In which ancient Troy bashes Barners and Dame Groan bashes furriners, just another day in the evil Empire ...

 

The pond is slowly making its way through The Hack, which is very entertaining in a ghastly sort of way, thanks to the performances, especially by David Tennant and Robert Carlyle, though contemplating the collective blindness and deafness surrounding the evil empire might be depressing for some ... (said viewing should not indicate any affiliation with Stan).

Speaking of the local branch of the evil empire, what are the hacks hacking about today?

It was inevitable that the reptiles would be all in on King Donald this day, and Geoff was particularly egregious by urging "closer bonds" with an authoritarian of an extremely warped kind, but when one evil empire meets another, what do you expect?

Commentary by Geoff Chambers
Albanese passes first big test, now for closer bonds with Trump
Donald Trump has come through in spades for Anthony Albanese after locking in the $368bn AUKUS pact, signing-off on an $8.5bn critical minerals deal and waxing lyrical about the Prime Minister.

Spoiler alert, closing remarks:

...Trump and his team have long memories.
Rudd’s pre-ambassador comments, famously described as “nasty” by Trump, described the Republican as “the most destructive president in history”, “nuts” and a “traitor to the west”.
Asked on Tuesday about Rudd, Trump delivered an embarrassing assessment of the former prime minister.
Trump declared he didn’t know anything about Rudd and suggested the ambassador might “like to apologise”.
As the media left the Cabinet room, Rudd was observed to apologise across the table to Trump.
Trump’s style is unique. He speaks in a way that sends coded messages to everyone from Xi to Putin to Zelensky to Rudd.
Those who know Trump had urged Albanese to forge a personal relationship.
Albanese has passed his first big test and can now develop a closer bond with the world’s most powerful person.

Whatever, he's still a vicious, nasty person, and he and his minions are currently doing their level best to destroy those disunited states, and nothing good will come from forelock tugging and bending the knee to the latest iteration of Sheeve Palpatine...

Brownie was also on hand with an EXCLUSIVE ...

EXCLUSIVE
Liberals push to strike a net-zero compromise with Nationals
Senior Liberals are discussing a climate policy that would see Sussan Ley vow to repeal Australia’s net zero by 2050 laws but retain the aspiration under the Paris Agreement.
By Greg Brown

Talk about a meaningless word salad ...

Senior Liberals are discussing a climate policy that would see Sussan Ley vow to repeal Australia’s net-zero by 2050 laws but retain the commitment under the Paris Agreement, in an aim to strike a deal with the Nationals and keep the Coalition united.
The Australian has been told members of shadow cabinet are canvassing the prospect of retaining in-principle support for net-zero but gutting laws tying domestic policy to a 2050 target.
This would include repealing the 2022 Climate Change Act that enshrined the Albanese government’s 2030 and 2050 targets in law, although Australia’s inter­national backing of a net-zero by 2050 target would remain.

What tepid water in a bath full of froth and sudsy drivel.

There was a lot more splashing about...

Beyond the valley of the tiresome ...

The pond scurried past the degutting and the ritual humiliation of former chairman Rudd and the selling off of national assets, to look over on the extreme far right, where a reassuring gaggle reminded the pond that the evil empire was still burbling away ...

The pond ignored Ben, still packing it...

Albanese’s ‘trust’ goes up in smoke
Australian patrol plane’s brush with Chinese fighter jet reveals the $10bn gap between diplomatic rhetoric and military reality in the South China Sea.
By Ben Packham
Foreign affairs and defence correspondent

In a remarkably short piece, Ben tried one of those contortionist routines that charm circus crowds...

Trump is a different story. He’s a compulsive straight talker on China, and is determined to win the strategic contest with Beijing.
He’s also prone to shooting himself in the foot, which he has routinely done in prosecuting his misguided tariffs policy on allies and adversaries alike.

It's always odd to read the word "trust" being deployed in the evil empire, and besides the pond was drawn to ancient Troy, dishing it out to Tamworth's great shame, the key reason why the home of electric street lighting is no longer centre of the known universe ...

The header: Barnaby Joyce is a wrecker who has betrayed the party that gave him everything, The former Nationals leader has long been a national embarrassment. It’s beyond time the accident-prone and scandal-ridden spoiler quit politics altogether, says Troy Bramston.

The caption for the fiddled images, for which no human hand took a credit: Former Nationals leader Michael McCormack said Joyce had thrown his “toys out of the cot” with his latest stunt. Pictures: News Corp/Supplied

Frankly the fiddled images didn't cut it up against some of the great Barners portraits ...

The pond loves to dump on Barners, not least because the pond and Barners were both born at Tamworth Base Hospital and both went to UNE ... and it's great fun to remind Tamworthians just why they're the most despised tribe in the land.

Take it away ancient Troy ...

Barnaby Joyce is a spoiler and a wrecker, perennially accident, scandal and gaffe-prone, who has made a negligible contribution to national public life and now effectively has quit the Nationals, betraying his constituents who elected him and showing disloyalty to the party that gave him everything.
The decision by Joyce not to recontest his NSW seat of New England at the next election, due in mid-2028, and to no longer sit in the Nationals party room in Canberra while being courted by Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party is the latest schism confronting the Coalition since the election in May, when it briefly split and has suffered defections and destabilisation.
In this latest episode in the long-running Joyce political soap opera he may formally resign from the Nationals, join Hanson’s far-right populist, nativist and xenophobic fringe party, and seek to rejoin the Senate where he could succeed her as One Nation’s leader. Joyce is doing little to quell such speculation.
What about his long-suffering New England constituents? He was re-elected in New England barely six months ago. And he was elected as a candidate representing the Nationals.
For the next, what, 2½ years he is going to sit as an independent, or is he going to join One Nation and be their representative in the lower house?

For once the pond had nothing to say, as the reptiles offered up another snap of the reprehensible one, Barnaby Joyce appears on Sunrise after announcing he might quite the Nationals in favour of Pauline Hanson’s One Nation. Picture: Channel 7

Ancient Troy kept dishing it out, with the pond starting to wonder why the reptiles at the lizard Oz had given the lad so many free passes over so many years...

This latest petulant act – former Nationals leader Michael McCormack said Joyce had thrown his “toys out of the cot” – is about ego, vanity and ambition. This is who Joyce is. This is what has guided every aspect of his public life. It is never about policy – that is just a fig leaf – or about party or about constituency. It is just about him.
Joyce does not like Nationals leader David Littleproud, that is clear. But just because you don’t like the leader of your party is not a reason to quit it. McCormack, too, has differences with Littleproud but he is not turning his back on the Nationals.
In a letter to party members, Joyce said his relationship with Littleproud had “irreparably broken down”.
No team player
Both Joyce and McCormack were left off the opposition frontbench after the election, angering both. But this was the right decision in relation to Joyce.
He is not a team player. He never has been. He has difficulty with loyalty. He likes to freelance on policy, often speaking errant nonsense that is hard to understand and usually fact-free.
His main bugbear is whether the Coalition will continue to support Australia’s goal of net-zero emissions by 2050. This commitment is up for review in both parties. Of course, Joyce previously supported it in opposition and in government. But consistency has never been a Joyce trait.
The Nationals might dump this commitment to try to keep Joyce in the tent.
It would be damaging for the Coalition to walk away from a clear commitment to dealing with climate change.
Sure, progress has been slow in reducing emissions and the transition away from fossil fuels has not been perfect. But acceptance of the science of climate change and a goal for reducing emissions is the entry price for political credibility and viability in the electorate.
Littleproud, a decent man, has been trying to broaden the constituency of the Nationals. It is not just a party of farmers.
The train wrecks
He is chasing the growing demographic of service workers and small-business owners and managers outside the cities. He was right to ban Joyce from campaigning outside of New England at the last election. Joyce is toxic in many parts of Australia.

It was all great fun, but way too late, though it did take an obligatory tour through that street, A makeshift shrine was erected along Lonsdale St in Braddon after Barnaby Joyce was found lying on the ground talking on the phone while swearing. Picture: Sam Turner/X

Will any of it make a difference?

Probably not, Tamworth bullies were taught that a compleat lack of shame was an essential part of manliness ...

The Joyce contribution to national public life has been nothing short of a train wreck. Remember when he was filmed lying seemingly drunk on a footpath in Canberra, mouthing obscenities into his phone? There he was, in a suit, flat on his back. This was a former deputy prime minister.
Peter Dutton was right when he suggested to Joyce that he retire at the coming election. How is this behaviour acceptable for anyone in politics?
The most notorious of many Joyce scandals was when he fathered a child with former staff member Vikki Campion.
When Malcolm Turnbull asked him if it was true, he denied it. Joyce lied to the prime minister. He publicly insisted it was “a private matter” before taking a large sum of money for a tell-all commercial television sit-down and newspaper interviews.
Then, in 2018, he wrote a silly and sad book, Weatherboard & Iron, where he went through the scandal again.

Funny,  in a review of that tome for Inside Story, you can see a note about the dog botherer referencing Barners (sorry, the pond doesn't like to Sky Noise down under) ...

Chris Kenny: I reckon Barnaby Joyce is the leader of the Nationals. He's the spiritual head and everyone in the country knows that. When he's not the leader, the Nationals almost disappear off the radar.

How the evil empire loved Barners back in the day for his maverick ways and his rogue climate science denialism.

Then came another snap of the spiritual head, Barnaby Joyce and Vikki Campion. Picture: Portia Large.

Clearly that faux cowboy hat, feeble dressing for an accountant turned pollie, got under ancient Troy's skin ...

He talked about pursuing women, drinking too much and spiralling into depression. He climbed Red Hill in Canberra to pray late at night from “a special rock”. Seriously. He should have left parliament then.
In many previous columns about Joyce he has been irritated by my comparisons with past Nationals leaders. The truth is – and can it really be disputed? – that he is just not in the same league as intelligent, decent, honourable men such as Arthur Fadden, John McEwen, Doug Anthony, Ian Sinclair, Tim Fischer, John Anderson, Mark Vaile and Warren Truss.
The truth is, Barnaby, you are simply not at their standard.
You never were and never will be. These were, and are, men of great integrity and credibility who put country first and remained loyal to their party.
In leaving the Nationals, you are a traitor and a turncoat motivated only by ego and vanity. Many of them were ashamed to be in the same party as you.
Haven’t we all had enough of Joyce? He is an embarrassment to his party, his constituency and his country. Politics should be an honourable profession; honour and loyalty should matter. In his letter to party members, Joyce said: “I am now free to consider all options as to what I do next.” Was it not ever thus?

If only the reptiles had set off on this sort of jihad a decade or so ago, when the mad monk and his minions were doing their level best to ruin the country, and all that could be heard from the Murdochians was the bleating of enthusiastic sheep ...

As the pond likes to restrict its offering to two reptiles per post - 2 is the number - the pond had a choice. 

Go with old favourite Dame Slap sinking the boot into pesky, difficult, uppity furriners, or go with the bromancer, berating the Liberals ...

The pond did the right thing by linking to the bromancer ...

Note to Coalition: free market is a tool, not a god
It’s insane that Andrew Hastie, Jacinta Nampijinpa Price and Matt Canavan are on the backbench. It’s like a cricket team intentionally fielding a second XI.
By Greg Sheridan
Foreign Editor

Those who want to juice that particular goose early can do so, while those content to wait can catch him in a late arvo appearance.

And so the pond could settle down guilt-free to the usual Dame appearance, delivering her bog standard furriner-bashing Groaning ...

The header: Population mood to slow migrant intake a chance for Coalition strength on immigration policy, It’s high time Liberal Party conservative and moderates articulated a united stance that’s in the best interests of all Australians, not just those who have arrived from elsewhere.

Naturally there was a good deal of Muslim bashing to be found, and a devotion to ethnic cleansing, as symbolised by the revulsion supposedly induced by that snap: Ongoing pro-Palestine protests and the rise of anti-Semitism have burst the bubble on the idea of Australia as one of the most successful multicultural countries in the world. Picture: NewsWire/ David Crosling

It was the usual furriner hate fest, as you might expect from a "One note" Judith ...

Why does the Coalition find itself incapable of developing and communicating a sensible immigration policy? The weakness on this front has become very apparent in recent weeks. The division is obvious.
The minute a Liberal politician makes the case for a lower rate of immigration, another one casts doubt on the argument by making an emotional case for appreciating the role of migrants.
Andrew Hastie felt he was being squeezed in his rightful role in setting immigration policy.
Sussan Ley had put Paul Scarr, the unknown and inexperienced opposition immigration spokesman, which ranks below home ­affairs, in charge.
Scarr claims immigration policy must be based on evidence, but any discussion “must not seek to inflame emotion”.
Weirdly, Scarr regards the term “mass migration” as divisive.
James Paterson then talked about the “virtual consensus on policy problems – we all agree immigration is too high”. According to him, the post-Covid immigration program has been “unplanned, uncontrolled and too high”.

After that came one of those hideous, completely meaningless visual intrusions, Australia has one of the highest percentages of international student enrolments in the world.

Why bother with that sort of visual dreck?

Of course the reptiles have the perfect defence. It evokes Dame Groan's verbal dreck ...

Predictably, former Liberal immigration minister Philip Ruddock sprang into print. “Amid these tensions, there are some who wish to politicise the debate by suggesting Australians have a fear of becoming strangers in their own country. We, as a nation, must resist this flawed sentiment.” He went on: “We have always been, in truth, a nation of others. It is this diversity, not homogeneity, that has given us our strength.”
Angus Taylor responded by declaring “migration has enriched Australia, but we need to lower the rate of immigration and refocus on newcomers who can make strong economic contributions and adopt our values”. In other words, immigration policy has veered seriously off track and we need a reset.
The pattern is clear: the conservative wing of the party is keen to put the case for a lower migrant intake and reform the main settings. The moderates don’t want to go there and are keen to appease the forceful interests – think universities, property developers, businesses, some ethnic groups.
The unfortunate backdrop to this division is that an agreed immigration policy had been reached by the Coalition leading up to the last election.

Cue a snap of the pastie Hastie, Andrew Hastie has shifted to the backbench to take on Labor over ‘out-of-control’ immigration.

Dame Groan began to hint at the real problem...

The three key elements were: a reduction of the annual permanent migrant intake to 140,000 from the current figure of 190,000; a reduction of 30,0000 international student visas, particularly targeted at the sandstone Go8 universities; and a cut to the humanitarian intake of 20,000 places, taking the annual total back to 13,750. A review of the temporary graduate visa program was proposed, as well as tightening the ­enforcement of visa conditions.
The problem was not the policy, but the failure to forcefully articulate its broad message. We know from repeated surveys that a growing chunk of the population wants to see the migrant intake cut, linking excess immigration to housing affordability and pressure on resources.
A recent survey undertaken for The Sydney Morning Herald found that 49 per cent of Australians believe immigration is too high, which is up from 33 per cent in the previous year.
Instead of making immigration policy one of its strengths during the election campaign, the Coalition’s leadership team, including the relevant shadow minister, went to water. It got to the point some Liberal politicians were almost apologising for the policy.
Let me just take up Ruddock’s contribution to the debate. He was the immigration minister between 1996 and 2003. There have been dramatic changes to the program since then. For starters, there were relatively few temporary migrants. Net overseas migration, which measures the difference between long-term arrivals and long-term departures, averaged less than 100,000 per year during Ruddock’s tenure. (The latest figure is over 400,000) Those born in Britain were the main source country.

You see? No problem when it was damn fine British stock ... and at this point the reptiles interrupted with a couple of huge snaps.

The pond particularly liked the one of the beefy boofhead from down Goulburn way, perhaps contemplating the true awfulness of all those whale-killing windmills, Angus Taylor voiced concern that immigration policy has veered seriously off track and we need a reset.

Not so much "voiced concern" as looking like an ass braying into the ether.

The pond didn't much like the additional snap, and downsized it, There have been dramatic changes to the program since Philip Ruddock was immigration minister.

And so to the nub of it ...

The changes that have occurred since have been immense, creating pressures that, while foreseeable, were largely ignored by both sides of politics. The growth in international student numbers has been massive – there are nearly one million international student visa holders in the country.
Australia has one of the highest percentages of international student enrolments in the world, roughly equivalent to the US, for instance. Currently, 3.5 per cent of Australian residents were born in England; 3.4 per cent in India; and 2.6 per cent in China. In 2014, there were 411,000 Indians living in Australia. On the most recent figures, there are now 916,000.
The description of Australia as one of the most successful multicultural countries in the world has always been based on idealistic dreaming rather than reality. The recent ongoing pro-Palestine protests and the rise of anti-Semitism have burst that bubble, along with other developments.
Nowadays, it is quite common for English not to be spoken in the homes of migrants. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, nearly a quarter of the population reported speaking a language other than English at home in 2021. Some 900,000 people reported not speaking English well.

There's your problem in a nutshell. Entirely the wrong sort of difficult, pesky, uppity furriner, wot wot, and it always gets the old bigot agitated.

There is a clustering of migrant groups, and close contact with family and friends in home countries is maintained through Whats­App and WeChat. Many migrants regularly travel back and forth to their home countries. It’s not altogether surprising that the term, Hotel Australia, has sprung up to replace Team Australia.

Team Australia? The old duck can pad up for the evil empire, but count the pond out, and in a few more pars you can count this Mother Grundy out ...

The Liberal Party needs to sort out this issue quickly. It is the responsibility of governments to do what is in the best interests of all Australians, not just those who have arrived from elsewhere. Self-interested lobby groups should be largely ignored.
No one is arguing for a complete pause in the migrant intake. But it’s high time the Coalition articulated its stance on immigration and contrast its policy with Labor’s opportunistic and adaptable settings focused on large migrant intakes and appeasing interest groups.

And so to end with the immortal Rowe, celebrating current affairs...

As always there's many delicious details ...