Monday, April 25, 2011

Jim Wallace, and foot in mouth disease strikes the antipodes on Anzac Day ...

It wouldn't be Anzac day without a bunny with a brain in neutral - or perhaps reverse - and a trigger finger on the twitter feed.

Enter Jim Wallace, head of the Australian Christian Lobby and goose for the day.

But the explanations and rationalisations for the errant tweet were even more offensive, because for Wallace it's all just a matter of bad timing, and the wrong day:

Yep, poor Jim didn't realise it was a rest day, or a marching day, or a day for contemplation, or a day for reflection, or for memories of the fallen, so gay and Islamic bashing will resume promptly at 9 am tomorrow ...

It was wrong to demean the day, natch, but demean gay and Islamic people, who can be counted amongst the people who have fought and died for Australia?

Why that's just routine, and par for the course. Time to get out a nice three wood and deliver sundry whacks to the head during business hours tomorrow ...

Meanwhile, Jim's historical awareness seems to have moved along at a right rollicking speed:

"I was a soldier. I know full well how soldiers feel and think. Anyone defending Australia or serving in the defence force is doing it for every Australian. ... Even in the time of Anzacs, there were not only gays but Afghans in Australia". (here).

Amazing news Jim. Gays and Afghans in the past in Australia!

But surely you realise those damned Afghans were a diabolical threat to Australia, as shown by the Battle of Broken Hill. Oh okay it turned out that Badsha Mahommed Gool came from Afghanistan and Mullah Abdullah hailed from Pakistan, and they thought they were fighting for the Ottoman empire, but their names sound kinda funny Jim, and they slaughtered animals according to halal Islamic rites, and then they knocked over the train to Silverton and killed a couple of people. While our brave lads were off battling the fiendish Turks ...

So here's how it's done Jim.

Maintain the rage. Mount a campaign to kick all Islamics and gays out of Australia. And while you're at it, don't forget to demand an end to all trade with Japan, seeing as how they acted kind of mean towards us during the second world war, and I know you'll also want to ban the Germans, even if the chattering elites will have to give up their Mercedes, and it goes without saying it's time to end any friendliness with the bloody useless Italians, what with the officers taking too much wine to the front line in the desert, and so on and so forth.

Come to think of it, why do wars ever end, and what need for Christians to stop the hating, when hating and fighting and belittling and condemning and maintaining the rage is so much fun ... and so Christian to boot?

What a fine heritage.

"...I think the Judeo-Christian heritage that framed the nature of Australia that these fellows fought for is very important. We should be trying to preserve it."

Yes, we should preserve the ignorance and the hatred and the offensiveness at all cost.

And keep the Germans and the Italians and the Japanese out of Australia. And you know what? While the Ruskies were allies in the second world war, by golly they were terribly mean later, so let's cut ties with them, as well as the fiendish Vietnamese, who keep on claiming they won. And have now opened beachheads in the baking and dry cleaning industries throughout Australia, let alone making innocent Australians consume delicious goi cuon just to prove we've become hideously multi-cultural ...

And I wonder, should we keep harbouring a grudge regarding the Boers, and their treatment of Breaker Morant? Oh hang on, that was the English, so let's ban them too. Just in the nick of time to end the wedding coverage ...

Keep at it Jim. So many wars to fight, so little time.

But you know what? It was a tad mean to drag your father into the sordid affair:

Mr Wallace said he was spending time with his father when he wrote the first tweet.

"The context of it was that I was sitting there beside my father, who was a 96-year-old veteran of Tobruk and Milne Bay and he was lamenting how he couldn't recognise the Australia he fought for.

Guess what Jim. All my relatives who fought in the war sat around in the sixties moaning and lamenting how they couldn't recognise the Australia they'd fought for, what with all the damned hippies, and the Japanese cars coming in to compete with dinkum Aussie cars like Holden and Ford (seeing as how we're really due to be the next state in the Union). Datsun 1000 and 1200 and then, most feared of all, 120Y's, ruining the bloody country ...

"And my ill-timed Twitter was just reflecting the nature of Australia that people fought for is different and I think it's being redefined all the time. "

Yep, that's the way it goes Jim. The world changes, and Australia changes too. Move along, unless you happen to be a die hard stick in the mud who just loves to shove your head in the sand like an ostrich with a taste for mixed metaphors ...

But your twitter wasn't just ill-timed, it was homophobic and offensive, and so typical of fundamentalist Christians.

Why not just leave it to fundamentalist Islamics to be offensive?

Why do you feel the need to match them Jim, and go toe to toe, when a little faith, hope and charity might go a long way?

How did the bible put it?

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love I am become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal or a twit atwittering.

(Below: oh the bloody beige horror of it all, even worse than the Führer Wagon I used to drive, before I realised that Volkswagens were German and I needed to maintain the rage on so many vehicular fronts that it made Hitler's opening of a second front seem like a work of strategic genius).

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