You can visit the lizards of Oz, and check out any time you like, but you can never ever leave ...

It's a busy day for the pond, with much to look at, which is why it might seem bizarre to start off with this little tweet ...

The most bias speaker of all time?

Who knew Hewson spoke so badly?

But it was an official communication from a venerable source ...

Of course here's what Hewson actually said ...

JOHN HEWSON: You'll probably have to carry her out in a box. She doesn't think she's done anything wrong. She doesn't see that she's been totally discredited or probably go down in history as a poor minister and the worst, most biased speaker of all time. It will look particularly bad in my view, where I think if you're creating the impression of a new and dynamic government, the more new and dynamic people you can bring in I think would be a good thing. (here)

Why should the pond get so agitated about a simple "-ed" going missing? Perhaps because it exemplifies the staggering illiteracy that has swept across the ABC like a twittering plague...

But enough already, because there are other hares let loose these days, featuring the wall-punching reject, which was also in a front page box on the tree-killer edition ...

Naturally the pond was titillated. But what a bust ... the yarn was copiously illustrated so it became decent space filler, but when you cut to the chase, this is all you got ...

First there was the big splash ...

Then there were a few little additional dribbles between the snaps ...

... which is very old news, so stale you'd be better feeding the pigeons week old bread ... and so attention shifts to Bronnie ...

... and the rest of the yarn keeps banging on about Bronnie and the amnesiac Amnesty man ...

And that was it ... and that's how to do a quintessential Terror beat up. 

Stand proud Andrew Clennell, because this day you enter the pond's hall of fame, for your right royal froth of egg and desperate foam ...

But astute viewers of Terrorist trivia will have noticed in that first splash a video dedicated to Islamic terrorism...

It will hardly come as a surprise then that the reptiles of Oz should have come up with this astonishing EXCLUSIVE this very day ...

Only 1 in 10? 

Why, by the pond's humble count, 3 in 10 of the reptile commentariat are highly Islamophobic and have a fear or dread of Muslims...

Let us tote the odds ...

There's the Oz editorialist ...

And here's a couple of paranoids linked together ...

Let's get the lightweight out of the way first.

Anyone who saw the bromancer last night on The Drum will find it astonishing that he dared to show his face the next day, but here he is, as brazen as ever, and without the slightest understanding at the way - when talking of Islam and Islamist extremism - that evoking a "papal pronouncement" might be a little alienating - for atheists and Islamics alike ...

Or does he just to it to provoke, because fuckwits must do what fuckwits must do?

Never mind, here's the bromancer at his finest ... with a fine old flurry of papist floozies ...

Indeed, indeed, and the pond is vastly relieved that it might at last be allowed to say that there is, after all, a link between Xianity, and virulent fundamentalist Catholicism and the crusader colonialist imperialist mentality that saw all the Xians cheer on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in the most extremist way imaginable ...

Or some such thing. Not that the pond would want to isolate or embarrass the reptiles in their fundamentalist bunker in Surry Hills ...

Back to one such fundamentalist for the rest of his blather about secular papal pronouncements since idiots must scribble what idiots must scribble ...

What an infinitely stupid man, what an infinitely stupid metaphor. It's hard to imagine anything that the bromancer might scribble that would dangerously radicalise the pond, but that little effort was a valiant attempt ...

Which brings the pond to a further example of reptilian hate speak, this time by the Oz editorialist, the very same man that gives the bromancer the space to blather on about papal statements in relation to Islam...

By golly, how Lewis stirred up the reptiles. They have the right to keep on shit-stirring and lordy lordy, will they keep stirring the shit, and yearning for the days of the reject wall-puncher ...

Never mind, duty requires that we must complete the rest of the Oz editorial, even if it is very precisely more of the same.

No doubt there will be an obligatory exculpation ... you know, how ordinary Muslim folk do the right thing and drive taxis and serve up nice tandoors and are ever so humble and know their place and are okay and are perfectly fine in that place, provided they don't get too uppity or cheeky ... but isn't Lewis a wicked man, and did we mention hate, hate, hate ...

Oh wait, we've already done that bit. 

There's just time for a bit more David Cameron worship, and a demand for extremist responses to extremism because we can never have enough extremism in the world ...

Funnily enough the immortal Rowe did a cartoon - more Rowe here - which is ostensibly about the middle east, but applies with equal force to what the pond feels whenever it visits the reptiles of Oz churning out the tree-killing kool aid ...