In which the pond sticks with Nick and the Oreo ...

To mangle T. S. Eliot, who is the third columnist who must always be dropped on a Monday by the pond? 

When I count, there are only the Caterist and the Major, but when I look ahead up on the white road, there is another demented one walking beside me … (Graudian the back story here).

Happily the Major made it easy this day. Perhaps as a way of devaluing the Media Hall of Fame, he was one of the selection judges, and besides, the sight of the Major up himself is enough of a sight, without a column devoted to him going up other journalists and columnists.

Nope, the pond would rather slip in a mention of this season's Behind the Lines gathering of cartoons, online here, but also available in the flesh …

And so to the government cash in the paw man, who this day contrives to put the pond in the odd position of defending the police.

Of course the Caterist himself is a bone spurs armchair warrior sort of man, and perhaps lacks the empathy for what it might be like to be confronted by a demented loon armed with a knife and waving it about with some intent in Bourke Street mall …

Actually, the pond recalls the days when the Victorian police conducted a private war on criminals, and is quite pleased to be in an age when cops are inclined to show a little sensitivity and awareness, not that easy when you have to deal with loons in the street, and loons scribbling furious columns for the lizard Oz …

The pond lived in Victoria during the great war days, but also happened to spend time in Sydney during the glory days of Roger Rogerson and the like. 

Bumping into a plod in those days could be a risky business … these days that mindset tends to be exemplified by that mutton Dutton from the deep north …

How much better it is to think of polite coppers, intent on creating a decent workplace and do policing with some awareness that they're working for the community, while nailing the guilty ...

Of course there's another reason that the government cash in the paw man is carrying on this way … there's a Victorian election coming on, so assassinating the reputation of the Victorian plods is just the sort of dirty business the government hands the cash to the Caterists for …

Now the pond understands the sort of bone spurs armchair inclination of the Caterist to the fascist imagination… it does after all make for better movies, though if you happen to be a black in the United States, it makes for elevated risk …

The pond had these special previews of the sort of policing that the Caterists prefer … a snap from Dirty Nick, and the even more exciting Starship Caterists …

 

Stay tuned for RoboNick, on hand to blow away anyone who gets a little agitated about bullying ...

Eliminated entirely? 

Yep, that's the fascist imagination at work again … elimination, kill or be killed, support bullying in the workplace, take 'em out quick and hard in the streets, no questions asked …

… and then stick out your paw for a government grant, so you can berate the cops from the comfort of a government-funded armchair … so that the irony of the blather about comfortable bureaucrats can be cranked up to a government-funded eleven …

What a slug he is, what an indolent, self-satisfied, complacent slug …and in an irony-rich world, he'd end up in Victoria in urgent need of a plod …

The trouble is, the plod would probably do his or her duty without regard to the Caterist doing to them what he did for water flow in a Queensland quarry ...

Proudly pompous, and always with government cash in the paw …

And so to the second who walked beside the pond this day …

Once again the pond had to trot out the word 'demented', even if its use sends poor old prattling Polonius into a frenzy.

The pond only reluctantly turned to the Oreo, what with the subject matter and the Netanyahu government on its last desperate legs, but had ignored last week's taste treat, and knew its duty - even if everyone knows that an Oreo is just a cheap vulgar paranoid treat, and the real genuine kosher experience came from a Hydrox …

You might have to google Haaretz on the Hydrox v Oreo kosher war … but the link is here … and now to munch on a paranoid substitute ...

Of course the pond only went there because of the delicious ironies that resulted from ScoMo randomly speaking in tongues without a thought running through the noggin, thereby making life hard for others.

The pond heard that Steve Ciobo was out and about again today with some thoughts on the embassy relocation … but his last outing deserves to be celebrated, because it resulted in one of the greatest bits of gobbledegook that ScoMo has delivered to date, as recorded in the Graudian here …

What a papal Clown …

Yes, pond favourites Pope and Rowe can be found Behind the Lines … with others ...

Poor old Steve has been wedged by his boss, so now he's out talking about how the current location is the right location, and how we should stay in lockstep with the rest of the world … because he, along with nattering "Ned" and many others in the government probably know, that ScoMo wedged them and himself, and for what?

And so on, with a wedge and a result that would only appeal to a truly hysterical and paranoid Oreo type, with the rhetoric cranked up to eleven …and now for another slice of baked Oreo ...

Oh dear sweet absent lord, the pond can sense assorted Saudi Arabian princes quavering in their thobe and sandals …

Please, take a Wilcox cartoon and settle, settle before complete hysteria sets in …

 

More Wilcox here, and perhaps we'll see what happens before Xmas and perhaps we won't …the only certainty outside a Coen brothers movie (oh no, Liam didn't throw that fine limbless orator off the bridge, did he?) is that there's a final gobbet of Oreo to go ...

Oh sheesh, another crusade, and the deluded Oreo tilting away like Mr Dick in David Copperfield.

The pond's solution? Well there's always a Hydrox instead of an Oreo, or perhaps a vaguely relevant cartoon …