In which the bromancer excoriates the Ruskis and excuses the Donald ...

The reptiles were wildly excited today, but the pond never steps out the door without checking with the bromancer on such matters …

And what a relief, he too was wildly excited …

John Bolton?

But enough of the comedy of war …

Isn't it amazing, and remarkable, that a rather mild gesture with no particularly significant consequences, is suddenly hailed by the bromancer as evidence that a new Trumpian Messiah has arrived in the world …

Quick, call Robert Mueller, the bromancer's got it all sorted …nothing to see here, if you happen to have a spare pair of rose-coloured glasses

But it turns out that there are still a few nutters out there not yet equipped with standard lizard Oz glasses issue …

The expulsions brought into focus the disconnect between aggressive actions taken against the Kremlin by the Trump administration and the president’s public eagerness to have a cooperative relationship with Mr. Putin. Mr. Trump has staunchly resisted criticizing the Russian president, even as he imposed sanctions on a series of Russian organizations and individuals for interference in the 2016 presidential election and what the administration called other “malicious cyberattacks.” 
Mr. Trump, who energetically comments on almost any other subject on Twitter or in encounters with reporters, stayed conspicuously silent on the showdown with Russia on Monday, leaving it to aides to explain his decision. 
“The only real conclusion to draw is there is something of a divide,” said Thomas Wright, the director of the Brookings Institution’s Center on the United States and Europe. “They may have convinced him to sign off, but he doesn’t want to be the face of it. He could have resolved this any day with a 10-minute appearance. That’s the part that’s puzzling to me.” (NY Times here).

The Donald has also been remarkably silent as stormy weather swirled around him these past few days, but that's another story …

The Canadians were also confused, though to be fair - in the temperate language routinely deployed by the bromancer - many think of them as maple syrup nutters …

There's more along the same lines ...

Earlier this month, Trump equivocated on calling out Russia for the nerve-agent attack, saying that the U.S. would condemn Moscow, or "whoever it may be," for the poisonings. "It carries a lot of weight when the president speaks," Bruen said. "Can you imagine if [former president] Franklin Delano Roosevelt, in lieu of his statement after the attack on Pearl Harbor, had his press secretary issue a statement?" It's an extreme example, of course, but Bruen's point is that any adversaries watching should have no questions about the president's position. (CBC here, Bruen tweeting here).

But ever since he went full Trump, the bromancer has had few questions to ask about the Donald …in much the same way that the Donald has had few questions to ask about his beloved Vlad.

What joy then to learn that it seems everything is restored to full working order, and the west is back in business ...

A severe blow to Moscow's intelligence capabilities?

A few countries have got together to kick out a few feet on the ground? 

But these expulsions have long been a routine of tit for tat. Obama did it, the Ruskis have done it, and nobody much cares, it's just part of the diplomatic game.

The Ruskis didn't need those feet on the ground to interfere with the US elections, or play a dab hand in the Brexit saga …damn you useless internet, how the bromancer yearns to get back to the good old days of Robert Shaw as a blonde villain. How tragic that these days it's Jennifer Lawrence doing a sparrow imitation ...

But there you go, the pond's been distracted, in much the same way that May certainly needed a distraction … 

The pond sat through some of the q and a with Chris Wylie but got nowhere near the almost four hours of tedium, still available on the Graudian's YouTube channel, though it takes a little while to get going …

The short version? Well there's Politico here, or The Graudian here … with Boris deep in it yet again … or an even shorter version ...

(and more Graudian cartoons here).

But enough of the bromancer doing his best to paper over the cracks, please allow the pond to do an update on the Caterist column which caused such a fuss yesterday...

Normally the pond leaves the Crikey mob alone behind the paywall - they have enough problems - but the pond was delighted to see Guy Rundle have a go at the Caterist.

It involved arcane mathematics far beyond the pond's attempts to fully account for its fingers and toes (surely eleven isn't the right answer?), but the pond has every hope that the dam-buster will at some point take note and bite back, and so, just to stay on top of things …

There's more here for those who can get behind the paywall, but the pond is mortified … it's quite possible that it's never once called the Caterist a carpetbagger …and hadn't realised that the reptiles were suffering from a certified medical condition, Green Derangement Syndrome … and yet once the pond understood, suddenly everything seemed clear ...

And so to the cartoon of the day. 

The pond couldn't decide. Despite all that the bromancer had written, it still seemed likely that the Donald should get a good lawyer son, and make sure it's a real good one …but ...

… but then there was the Rowe, with more Rowe here, celebrating a little more ball tampering …

In which the onion muncher stretches out his arms in hope of a fine morning ...

The pond couldn't help … it was transfixed, a deer in the headlights of a hideous photo more shocking than Stormy coupling with the Donald …

The first thought was that the pond should launch a competition for the most nauseating photo of the year … but then it was reminded of those wise words that Scott Fitzgerald once wrote about the onion muncher …

"Tony believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter - tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further … kiss more babies … even kiss Pauline … and one fine morning … Malware will be gone and the prince will ascend the throne occupied by the vile hunchback-deformed pretender, King Turnbull of the harbour side mansion …"

Perhaps best stick to the photo comp because there's another competitor ...

Of course the onion muncher has form in this holding things up to the camera routine, while looking like a prime goose ...

 

It was weird enough when he kept doing it for himself, but doing it for Hanson ...

 

… is there nothing this gollum won't do to regain the ring? 

Does anybody still wonder why politicians are regarded as venal and unscrupulous, and willing to form any kind of unholy alliance on the basis that the enemy of my enemy might come in handy?

The pond was transfixed, of course it had to read on. Sure the Caterists attract the hits, but this was the onion muncher. Attention must be paid …

Ah yes, dinkum clean coal, that will resonate with the lizards of Oz, and the terrible Islamics of course (sssh, not a word about bigoted Catholic extremists), and the only shame is that he didn't slip in a mention of the South African farmers, but to be fair, he did put on record that a vote for Pauline Hanson was a vote for the like-minded Liberal party of white nationalists, striving to restore truth and justice for a suffering white world ...

Famously? Is that the way that the reptiles spell "infamously, ingloriously, shamelessly, shockingly and deviously"?

What's that, a little fussing and feuding in the past, and the onion muncher employed the most wretched tactics and slush fund antics to lock her up, lock her up, and now all is forgiven and it's all kiss kiss, and forgiven and here, why not buy the book?

And what's that talk of being better the second time round, with its deviant echo of sexual perversion?

The pond takes it back. It mentioned the Gollum a little earlier, but that's clearly defamatory of the hapless Gollum, who managed a smidgin more integrity …

Hanson's too dumb to see what drives the black heart, but oh how slimy and treacherous and devious he is … how Iago would admire his works ...

Oh sweet long absent lord, did he dare to drag Nelson Mandela into it?

Sweet lost Jesus, he's completely shameless. Did the pond defame Iago too?

Even Iago would cringe from this sort of shamelessness ...

Well there we go, the pond had to keep that photo in at the end of the story, to maintain the complete picture, and to induce another bout of nausea of the kind Colbert experiences when imagining the Donald in the act of coupling …

But the onion muncher wasn't finished, and the reptiles were wildly excited, and felt the urgent need to update the dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, which Brownie had originally put up yesterday …

MID, and mentioned in the party room … is there no greater glory than this for a coal-loving reptile?

The rest of the story was as previously featured on the pond, but look, see how it's started, with the onion muncher and the priapic one rabbiting on about coal and prodding and poking at the pretender as they dream that they'll run faster, and stretch out their arms further, and one fine morning ...

Meanwhile, speaking of orgastic futures … as we are borne back ceaselessly into the past ...

Full story here, outside the paywall at time of writing, where it's explained the survey was never completed, and cross their hearts and hope to die, it's all going to go on wages, because there's pie in the sky bye and bye …

Is it any wonder that our Tony beats on against the current, borne ceaselessly back into the past, hoping against hope that one fine morning he will wake … and out of the latest wreck will come the ultimate redemption … and what a fine wreck it is, as observed by Pope, with more Pope here …

In which the pond finally gets to clean coal and dinkum Arndt ...

Well there's a Silicon Valley Ruski moment …but enough of ancient news.

Before the pond was rudely interrupted by the Catholic wars dominating the lizard Oz, it was going to take a quick refreshing break with dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, which was all over the front page this day …

Oh sorry, the pond got that completely wrong … but here it is, dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, brought to you by the dinkum coal-burning steamship frigates of Australia … (and just remember that image the next time you read the bromancer spruiking the frigates) ...

The pond is taking a break for Easter, and will probably zoom past Liddell Hart comfortable in the knowledge that it will be revived and restored by other coal lovers …

By golly Brownie, with the greatest respect, this is pretty much a nothing story, with great emphasis on sporting prowess, but also plenty of expressions of interest, and maybes and maybe nots, with the dominant motif a yearning for coal, and the notion that there are clean-coal technologies out there ready to be plucked from the air for a song, or possibly a dance… but do go on ...

He acknowledged receipt of the email?

Why then negotiations must be fired up and in full swing then …which is a good thing, because it's long been a reptile dream, with Rowan Callick furiously scribbling about China's clean coal lesson back on 3rd April 2017 …

Indeed, indeed, and with Liddell Hart so close to the coast, seawater can undoubtedly be used to improve efficiency in the new station, Oz coal, oi, oi, oi … (does irony come across on the web?)

Why there was a graph too …

Of course though you won't find alternative graphs exploring other options, as here and here …

And yet for all the bushy-tailed, bright-eyed graphs,  there was a certain glumness in the air …

So how's the proposal to make use of Liddell Hart by the sea shaping up, there being an email and everything, and at the heart of it, clean coal, and dinkum grade too, y'all ...

And there, it seemed to the pond, was a story that said much about reptile hopes, delusions, dreams and desires, and three fifths of fuck all about anything else …

But they do love their crusades, and they'll clutch at any straw they can find ...

…and this brings the pond to the other reptile goodie that the onion muncher took the limelight away from at lunch time …

Before the pond starts, it should observe that the one thing it can't stand is women who persist in telling men what they should do ...

Fuck the pond dead, but gently please and with tenderness and passion, there's a bloody woman telling men what they should do, and even worse calling them a bunch of castrated virtue-signalling do gooders …

Does it take a woman of the Arndt kind to explain to men how men can be men by being Arndt men? 

Must everyone line up and do what Bettina says, because Bettina knows best? Seems so ...

Oh dear sweet long absent lord, the bitter irony. 

A harpie, a harridan screeching and haranguing and telling men to grow a pair and explaining to men what men must say and do if they're to become true Arndt men …

It was too rich for the pond to pass up, and now, as Bettina has provided the excuse for a few cartoons featuring a manly man doing what men must do if they're to grow a pair, please allow the Donald to take it away …

In which the pond is swept away by the onion muncher spotting more unsubstantiated bile ...

Wow, a blitz of acronyms … it must be deadly serious.

The pond's plans for lunch were simple … kick back the heels, do a little "aren't Arndt terrible", perhaps a bit of dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi … and then suddenly the onion muncher's outraged tweet attracted the attention of the oscillating fan and it was on …

What could the pond do?

After all, the onion muncher is still in pride of place on the pond - top of the world ma, top of the world - and the pond i helpless whenever the ancient mariner stoppeth the pond to have a whine and a whinge and a moan and a conversation about undermining and splitting…

The pond had clipped the PVO unsubstantiated bile - not to be confused with PVC - and thought it so innocuous it didn't bother to run it. Who knew?

Unexceptional stuff, unless the onion muncher these days gets enraged at the mere sight of Malware …

Everybody wants Malware gone - none more so than the pond on a bad NBN hair day - but who have they got to replace him?

Perhaps the onion muncher is realising that Lazarus with a quintuple bypass is just a little beyond him...

Oh dear, that's it? That's all he wrote?

But it does provide fresh evidence that the pond is right to keep the onion muncher at the top of the page, like a rat in a cage, full of rage ...

The world is a vampire, sent to drain 
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames 
And what do I get, for my pain? 
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game 
Even though I know, I suppose I'll show 
All my cool and cold, like old job 
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage 
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage 
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved 
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Or some such thing. The internet always gets the lyrics wrong, just like the pond.

The pond felt so inspired it had to scuttle off for another relevant and germane story …

You see the pond has been tracking Birmo and the Catholics, a saga down there with a Hootie and the Blowfish tune ...

The Catholic education war … the reptiles are compelled, and so is the pond. I

t was top of the pops again this morning in breaking news …

No wonder the onion muncher is enraged, no wonder that Fergo is worried about Birmo (see how the pond speaks fluently Oz coal slang, oi, oi, oi) ...

Catholics on the march, the mad monk enraged, and Birmo flummoxed and clueless … 

Oh these useless bloody crow eaters, get with the Catholic Boys' Daily agenda, out-pander the pandering comrade Bill, or get lost …

What is happening to this country? Where did it all go wrong? A camp divided cannot stand! A camp divided must fall, and yet the heroes of yesteryear, the Pellist almost as Pell as George himself must endure the slings and arrows of unsubstantiated bile …

Has Rowe got any explanation that has any remote connection? What's that, the Catholics are fishing in their trousers for some sand paper?

Well if you think that's not the full story, why not hunt out more Rowe here and see if that will help solve the many mysteries …

In which the reptiles cruelly torture the pond by making available the Caterist ...

(with more Wilcox in the much better laid out Fairfax galleries here).

The reptiles' paywall is now taking on a refined form of emotional torture and mental cruelty for the pond.

The pond would have been quite happy to check out the latest Oreo or inspect the increasing tendency to white nationalist racism that infests not just the Bolter, but the whole tribe of reptiles - a tendency noted on Media Watch last night, here, as they all piled on to a story of white privilege outrage, with lies, equivocations, hysteria and mindless nonsense ...

But no, the reptiles insist that the pond must attend to the ways that they're thinking seriously about climate science, by making available this story from their close-kissing cousin The Times …

The pond immediately knew the reptile game.

If you don't take climate science seriously, then you wheel in a scientist blathering about climate engineering in a way designed to evoke memories of a few Poms importing rabbits for a bit of shooting - what could go wrong? - or scientists hitting on the idea of importing cane toads to fix something they were incapable of fixing …

And if that doesn't work, you can always wheel in the heavy-handed irony of a moronic tax bludger to make sure that now is certainly not the time to discuss climate science ...

Okay the pond will bite.

Not on the obviously moronic notion of digging out a quote from Einstein, as if things haven't moved on a little since he scribbled the words, and as if citing Einstein as if he's an infallible deity and anything he says is beyond question and writ in holy law, but because  it was actually a casual remark made by Einstein while discussing other weighty issues, most notably an omnipotent god …

… if this being is omnipotent then every occurrence, including every human action, every human thought, and every human feeling and aspiration is also His work: how is it possible to think of holding men responsible for their deeds and thoughts … (now read on, or google the text to get to this point) …

Why did the pond get so easily distracted?

Well truth to tell, these days it's getting easier to read almost anything other than the thoughts of a taxpayer-bludging professional moron.

The pond uses the word "moron" advisedly, to illustrate the cunning and devious nature of the current reptile paywall … but now to allow Einstein to finish his thoughts ...

Striving after rational knowledge?

And meanwhile the pond is left reading the thoughts of a taxpayer-bludging professional moron misusing Einstein, while blathering on about moronic, mindless categories of anywheres and somewheres, all the more moronic as the Caterist himself was a somewhere who shifted somewhere else so he could blather on about anywheres …

Oh it's too much, this insupportable reptile paywall, its tortures as refined as the prospects of the Chinese taking over Liddell Hart power station…dinkum Oz coal oi oi oi in Chinese hands, and yet, might the Chinese be the reptile salvation? Oh the tortures of being a white nationalist …

Meanwhile, with the pond wishing deeply that the Caterists hadn't landed in its backyard ...

The Greens can look after themselves and so can Labor.

But who can help a moronic Somewhere who shifted Somewhere else so he could blather on about Anywheres Somewhere else?

What sort of mindless goose turns to quoting Dostoyevsky as if that's the latest quote he picked up in his fortune cookie?

What has any of this got to do with climate science?

Scatter the salt, the pond suggests, scatter the salt, or perhaps just take a look at the Pope this day, delivering a short-pitched ball at the white nationalists strutting out and about on the reptile pages … with the Pope also blessed with a better-laid out Fairfax gallery here…

The pond liked it so well - at last the Fairfaxians are taking a major selling point seriously - that it went back and sampled an old but still relevant Pope ...