In which the pond picks over the birthday cake crumbs at the lizard Oz ...

On this special day a special word of praise for Adam Creighton, kicking the can down the road on other issues of significance for the reptiles …

Indeed, indeed. Speaking English would be handy.

Any other ideas?

Because parlez-vousing in  dinkum Australian is what every Croatian does …

Such a stupid man, the pond couldn't bear to go any further ..

Meanwhile, the bike rider got his moment in the sun … going full Soviet era five year plan ...

Yes, forced seizure of assets is the only way forward, and while we're at it Comrade Stalin, have we thought of locking up dissidents?

Such a stupid man … the pond was relieved to see it went no further.

And now the pond has to report a curious phenomenon. Almost every reptile this day delivered stories, either suggesting Malware should go, or in the oscillating fan style, holding out hope that there might be life in the old  nag yet before he needed to be sent to the glue factory …

There were animations, and there was a spectacular very lengthy dump on Malware and his office, and a bid to turn Sally Cray into the new petulant, angry, shouting shock and awe, Peta Credlin. It was an epic read and timed to hurt, but sadly far too long for the pond to replicate. 

Instead the pond turned to the always reliable Dame Groan, who was pleasantly short, and who had been spared the need to include all the statistics, the animations, and even the aspidistra on the what-not…

At the top of the page was a photo mocking recent attempts by Malware to be blokey, as if the onion muncher and Barners hadn't cornered that end of the thugby marketplace for all time …

Tragic really, and then Dame Groan gave Malware a light coat-hanger to the head, with a few high shots thrown in …

Well it was short, and that gave the pond room to head back to that other phenomenon, and show exactly what went down, with nattering "Ned" just one of a number of pre-primed examples of what is starting to look like a vendetta - and we all know what happens when the crusading reptiles decide to go on a crusade.

There will be blood, and the reptiles will be satiated, or else …

"Ned" and a few others tried to put a bit of a gloss on the old nag's hair, but the comical photo at the head of his piece said it all …this hay-eater was on the reptile skids ...

Then came the animation which traced various stages of Malware's decline and fall ...

Then came more apologies of the show trial kind, which as a true member of the Soviets, the onion muncher would approve of ...

Grovel away Malware, as Clennell thrusts the knife deep into your bosom and twists it, before turning on Cray for a feast of crabbiness …

The reptiles also had a handy guide to unpopular PMs and their grisly fate. Feeling the noose tighten yet, meandering, un-blokey one?

And after the mea culpa, came the clutching at straws, faithfully set down by "Ned" ...

Well "Ned" did his duty, as did all the other reptiles, and made it a party to remember, but as a teaser, here's the end to the piece by "clenched fist" Clennell …

Ye ancient cats and dogs, even quoting the greenie Cousins against him …

How long has he got? The 35th poll? The 40th poll? Will the crusading reptiles succeed? And what of the man wearing the red five year plan Stalinist hood?

Oh yes, it's been a very special day, so special that the reptiles even let Kudelka out to play and celebrate …

In which the pond breaks its Oreo-free diet only hours after it began the foolishness ...

Of course the pond was kidding …

The moment it realised, snuffling around under the tree, that the reptiles had let the Oreo loose, it was on to the Oreo like a flash.

She'd give "Truffles" Turnbull what for …

Now the pond isn't the first to call Malware 'Truffles' - he has a twitter feed for that - but the conjunction of Oreos and truffles was simply irresistible …

Lay into him, flay him alive, bay at the moon in distilled essence of Oreo style …

Oh there's nothing like a good-hearted right wing roast, and it's true that Malware is a complete and comprehensive failure.

Despite his best endeavours, apparently some have worked out that his abject, supine attempt to destroy the NBN, following the onion muncher's explicit orders, shouldn't be allowed to succeed:

NBN Co has gone live with its latest form of technology, fibre-to-the-curb (FTTC), with 1,000 homes in two suburbs, Coburg in Victoria and Miranda in New South Wales, the first in Australia to have the option to connect to the service. In what NBN Co described as a "world first", the new form of technology sees NBN fibre optic cable laid out to a telecommunications pit underneath the curb or footpath, with NBN Co then using the existing copper network to connect the short distance to the home. It enables fibre to be closer to the home, compared to fibre to the node (FTTN) technology, which uses the existing copper network for a longer stretch underground before it gets to the home, causing slower speeds. NBN Co said the technology could deliver wholesale speeds of up to 100 megabits per second (mbps) and had the potential to offer higher speeds through its new "copper acceleration technology", G.fast, of up to one gigabits per second. (ABC here).

Like everything else associated with Malware's NBN that claim of a 'world first' is a monstrous lie of the Donald kind, as anyone venturing to the FTTC wiki here will quickly discover …

What a bunch of useless frauds they are, and it's likely that even the Oreo realises that the onion muncher is now best sautéed in butter alongside a sizzling Malware...

But sorry, where was the pond? Bang smack middle in the middle of an Oreo smack-down ...

The pond will concede it's a minor Oreo, a marking time, a joining in with the baying reptile crowd - how they loved their thirtieth birthday - but the pond is also pleased to remind any stray punter that even a minor Oreo outing is of Harvard quality ...

Think yourself lucky, swine, that the reptiles let this pearl fall outside the paywall, and now please allow the swinish pond to enjoy a cartoon which struck a chord this past week, while reading the dog botherer blathering on about MLK, mainly as a way of giving pesky, difficult blacks yet another dog botherer hiding ...

In which the pond rows against the tide with our Gracie ...

 

As expected, the reptiles played it hard this day, and the delcons were merciless at any attempt to find pity in the hard, cruel wind …

The pond was ready for it and determined to row against the tide, or sail against the wind, or whatever other metaphor was to hand, and it being an emergency, and requiring serious distraction, the pond wheeled in an old 'our Gracie' column …

Why waste time going over all the rituals - the pond can imagine them, the oscillating fan trying to find hope, the Oreo baying at the delcon moon, the bouffant one wringing his hands, nattering 'Ned' shouting at the clouds … oh they'd all pile in, and by Tuesday morning, would Malware be gone?

No, it was time for a considered ravaging of the Anglicans, and who better to do the job than our Gracie?

What's this? The pond promised that our Gracie would ravage the Anglicans and thus far all she's done is ravage the greenies, and incidentally delivered some first class satirical writing …

Why did the pond enjoy it so? Well it's about time someone in the lizard kingdom took down Milton Friedman and  Friedrich Hayek ...

There's your problem in one go, greenies getting into bed with Fred and Milt … (and more fun with other supporters at Fortune here).

And now to give the bloody Anglicans a bloody good serve … tax the churches, tax the churches!

Say what? Anglicans smoke the wicked weed? Tax the churches, tax the churches …

Would it have been too much for lazy our Gracie to provide a link? Well the reptiles don't like links, it takes people away from their life trapped inside the herpetarium.

The pond doesn't mind … anyone who wants to leave the pond and our Gracie and head off to Anglicare for the report here are welcome, though the pond would love the departing mob to be chanting along with our Gracie, 'tax the churches', 'tax the churches' …

For those who decided to stay, sorry there's just a last small gobbet of Gracie ... 

Why was the pond pleased with all this? Well you see the reptiles had originally promoted our Gracie with a term that the pond regards as its very own and for a moment it feared a trade war or a patent battle…

Thankfully our Gracie only talked of lunacy, and the pond could retain its loony crown …

And now, as acknowledgment of the real reptile task for the day, the pond will allow one mention … but only in the form of a Rowe cartoon, with many more mentionable Rowe cartoons here ...

CIVIL WAR (or caps keys broken?)

The build-up to the 30th continued this day, not that the reptiles are in any way interested in cultivating a CIVIL WAR in the Liberal party in the sordid interests of their business plan …

First there was the MAMIL …

Oh the tweets were ringing …

That's a bit grumpy Kas, because the story was singing …

Then came Malware …

Oh the tweets were ringing …

Lock him up, lock him up Zach, and the story was singing …

This is too serious for a cartoon … this is war. May the best chef win …

Of course the actual result will soon be done and dusted. But all that means is that the real war will continue with renewed ferocity, savage denials, and exquisite fun, as two losers contend to establish who will be the biggest loser of all ..

In which the pond at last enjoys a truly meditative Sunday ...

Dammit, why should the pond allow the reptiles and prattling Polonius to ruin the pond's meditative weekend...

The pond has been collecting items ever since it spotted the angry Sydney Anglicans getting into trouble with the Terror editorialist …

It is of course behind the paywall, but the Daily British Snail, a digital rag the pond only frequents because it knows it irritates the Terrorist paywallists no end, had the full yarn, acknowledging the Terror while busting the paywall …

Primary school scripture classes teach children as young as six to mime being choked in what a church group describes as 'age-appropriate play-acting'. Sydney Anglican Church Youthworks teaches Kindergarten and Grade 1 children to mime choking themselves to understand the consequences if they turn away from God. The teaching was modelled from Bible chapter Luke 8:4-15 which says: '[people who do not listen to God] are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life'. The bible scripture goes on to say 'A sower went out to sow his seed…. Some fell among thorns and the thorns grew up with it and choked it'. 
Youthworks CEO Craig Roberts told The Daily Telegraph the lesson 'incorporates supervised, age-appropriate play-acting as a teaching tool where students mime the response of the plants'. Mr Roberts said the teaching was expected when parents enrolled their children in Christian schools.

It was nice of the Snailers to put in a link to the Terror, but of course it falls on the barren seed of the paywall …but it got the pond humming, choke me in the shallow waters, before I get too deep, philosophy is the talk on a cereal box, religion is the smile on a complimentary woman …

How pleasing to see that the Sydney Anglicans are preparing children children for a lifetime of pleasure via erotic asphyxiation (though strangulation doesn't always work out terribly well, as some famous rock examples suggest).

Around the same time, the reptiles were diligently reporting the thoughts of the Fisher of men (complimentary women, please use the second entrance) …

The pond only mentions it because there's a reference to the confessional, the thing that got prattling Polonius all hot and bothered earlier in the day as he attempted to ruin the pond's weekend ...

Gee, someone better bring the Fisher of men up to speed on Polonius's wise theological interpretation of the sacrament.

As the official Catholic Boys' Daily, the reptiles are extremely keen on theology, so naturally they were disturbed by the Pope's failure to understand fundamentalist Catholic fundamentalism, even if they had to borrow from their brethren in The Economist …

Of course everybody knows what hell looks like …

… but the pond felt compelled to read on ...

Thanks Jack, glad that's sorted.

All this was well and good and an important theological clarification for the reptiles - now they know where they're heading for their crimes against humanity and the planet - but the piece de resistance was a piece proving that the reptiles would give space to all sorts of odd bods …

Of course this came at a time when the pond was in the heartland of traditional Australian family values … and relishing the joy at the notion of being transferred to Armidale in mid-winter … to live free of charge in a mate's bungalow ...

Of course none of this needs to be mentioned while the reptiles are busy pumping up the volume for the ACL … on the basis that evangelical fundamentalism is almost as close to the She God as Catholic fundamentalism ...

Indeed, indeed, the mood is right and the grassroots movement has thrown up some tremendous candidates elsewhere, and though they need a mulligans every so often, what a tremendous advertisement for evangelicals they make …

And so back to the redemption, and the business of the spreading of the hate ...

Long may the hate continue, though the pond had the misconception that somewhere Jesus mentioned something about love.

Perhaps it's time for a refresher course in the bible … but alas the reptiles picked the brains of their close-kissing Pom cousins to deliver more  bad news for the persecuted. Sheesh, it's not just white farmers, it's Xians in China ...

Those damnably clever, fiendishly difficult, climate science hoaxing Chinese are at it again, even though there's more Xians in China than the filthy commie swine.

But the pond has a fair idea where these deviant commies picked up the idea from … the bloody Catholics ...

And there was this at Huff Post, with active links, here ...

Clearly the Chinese government is deeply Catholic, and the pond thought this would have immensely pleased the grumpy reptiles, but no, they were determined to be unhappy ...

Well that's more than enough for a meditative Sunday.

Roll on Monday, and what joy to see that already the Fairfax polling is heralding the resurrection of Malware … surely the reptiles can manage the dead heat that Katharine Murphy was proposing on The Insiders this very morning?

Meanwhile, what a relief it is to end with a few New Yorker cartoons rather than the usual dose of the Donald …