Gerard Henderson, and a host of commentariat victims contend for funniest routine of the week ...

(Above: the pond remembering the glory days of Alan Jones).

It's always a laugh a minute out there with the commentariat, and perhaps the funniest routine heard this week was Janet Albrechtsen explaining in sombre tone how she'd been a victim of the Oslo affair, along with a number of other victims.

It was a cue of course for Dame Slap to go on and abuse all and sundry in the PC brigade for claiming victimhood status - and if you want more comedy stylings from Albrechtsen, you can always rely on Counterpoint. Happily, Albrechtsen was particularly exercised about Dame Slap's name being turned into Dame Snap in later versions of Enid Blyton books, and so we can go on referring to her as snappy Dame Slap.

The very same show saw Brendan O'Neill claiming victim status for king/queen, god and country, while a funny old kraut with a Dr. Strangelove accent claimed huge victimhood status for himself in Germany.

What's that you say? An unfortunate way to describe my genetic kith and kin on the German side of the family?

Not really, because a funny woodchuck moosehead Canuck academic lawyer up the front of the show established that ethnic jokes were perhaps the best way to establish that a person is correctly non-PC, and the last thing the pond wants is that anyone think it's somehow PC. After all, if Brendan O'Neill thinks it's fair and right and just and shows proper perspective to call him a faggot, who are we to argue with him? We now routinely think of him as a bundle of sticks suitable for burning ...

You might argue that the funniest sight was in reality the parrot, aka Alan Jones, bleating away at the truckie rally about the "most disgraceful thing that has ever been done to democracy" (sobbing into his mike about the size of the truckie crowd), or you might lead with Bronwyn Bishop moaning how the federal government wasn't legitimate, perhaps as a prelude for Gaddafi-overthrowing fervour from the miniscule herd of truckies, as others have done (Truckie sooks vs Libyans with real problems).

Truth to tell, you might have an argument, except that would clearly establish you as a signed up member of the PC brigade, anxious to do your worst with those hapless victims, Jones and his wannabe couldabeen monster convoy.

But soft, this is leading us into dangerous turf and anyhoo, today isn't Albrechtsen day, it belongs to that other hapless victim of the PC crowd, the noble Gerard Henderson, and he's in fine form in Road to ruin for traditional Labor, and yes, he's overwhelmed by the sight of all those proud dinkum truckies on the road.

As for the tragic, tawdry size of the protest? Don't you worry about that:

What was striking about the "Convoy of No Confidence" that rolled into Canberra yesterday was how many protesters looked like one-time traditional Labor voters. Not many employees or independent contractors can find the time or the money to travel to Canberra for a demonstration and the turnout was not large.

Yes, everybody would have been there, except they couldn't afford to be there, meaning that the bunch who did turn out must either be (a) well-heeled, in which case why all the whining and the whingeing and the moaning, or (b) rent a crowd agitators of the kind that routinely attend political demonstrations, or (c) backed by powerful forces intent on fomenting a gigantic international conspiracy, except these powerful forces couldn't organise a rally of Volvos (oh sorry enough with the ethnic jokes).

And don't you worry about the erratic, eccentric agenda on view either:

On ABC radio yesterday, Deborah Cameron described the convoy as "anti-everything". This misses the point. Sure, elements of the convoy oppose the carbon tax and/or the ban on live cattle exports and/or the proposed restrictions on gambling in licensed clubs and/or same sex marriage. But what united the convoy is that - to a man and woman - all the protesters want an election. Now.

Uh huh. Weird, because (a) Gerard Henderson continues to listen to Deborah Cameron on 702 at imminent risk to his health and sanity, and (b) somehow Gerard Henderson thinks a thousand or so plus people, including Gerard Henderson, Alan Jones and Tony Abbott wanting an election is enough to move the world and (c) somehow the convoy had more than a snowball's chance in hell of achieving said outcome.

Still, you have to marvel at the logic.

Some of the convoy leaders do not understand that the constitutional requirements of a double dissolution have not been met. Yet the conditions do exist whereby the Prime Minister could advise the Governor-General that a normal election should be held.

Yes, yes, silly truckies, not understanding constitutional law like benign condescending Uncle Gerard, when it's simple really.

Julia Gillard can just race off to the GeeGee, hand over the keys to the Lodge and bung on a do.

And they say the commentariat isn't in to the tooth fairy, the easter bunny and father xmas.

Oh dear, speaking of cliched stereotypes, you know where that sort of idle chit chat puts the pond. Yep, amongst the inner city 'leet:

Inner-city types, including some conservatives, tend to favour same-sex marriage and quite a few commentators are quick to sneer at Christians who regard marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

Eek, at one with the evil latte sipping, chardonnay swallowing, possibly cardigan wearing, certainly ABC listening Deborah Camerons of the world. Quick, what will make it right?

But talk to some Labor MPs in suburban seats and they will recount, in confidence, how many Muslims and Hindus are offended by the concept.

Oh thank the lord, the fundamentalist Islamics and Hindus are at one with the Xians and all's well in the world. Thank the lord we can now forget the Huntington thesis so movingly propounded by Henderson:

In his 1996 book The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of the World Order, Huntington wrote: "The underlying problem for the West is not Islamic fundamentalism. It is Islam, a different civilisation whose people are convinced of the superiority of their culture and are obsessed with the inferiority of their power." (Militant Islam an enemy of the West - and Muslims).

Yes, it's time for a united fundamentalist fight for civilisation, which will see the overthrow of the illegitimate government of Australia, the cardigan wearers at the ABC, and the immediate despatch of inner city types to rural gulags where they can, Pol Pot style, learn the wisdom of the peasantry and serve out useful lives preparing pigs for consumption at the Australian and Melbourne clubs ...

The rest of Henderson's column peters out, in a standard rant against the carbon tax, which shows he's learned his lines well from his master, but not much else. Even his berating of the truckies as crude and unsophisticated swill doing the bidding of the ring masters has a hollow ring:

The protesters in the Canberra convoy may not be sophisticated in many ways.

But they do know that, in the present economic situation with the prospect of increasing unemployment, the introduction of a carbon tax doesn't make sense.

Yes, the truckies - and Henderson - know much more than the management of BlueScope Steel, whose management in the past has been highly critical of the carbon tax - yet somehow managed to scribble in their tax release:

Mr O’Malley said the Company is experiencing an unprecedented combination of economic challenges in the form of a record high Australian dollar, low steel prices and high raw material costs and these challenges are compounded by low domestic steel demand in the wake of the GFC.

“This is evidenced by the $487 million underlying EBIT loss experienced in FY2011 on our export sales. The economic conditions for export steelmaking from Australia appear unlikely to become favourable in the foreseeable future and our continued exposure to this market is clearly unsustainable. Our decision is a direct response to the economic factors affecting our business and is not related to the Federal Government’s proposed carbon tax.” (here).

Dammit. Here let me fix that press release. The Federal Government's proposed carbon tax is directly related to the decline and fall of everything in western civilisation, as well as all price increases, the strength of the Australian dollar, the decline of the manufacturing industry, rampant unemployment, and shortly the sky falling in.

There, that's better.

But then Henderson is tremendously sophisticated in his own guileless unsophisticated way, and an ability to ignore actual remarks by actual businesses is an important part of that sophistication.

Still, the end result is a good one so early in the week.

Now the pond can now reel away from Henderson chanting 'What do we want? Islamic law and a new election. And when do we want it? Now'!

It's the new theme song for pondies and unsophisticated truckies agitated by the prospect of gay marriage, the evil rule of Gillard in a country doing it exceptionally tough - way worse than Afghanistan - and where hapless members of the commentariat are routinely pilloried and persecuted and made victims by evil PC types ...

Oh lordy what a cruel country it is. Quick, beam me up Scotty, it's time to relax in Libya.

Come to think of it, Libya doesn't have the parrot squawking 24/7 ... do they know how lucky they are?

Oh and for the funniest routine so early in the week?

Sorry, we don't have the heart to take it away from Dame Slap. Sure the photo finish showed the parrot winning by a beak from Henderson but the judge's decision is final, and another example of how these hapless victims are persecuted by the ABC and inner city latte sippers the world over ...

(Below: the Factbricator™ has now been road-tested by Janet Albrechtsen, Gerard Henderson and the pond, and we all swear by it. Affidavits are freely available at the affidavit storage unit in Belconnen, a little known federal government service we all swear by ... Click to enlarge, or visit First Dog here for your own copy)