As expected, the reptiles flung everything at Labor's response to climate science, including Bjorn, farting cows, and possibly the kitchen sink.
The lesser Kelly, Joe, was at the top of the page, dressed up as unbiased reporting, while good old Lloydie was on hand to back up Bjorn, with dramatic Denholm below Lloydie, drumming up a din about the tragedy of coal …
Why it was such an impeccable reptile fuss that the poor old plod from the deep north, and his plan to turn international airports into holding pens for the stateless, was reduced to a footnote …
And in the digital column division, the diligent reptiles were all on the same song sheet, whirling in unison like a murmur of luddites …
Good old simplistic Simon, banging the drum and deliberately avoiding the ghost of the NEG, but hang on, hang on, why is petulant Peta turning up regularly on a Friday?
Didn't she fail both the policy test and the character test? And now she gets to blather on about others, while the pond still has it seared into its brain how she cruelly helped bring the onion muncher down …
Helping her along was good old Chip, also taking an interest in what the southern mob were up to …
Lie back and think of England? That's an EXCLUSIVE? That's the very best the reptiles and the Guy, building up to Fawkes, has got on the eve of an election?
Lie back and think of merry old England and wondrous feminist memes about drifting off to other places while being fucked by a grinding, great hairy beast?
The pond thought gently, politely, like John Oliver on the hunt for Rusty's jockstrap, what the fuck? And what a pity the pond didn't have the money to bung on a season closer featuring the pond lying back and thinking of coal, England and Rusty's jockstrap ...
Never mind, out of this wreck, a few things remain true. Forgive and forget petulant Peta, the onion muncher will live again, he will return, the pond is convinced …as surely as coal is the way forward, and batteries are completely useless. Trust good old Lloydie, climate denialist nonpareil …
Uh huh, the reptiles, Bjorn and Lloydie double down on coal, because dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, is the only way forward …
The pond immediately tore around the house, tearing batteries out of clocks and remotes, assuring them all that there was a decline in batteries, and while the pond respected their service, they had to be let go ...
The pond had only one complaint. No mention of that reptile hero, the Donald - lie back and think of orange hair - and his latest contribution to climate science …
But the pond has been there umpteen climate denialist times before, and even worse, the naughty Pope had made all comment redundant with a single image …
As always, there's more Pope here, and there's plenty of bulldust - some might think bullshit - at reptile HQ.
Not to worry, there's no need to dwell in the bulldust when there's a big reptile blow on, and that command to think of England got the pond to thinking dangerously deviant and heretical thoughts.
Instead of celebrating the Friday parade of reptiles, what were the Speccie mob up to? Might good old Flinty help the pond lie back and think of England? Perhaps think of what it must be like to have sex with Prince Chuck?
Oh the horror, and how did tampons get into the conversation? Please, Flinty, help the pond out …
Indeed, indeed, think of England and think of that perfectly proper award of a knighthood for a Prince running dangerously low on gongs. The onion muncher will ride again, the pond and Flinty know it, and so the onion muncher will stay atop the pond's banner until hell freezes over, or climate denialist reptiles manage to turn the earth into a living hell …
Keep on, sweet, gentle, soothing Flinty, as you walk down memory lane ...
Oh the scars, the sorrow and the pity. Fancy Hawke calling him a liar in the national media, when surely he's just a wondrous fool …
Sorry, the pond has its noble traditions, and they must be followed religiously … and so it's back to Flinty ...
Indeed, the shock and the shame and the bitterness of insulting the great Donald still lingers on the pond's tongue like a lump of coal, but really Flinty, did you have to remind the pond of lying back and thinking of Prince Chuck?
And now, with great reluctance but aware of the huge, insatiable demand for the deepest reptile thinking, the pond relented, and headed off to the lizard Oz editorialist …
Of course it's far from obvious how coal, glorious coal, will ever be replaced.
There's nothing to stop the reptiles from getting a thrill when they close their eyes and imagine, coal, glorious coal …just picture great big coal, burned, belching into the air, stewing the planet, oh coal, magical coal, wonderful coal, marvellous coal …
Indeed, indeed, and how fortunate that the Minerals Council of Australia has no dog in the race, and how wise of them to warn that coal, glorious coal is under dire threat … and see, no need to slog through all the other reptiles, the Oz editorialist will summarise the dire situation in a few short pars, thereby confirming and explaining the complete reptile fusion of reporting and special interests …
Think if it as undiluted essence of reptile … the sort that if snorted up the nose straight might induce a brain seizure …
Where else but in the coal-laden grimy and blackened mind of a reptile would it be possible to see talk of the Mineral Council of Australia and "ideology-free" lower prices?
If coal isn't an ideology and a theology to the reptiles, then the pond has lost all sense of what constitutes a religion and a cult …
And so to the Rowe of the day, happily bringing back a reminder of energiser-bunny powered denialist Lloydie, with more Rowe here …
Ah, truly vintage Flinty, always ready to roil and rile. A great start to the day.
ReplyDeleteYes the line about how "king david" established Jerusalem as Israel's capital was a classic LOL moment.
DeleteFlint does history in the high-camp style with all the gravitas of a fruity old guy complaining about restaurant service. Egad! they ignored his advice and we risked being thrown out of the Commonwealth - meh.
DeleteYair, classic Flinty, Anon. I wonder if any other reptile (or fellow traveller) would have brought "King" David into the discussion.
DeleteAnd if we had been thrown out of the Commonwealth, Bef, then The Muncher wouldn't have been bestowing knighthoods on her Maj's mate, and he might still be PM. Oh, the vagaries of history.
"oh coal, magical coal, wonderful coal, marvellous coal"
ReplyDeleteOh I miss the vision splendid of the open cut extended,
And at night the endless rattle of the fucking railway cars
Having lived in a coal mining area it is just unthinkable that anyone would not want this industry closed. It's designed to cause the most environmental damage whilst employing the smallest number of locals. In some places a foreign owned mine loads coal onto foreign owned wagons on a foreign owned rail line to a foreign owned port (in fairness they may be paying an ex-trade minister $880k to stare out the window - so at least one battler employed).
(apologies for the rant - I feel better now)
Hmm, now let me see what the Medical Journal of Australia has to say about coal mining:
DeleteSummary
• Australia’s coal conundrum is that all political parties say they are concerned about climate change while sanctioning an unprecedented expansion of coalmining and coal seam gas extraction in Australia.
• Australia’s coal contributes to climate change and its global health impacts.
• Each phase of coal’s lifecycle (mining, disposal of contaminated water and tailings, transportation, washing, combustion, and disposing of postcombustion wastes) produces pollutants that affect human health.
• Communities in which coalmining or burning occurs have been shown to suffer significant health impacts.
• The health and climate costs of coal are unseen, and when costs to health systems are included, coal is an expensive fuel.
You wouldn't really want to end such a politically satisfactory industry now would you Bef ? Think of all those Leftie virtue signalling, identity politicing, Trump-hating groups which would have to find something else to complain about. Why, they might even start opposing the noble plastics industry instead.
http://theconversation.com/how-we-can-turn-plastic-waste-into-green-energy-104072
DeleteBasically CSG
Um, "cold plasma pyrolysis" yet. Producing hydrogen, methane and ethylene. So, yes, hydrogen can be burned to produce water but be careful about that, water can be very harmful); but burning methane (CH4) surely does produce CO2, yes ? And more water, of course.
DeleteBut ethylene ? So we burn plastic to produce the basic chemical building block for more plastic and also to ripen fruit. Presumably fruit picked early while it's tasteless, and kept frozen until it's artificially ripened and then plonked, still tasteless, onto our greengrocer's shelves.
Yep, that's how it all should work.