In which the pond turns to the lizard Oz's resident Malware coach for blinding insights ...

Now there's a reliable disappointment. The pond had its opening line all figured out - a pussy groper in the White House and a teen molester in the Senate ... but at least we still have the pussy groper ...

Never mind, Thursday is the day when the pond turns to the resident Oz team Malware coach for pearls of wisdom. 

When the team is in trouble, and the captain seems adrift, the motor running rough, call on the savvy Savva for a skills tuning up ...

Must?

Gear up?

To hit the road?

We must have more images of Turnbull pretending to be a bushie?

Next thing you know those pics end up looking like this ...

Hit the road, and you might end up waking in fright somewhere in the Yabba ... or in Peel street ...

But as any good coach will tell you, fear is the fatal flaw. Self-confidence is what's needed, and everyone knows that Malware is a humble man, unaware of his potential greatness ...

Well there's the irony pill for the day, now it's on with the savvy Savva and a quick read of the coaching manual...

Doing a half-baked, half-arsed series of rural publicity stunts won't seem like the sort of flim-flam that passes for political discourse these days?

Well if you say so coach ... 

The pond can already feel an infrastructure surge, what with the tremendous success of the wonderful NBN as a testament to the epic deeds of this man who is clearly not a city slicker, but a man of action, a doer and an achiever, a great reacher and a stupendous helmet wearer ...

Sheesh, coach, isn't that enough hitting the road already? Can't we just pull over into a quiet spot and read the rest of the coach's manual?

Surely there's more to be said about perfidious Comrade Bill, and wondrous team player Malware, riding towards a win in Bennelong ...

Hit the road and as many electorates as possible to avoid a cattle stampede?

What about devising intelligent policies and governing the country, and trying to bring the crazed fundamentalists in the coalition to some form of basic sanity?

What's that coach? We tried all that and the best result was the totally fucked NBN? Never won a game all season? Don't look like winning now?

The pond rarely looks at the comments section in the lizard Oz - the maddened readership, driven crazy by thirst and drinking too much salty water in the noon day sun are always in the mood for a killing.

But when savvy Savva cranks her coaching up into high gear there's a guaranteed response ... the punters on the hill were in a feral mood ...

And so on and endlessly on. Truth to tell before it stopped reading the pond couldn't find a single punter on the hill or in the stands or even in the notorious Bay 13 at the MCG - yes, the pond has been in Melbourne recently - cheering on the coach's game plan, or the team, or Malware, or the anything else in the coach's manual ...

It was pretty much a fizza, and speaking of policy, it just so happens that the immortal Pope has a policy suggestion of his own this morning, with more papal insights here ...