It's the reptiles' big day, when the unholy trinity of the Major, the Oreo and the Caterist strut the stage, but the pond simply had to start with the Major, because the Major is at one with the public, the Major knows the public intimately, the Major speaks for the public, the Major understands the public is sick, the Major is the voice of the public, oh ye public, how lucky you are to have the Major understand and speak for you …
Now pedants or cynics who might wonder what this mysterious collective public might be simply don't understand the Major's transcendental relationship with, and awareness of, the Public …
Naturally the pond has no understanding of the public, no connection with it, or awareness of it, but it seems the public must at all costs avoid the ABC … and only spend their time, and it goes without saying, their money, with the Major's mob ...
No doubt the Public will love the way that, inter alia, the Major interpolates a little "None of this is to suggest" in his screed, much beloved at the pond as the "but, billy goat, butt" strategy beloved by the reptiles.
In days of yore, it used to run "none of this is to suggest that there might be some basis for climate science, but billy goat, butt, let us not be alarmist …"
And to to the last of the Major's billy goatist buttism, in which he offers up the Bolter as an inspiration to, and aspiration for, all ...
The Bolter? He's gone from this tracking on Media Watch …
… back to his usual talk about alarmism, and his own patented brand of billy goatism ...
Follow the Bolter? Might as well get exposed to the virus, or perhaps just fuck the planet by denying climate science …
And so to the Caterist, who, as the pond notes many times, is an expert on the movement of flood waters in quarries, and so is perfectly positioned to explain everything …
Amazingly the Caterist didn't seem to be abreast of the times, and hadn't heard the news, even though it was on the front page of the lizard Oz tree killer edition, no doubt languishing in airports and losing its circulation figures at a rapid rate …
But enough of the news, back to the Caterist, though the pond will concede that in the case of the Caterist, any two - the Caterist and a reader - is more than enough of a crowd ...
Um, wasn't it SloMo who refused Albo a place in the national cabinet?
Sheesh, the pond must stop skimming the headlines, and focus on the fluid situation, which is perhaps like the movement of fluids in quarries ...
A poll? Voluntary self-isolation? What, like this?
No, no, no, ignore all those snaps of the crowded beaches. People over 65 are self-isolating, and they only come in to contact with beach goers at supermarkets, pharmacies and the like, so everything is totally tip top ...
Yes, Australia must find its own solution, possibly by sticking our Caterist head in beach sand, and ignore the rest of the world, and follow the Caterist, and who knows, at the least there might be a grand defamation action to follow …
And so to the recovering reformed feminist …
Apparently the Oreo has decided to give up all fees for the public service she performs by scribbling her columns for the lizard Oz …
Now the pond thought this unlikely, but decided it was enough of a motivation - finding the evidence - to scour the Oreo's latest offering …
Nope, nothing there about spurning payment, and even a hint that SloMo's mob got it wrong, and lord help us, might have been better off following Boris's model for wage subsidies … though watching the terminator dance on the head of that particular pin on The Insiders was the most excruciating moment in the pond's weekend …
But back to the recovering, reformed Oreo, and that noble gesture of self-sacrifice … as opposed to snatching the cash out of the paw of those she doesn't like ...
But, billy goat, butt, there's no point in living in the past. The times have changed, things are on the move, and perhaps it might be more to the point to wonder why the government failed, despite many warnings, to fix myGov, and so has produced a complete mess, a debacle …
Steady on, it's the Oreo, she's not too worried about the poor buggers suffering at the moment, she's still mourning the surplus ...
How foolish of the pond, how silly, to expect that the Oreo would announce the ways she was sharing the economic pain … though last week, the infallible Pope showed us all how to share …
And so to a section dedicated to Lobbecke cultists, experts in what the pond understands should be called Lobb-eckology, or some such thing ...
Unfortunately the master turned up on a column unrelated to the pond's favourite three lizard Oz heavies, and the pond has already done far too much reptile following this morning, so this perforce is only the first gobbet …though the message and the tone is clear enough …
A tasty Lobbecke, and well worth considering and pondering upon, and interpreting the meaning … though if the pond reads it right, it seems to undercut the Caterist a little, and so luckily wasn't placed at the head of his meandering nonsense ...
But as for the author's message, that it's the Millennials that don't get it? Yet lordy lordy, it's clear that the reptiles of the lizard Oz don't get it, and so by the pond's impeccable logic, all the reptiles are Millennials …!
And that last par seemed to confirm it, because what reptile has grown up with the need for detail, depth and analysis?
As opposed to say, the hysteria of the Bolter or the Major's search for that Order of Lenin medal, or the Oreo's trading on long-forgotten academic feminist credentials, or the Caterist getting almost everything he scribbles about wrong?
At this point, the pond became so confused, so alarmed at a News Corp packed with millennials, that it turned to help from the immortal Rowe, and lucky he was here to provide it …
And so to an apology, for those wondering about "Ned" and his brevity.
Unfortunately the pond missed the major "Ned" and Bjorn and many other examples of the reptiles being reptilian on the weekend …
Here, have a cartoon instead …
