The pond could barely wait to start off its Sunday meditation with the sight of Polonius being seriously triggered.
Yesterday nattering "Ned" was also fully triggered, and as the pond can't expect anyone to flick back in time, this was the story that did it ...
Of course when it comes to a choice between a lying, cheating, dissembling narcissist able to speak in tongues to imaginary friends about the wonders of coal, and anyone who takes climate science seriously, there's only one way for the reptiles to go ... but this part of the story was what set them off, and sent them into a triggered frenzy ...
Mr Holmes a Court, a clean energy investor and director of the Smart Energy Council, said he considered himself a “Menzian Liberal” who had lost faith in the modern Coalition.
“I would have been a Menzies voter. When I read the ideals of the party, I go ‘that’s me’,” he said.
“I’m a big believer in markets, a big believer in humans flourishing and individuals having the opportunities to make the most of themselves. I don’t see the current government being faithful to the Liberal ideals at all.”
Naturally that made Polonius go off like an Oscar Wilde rocket.
He is, after all, the only person with a genuine understanding of Ming the Merciless, and better still the triggering gave him a chance to romp off into his usual history lesson ...
Luckily, once all tumult and the shouting of the history lesson has died away, the pond can promise a classic Polonial line, so classic that it verges on stereotype or caricature ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, what a mighty smoting of the Ming heretics, though it's true Ming was full of splendid responses when asked crucial questions...
This is the bit the pond particularly likes, and it should be studied by all independents wanting to show they can get with the Ming spirit ...
That in July 1939, remembering that Kristallnacht erupted 9th/10th November 1938. That's how you do it, independent folk in search of the Ming spirit ...
And so to that promised undiluted essence of Polonial scribbling...
"Then there is the ABC."
Has there ever been a column by Polonius that hasn't been haunted by the ABC?
That Polonial line is beyond the valley of the caricature and deep into the swamp of the absurd ...
"Then there is the ABC."
It's almost as if he was channeling Wallace Greenslade: "This is the BBC Light program. Encore? Certainly ... (clears Polonial throat) ... This is the BBC Light program and then there is the ABC ..."
There might be an alternative explanation - perhaps some post-modern post-ironic cartoonist had slipped a keystroke short cut into Polonius's keyboard as a satirical thrust. They could rely on Polonius not noticing, what with his infallible ability to send himself up ...
Splitters, splitters, fancy a rich toff claiming to believe in markets and money, when only Polonius is allowed to light a candle at the tomb of eternal Ming remembrance, shedding a tear as he passes by ...
The pond was deeply moved, though will only admit to laughter in privacy with therapist ...
And so to the therapeutic session for the day, with Dame Slap up for analysis ...
Now before Dame Slap gets going, the pond knows where this is heading, and would just like to pause before starting to thank a Dame Slap MAGA cap wearing colleague for his service ...
That's the right spirit, RIP, and it puts the pond in the mood for a dose of Killer Creighton, served in inimitable Dame Slap style ...
Don't ask the pond why the reptiles persist with Dame Slap reading her words to herself, while cruelly abandoning nattering "Ned". It's not as if Dame Slap presents well on the telly or the radio, and her uncomfortable shuffling about shows that she realises it's not her game ...
And don't ask the pond about what laws she's taken to breaking.
Presumably they're the usual selfish ones, refusing to wear a mask in company, vaccine hesitancy, no mandates, and so on and so forth, because, hey, who gives a fuck if I infect you, or you infect me ... and soon enough we're in Boris land, while the rich and the well-heeled and the connected make hay, and the rest of the punters make do, and how's that working out even now...
And this is how you get there ...
The pond will admit a philosophical question of the hearing of a tree falling in a forest kind. Is it okay to break a red traffic light in dead of night and not another car in sight? What about driving on the wrong side of the road, out in the bush, and again with not a car in sight?
Experience tells the pond that you never know when the under toad might come along ...
What are you looking for, dummy?’ Duncan asked him.
‘I’m trying to see the Under Toad,’ Walt said.
‘The what?’ said Garp. ‘The Under Toad,’ Walt said.
‘I’m trying to see it. How big is it?
And Garp and Helen and Duncan held their breath; they realized that all these years Walt had been dreading a giant toad, lurking offshore, waiting to suck him under and drag him out to sea. The terrible Under Toad.
Garp tried to imagine it with him. Would it ever surface? Did it ever float? Or was it always down under, slimy and bloated and ever-watchful for ankles its coated tongue could snare? The vile Under Toad.
Between Helen and Garp, the Under Toad became their code phrase for anxiety. Long after the monster was clarified for Walt (‘Undertow, dummy, not Under Toad!’ Duncan had howled), Garp and Helen evoked the beast as a way of referring to their own sense of danger. When the traffic was heavy, when the road was icy – when depression had moved in overnight – when Dame Slap wanted to breathe Covid all over you - when Dame Slap wanted to give you a good krogering - when Dame Slap wanted to cry Freedumb - they said to each other, ‘The Under Toad is strong today.’
‘Remember,’ Duncan asked on the plane, ‘how Walt asked if it was green or brown?’
Both Garp and Duncan laughed. But it was neither green nor brown, Garp thought. It was me. It was Helen. It was the color of bad weather. It was the size of an automobile...it was Dame Slap carrying on like a ratbag ...
Yes, it's a routine the pond has used before, but who said that Dame Slap was an original, what with the reptiles trotting out yet another freedumb snap to match her freedumb dummy spit ...
Oh she did mention Boris, how kind of her ... time for a little distraction and diversion ...
Well that was a relief, and with more relief with Rowson here ...
And now might the pond ask pre-emptively just where the reptiles dug up the following image of comrade Dan, looking like a demonic crazed psycho, a cross between ...
... and ...
See the haunting spectre, the stuff of reptile and Dame Slap nightmares, a genuine Goth, fresh from the catacombs, or perhaps a vampire out of coffin and looking for freedumb blood...
Indeed, indeed,and then there's the right of people to infect others or perhaps to kill themselves, in approved MAGA cap style, like the brave soul honoured at the start of proceedings ...
Ah the animals ... for some strange reason, the pond's mind wandered at that point, because we all know about caring for the animals ...
Humans? When you're at a red light at night, just break the light. Where's the harm? And if you see a human in trouble, remember to save the doggie and let the human go hang. (Graudian here). It's freedumb, you see ...
What's pathetic of course is that the faltering Dame Slap no longer has the courage of her convictions.
Once she would have donned her MAGA cap, and slipped out into the New York night to celebrate the elevation of the mango Mussolini.
Now she does dry hints about unthinking obeisance, and other weasel words, when she should be crying Freedumb with Clive and the lesser Kelly and gorgeous George, and getting out on the street and rioting, or at least humming a tune ...
Poor Dame Slap, guess becoming a rebel gets harder after you've been right royally krogered ...
And so to a couple of bonuses. They won't take long, what with the Angelic one and our Gracie inclined to keep it short ...
Coffins? Oh that's not a good sign, where could the Angelic one be heading this time?
Did the Angelic one just accuse Dame Slap of being part of the Orwellian right, deep in the grip of an Orwellian fantasy? Did she joke about Dame Slap blathering about the plot to steal our liberties?
Isn't she on the side of freedumb, and wild-eyed law-breaking? Oh for pity's sake, please, reptiles, a photo of freedumb lovers, with perhaps Dame Slap tucked away somewhere on the edge of the frame ...
Smug? Dame Slap smug? How weird is that thought ... just when the pond was feeling relieved at having a freedumb snap to celebrate ...
Now for an obligatory bit of comedy, and who better to supply it than Barners?
Hmm, guess the Angelic one stops at traffic lights, drives on the right side of the road, which is to say the left at all times, because, you know the under toad, and on the principle that the tree might fall in the forest, but you never know who might be around to hear it fall, and write an obituary ...
And usually that would be enough, but pardon the pond's indulgence, because it's developed a soft spot for our Gracie, since she changed her name and outlook on life ...
Did that tag just propose that SloMo is a hypocrite of the first water? Is our Gracie about to get agitated by "freedumbers"? Is Dame Slap about to be outnumbered? How will she handle that? For all her wild-eyed talk of being a rebel walking on the wild side, she has of late been a bit of a sook, a cry baby, which might be better understood, if not forgiven, when her krogering is remembered ...
Say what? Be less disagreeable, be more agreeable? Oh that's not going to wash with Dame Slap, who has made it her life's work to be as disagreeable as possible and to disagree with just about everybody about everything.
"What are you against?" you might ask the Dame, and quick as a movie reference, she'd snap back at you, "wadda ya got?"
And wash out the pond's eyes, or perhaps its mouth, is the pond just about to read "right now,business owners are grateful for the state premiers...?"
What happened to that Apocalypse Now picture of comrade Dan?
Well as promised, our Gracie kept it relatively short, and offered a little contrast and corrective to the endless tedious ramblings of Dame Slap ...
Never mind, it was good of unions to campaign for the right for their workers to kill themselves and others, all in the name of freedumb, and so the unions and Dame Slap could together sing the siren song of freedumb ...
Mandate freedumb, the pond says, and may the devil take the hindmost freedumber, the weaker gazelles in the herd, and who knows, we might yet see a spike in the virus, with the numbers in NSW promising ...
It's a tough world and a tough life, and death lurks, and the undertoad comes in all forms, shapes and sizes, as noted by the infallible Pope ...
The Dame Slap - first paragraph contains 6 ‘I’s, and the rest of it is dotted with ‘I’s and ‘My’s.
ReplyDeleteIt’s beginning to loo k a lot like - what do they call it again? - oh, yes - ‘identity politics’
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePolonius on again about the Independents not challenging Green or Labor Seats.
ReplyDeleteIs he so stupid, that he does not realise the Liberals are being challenged on their appalling record of no action on Climate Change whilst in Government?
Polonius is far more disingenuous with the truth than those he constantly nitpicks and carps on about could ever hope to be.
Sully - very likely he is aware, but it is clear that the word has come down from ‘sources very close to Rupert’ that our dear land of Girtby is threatened, and all hands, ALL hands, are to rally.
DeleteWe may see a revision of the 7 deadly sins, from those who must mix reference to the Christ fans into their regular columns. The new lot probably could lead off with Pride, Averice, Lust, Independence - although, no doubt, our Polonius would make a case the these new ‘Independents’ are already in thrall to the existing 7 deadlies.
Interesting also that ‘choice’ and ‘freedum(b)’ are regarded so well by the (always independent) opinion writers back there in the Great Cabin, but ‘independence’, of recent time, has taken what they see as a wrong turn. A bit like their quandary with ‘freedom’ of religion - which is the God-given right of some religions, but should not be considered as any kind of ‘right’ to a few other religions, let alone those beings so lacking in personal values that they do not subscribe to a religion.
I too would think that Polonius is "aware", but those "Independents" are just enemies of the Rupertstate and must be opposed: so it's tell any lie you like as long as hoi poloi will believe it. Which is basically, as Trump showed about 25,000 times, any lie you can think up.
DeleteBut again, and always with Polonius, who does he think reads him ? Always preaching to the believers and being remaining completely unknown to everybody else.
Having experienced some surprise at generally agreeing with Angela Shanahan's column I must say I'm looking forward to next weeks. This will be where she examines how we ended up with this small and vocal anti-vax minority and the role of her fellow travelers in helping them reach their distant from reality destinations.
ReplyDeleteAnyone taking bets on this?
"Well as promised, our Gracie ... offered a little contrast and corrective to the endless tedious ramblings of Dame Slap ..."
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit of a problem reading our Gracie: so very little to take any exception to. And to amplify Chad's comment about the Slap, not one single 'I, me or mine' in Gracie's entire piece; it was all about the actual matters and issues of the day. Just as well she's the only one who does that or there wouldn't be any point in reading the reptiles at all.
And picking up on rf's comment, there was much in Angela's post to agree with, but then the Shanahana will transmogrify back unto her normal self without so much as the blink of an eyelid, so that's not a real worry.
Any'ow, Monday should have us back to News Corp normal with the likes of the Bromancer, the Doggy Boverer and Nullius Ned, so I reckon you can prepare for your annual rest and recuperation time, DP, secure in the knowledge that all will be as it should be upon your return.