Miranda the Devine, and go on Miranda, sock it to that dangerous anarcho-Marxist deceptive megalomaniac ...

So there I was, in a quiet lunchtime, rootling around looking for like minds who would share Luke Walladge's concerns about Julian Assange - Assange is not my friend, in much the same way as Walladge is not my comrade - as he explained for our benefit at length in Julian Assange is not your friend.

After all, Assange is a dangerous anarcho-Marxist, or so I'm told, and too much information and truth can surely make even those with the sternest stuff, the right stuff - if you can use the word right without political intent - part of a band of deceptive megalomaniacs, besmirching the righteous endeavours of the war in Iraq with slickly edited footage, and laying bare deep, dark secrets thought worthy of being kept by a couple of million Americans ...

But this would surely take the skills of a pig rootling for truffles. Where to turn?

Well of course there's always rats in the ranks, and so today we have Asher Moses stirring the bubbling pot with Anger at 'slave trader' Assange: WikiLeaks loyalists decide to break away, with plans to set up a rival site come Monday. Perhaps a friendly US operative with a sufficient security level - there's a couple of million going around - or a passing dictator anxious to expose his corrupt regime might feed them some documents, and who knows a leak could turn into another stream.

But organisational rivalries are a tad suspect, since the rats could just be full of resentment, and a desire for equal glory - you know, like rape charges, calls for Bourne to come back for one last assassination (taking out Phillip Adams along the way), time in an English pen - how long before Guy Ritchie torments us with the crap MOW - and the attention of the world focussed on them for a change ...

Perhaps the Russians might take a view? After all Putin was described as heading a "virtual mafia state", with Medvedev playing Robin to his Batman.

Say what?

"If it is full democracy, then why have they hidden Mr. Assange in prison? That's what, democracy?" Putin said.

"So, you know, as they say in the countryside, some people's cows can moo, but yours should keep quiet. So I would like to shoot the puck back at our American colleagues," Putin said, using a Russian saying similar to "the pot calling the kettle black.” (go on, visit The Moscow Times, and Putin Bristles Over Leaked U.S. Cables, it's where all anarcho-Marxists go for a refreshing use of the English language).

Oh dear. Well what about that prime goose Robert McClelland, deeply concerned about everything, except the right of United States operatives to read your emails, since after all everybody is under suspicion until they can prove their innocence?

The federal Attorney-General has again been unable to say what law WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange may have broken.

Robert McClelland has said it is illegal in Australia to obtain or distribute classified documents.

The nation's first law officer came under intense pressure during a 10-minute grilling by journalists today to explain how Mr Assange may have broken Australian law by publishing thousands of leaked secret US diplomatic cables.

However Mr McClelland stressed today it was not his responsibility to determine guilt or innocence, and that Australians had died face down in the mud over centuries to ensure “no officer of the political class” could make this decision. (AFP left to decide if WikiLeaks has broken Australian law).

Waiter, bring that man a bowl of water, he feels the need to wash his hands.

Well it can't be that arch Marxist, the cardigan wearing James Valentine, burbling away on air about how if you find the right still open portal you can find endless hours of amusement browsing the WikiLeaks site.

Then it came to me like a dream, a vision, perhaps a truffle, staring at me like a delicacy in the mud.

Miranda the Devine!

Since she's gone back to her tabloid roots, I've tended to ignore the Devine - I suppose since she's become the front runner at the Daily Terror, she's sidelined Tim Blair to the status of a noisy, vexatious gnat, so that's all to the good, but when she went tabloid, it was like tearing off the thin eastern suburbs veneer to reveal the wretched chipboard beneath.

Never mind, now that the Devine's close kissing cousin to Piers Akerman - in a purely metaphysical sense - she'd surely join Walladge in monstering the dangerous anarcho-Marxist, who is, by that definition, one step lower than a Greenie (it's true that they're both watermelons, but Marxists are pure red pulp, essence of danger).

Well it's a few days old now, but there it was, laid out for the world to read, unembargoed and unrestricted and without Robert McClelland deployinging his texta, in We all know why Julian Assange is in jail.

And as I began to read I went into utter shock and confusion. It turns out Assange is a right wing hero, who made the mistake of having sex with a couple of feminists! Yes, we must all remind our boys of the dangers of feminism ...

And as a result, the Devine is outraged:

We now have American politicians calling for Assange to be executed, Canadians saying he should be assassinated, Sarah Palin saying he should be hunted down “like Osama bin Laden”, and bloggers calling for his Australian son, 20-year-old Daniel Assange, to be kidnapped.

And the Australian Prime Minister’s response has been to call him a criminal and threaten to cancel his passport. David Hicks got better treatment and he was bearing arms in Afghanistan for the enemy. Where’s Dick Smith now?

Is this proof that the long absent lord is back, and capable of wreaking miracles on the world, along with leaks, and as a result I'm now agreeing with the Devine?

Oh no, that it should come to this:

The fact is that if American security is so weak and incompetent that a lovelorn soldier lip-syncing to Lady GaGa can steal secret information and wreak supposed havoc, then Assange should be thanked for bringing the vulnerability to our attention.

If the information WikiLeaks is releasing is so threatening to international security, why wasn’t it better protected?

And if the top secret, sensitive information is actually locked up so tightly that WikiLeaks can’t get hold of it, then all Assange has done wrong is to embarrass people in high places.

We didn’t need WikiLeaks to tell us that Kevin Rudd is a pompous ass. But the revelations that US diplomats regarded him as an “abrasive impulsive control freak” who blundered about the world making “snap announcements without consulting other countries or within the Australian government” is useful.

Oh no, she loves the deceptive megalomaniac anarcho-Marxist and his henchpersons ...

It seems the lad is actually a dinkum Aussie, a genuine larrikin with small town values:

Writing in The Australian newspaper yesterday he said his “core values” were forged in the small Queensland town where he grew up - “where people spoke their minds bluntly. They distrusted big government as something that could be corrupted if not watched carefully… WikiLeaks was created around these core values. The idea, conceived in Australia, was to use internet technologies in new ways to report the truth.”

Conceived in Australia!

Why it's as solid as Vegemite, lamingtons and scones (no correspondence regarding the origins of scones, or we'll take a damper and shove it down your mush), and even though Magnetic Island isn't Tamworth - long renowned as the centre of dinkum Australians with an impeccable taste for country music - it'll do.

The brave lad even helped out in the Devine's campaign against the dishonesty of the global warming industry, only tangentially, but enough to show that any ratbag can make use of any information if they have a mind to.

Is there any downside?

As Assange says, no evidence has been produced by his critics that anyone has been harmed as a result of WikiLeaks revelations, or that intelligence sources were compromised by the release of Afghan war logs.

Perhaps his worst crime is that he has hired the insufferable Australian grandstander Geoffrey Robertson as his lawyer and counts among his most ardent supporters Noam Chomsky, John Pilger and Jemima Khan.

Knock me down with a feather, and feed me to a Queensland taipan, she still loves the lad even after he's hired Geoffrey Robertson, even if it means she has to stand alongside Noam Chomsky and John Pilger ...

So here's the dilemma ... has the Devine fallen for the deceptive megalomaniac anarcho-Marxist, and so hastened the immediate decline and fall of western civilisation as we know it?

Or have I fallen for the Devine, because she loves dinkum small town currency lads and lasses and their fun ways?

Whatever, it's profoundly disturbing to see the Devine line up with Vladimir Putin, and even more disturbing to find the pond chuckling along with the Devine ...

But it does make the comrades clucking their tongues and sounding like prattling ponces trained in the Luke Walladge School of Hysterical Alarmist Verbal Extremism - lesson 101, how to deploy anarcho-Marxist as a term, along with lick spittle fellow traveller - seem a little bit lost and lonely in their land above the magic faraway tree ...

Well as we recover from the Devine shock, perhaps it's time for a reading, it being Friday and a time to slack off.

As usual, Shakespeare had a way of conjuring up unimaginable nightmares:

Macbeth (aside): Two truths are told,
As happy prologues to the swelling act
Of the imperial theme.--I thank you, gentlemen.

Aside

Cannot be ill, cannot be good: if ill,
Why hath it given me earnest of success,
Commencing in a truth? I am thane of Cawdor:
If good, why do I yield to that suggestion
Whose horrid image doth unfix my hair
And make my seated heart knock at my ribs,
Against the use of nature? Present fears
Are less than horrible imaginings:
My thought, whose murder yet is but fantastical,
Shakes so my single state of man that function
Is smother'd in surmise, and nothing is
But what is not.

He was also a dab hand at abuse:

Go prick thy face, and over-red thy fear,
Thou lily-liver'd boy. What soldiers, patch?
Death of thy soul! those linen cheeks of thine
Are counsellors to fear. What anarcho-Marxists, whey-face?

Oh dear, things are getting very silly. That's what happens when you find yourself sharing a view with Miranda the Devine. Or perhaps it was Luke Walladge turning up bellowing comrade.

So now surely it's time for something completely different ... Sheesh it's hours to knock off time ...