In which the pond can't report its satisfaction level with the reptiles in the penultimate reptile post for the year ...

 

 

No mucking about, it's straight at it for the penultimate pond post about the reptiles for the year. 

Hard at it, dive in the deep end of the reptile pool, a murky morass of nonsense, and what better way to do it with a dash of seasonal spirit than indulge the bromancer, going full Xian nutty.

Spoiler alert ... there'll be champing at the Campion at the end ...

 

 

The pond has found it best not to attempt to argue with Xians when they go full Xian nutty at Xmas. 

There's something about the season that sends them right off. Perhaps a little too much mistletoe strategically placed in the home, perhaps a little too much punch in the home brew, and of course, the sense of isolation induced by recent Covid times is no help ...

So the pond will just let it flow, and being the bromancer full of seasonal cheer, it's going to be a long one ...

 

Around this time, the pond thought rather than argue that it might offer a cartoon ...

 

 

 

Now the pond doesn't mind that the bromancer cheats by resorting to the New Testament, and waving off the old testament, it's part of the game ...

 

 

The pond was reminded of its time at university when wild-eyed members of the EU (Evangelical Union) used to button hole students and harangue them. 

Whatever, the pond used to think, being in the habit of transposing certain attitudes and styles of speech into the past, and sidle on by ... always remembering that you had to take the whole Xian package in its absurdity, and there should be no cherrypicking ...

 

 

Phew, what a relief the pond had a few cartoons standing by ... because the bromancer nuttiness this day is unrelenting ...

 

The bromancer really is deep down the rabbit hole, but in the pond's defence, it does help explain the general air of nuttiness that suffuses just about everything the bromancer scribbles ...that crusader air that comes right from the middle ages ...

 

 

 

Props to that cartoonist ...

 

Just to clear up any ambiguity, I’m not a believer, or even agnostic, I’m an atheist (denomination: Jewish). That means the God I don’t believe in is different from the God you don’t believe in if, for example, you’re a Muslim atheist, a Catholic atheist, or a Protestant atheist. But if we’re all wrong and God actually does exist, in my opinion He’s going to turn out to be Jewish. At least, I certainly hope so, because if He is Jewish I figure He can take a joke.

And another one for luck ... 

And that, miraculously and mysteriously, that gets the pond to the final bromancer gobbet ...

 

 

An address to Campion College!? Say no more. Crazed tykes assembled together in the silly season ...

But the pond should note one further miracle. Just as the pond had finished with the bromancer, what should pop up but this ...

 

 

 

 

Overall satisfaction? Oh please, don't tempt the pond to talk of the overall picture ...

If you squint you can see the bromancer blathering away beneath the pop-up, as the reptiles desperately try to find out what the pond thought of the reptile read, and how they might improve the digital experience, and the pond's overall satisfaction, yadda yadda, and the pond simply didn't have the heart to tell the reptiles that the only way forward was to fuck off. 

No half-hearted measures, such as idle pond talk about the way the Catholic Boys' Daily panders to the Campion crowd, just fuck right off ...

And so to another dismal, familiar read, and here the pond should first note that the reptiles were cock-a-hoop this day ...

Yes, the reptiles deep love of dinkum, clean, pure, innocent, virginal Oz coal was top of both the treekiller and the digital editions. 

A lump of coal in every stocking for every boy and girl and gender fluid young person throughout the land, no matter if they'd been naughty or nice (and yes, the pond did watch Colbert's Conspiracy Carol, which was almost whacky and zany enough to lift the pond's Xmas spirits).

No more delaying, no need to worry if you can Bjorn the suspense ...

Oh hang on, as it's Bjorn, there's just one more thing the pond would like to note before beginning, and it's not just the awful weirdness of that reptile illustration ....

Rather, the pond just happened to be watching PBS when this popped up ...

 

The prof was dressed in a penguin suit, because he'd picked up some kind of gong, as can be seen here ... and what a nice mood setter it was for the usual Bjorn-again bullshit ...

Sophisticated logarithms? The pond has had it up to here with smart-arsed logarithms ...

Purely in the Xmas spirit, why don't you just fuck off, right here, right now ... or at least allow the pond to run a bit more of that prof ...

Yes, that's a handy mood setter, and the prof went on with some more thoughts, but it's time to get back to business and finish off the Bjorn-again one ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, both the bromancer and the Bjorn-again one in the penultimate post, it's too much for a possum to bear, but there's worse to come, because that Everest called nattering "Ned" is wringing his hands and chomping at the bit, and for the last time this year, the pond will patiently explain that when confronted by Everest, it simply must be climbed, and no ducking out of the tent for a little while ...

Usually the pond would find something to distract, like the recent result for Boris in North Shropshire, but we must get on with it, no mucking about, and head off to base camp ...

Meanwhile, on another planet, or at least in another paper ...

But no, the pond chose "Ned's" natter, as it always does, and must pay the price ...

Some might even prefer to get a hartchering to getting another serve of "Ned" ....

 

 

But "Ned" has already answered that one ... whatever happens, blame it on the premiers ...

Sure there was wild-eyed talk of the Danes elsewhere on other planets ...

 

But "Ned" and the pond are made of sterner stuff, and there's still a fair serve of droning to go ...

The way the pond summarises it? "Ned" keeps regurgitating the thoughts of others, because it saves on the tedium of thinking, but lo and behold, the pond has filibustered its way to the final gobbet, and soon the Everest will have been climbed yet again ...

Traps for the unwary? Talk to the hand, or perhaps to Boris ...

 

 Is it wrong to note that after all that stuff and nonsense, and downright malarkey, the reptiles wanted to know the pond's level of overall satisfaction? 

Well finally, the pond couldn't resist: here's the overall picture ...

And so to a delightful Xmas present from the delightful Rowe, with more delights always to hand here ...