(Above: um, excuse me ma'am, but you're looking a little unbalanced. We have a special request from Gerard Henderson to make sure no member of the upstart hippie intelligentsia goes unpunished for his or her idle ways. Could you tilt to the right just a little?)
By now many people would be more than a little tired by the endless, tedious speculation about Julian Assange, except perhaps Assange himself and his friends and acquaintances.
That's the point. Australians travelling overseas are advised to act in accordance with local laws. It may be that Sweden's laws on sexual assault are unreasonable.
The WikiLeaks founder, who was born in 1971, is very much a product of the hippie-intelligentsia that inhabited the likes of Byron Bay and Magnetic Island, where Assange spent time in his youth.
This is perfect territory for our witless prattling Polonius, Gerard Henderson, as he arrives late to the scene, like an ambulance chaser with a dud cell phone, and then in We have the right to secrecy offers up this perfect example of prattish pious piety:
That's the point. Australians travelling overseas are advised to act in accordance with local laws. It may be that Sweden's laws on sexual assault are unreasonable.
It may be of course that Gerard Henderson, as well as being the reincarnation of Polonius, is a goose, or it may be that the application of Sweden's laws on sexual assault are perfectly reasonable, and it may be that the application of these perfectly reasonable - if quaint and surreal laws - have in the particular matter of Assange and his accusers been applied in an unreasonable or inept way.
You don't have to get far into reading Guy Rundle's timeline of Assange's visit to Sweden and events that followed to appreciate that perhaps the herrings are a little smelly in the Swedish justice system at this time of year, and given the usual choice between a conspiracy and a stuff up, the stuff up might win, as it often does, but only with a strong whiff of conspiracy hitting the nostrils at the same time.
And since we're being technical, a conspiracy need not be a world wide event, involving black helicopters, but little more than two or three people getting together to gang up on someone else while lurking with the mushrooms in the cave of concealment ...
Oh dear, see how Polonius's prattling can get you going ...
Henderson isn't really interested in any of that, in what might have gone down, as opposed to issuing travel advisories for innocent Australians abroad. And since Assange didn't heed his warnings - a bit like Ophelia ignoring Polonius - it's time to do him down.
The trouble, as always for Henderson, is in the breeding, but instead of being a member of the cultish, hoity toity inner suburban sophisticated university elite, Assange comes from even more dangerous stock:
Eek, he's not just an anarcho-Marxist, he's part of the hippie intelligentsia infesting Nimbin like a horde of cockroaches, and it's all the fault of his mom.
You can imagine the prattling Polonius's upper lip quivering with contempt and righteous indignation as he nails the hippie cockroaches to the board for a clinical dissection:
Assange's mother, Christine, railed against authority - including the authority of democratically elected governments. This is the familiar hippie scenario where government is the enemy - except when it is providing taxpayer-funded education, health and welfare services. Assange was brought up to oppose authority. This he has done for much of his life - except now when he is attempting to rely on the authority of British law to prevent his extradition to Sweden.
Oh yes, the righteous sword of justice shall slay you, contemptible anti-authoritarian hippies, except when someone hypocritically scribbles about the wonders of western justice and western democracy, and how the law must blindly present a set of scales, in which to weigh matters, as opposed to bilious bile about hippies and welfare services.
Speaking of a curled, quivering upper lip, can you imagine the jelly-like quiver as the prattling Polonius ticks off his list of the usual suspects:
For her part, Gillard has been the recipient of predictable criticism from the Greens (Adam Bandt, Bob Brown), the independent MP Andrew Wilkie and sections of the Labor Left. Last week a collective of academics and civil libertarians - including the American intellectual Noam Chomsky - fired off an angry protest to Gillard telling her to speak up for ''democratic principles and the rule of law''.
Just a mention of that American intellectual Noam Chomsky is enough to confirm that Gillard and Obama have acted correctly. Noam Chomsky! Chomp on the word, and spit it out as you say it ... Make sure you curl your lips into a fashionable sneer as you snicker "Intellectual"!!
But hang on, hang on, why are we suddenly talking about all these matters, when - if we were to accept Henderson's blithe opening - we're only dealing with a matter of sexual assault in Sweden?
Oops, having strutted around the imaginary courtroom of his mind, having at Assange and his mom for being anti-authority, taxpayer bludging hippies, Polonius suddenly remembers he's a pious worshipper at the temple of justice:
Strange - since the rule of law entails that judicial proceedings should proceed independent of the executive arm of government. This suggests the Assange fan club believes that there should be one law for the WikiLeaks founder and another one for everyone else.
This suggests that, in his usual way, Henderson believes that he can slur anyone he likes from the comfort of his armchair, and divine the thought processes of others, especially, in his infinite wisdom, what they might believe.
Assange fan club members might actually believe that the laws of Sweden have in this particular case been implemented in a dodgy way, and that there should be one law for the WikiLeaks founder, and the same law for everyone else.
Even a cursory reading of Rundle suggests there's been more than a bit of funny business in Sweden, with evidence hidden and "shopping" for a prosecutor after Eva Finne, the chief prosecutor of the Stockholm region, rescinded the rape charge but allowed the ofredande charge to stand:
16) On August 30, Borgstrom (a lawyer and former minister in the Social Democratic Party) approached Marianne Ny, who is the head of a special unit in Gothenburg, Sweden’s second city, 200 kilometres from Stockholm. Ny heads a special “crime development unit” and is a specialist in the development of sex crime law. Sweden’s state system allows for different departments to act “entrepreneurially” — thus, one can apply to multiple agencies (especially in the area of ombudsmen) for similar services.
Never mind, the heroic and self-serving Henderson is ever vigilant, and ready to hurl about charges that Assange is full of heroic and self-serving assumptions, while at the same time shedding crocodile tears for Bradley Manning, while curling his lip at Manning's 'exploiters, because you see, WikiLeaks has used the troubled and confused young man, while the evil Assange goes about the business of self-promotion:
Then there is Assange's obsession with self-promotion. For example, this month The New York Times Style Magazine published a large colour portrait of the WikiLeaks founder, fashionably unshaven, along with a sympathetic profile. Assange has become something of a hero to self-hating Westerners who believe their governments are at best corrupt and at worst murderous.
Yes that fashionably unshaven look is surely a sign of a depraved trendoid villain worthy of revulsion, so no wonder he's become a hero to self-hating Westerners, as opposed to those self-loving wankers who see, hear and scribble no evil, no none at all, what never, no never, because all's well in the world.
Yes that fashionably unshaven look is surely a sign of a depraved trendoid villain worthy of revulsion, so no wonder he's become a hero to self-hating Westerners, as opposed to those self-loving wankers who see, hear and scribble no evil, no none at all, what never, no never, because all's well in the world.
By the way, speaking of murderous endeavours, how's that little post-colonial adventure in Iraq, with thousands of civilians dead and millions displaced, working out these days?
Well what to you know, More Christians Flee Iraq After New Violence, and IRAQ: No country for women are just a few reminders that things are working out spiffingly well ... Why it seems that the Kurdish government promises more action on honour killings, but doesn't quite know what to do about the genital mutilation of women still popular in the north ... Strange, and there I was thinking that murderous brutal war was a sure way towards civilisation ... How self-hating of me ...
But back to our prattling, preening Polonius and his lashing and scourging of the hippie dole-bludging bandits, and how about a Christmas joke to set the seasonal tone?
If Julian Assange had been accused of sex crimes after attending, say, the CIA Christmas party, it would be understandable if suspicion arose as to a possible frame-up.
Ho, ho, ho, I'll bet everyone at the club had a laugh about that one, as they settled into their leather chairs and sipped their ports ... Why the CIA only ever does its frame-ups at its Christmas parties, so if you want to stay out of trouble, avoid Christmas parties ...
However, the allegations against the prominent WikiLeaks founder have been made by two Swedish women who - as Assange told the reporters John F. Burns and Ravi Somaiya of The New York Times in October - were once among his ''fans''.
Still, many people believe what they want to believe - that's what conspiracy theories are all about.
Still, many people believe what they want to believe - that's what conspiracy theories are all about.
Yep, and a few people are able to scribble what they scribble, and that's why there's so many stupid theories in the world, including the notion that anyone who takes an interest in the activities of western governments - in such countries as Iraq and Afghanistan - are by definition full of self-loathing, and after a hero to worship, and in a de facto way, so are immediately on the side of North Korea and Iran.
Yep, our prattling Polonius is in peak form as he parades his pique, but speaking of Aussie heroes, how refreshing to turn to a matter that doesn't have anything to do with Julian Assange. It seems Cricket Australia is playing an extremely straight bat about the matter of Warne and Hurley, or at least that's what CA doesn't want to know about Warne allegations.
How tremendously civil.
If only the commentariat, closeted in their fears, loathings and prejudices, were as kind to others, instead of conflating a consideration of the Swedish legal system and its workings with bile about hippies ...
Equal before the law in Henderson's court? I hate to say it, but you must be dreaming ... and no, that billiards table has a tilt to it, I won't give you more than ten bucks for it ...
(below: eek, children, quick run, hide, whatever you do, don't look or you might be turned to stone, it's Nimbin hippies).
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