in that Polonial reference to carpenters in Broken Hill … about the only way it could have been any more superior is if Polonius had evoked the hairdressers of Woop Woop …

But if we turn to the data, what do we learn about Broken Hill?

Yes, it's all there in the data to be found here …

You see, it's easy to snigger at health care professionals and workers on the government payroll and to suggest that country towns are just one step away from Woop Woop, full of suffering retired carpenters and perhaps a pissed out of his mind big Daddy Rod Taylor … but that's what happens when you live a sheltered life amongst the rich in the inner city 'leet world of Sydney…

And so to another reptile in a major moral panic … because nattering "Ned" has also spat the dummy and developed an extreme case of hysteria … and as usual with the prolix "Ned", there's nothing here that can be said in a hundred words, when a thousand can flow like rhetorical lava, burning everything in its path ...

Now the first thing to note is the splendid illustration by Lobbecke, guaranteeing "Ned's" piece reptile cult status … and also acting as a sign that this treatise on the demonic works of Satan will be fair and balanced ...

You can almost feel the rising sense of panic and hysteria in "Ned's" voice at the dread thought that this strange beast might soon be marching on Canberra ...

SloMo is the model of Liberal orthodoxy? Indeed, he is, and much loved by the reptiles for it …

It goes without saying that it's an undiluted tragedy for the reptiles should anyone fail to recognise the deep beauty of dinkum true blue clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and frankly, it's all the fault of vulgar "youff", as if they've got some interest in living on the planet in the future.

How wretchedly selfish of them - to borrow from Polonius, how self-interested, with these vile activists threatening all that "Ned" holds dear … you know, like News Corp's continuing ability to cut down trees so it can give away its crap for free at airports, as a way of thumbing noses at all those youffs wandering around, gazing at their phones with glazed eyes ...

Shocking, outrageous … as if anyone has the right to protest in a democracy, when as everyone knows, especially Polonius, the only way to deal with the mindless rabble is to send in the cavalry. 

Why if this country had a few short sharp Peterloos, the sabres would quickly sort them out with a rattle, and the youff of today wouldn't be so hasty about nicking off from school and wandering around the streets, instead of reading "Ned" and his fellow reptiles, and understanding the sweet joy of dear clean Oz coal and its benefits for the planet …

But enough of hopes for a few timely massacres, because "Ned"s" fear and loathing is a lengthy one, and perhaps should have been confided to a shrink before escaping to parade in front of the public eye ...

It's outrageous really, when everyone knows the way ahead lies with the Murdochians, and the birther, anti-vaxxer, climate science denialist currently in the White House … why, it's worked out tremendously well for measles, and there's really no need to use vaccines on the planet either, not when a dose of dinkum clean Oz coal will fix what ails it ...

Say what? There's hope in the Senate? Clive, that noble fair dealer with workers rights and entitlements, might be able to work with SloMo to block anything that comrade Bill and the dreadful greenies might offer?

Steady on, that's defeatist talk, that's almost contemplating that SloMo is about to lose.

Why it's even a bit like Chamberlain, surrendering before the phoney war is over, hoping Halifax might be able to bung together a peace conference to talk sensibly with climate change, and arrange a truce before things get too serious for sweet loveable coal …

Oh the pond did love that breach of Godwin's law, Churchill sub-section by the infallible Pope yesterday …

Strange, and it was done a day before "Ned" nattered into print. How prescient is that?

And what do you know, there's another papal bull out today, offering advice to the reptiles on what must now be done …

Well there's more infallible Pope here, but really it's just a way to gather strength to get through the final gobbet of "Ned" hysteria …as the reptile dream, the vision of Brian Fisher destroying climate science, disappears into the reptile ether ...

A former public servant with an international reputation?

Why of course, and Bjorn Lomborg is an internationally respected climate scientist, and Moorice is one of the greatest climate scientists of all time … at least in the minds of reptiles suffering delusions which might be compared to The Others or The Sixth Sense...

But the pond has done its Saturday duty, become the resident professional health care person from the sticks, and heard the reptiles blather about their deepest fears and anxieties, and tried to help them with their sense of defeatism and hopelessness … 

Why, the world might be saved, but what if the world of the reptiles is ruined in the process? How selfish, unthinking and uncaring these youffs are; when will they get off the reptiles' water-devouring lawn?

And so to a Rowe, showing the onion muncher in his hey day, surfing without a care in the world … such a sublime image of peace and tranquility. Will we never see such days again? No matter, we can always see more Rowe here …