In which the usual groaning is followed by an import and the bromancer...

 

What the United States needs right now is a drover's dog, but they don't seem to have a drover, let alone her dog. 

What they do have is a king blessed with divine rights and complete immunity - subject to legalistic quibbles - or perhaps more to the point, an emperor with Napoleonic capacity. 

American democracy - always a stretched and sketchy concept - is now officially dead, thanks to a deeply corrupt, authoritarian-loving court.

What the Labor party needs is a little empathy, long lost in a rats in the ranks mentality. Diversity? That's just a word on a cereal box, stop the pond before things get too deep.

What the lizard Oz needs is a change in its commentariat team, but again, no joy for the pond. What a dismal line up this day ...

The reptiles did at least do a profile of their loyal readership ...

... but the pond had to move along, because Tuesday is always the day for a dinkum groaning, and it usually comes down to either furriners ruining things or renewables ruining things, though on days when it's an epic groan, somehow those two things can come together in an epic conflation and confusion.

And so it came to be, with those dastardly, fiendish whale-killing devices yet again featured as the visual props ...

Remarkably the reptiles managed two more windmills sightings, as well as two men with arms crossed ...

As for Dame Groan, she delivered in a way that was so predictable that the pond began to think that it could have written it with the help of a bit of AI steeped in Groan verbiage ...

That line about doing nothing because it will have nil impact has long been a reptile favourite, but wait for it, because at the end of the next gobbet, that magic pairing, wicked furriners and wicked renewables, will magically come together to produce 'roon' ... oh, we'll all be rooned ere sundown ...

Think here bee in bonnet of endlessly repetitive old biddie, but she is remarkably consistent in what the reptiles assured the pond was just a five minute read, but which seemed to go on and on ...

Indeed, indeed, and just listen to Dame Groan emit a long, dire NIMBY groan when they dump an SMR in her back yard ...

Then with a final gobbet of groaning, the Dame sputtered to a predictable end ...

The pond begins to understand why esteemed correspondents have taken to reading the Speccie mob or the Quad rant mob, producing tales from the wild-eyed fringes down there with reports of dragons at the end of the world ... they're vastly more amusing than these Tuesday groans ...

To be fair to the reptiles, they did reassure the pond by bringing in some outside help and a note from the lizard Oz editorialist under the header G-G hits good note on first day, but the infallible Pope said all that needed to be said on that matter...

As for the outsider, the pond confesses that it hadn't heard of Matthew Syed, apparently a former table tennis player and regular star in Private Eye's "Pseuds' Corner", but appreciated the chance for a bit of diversity ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, the pond hadn't thought of Billy Durant in decades ... the sort of populist historian frowned on by the pond's history teachers, and therefore to be treated as a guilty pleasure, only for the pond to sneak off behind the arras to discover a stunning bore ...

As for that link, relax, for some reason the reptiles links never seem to work, with that link talking of the travesty of an election in the Uk leading to the French foreign minister saying in 2022 that Morrisons defeat suited him very well ... hardly news, because it suited a lot of people very well ...

Meanwhile, there were the usual video distractions and a plethora of snaps ...

That last snap at least provided an excuse to feature the immortal Rowe ...

Then it was on with the Ginsbergian howl of despair ...

Vitality of a civilisation? Why that's almost up there with talk of precious bodily fluids ... but as the pond has often warned of the dangers of fluoride, why not a quote warning of the dangers of spoiled and entitled peasants ...

...Peasant: I told you!  We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune!  We're taking turns to act as a sort of executive-officer-for-the-week--

Arthur: (uninterested) Yes...

Peasant: But all the decisions of that officer 'ave to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting--

Arthur: (perturbed) Yes I see!

Peasant: By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs--

Arthur: (mad) Be quiet!

Peasant:But by a two-thirds majority, in the case of more major--

Arthur: (very angry) BE QUIET! I order you to be quiet!

Peasant cross dresser: "Order", eh, 'oo does 'e think 'e is?

Arthur: I am your king!

Peasant alleged woman: Well I didn't vote for you!

Arthur: You don't vote for kings!

Peasant woman: Well 'ow'd you become king then?

(holy music up)

Arthur: The Lady of the Lake-- her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.  THAT is why I am your king!

Peasant: (laughingly) Listen: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!  Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some... farcical aquatic ceremony!

Arthur: (yelling) BE QUIET!

Peasant: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!!

Arthur: (coming forward and grabbing the man) Shut UP!

Peasant: I mean, if I went 'round, saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Arthur: (throwing the peasant around) Shut up, will you, SHUT UP!

Peasant: Aha!  Now we see the violence inherent in the system!

Arthur: SHUT UP!

Peasant: (yelling to all the other workers) Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!

Arthur: (letting go and walking away)  Bloody PEASANT!

Peasant: Oh, what a giveaway!  Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh?  That's what I'm all about!  Did you see 'im repressing me?  You saw it, didn't you?!

It turns out that the pond could have run the "what have the Romans done for us this week" routine, because yet again we get a reminder that the point of life is to build an empire at the point of a sword ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, it must be a relief to get all that off his chest ... though so far as the Chinese being the Vandals, it escaped the pond when reading its ancient history that the Vandals were in possession of super computers and knew how to produce a damned good chip ...

Unfortunately all weird things must end, but credit to The Times for this one ...

Once again the reptile links let the pond down -  that link led to Killer Creighton reporting on the big debate - but if you want the Graudian's take on Paul Johnson and the IFS, you can find it here...

The main message the pond takes from the piece and the routinely errant links that lead only to other places in the hive mind? It seems that Western Civilisation might mean finding some way out of the reptile hive mind ...

Usually the pond would end it there - two reptiles on any day is enough for even the most devout herpetology student - but the pond couldn't resist the bromancer, especially as the pond has been ignoring some of the regulars of late.

Sadly the bromancer's piece seems to have been written before the deeply corrupt SCOTUS mob provided an immunity clause ... so the bro's central thesis was profoundly silly ...

As usual, there was a video and a couple of snaps to break up the yarn, with one even featuring a bold montage ...

The main point of the story was that the bromancer was now all in for the coup-loving authoritarian ...and in something of a panic that the mango Mussolini might end up in the clink while on his march to a dictatorship.

That left the bromancer still bleating on about a deeply corrupt con artist and snake oil salesman getting collared for a crime ...

The pond can still remember those ancient days of conservatives shouting that if you did the crime, you had to do the time, and if 12 jurors said you did the crime ...

As for gravely undermining American courts, the pond confesses to doing one of those lame double takes you see in American sitcoms.

That's what undermines American courts, and incidentally what was once a democracy? 

How about this? (paywall)

Justice Sonia Sotomayor issued a withering dissent to the Supreme Court’s presidential immunity ruling on Monday, writing that U.S. presidents will now be able to assassinate political rivals and accept bribes with impunity while they’re in office.

That’s a dangerous precedent to set, Sotomayor wrote, especially as the increasingly unpredictable Donald Trump seeks a return to the White House.

“The president of the United States is the most powerful person in the country, and possibly the world,” Sotomayor wrote. “When he uses his official powers in any way, under the majority’s reasoning, he now will be insulated from criminal prosecution.”

That is exactly as terrifying as it sounds, Sotomayor wrote. She laid out a chilling list of hypotheticals that a president could carry out without legal consequence: “Orders the Navy’s Seal Team 6 to assassinate a political rival? Immune. Organizes a military coup to hold onto power? Immune. Takes a bribe in exchange for a pardon? Immune. Immune, immune, immune.”

In her own dissent, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson agreed that Monday’s ruling was a dangerous one. She wrote that “the seeds of absolute power for Presidents have been planted” and “absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

The conservative majority Supreme Court has lobbed assist after assist to Trump this year. By accepting his immunity case, it effectively bumped his pair of federal criminal trials off the 2024 calendar.

Now, with a possible election win in November, Trump would be equipped with an unprecedented amount of power in what was already the world’s most powerful political position.

Trump celebrated the court’s decision on Monday, posting in all-caps to Truth Social, “Big win for our constitution and democracy. Proud to be an American!”

Oh yes, and proud to be a brilliant snake oil salesman too.

Never mind, just a couple of whiny bro gobbets to go ...

It's not corrupt? It's nothing of the kind?

Talk to the hand, or perhaps the graph ...

And so the final full MAGA gobbet, of the sort you might expect from a barking mad fundamentalist tyke, purporting a feigned reluctance, as if he wasn't all in ...

Oh yes, there's many more pleasures ahead ...

In which the Caterist and the Major do climate science denialism with the usual Monday religious fervour ...

 

The pond has complained before about the way its herpetology studies gets in the way of having fun. 

The pond only caught up with John Oliver's demolition job last night, celebrated at the Graudian in John Oliver on Tories: their 'unremitting cruelty has stained the last decade and a half of British life'. (spoiler alert, there's buckets of rain).

Scan the top of the reptile digital edition this day and you wouldn't have the first clue that plucky little England is only a few days away from its own independence day ...

You might have noted over in the far right of the rag the new comments format has gone from a weekend feast to a Monday famine, and never mind the quality, it's in such small portions too ...

The pond has no idea what happened to the lizard Oz editorials and has no intention of finding out ... plunging into the bowels of the digital edition is always risky. 

You might, for example, be tempted to take a look at the "Media Diary", only to discover that mention of Tuckyo Carlson is an excuse to slag off the Nine rags for getting it wrong about Senator Gerard Rennick allegedly attending the talk fest. That way the reptiles could gloss over Barners, and the Canavan caravan, joining the likes of Malcolm Roberts at the fest ...

Speaking of climate science denialism, there was the usual serve this day from the usual suspects, which meant that the pond could avoid the bouffant one slagging off Albo, and Lord Downer returning in full high heeled pique to give Assange a hard time ...

There was an immortal Rowe addressing the Payman matter ...

... and then it was on with the standard serve of climate science denialism, led as usual on a Monday by the Caterist (you can't expect the Ughmann to do it with Jesus quotes every day of the week).

Inevitably it began with a terrifying image designed to send the aged demographic into terminal fear mode ...

Oh dear, whenever the Caterist starts whining about a lack of revenue, the pond is reminded just how stingy is the regular grant that the Caterist mob gets, cash in paw to help them prepare reports ...

Such suffering, such a pitifully small "Grant in Aid" and "Closed Non-Competitive" to boot ...

Meanwhile, there were other terrifying images ... the keen Kean in a video, Bob Brown, Tanya and that bloody judge Natalie, a genuine Caterist heroine ...

Of course the Caterist was going to be traumatised by a load of irony...

The pond long ago got over arguing the point about nuking the planet. These days it just relishes the agony of the likes of the Caterist, suddenly turned rampant environmentalist and concerned climate science believer (so long as you can nuke the country to save the planet) ...

Then it's on with the suffering of Gina, and the difficulty of drill, baby, drill, and climate warrior Caterist taking on the climate warriors ...

Usually the pond veers off to other tales of suffering, and thanks to a correspondent, this Kudelka caught the eye...

There was a story attached ...Exclusive: BoM staff redirected to work for fossil fuel companies (paywall, but maybe free) with this the first gobbet ...

Ah the suffering of Woodside, and there was more suffering thanks to the MRC getting cash in the paw to report Ming the Merciless's views on the environment ...

Indeed, indeed, there are good reasons for nuking the environment and the planet, and even more for giving it a good gassing, and so to the concluding gobbet, with a strong sense of déjà vu, as the pond has been here many times on a Monday ...

So much winning ... How the climate crisis is changing family planning and reproductive health in Bangladesh, Saltwater from rising sea levels threatens future of farming along Chesapeake Bay ...

Why, there's winning all over the planet ...

And so to that cheeky bird, Major Mitchell, an astonishing expert in matters scientific (it would take the pond a week, or at least a nanosecond, to reel off the degrees, the peer-reviewed papers and the field reports) and an expert regurgitator of reptile opinions ...

This time the Major's piece led off with a snap of Captain Spud, designed to reassure the aged readership that nuking the country was in safe hands ...

The pond hopes it isn't the only one to get a deep guffawing laugh out of that headline, "Science pushed aside" ...

The pond can't begin to count the times it has come across reptiles talking about "religious fervour" with a religious fervour that's always startling. Perhaps that's why the Major decided to modify it and talk about "quasi-religious fervour".

As for the rest, been there and done it a hundred times in reptile company, though remarkably the Major was only interrupted by one snap, of a smirking, clearly self-satisfied fiend ...

That sight sent the Major off into a vortex of spiralling religious fervour ... with the Major indignant at the treatment dished out to the Ughmann, when all he was doing was quoting a renowned climate scientist from ancient times ...

You know Numbers 35:33-34

So ye shall not pollute the land wherein ye are: for blood it defileth the land: and the land cannot be cleansed of the blood that is shed therein, but by the blood of him that shed it.

Defile not therefore the land which ye shall inhabit, wherein I dwell: for I the Lord dwell among the children of Israel.

Sorry, sorry, just a touch of the religious fervours ... on with the Ughmann and famous denialist Judith Curry giving them curry ...

Meanwhile, on another planet ... 'War zone stuff': women 14 times more likely to die in natural disasters, or if you prefer, 'It's not beautiful, but you can still eat it': climate crisis leads to more wonky vegetables in Netherlands...

...The wettest autumn, winter and spring on record have threatened the spinach and potato crops, leading to parliamentary questions and warnings from farming union LTO. Evelien Drenth, LTO agriculture specialist, said 61% of Dutch farmers report lost yields due to extreme weather, diseases are up and sowing is late or sometimes missed. “Consumers and supermarkets need to get used to empty shelves sometimes for short-season crops like spinach … and also irregular-sized Brussels sprouts and broccoli,” she added.

If the plants are stressed, so are the farmers, according to Jaap Fris, of the community-owned farm Erve Kiekebos, in Empe, Gelderland. “It is true that things are getting more difficult because of the climate,” he said. “But sometimes I have to challenge my own perception that things have to be perfect, when I know that even if it looks less good, it is just as tasty.”There’s an ongoing battle with slugs, for instance, while late-harvested kohlrabi might have grown a second skin or another heart. “Like people, they all look different,” he said. “It’s not that beautiful… but you can still just eat it.”

It's not beautiful, in fact it's downright ugly, and the pond has a daily battle with slugs at the lizard Oz... but the pond still managed to make it through the entire Major Mitchell effort, and reached this last, almost indigestible chunk ... it's not that beautiful and it takes a n exceptional effort to swallow it ...

There's that new comedy line much loved by the reptiles ... the one calling for "genuine scrutiny", as if that hasn't already been done, at least outside the quasi-religious fervour of the reptile hive mind ...

Perhaps the Major hasn't noticed that Captain Spud and his team of Teds have yet to put out any actual costings so that they might then be given "genuine scrutiny" ...

Meanwhile, in Taliban country ...