Another tour through paranoids' castle, and psst, it's all the fault of the ABC ...

(Above: Lawsie, with and without sunnies, but never without a refresher in paw)

Perhaps the most bizarre sighting arising from the Alan Jones affair to date was the august presence of John - Lawsie to his sycophants - Laws on the 7.30 Report.

Leigh Sales looked and sounded completely perplexed by the presence of the golden tonsils, who wasn't looking so much golden as gold-plated and liquefied, and the result was a sublimely inconsequential and meaningless bit of television (running a grand 6'24" if you care to check it out at the site here).

It reminded the pond of one cane toad discussing the fate of another cane toad in the swampy part of the pond.

I know, I know, that's such a cruel and distressing metaphor, and Mr. Jones, who only cares about policies and not personalities is such a put upon, persecuted man, surrounded by a host of enemies using vile language.

For some reason the pond spent the day humming that old Beatles' lyric "and in the end, the hate you take is equal to the hate you make". Or perhaps that's disremembering the original, it just seems to apply to Mr. Jones' situation ...

Being a cash for comment professional, Lawsie invited Leigh Sales to tell him what to say, and he'd say it, but she failed to honour that simple, honourable request.

Throw in some high comedy about a couple of off the wall preaching brothers getting Adelaide City Council and retailers in Rundle mall agitated - Shopping mall preacher action questions freedom of speech - and it was a good night for showbiz, now that the desiccated Chris Uhlmann is back in his box, and preparing dry as dust reports on Reserve Bank interest rate cuts (you don't really want a link to that do you?)

Speaking of tedium and bloated pomposity, inevitably there had to be someone riding to the defence of 2GB, and who better than that editor at large Paul Kelly (no, not the songwriter who contributes words and music to civilisation, the other Paul Kelly who contributes meandering sawdust and cheap glittering Murdoch tinsel).

Amazingly, Kelly thinks Labor has declared war on Jones, as if Jones hadn't declared war the minute he got himself in front of a microphone, while the lickspittle lackies at 2GB have cheerfully headed off to the front so long as the ratings deliver the moola. (Ah the good old days when Jonesy and Lawsie were up to their necks in the cash for comment scandal, and so they were also at war with Media Watch).

Anyhoo, if you want a bout of sanctimonious cluck clucking and tut tutting, you could do worse than head off to Hypocrisy rules but both sides of politics are courting danger. (inside the paywall, so aren't you lucky).

Kelly wrings his hands and moans about how it's all social media's fault that Gillard has been vilified, as if the relentless crusading of the Australian and other parts of the Murdoch press had nothing to do with it, as he shows how broad minded he is by embracing Ann Summers:

The theme of Summers's speech ... is that Gillard has been "vilified or demeaned" in ways directly related to her sex. Some of the examples she gives are trivial, but many are valid. Summers is alarmed at the extent to which Facebook is used for hate speech with crude, sexual and violent postings. Some of this material depicts Gillard naked with a huge strap-on dildo. It points to an ugliness in our life that seems out of control.


You won't find Kelly mentioning the obvious, as Summers does in her talk Her Rights at Work (R-rated):

Pickering was infamous back in the days when he was cartoonist for The Australian for producing annual calendars in which all the (then all male) politicians had extremely long penises that were used to supposedly entertaining effect. It seems that Pickering cannot envisage a prime minister without a penis – so he had to give Gillard a strap-on. When Facebook (where he publishes some of his material), forced him to stop drawing her this way, be started depicting her with a dildo thrown over her shoulder.

Yes the blokey misogynist tone was set way back when by The Australian's then famous, now infamous cartoonist.

And lordy don't you know, if you google, you can quickly land on ten or so of Larry Pickering's choicest, straightest cartoons in his very own gallery at The Australian. Here's a sample:

Note that the newspaper on the road is that heroic rag, The Australian. 

Yes that craven hound is stopping the newspaper lad from delivering that rag to concerned citizens.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kelly sees sunshine emerging from Jones and the whole sordid affair:

Jones is a golden asset for the Liberals and, given his antagonism to Labor, that won't change. It should give Abbott more room to move. With equity in the Macquarie network that owns station 2GB, and a loyal audience, Jones will survive this unsavoury fracas. Anyone familiar with his remarkable and turbulent career knows he has survived much worse. 

Jones lives, Jones will survive, he will survive (lyrics anyone). He will go on, he will lead Tony Abbott  out of the wilderness and into the promised land. He's golden, a man with the golden touch (lyrics anyone).

So whose fault is it, this unsavoury fracas? The man who promised a gentler polity, and then turned up under "ditch the witch" signs?

Jones himself, with his impersonation of a cane toad staking out Liberal party turf?

No, no, no, it's all the fault of the Labor party:

Meanwhile, Labor's anti-Jones, anti-Abbott campaign has become ludicrous. Leading the charge on Monday, Nicola Roxon said that Abbott "has to be held responsible" given his close ties with Jones. Roxon claimed Abbott had created the climate for such vilification by "very aggressive and very personal attacks" on Gillard. Albanese said Abbott had signalled there was "nothing too low, nothing out of bounds" in personal attacks. Wayne Swan said that Jones had to be removed from the airwaves. Now to the real world: Jones is his own man and, whether you love him or hate him, a force of nature. Abbott is not responsible for Jones. He cannot be responsible for Jones. Such claims are untenable and reflect the extent of Labor's desperation. 

Yep, you can have a one man band, a comprehensive cheerleader, a man whose interviews with Abbott are beyond uxorious, and you can't take a kick at him, even when he's right down there in the gutter.

(Uxorious? doting upon, foolishly fond of, or affectionately submissive toward one's wife, here).

Abbott's got noting to do with Jones, and Jones nothing to do with Abbott or the Liberal party. That daily group hug and love in is just a bizarre product of your sordid mind.

You see, it's the Labor party and their hench person at the ABC who started it all:

Liberal frontbencher Greg Hunt was absolutely correct on this page yesterday, saying the Labor Party and its supporters had shown no interest in curbing hate language (worse than anything Jones has said) by prominent media figures associated with the Left or anti-Coalition side, a number of whom are rewarded and backed by the ABC.

Ah yes, whereas the Murdoch press has been a font of circumspection, wisdom and profound respect, totally interested in curbing hate language (except for a hatred of climate science, the Labor party, Julia Gillard and the whole band of roosters, the NBN, and hell, what else have you got, because they're ready to fear and loath it, and peddle the worst sort of distortions and innuendoes about it, and dress it up as news while they go about their business).

It's the bloody ABC that's the source of all the hate speech, or the Left or the Greens. Nah nah ...

The most loathsome aspect of this situation is the rampant hypocrisy. 

Amen to that.

The operating rule is apparent: vilification isn't too bad provided it suits my politics and my prejudices. 

Can we add a coda? The operating rule is apparent: when someone else in the media is caught out doing vilification that's gone a shade too far, call for a bowl of water and a ceremonial denunciation, while at the same time blaming the victim and other media for their fate.

But, when you complain, sound as sanctimonious as possible lest the face of the hypocrite be discerned. 

Ah the sanctimonious Murdoch press, and Mr Kelly, its waffler at large, don't you just love it.

Now when can we get back to bashing the Gillard government and Julia Gillard? Soon enough it seems:

The final upshot is that Labor, in effect, has declared war on Jones and 2GB, the most influential radio network in NSW, the state where Labor's fortunes remain in ruins. How smart is this? Maybe Labor thinks it has nothing to lose. But the events of this week will not be forgotten. Imagine what Jones and his network have in store for Labor next election.

Yes a righteous rain and wrath will fall, because after all, he's right, isn't he, we all know, thanks to The Australian. After all, when it comes to climate science and doing something about it or the Great Barrier Reef, there's Ju-liar and the scientists, and then there's The Australian.

And if you want more of this "yes, he was completely utterly wrong, no question, no qualifications", but, but, but let's ask some questions and deliver some qualifications, and sound hurt and wounded, why not head off for dessert to Janet "Dame Slap" Albrechtsen for a good dressing down in Selective moral outrage of the media (behind the paywall, but you were hoping you didn't have to read it).

How to turn the charge, how to deflect, how to counter-attack?

Why by using exactly the same logic and rhetoric and tricks and devices as Kelly.

Talk of a frenzied level of indignation best described as opportunistic and hypocritical.

Laud Jones was one of the country's most effective communicators, relentlessly holding the Gillard minority government to account (never mind that he's hopelessly biassed and in the matter of climate science, mind boggling stupid and inept, after all he shares the dreams and the dreaming of The Australian's commentariat).

Then list shocking examples of other miscreants. The wretched Bob Ellis, and the conflating efforts of Craig  Emerson and Nicola Roxon, and then go for the jugular, by sweeping away the high moral ground.

Talk of Mark Latham having a swipe at Tony Staley, and then always a favourite, Mungo MacCallum labelling John Howard a turd. Drag in Anna Bligh having a go at Campbell Newman and make sure not to miss Rebecca Mifsud's tweet. And then deliver this with a straight face. Now remember a straight face is vital:

The point is not to draw up a tedious tit-for-tat ledger of personal abuse. 

When of course the entire point, the only point of the piece is to draw up a tit-for-tat ledger of personal abuse, at great pious hypocritical mealy-mouthed length, and worst of all using those wretched gadflies Bob Ellis and Mark Latham as crucial balancing items in the ledger. Because you see miss, they started it first, and they're just as bad, no wait, they're much, much worse, the sordid creatures. And now I have mud on my nice crisply ironed conservative dress ...

And then tally ho, it's firmly into the counter attack:

The point is that the Labor Party is in no position to preach a holier-than-thou message about a Liberal Party culture of viciousness. After all, it was members of the Labor Party who described Kevin Rudd, among other things, as a "psychopath". No apologies from Labor for that. 
 As for the media reaction against Jones, some of it has been equally hypocritical. How quickly, and conveniently, the critics of Jones forget the "vicious and extreme" comments directed at Howard by members of the media when he was PM. 

Oh dear, is this a moment for personal confession?

Is this the moment Albrechtsen expresses personal contrition for all the hurtful things she said about John Howard in Pass baton to Costello?

Is it vicious and extreme to tell the silly old bugger it's time to shuffle off, hang up the pads and hand over the baton?

Forget it. You've read Paul Kelly, you know the real villains in this sordid affair.

Disgraceful Labor politicians and disgraceful ABC types indulging in a hate fest:

 Various ABC Radio networks offered endless airtime for a line-up of Labor politicians to put the boot into Jones. Hardly known as a model of fairness and balance, Monday's episode of ABC1's Q&A was an especially disgraceful and biased hate-fest aimed at Jones. 
 Alas, for conservatives to complain about selective moral outrage among sections of the media is like the captain of a ship complaining about the tides. 
 The difference is that taxpayers don't pay for the political opinions of Jones. 
 When we stop paying for predictable bias and confected moral indignation emanating from our national broadcaster, then the double standards won't be quite so hard to bear.

The truly comical and amazing thing? Does anyone at The Australian ever pause to think how this sort of group think, this sort of routine demonising of the ABC is truly part of the problem?

It's now so reflexive, so pervasive in paranoids' castle that it almost passes without remark. It's childish, it's of the school ground.

But miss, he did it first. And it isn't Alan Jones' fault miss, he was provoked, he's ever so nice and such a fine communicator, it's the ABC wot done it.

Actually it was Alan Jones that said it, and the Sunday Terror that published it, and all the rest of the rhetoric from Paul Kelly and Janet Albrechtsen is just an attempt to paste over the cracks, launch a counter-attack and score points.

Deep down they're just like Alan Jones. They don't really regret his remarks, they're just sorry he got caught and so caused a shit storm for Tony Abbott and the faithful. So all they've got left is idle chatter about moral equivalence and hypocrisy and the ABC.

Where will it all end? Next thing you know Lebanese Muslims will be demanding an apology because Jones vilified them ... (just remember that's all the fault of the ABC).

Suddenly Lawsie looks like the sort of swamp denizen worth having a drink with.

It's all just entertainment, pass the pond the sunnies, and whatever it is you're having ... it might just help take away the stench of personal animosity and vindictiveness to be found in the media ..

(Below: another of those fine Larry Pickering cartoons as provided by The Australian. What credibility and status, to have your very own gallery in the national newspaper. As for Pickering's other cartoons, you're on your own)