Sunday, August 18, 2019

In which the pond celebrates its return from Melbourne with a mystic Sunday meditation ...


The pond wanted to bring back incontrovertible proof that it had been in Melbourne this past week.

Oh there are always doubters and naysayers out there, trained in the ways of Trumpism and white supremacy by the lizards of Oz, but it was a cold, hard slog through the streets of Melbourne that led the pond to contemplating that statue, presented by the Women's Christian Temperance Union of Victoria … (go on, pretend you know Melbourne by identifying where it's located).

Of course the pond could have just picked it up, courtesy of a satanic google image search, but the pond has better things to search for, like the recent accumulating horrors now regularly recorded in the Weekly Beast, as here


What the fuck? Another front opened up in the Trumpist/Mike Pence School of Hate, Bigotry, Fear and Loathing?

But suddenly this weekend's effort by Dame Slap became clear …


Well that's good, because now the dumb bitch can spend all her time scribbling crap about the UFC, MMA, boxing and wrestling.

As for calling her a dumb bitch, the pond has been assured that this is what masculine men do (and perhaps hardcore macho lesbians and bloggers with TG friends), unless they happen to reach for an even sterner swearword and call women dumb c… well, you can fill in the rest, at least if you're a masculine man.

Or maybe she can just spend her time adoring the manly Donald, perhaps being stroked by his tiny hands, though whenever the pond thinks of Steve Bannon, the Donald, and such like, it's always reminded of how the Nazi leadership never looked remotely like the Ayran stereotype. The Donald's into fat-shaming? Now there's a masculine tub of McDonalds lard doing a pot/kettle routine ...

Meanwhile, the pond was reminded that it had missed prattling Polonius last week, but a stark image brought him back to mind …


Actually the pond must question the use of "purgatory", a singularly useless and weird concept developed by the followers of the Whore of Babylon (Synagogue of Satan if you insist, foul followers of Folauists). Is purgatory mentioned in the bible? Only to Catholics trained in knot-making and snake-twisting logic ...

It turns out that Polonius was a dead loss last week, so there's no need to revive any of that, but this week he was on song and back in the chapel, and so suitable stuff for a Sunday meditation …


  

Forget the missed boat on taxes. Call the small children to come unto Polonius so that he might heal them and offer them succour, or at least a jaw-breaking all day sucker.

Now the pond had thought of wheeling in a slab of whining Angela, but was content just to note that in the Angelic one's column bleating about Brexit, she gave the entire game away …


It's rare for the reptiles to admit the major reason for Brexit was Little Britain and bigotry and keeping out those bloody furriners who do the things the Poms are too lazy or toffy to want to do, but the Angelic one wasn't afraid to go there …and so she should be applauded, even if she didn't go the next obvious step, and plan to keep out the Scots and the Irish, and all the rest of the bloody Celts ...

And so with that out of the way, it's on to Polonius defending the Catholic church, as he always does …


As usual, Polonius is full of nonsense. The pond can assure him that in a small town the confessor invariably knew the identity of the sinner …and there's another complaint.

"Symbolic politics" is surely far too quaint. Polonius should have paid the reptiles' annual licence fee for the use of "virtue signalling."

The old fuddy duddy needs to get with it, and perhaps he should note that these days, thanks to the Catholic church and the likes of Epstein, the crime is much discussed …


Oh yes, there will be fun and games in New York this year for lawyers, but meanwhile, Polonius is intent on keeping his finger stuck in the Catholic dyke ...


Put simply, Polonius refuses to take the claim seriously, but then, according to Polonius, there's never been a serious problem in the Catholic church. 

The pond realises it's always the fault of the ABC, but strangely you might also have found similar stories simply by reading the reptiles …

Oh dear, but please, don't disturb Polonius as he wanders along, prattling away in his own la-la land ...


Well yes, it is all the fault of the ABC, but perhaps the pond should finish off that lizard Oz story …


All that's just water off a duck's back in Polonial la la land, where the church is everything, and its victims an inconvenience …


One thing's certain out of all this guff. Polonius hasn't said a single thing about how pedophiles in the Catholic church might be identified or a child protected … but that's always been a tricky thing for Catholics, what with purgatory offering up an escape clause …

And speaking of religion, as the pond must, this odd coupling cropped up during the week ...


Well we know our Gracie has a thing about the Folau matter, but that blather about reclaiming the middle ages reminded the pond that poor old Luke Slattery was one of those bits of journalistic driftwood who has washed back up on the shores of the lizard Oz to prove a Graudian point …


But to be fair to Luke, who is just trying to scrabble a living, it was the subject matter that turned out to be as predictable and boring as the writing ...


Indeed, indeed, was it only yesterday that the pond was celebrating white supremacists, racists and the Donald with the reptile team?

"White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?," he asked. "Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?"

Go on, hug Steve King today. He's in a spot of bother …


But let's get back to the middle ages, when manly men could indulge in rape and bastards populated the earth, so the population could grow mightily, and everything was hunky dory ...



Actually the pond really couldn't give a toss if she's a white supremacist or facilitates white supremacists. She claims she's a devoted Catholic, and that's down there with a belief in the easter bunny, the tooth fairy or Santa Claus …though we all know they're as white as Christ, and we're all true believers in a multicultural world …


Now there's a fine word coming up which would probably make Dame Slap swoon with pleasure, "Anglo-masculophobes", but even better, there's a punch line at the very end of the article ...



Oh sweet long absent Jesus, she's a Milo troller … the pond should have known …

 

And what's funny about all this?

Well it's the reptiles getting agitated about the Graudian and others noting certain tendencies …


Get some of that Milo into you, it'll make the hate stronger and healthier, put a little more strength into those white bones ...



Dear sweet long absent brown Jesus, she's a bloody Marianist …but that bit about not wanting a Great Books curriculum shocked the pond to the core, given the punchline to the entire story ...



Barking mad, and it was the Ramsay Centre wot done it …

Well there's another batch of clippings for the devoted far right readers of the pond …

Meanwhile, all the pond can do is thank the long absent brown lord that the pond, and the world, has moved on from medieval times, while the pond is exceptionally pleased that the courses it endured in medieval history and Catholicism are also now long behind it…what with it being about a bunch of tossers arguing over who had the best imaginary friend, and centuries later the tossers are still arguing about it, and going to war and indulging in terrorist acts, when the pond would cheerfully settle for an Eostre egg and a Saturnalian gift …

But in lieu of a gift, the pond is determined to get in a cartoon from the infallible Pope, even if it has little relevance to all that's gone before, except that it features a manly man on a crusade … (no link, now that the paywall has spoken) …


And as small, token compensation for anyone who made it through to the bitter end, a few more cartoons celebrating manly men doing their many things ...


    
  

  

  



Saturday, August 17, 2019

In which the pond attempts to catch up on much reptile business, while studying for a diploma in 'yes buttism' …


Sheesh, just as the pond goes away for a break, The Graudian steps up and lets rip on the reptiles …

Well, it was all here, but this set the tone …


Speaking of a lack of balance and predictability, the climate science denialism has been palpable in recent times, with the unbalanced, predictable pack of reptiles producing a flurry of stories, all because it seems the dreadful ABC has misled Pacific islanders, who now operate under the delusion that things are a little funny/peculiar with the world's climate … and that maybe coal has something to do with it …

Out they all came, and this is but a mere sampling because, truth to tell, there's never much reason to read beyond the headlines …

Moorice was naturally front and centre …but Dame Slap also stepped into the breach ...

  

Will they never tire of blather about 'virtue-signalling'?

And in a bid to become the rag's leading climate scientist, the dog botherer was all the go …


 

But hold on dog botherer, the rag still has Lloydie and Dame Groan …

 

How deep and wide-ranging was the level of the delusion? 

Well apart from coal being the new sheep - think of all those sheep-fucking jokes that can now serve for the sight of Lloydie humping a piece of coal - the level of delusion ranged far and wide ...

 

Meanwhile on another planet the pond couldn't help noticing the odd warning sign, as in this story in the Washington Post, or even while trying to relax with a little US news …


And there was a positive flurry elsewhere …


One possible solution is simply to buy Greenland and hide all the evidence, and never mind the twenty two trillion debt ….


Yes amazingly that was a Donald story, worth bearing in mind further down this page, but meanwhile, the steadfast reptiles stuck with the plan …


Good old Lloydie, what an environmentalist he is …humping away at his lump of coal …

And naturally the Oz editorialist showed who was in charge of the charging reptiles …


Talk about delusional.

But the plot got even weirder thanks to this week's Weekly Beast, still ripping away at the reptiles here … and revealing a shocking truth …


The pond was aghast … it realised suddenly that it's main audience was white supremacists, racists, Donald-lovers, and other assorted ratbags and coal humpers …and even though they now had to wait until each weekend for their clippings from the pond, addled far-right wing loons in search of a reptile fix would still show up …

And sure enough, to add fuel to the flames, along came the dog botherer with an unadulterated exercise in excellent "yes buttism" …

This is where a reptile pretends to be balanced, and deliver a considered, thoughtful assessment, but instead produces a "yes, billy goat, butt" conclusion …

See the dog botherer in action and admire …


Yes, yes, roll the jaffas down the aisle, this was a loon who only a few days ago was, in a dose of reckless rhetoric, fuelling a climate of hate at Australia's Pacific neighbours, calling them silly and insulting …but stick with it, because truly we will arrive in due course at a classic "yes, but" moment …


Uh huh … well the first thing to do here is to establish that psychos walk both sides of the fence, as a prelude to establishing the Donald's innocence …


Uh huh … shocking stuff, but par for the reptile course … naturally in support of the Donald, his love of white supremacy jargon, his undiluted racism and his devotion to conspiracy theories, though these have been a boon to cartoonists …


But the pond can't pause to contemplate a backlog of cartoons … it must press on to get to the  classic 'yes but' moment, even if there's a lot of buttisms to cherish along the way, including the one that begins the second sentence here ...


Indeed, indeed, it's all Biden's fault … you see the Donald might be a tad polarising, but really it's those bloody Democrats cranking up the rhetoric …


Okay, okay the pond promised to rush on helter skelter to that 'yes but' moment, even though there's been plenty of buttisms and buttock dog humping by the dog botherer on show ...


And now to take it a step further and do a right and proper dog whistle … you see, it's all the fault of fake news and fake columnists ...


By golly, any white supremacist far right Donald lover would leave the dog botherer content that, in a clever, inverted way, the dog botherer has delivered an astute smack down of the Donald's critics … and so to a final, truly awesome "yes butt, billy goat, butt" moment ...


Yes, it's the Donald who is legitimate, and it's all the fault of Biden, the Democrats, fake news, and, as Brett Easton Ellis would say, whatever …

But wait, not convinced by that dreadful Weekly Beast story, and its ominous conclusion about the reptile, and so the pond's, readership?


It goes without saying that the pond is too humble and small to compete with News Corp, but please, it does its best to share reptile rants with far-right groups, and our Henry wasn't willing to let the dog botherer do it alone ...


Our Henry beat the dog botherer to the punch by coming out with this excellent post yesterday, but it seems to the pond a most excellent contribution to the cause, and one well worth sharing with Donald lovers and other white supremacists ...


Indeed, indeed, and because our Henry is generally a dullard, the pond thought that even specialist readers who might make it through to the 'yes, but, billy goat, butt' ending might appreciate the odd cartoon …

You see, our Henry will stroll through history and mention Madison and founders and tradition, and ignore anything of any alternative, cartoony kind ...


But now back to old Henry, busy with  his buts and his Madison and free trade, and sssh, don't mention the tariffs being paid for by the Chinese ...


Yes, yes, it's free trade everywhere, and stability in the marketplaces around the world, and everything's for the best in our Henry's world …



And now back to our Henry explaining how everything is for the best in Donald's wonderful world …


Indeed, indeed,, though the pond does wonder why the Europeans need to spend any money on defence, when everyone now knows that the Russians are their new friends … and the Donald's friends, and Mitch's friends, and Kentucky's friends, and possibly our friends too …because we all love dictatorships when it comes to the crunch ...


And so to the penultimate celebration of our Henry going full Donald, explaining how we live in normal times and everything is for the best …



You'd almost swear that the Donald and his administration were competent and knew what they were doing, thanks to the astute apologetics of our Henry.

But please white supremacists, don't thank the pond for doing your work. Just take these clippings of the dog botherer and our Henry and share them on Facebook or wherever else you like …and please remember that the skilled apologist will always end with a 'yes but' moment …

And what do you know, our Henry even makes it obvious by beginning with a 'but' ...


Silly old Henry … does he actually think he and his column, and the dog botherer, and all the climate science denialism and the bromancer's Brexit delusion and so on and so forth serve a sensible purpose?Could it be that the rag is drifting off into a predictable form of far right irrelevance?

Well here's another issue for our Henry to explain away …


And here's the Donald's cry, as heard in what's left of the wild …



And here's to all that's normal in the modern reptile world as they feed the far right, conspiracy-loving, gun-totin' loons ...




You're welcome … have a nice coal-humping day, and come on back, ya hear, for more predictable Donald lovin' of the tedious and predictable kind …