The pond developed a sneaking regard for the hole in the bucket man when last week he scribbled that the Caterist was troubling (inching his way towards an awareness that the Caterist was a deeply disturbing loon of the first water), and the cowardly custard Caterist didn't have the fortitude to take on our Henry, and then came the news this morning that the hospital system was struggling under the resurging Covid crisis ...
As any fuel would kno - sorry, the pond is never good at spelling early in the morning, as any fule kno, as soon as the Caterist scribbles something, the exact opposite is likely to happen, and even the tree killer edition had to note the shift in the wind ...
Suddenly there's a Covid crisis, a new one, as the likes of the Killer and the Caterist roam about freely saying there's nothing to see here?
All the same, the pond was filled with trepidation at the sight of the hole in the bucket man turning away from the crisis, and setting his sights on the hapless, heatwave-stricken Poms, as if they didn't have enough troubles already ...
If the pond wanted to read about the English situation, it would usually turn to the Graudian and Crace and sure enough Truss perplexes her fellow MPs with robotic pitch for Tory leader role, upstaging the Maybot
And ...
Truss had only one thing to throw into the ring once she found the door – and it was still The Convict.
And ...
As she left the room, she headed for … the window. The launch may have been bad, but it hadn’t been that much of a disaster. Eventually, as she walked through a cluster of camera tripods, a snapper took pity on her and directed her to the door. Classico. She couldn’t find her way into the room and she couldn’t find her way out. I’ve never loved her more. Obviously she would be a total disaster as prime minister, but she’d be great material for the sketch. Someone worse than the Maybot. Sign me up for Team Liz.
There was also a cartoon ...
That's a bit unkind Ben, though it reminded the pond of how the English political scene has provided great entertainment in recent years ... though as usual our Henry was determined to wear his history larnin' heavily ...
As usual, our Henry is the sole of discretion, and like any hack with flat feet, he discreetly doesn't mention the Duke and his love for Adolf and that woman, or the Daily Mail's love of the blackshirts or all the rest of the sapping that went down...
Grand days, that 1937 tour, and what do you know, the Graudian was at it again this morning with Revealed: Queen’s sweeping immunity from more than 160 laws:
Personalised exemptions for the Queen in her private capacity have been written into more than 160 laws since 1967, granting her sweeping immunity from swathes of British law – ranging from animal welfare to workers’ rights. Dozens extend further immunity to her private property portfolio, granting her unique protections as the owner of large landed estates.
More than 30 different laws stipulate that police are barred from entering the private Balmoral and Sandringham estates without the Queen’s permission to investigate suspected crimes, including wildlife offences and environmental pollution – a legal immunity accorded to no other private landowner in the country.
Police are also required to obtain her personal agreement before they can investigate suspected offences at her privately owned salmon and trout fishing business on the River Dee at Balmoral, where anglers are charged up to £630 a day to fish.
Oh the bloody Bolsheviks, they're at it again, and yet a tremor of doubt, uncertainty, seemed to be running through the hole in the bucket man too ...a fin de siècle moment, even though we're nowhere near the turning of the siècle ... just another boorish Boris moment ...
And there you have it, all the best endeavours of The Sun, and Chairman Rupert, and the whole gang of media toadies swept aside, with "as best one can tell, he had no principles to betray."
At least the hole in the bucket man only cracked a joke about being "economical with the facts", when bald-faced interminable never-ending party-going, wallpaper loving liar might have been closer to the mark, but still, the pond notes the ongoing radicalisation of our Henry with bewilderment ...
What is this talk of "erratic populism", where will it all end?
And so to the search for a bonus, and the usual Friday wasteland was revealed ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, there was a gaggle of "innovators" in a rag determined to oppose any alternative future for the country, and as if to prove the point, there was a bubble-headed booby blathering on about "overambitious green policies", as if that was the only difficulty Sri Lanka faced, when you might scribble about economic mismanagement, corruption, and profound stupidity, as can be read in The family took over’: how a feuding ruling dynasty drove Sri Lanka to ruin.
From 2005, when Mahinda was elected as president and the family began to dominate the political landscape, they, too, began rampantly borrowing, first to pay for Sri Lanka’s three-decade civil war against Tamil minority separatists, which was brought to a brutal end in 2009, then for a “super-growth” development spree of roads, airports, stadiums and power grids. GDP grew from $20bn (£16.6bn) to $80bn but more than $14bn was borrowed in the process, and all the Rajapaksas became mired in accusations of vast-scale corruption, from bribes to money laundering.
There was a Basil at the centre of it - there's often a Basil when building fawlty towers - and the pond finds it tiresome when a bubble-headed booby thinks it's only about "overambitious green policies", as if good-old fashioned corruption and incompetence had nothing to do with it, so the pond went in search of another bonus, safe in the knowledge that good old Aussie coal might yet live again, and while Josh's win was celebrated, the troubles that the Gatto-defending Xian had landed himself in had already been swept from view ...
When it came to the comments section, it was a wasteland of lizard Oz editorials ...
Blowing trumpet on innovation? What, like satanic windmills and wretched solar panels and vile electric cars, and as for the Pacific?
Even the HUN had noticed? Time for an innovative reptile response ...
Meanwhile, in another country, in another publication, Australia at odds with neighbouring nations on new coal and gas projects at Pacific Islands Forum ...
Yes, we're back in that turf again ...
Put another lump of coal on the barbie ...
Of course that was going to put the lizard Oz editorialist in a tizz. There's only so much innovation a possum or a reptile can stand ...
Scratch a reptile, even lightly, and you can always find the climate science denialist lurking ...
And so to the bonus proper, part of the reptiles', and so the pond's, ongoing series, which the pond has dubbed "trouble in tykeland" ... with this episode titled, "the empire strikes back" ...
Why the reptiles thought it would help to have as their illustrative snap a man in a frock waving in the air and weirdly smiling at an imaginary friend must remain a mystery to the pond, but never mind, the pond did love the blather about portentous predictions, and the sense of defensiveness and agitation and paranoia ... which continued into the next gobbet ... with wondrous talk of a curated zeitgeist ...
Of course the fix was in, it was all a conspiracy, and far be it for the pond to mention Excel spreadsheets ... the church has always been better at figures than the pond, and the Ponzi scheme has always been a great racket, with the wealth in this country alone calculated back in February 2018 as being some thirty billion ...
Yes, all cults, ancient and modern, should pay their taxes like good corporate citizens, and then the cultists might gather together in whatever company brand they like, and worship whatever imaginary friend suits their mood ...
As for the last gobbet, the pond reckons that Dame Groan wouldn't be too keen on a Ponzi scheme now forced to boost its gullible flock by importing fresh victims ...
Or perhaps the size of the tax avoidance, and the government subsidies and the government cash in the paw, so dear to the heart of all cultists and Ponzi schemes?
And now as the pond started with Covid and mentioned the budget in passing, time to end with an infallible Pope of the cartooning kind ...
They always disappoint you in the end, Parker tells Norman in The Wire and so it was and so it is and so it will be ...
"[The Pond] would usually turn to the Graudian and Crace" Oh indeed, only to be informed by him that it was "A laugh a minute." with their Liz. Perhaps the KillerC really is on to something after all.
ReplyDeleteThis census seems to have the papists in a bit of a flap. They’ve always run with the idea that, despite declining attendance at church services, they secretly have a large number of “believers” hidden out there in the community.
ReplyDeleteMind you, Mr McInerney isn’t too good with published facts (well published history anyway)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Census_of_Quirinius
“ Scholars point out that there was no single census of the entire Roman Empire under Augustus and the Romans did not directly tax client kingdoms; further, no Roman census required that people travel from their own homes to those of their ancestors. A census of Judea would not have affected Joseph and his family, who lived in Galilee under a different ruler”
This seems like a plot mechanism to move the main characters to the right location at roughly the right time.
Now don't be silly, Bef, you know that the likes of a 'Dallas' wouldn't take a single iota of notice of reality: what it says in "the Bible" is God given truth that simply overrides any amount of reality.
DeleteSo we get to this: "To anchor the standing of the Catholic Church in an Excel spreadsheet and extrapolate a reason for its demise ..." Well no, the "Catholic Church" has had over 2000 years, supported by the one and only omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, immanent maker of universes and souls, and it still hasn't managed to persuade even half of the human race to believe in Him. I'd call that gross failure myself. But then, it's He who makes and infuses human souls, so every one of the 1.4 billion inhabitants of China and the 1.4 billion inhabitants of India and indeed every single one of us on this planet (and who knows how many others) is occupied by a soul manufactured and implanted by "God".
You'd have to say that it's been a great success, wouldn't you.
What is called the "catholic" church did not come into existence until Constantine made it the official "religion" of the Roman empire. But even then it was miniscule in size and had no resemblance to its now grotesque form and in the now time of the "21st" century and indeed for the past 1000 years (and more).
DeleteMeanwhile Dave Allen said all that needs to be said about this grotesque abomination.
GB - we now have the Supreme Court of the United States - a body almost as omniscient, etc, as You Know Who - seeming to reassert that souls are - I guess created - at conception, even though we now have strong evidence that most bundles of cells (with a soul) skate down to the local waste water disposal system. Presumably the great faith finds a slot for them all in Limbo, but the interesting quandary is - do souls in limbo have any say in the continuation of the great faith? OK - those with two X chromosomes will not, and it is becoming abundantly clear that those with aggregations of chromosomes other than strict XY are unlikely to figure even in the politics of Limbo.
DeleteAnd, yes, Clem K - Dave Allen certainly had a better grasp of the nature of the great faith than I ever heard, or read, from any of its supposedly highly qualified 'teachers'.
Well now apparently there's about 383,071 ('quick') births every day* (about 4.43 per second) so I guess He is kept pretty busy (or perhaps one or more of his minion angels are if he delegates the task). Just as an aside, that's about 140 million births per year, and Australia thinks it's a real big thing to get maybe 200,000 "ïmmigrants" per year.
DeleteAnd there's about 60 million deaths per year of those who actually made it into life and who knows how many of 'miscarriages' and ectopics to add to that. Just as well He's omnipotent, isn't it.
* https://statisticstimes.com/demographics/world-death-and-birth-rate.php#
I do remember having watched Dave Allen on tv way back then, and listening to his soliloquies, but I can't recall much about religion (I was much younger then, and he was Irish) so is it anything in particular of Dave's work that you (and Clem) have in mind ? Or just his general disdain for hypocrisy of all kinds ?
GB - this is as good a place as any to start -
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxo81Ok9Urk
and includes scary nuns, one of the many inconsistencies in an institution that was supposed to be about love and compassion for all, radiating from a mother-figure.
and further on the subject of anomalies in religious understanding - an article on Paul Weyrich is circulating now. Weyrich is widely credited with stoking up the Religious Right in the USA. There is an extensive 'Wiki' entry on him. To me, the interesting thing is that Weyrich was quite open about converting the USA to a kind of theocracy - with only the 'right' faiths to participate. So - would 'god' reward his servant? Apparently, god put some black ice under the feet of his servant, said servant fell on his arse, which set off a really nasty infection, which saw Weyrich confined to a wheelchair, in chronic back pain, with infection eventually requiring amputation of his legs - so a particularly miserable 13 or so years of his life, before he died in his mid sixties.
DeleteNo doubt Weyrich rationalised all that as god testing him, or similar delusion. Kenneth Copeland would have been laughing, because he knows that god's approval of his servants down here is much better expressed in greenbacks.
Oh yes, lovely thanks Chad: that brought back some memories (though my memories mostly come from a time when Dave still had black hair on tv).
DeleteAs for Weyrich, well, 13 years in hell for eternity in heaven singing God's praises in a state of totally ecstatic rapture ? Who wouldn't opt for that ? And what choice do you have anyway ?
Remember "How to Win at Twitter" hosted by Chris Kenny?
ReplyDeleteI'm seeing "Winning at the Bar" hosted by Chris Porter making a not dissimilar impact in Australian performance art in the years ahead. One night only, wherein Chris describes how rewarding it is to take on Australian law, and consistently win. All the hot gossip from within the tent. Don't miss!
He's really doing his professional standing no end of good, isn't he. But then, that's his way, I guess.
DeleteOf course, leave it to the Oz to characterise the growing danger of COVID as “Labor split”……
ReplyDeleteLovely channeling of young Molesworth, DP! I wonder which members of the current British Cabinet are Old Boys of St Custard’s?
"They always disappoint you in the end..." Hmm. No, some "disappoint you" right from the beginning, don't they. As Wilcox would have us note. But then, I don't remember us writing down a detailed set of instructions to the incoming PM as to just what he would have to do to not disappoint us, whoever we reckon "us" might be.
ReplyDeleteAnd not everyone is an ice cream factory employee, are they:
"On Thursday the federal government confirmed it would extend funding to allow 170 employees to be retained for a further 10 weeks."
Lismore's Norco ice cream factory gets more funding to keep jobs for another 10 weeks
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-07-14/funding-extended-norco-ice-cream-factory-jobs/101239270
Oh well, maybe Albo just really likes Norco ice cream. And besides, that was the very visible NSW floods, not the invisible Covid that's all gone now anyway. And it's a decision that Albo plus minions could make for themselves and not just "inherit" - it's those "inherited" decisions that the incoming government just has to accept as inescapable holy writ, yes ?
Whew - good thing the Great War broke out, eh Henry? Otherwise, who knows what may have become of Britain and its Empire. Just a pity about all those casualties who were collateral damage.
ReplyDeleteAs for laying blame at the feet of Queen Vicki’s heirs and successors, I don’t know whether Edward VII or George V made much difference either way. The former spent most of his life doing fuck-all except eating, drinking, rooting and gambling, and not much changed once he finally waddled on to the throne, while George, as a former military man, basically did his duty, carried out his role, and was untroubled by any real thought processes other than worrying that the Catholics were breeding like rabbits. Young Davey was as thick as both his forefathers, but luckily Wallis Simpson arrived to prevent him from taking a more activist role. With the possibility of war with Germany already on the horizon, I’ve sometimes wondered whether she may not have been part of an elaborate sting operation by the more forward- thinking parts of the Establishment (if that’s not a contradiction in terms..) to rid Britain of a Fascist- friendly monarch…. As conspiracy theories go, it’s rather an attractive one.
I recall that, as a young left-footer growing up in Sydney, the “Catholic Weekly” regularly ran a few comic strips. If the 0z insists on being a more doctrinaire successor to the Weekly, perhaps they could slightly lessen the tedium by rerunning its old comic panels “Our Parish” and “Speck the Altar Boy”? But I suppose that a sense of humour with regards to religion - even a very mild and respectful one - is beyond the Oz. Come to think of it, pretty much any form of actual humour is beyond the Oz….
ReplyDeleteAaah Dorothy, took me straight back to Molesworth 1 and Fotherington Thomas with your opening paragraph. Thank you.
ReplyDelete