What fun the intertubes is.
After the Liberal party and Tony and Ms Abbott doubled down on the gender wars, Abbott became renowned around the world as a first class chauvinist, thanks to the 'tubes, no thanks to the Australian MSM.
And after generally grumpy Paul "Mr Gutter and Mr Sewer" Sheehan scribbled his defence of Abbott, suddenly the pond had American correspondents wondering who this prime arsehat was and drawing the pond's attention to An Apology To Paul Sheehan, whose number of hits must have gone off the charts.
That fifteen minutes of fame, at least of a viral meme kind, awaits on the intertubes, knocking at the door. Let it in, let it in ...
Could that prissy poodle Christopher Pyne also achieve international celebrity? What's that you say, calling Pyne a poodle is sexist?
Have you got something against male poodles? The pond hereby apologises to male poodles everywhere.
Oh okay, that prissy fusspot Christopher Pyne has been out and about banging the drum of bias because new speaker Anna Burke made a few comments on ABC radio.
This has produced an "exclusive" in Fairfax by Phillip Correy, in that reporting what happened on ABC radio now passes as "exclusive" in the bizarre, surreal world of Fairfax.
But okay, the pond will go with it, happily the pond will better it by exclusively reporting on the exclusive report of Phillip Coorey's Speaker accused of bias over Gillard on what Anna Burke said on ABC radio:
"One of the disappointing parts about having the first female prime minister is that, unfortunately, that's brought out the worst in some people in the Parliament and some people in the public,'' Ms Burke said. ''It's brought this tone and tenor of underlying sexism in our country and I think we need to be rising above it and I think the Prime Minster's speech this week was pretty spot on.''
Naturally this sent fusspot Pyne into a poodle frenzy, as he sniffed bias and was outraged, and he forced Burke to back down. Speaking the truth is a danger in politics, especially when the political thought police, prissy fusspots that they are, are on the prowl ...
And still the chatter about the politically correct police keeps frothing and foaming from the mouths of the commentariat without one mention of the patrolling Pyne.
So there you have it. Keep reading the pond for exclusive reports about exclusive reports of what is said on radio.
Happily this intertubes fun is a two way street. But for an American correspondent, the pond would never have seen the interior of Alan Dershowitz's US$4 million Cambridge home, as featured here, with slide show.
The listing broker described it - in the way that Americans speak because they're such under-stated folk, fiercely opposed to exaggeration or showpersonship - I know you're watching, thought police - as a
"very unusual home".
And it being Saturday after a long week of sexism spotting, let's confirm that with a few snaps:
Indeed, that picture theatre carpeting is a spectacular triumph. And the dining room has its fire engine charms:
And for a restful night, why not cultivate a sense of mushroom brown?
The pond has a fondness for American excess, and seen many fine examples up close, most notably in Los Angeles, and it has to be said that anything Dershowitz's interior designer could manage would easily be trumped by Donald Trump.
But when you look at this decor, and contrast it with the interior design available to thousands of retirees in trailer parks in Arizona, you have some small idea of why America is in turmoil.
Sadly this dallying with Dershowitz has left the pond little time to explore the mind set of the commentariat, but let's leave a clue, thanks to the lizard Oz.
And what a surprise it is, how extraordinarily controversial, how willing the lads are to stand up to Tony Abbott. First up was a double-barrelled effort from Kelly and Shanahan:
Uh huh. Those witch and bitch signs, what an unworthy cause. And the PM a grub making grubby attempts won't impress the base, because Shanahan's down wit the ALP base. Perhaps in the way that Stalin was finely attuned to the lot of Ukrainian peasants.
Then Van Onselen chipped in:
Uh huh. Seems like Gillard's a hypocrite, which must be a pleasant change from being a witch and a bitch. Naturally Chris Kenny had words:
Yes, yes, she is a hypocrite, and a desperate hypocrite. And coming last, right down the bottom of the opinion page, was the runt of the litter:
Yes, yes, she's not just a hypocrite, she's a failed hypocrite and the leadership drum Pearson has been beating for years and years is heating up again.
Yep, it was the standard collection of angry white males, all shocked and outraged, whether relatively young or pompously old.
Why any woman would pay for the rag beggars the imagination.
They say that the commentariat doesn't hunt in packs, but if this isn't a pack of slavering, slobbering wolves, armed with keyboards, what is?
Oh sure, there were a couple of female voices on the page. Deeply conservative Catholic - one's tempted to say fundamentalist except it might defame fundamentalists - Angela Shanahan is there, yammering on about Christians in Syria - but that's it. Oh okay, at the top of the page there's Judith Sloan yammering on payroll taxes, but that's truly it.
If you ever wanted to see a definition of the Liberal party, its devotees and acolytes, walking, talking and furiously scribbling, you need look no further than that male bastion, The Australian.
Up against this daily incessant, relentless pounding, the pond is helpless. It's impossible to return fire on so many fronts, all chanting the same mantra, like sheep bleating or mynah birds shrieking territorial alerts.
Better just to marvel at the taste of Alan Dershowitz. The funny thing is, the opinion pages of The Australian are just as nakedly excessive as his choice of carpet.
It was left to the usually sensible to Laurie Oakes to point out the bleeding obvious in An enraged sisterhood will protect Julia Gillard.
Oakes is actually aware the intertubes exist, and that there's a diversity of voices on it - unlike the news think in the News think bunker - and actually references jezebel.com - without providing a link, naughty Laurie - and noting the bleeding obvious about the Tony Abbott re-branding exercise:
Labor strategists ... breathed a sigh of relief when Parliament resumed and Abbott reverted to his attack dog persona.
One of them said: “A rebranding job like that takes longer than 72 hours.”
Indeed. And how can you re-brand that prissy poodle Christopher Pyne?
It was left to Mike Carlton to deliver the best news of the week - apart from Alan Dershowitz's taste in carpets.
It seems, if you look past his torment about his mother's current execrable fate, as explained in Oh for a glimpse of the mum I knew, that Alan Jones is now third in radio cumes in the Sydney market, behind the ABC and 2DayFM. Who said turning off wouldn't work?
And there was this line:
... piling yet more humbug upon hypocrisy, Abbott announced he would be only too pleased to accept the wretched man's vote.
Indeed. At the very moment Abbott could have shown a touch of class and risen above the fray, he failed the test. There was the sight of Abbott running for the door at the very thought of accepting Craig Thomson's vote, and now he turns around and stretches out the hand to a man demonised and abused by his own party. Who slipped in a vote to create mischief and mayhem and then turned around to welcome on to the back bench as a potential ally.
The only thing to be said for it? Well it did lead to a very funny headline to a piece by Judith Ireland a couple of days ago, Oh ... tainted vote, Tainted vote, Touch me baby, tainted vote.
Ireland made the blindingly obvious refutation of the poodle Pyne's argument, noting that Slipper was the one actually involved in a court case at the moment, while Thomson is not.
Truly, both sides have played loose in this hung parliament, but yep, it's going to take more than 72 hours ...
Take it away Gloria, sing about carpets and tainted love:
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