In which the bromancer wanders off into the twilight zone, and as usual, the pond follows ...

Before this turns into a mutual admiration society of the Donald or the lizard Oz kind, the pond must politely insist it's enjoying the comments far more than the reptile insights available on the pond.

Why? Well, anyone prepared to accept the weird conjunction of "reptile insights" must think they can see quarks, or might have been staring into the sun too long …

Take the bromancer today as an example - please, somebody take the bromancer, and make sure you use a HB pencil when you draw the blinds, Jeeves …

Sorry, the pond is going a little stir crazy but the bromancer is going completely bonkers …

The bromancer offers up a classic reptile ploy, wherein he offers up a proposal, only to fiercely deny it, yet in a way that it sticks in the mind. 

It's classic 4Chan conspiracy theory trolling, in a supposedly respectable and respected rag … and here's how it works …

You see? No one believes it is the case, and yet, and yet … why, it's theoretically possible.

Now to give this sort of meaningless speculation some weight, the reptiles immediately followed up with a graph, which anyone interested will have to click on to enlarge, because the pond has many reptile eggs to fry easy over this day …

There, duty done, now let's return to the insidious bromancer speculation in action in a par ...

It would be insane? No one is making this charge? And yet the bromancer gives it air, and watch how the following snaps of the Chinese go from a handshake to sinister military motifs. 

First the handshake … and more sinister speculations …and more denials of the sinister speculations, which only serve to strengthen those sinister speculations ...

What's the point? Israel has a biological weapons program; the US has a biological weapons program, which it claims to have ended, but who knows? Russia has also been busy in the area, taking it to the streets when an assassination is needed, and who knows what the North Koreans might manage? 

And so on, and so forth, but now we must implant images of the sinister Chinese industrial military complex on the march … because, trust the pond, there are no examples of any other industrial military complexes available … unless you count a stricken US aircraft carrier threatening Guam ...

You see? "I am not remotely accusing Beijing …" or any other government I actually don't name, because let's keep the attention on the Chinese and their hero worship … and as for "not remotely"?

Why of course, let's indulge in more idle speculation ...

Thank the long absent lord that the whole world isn't entirely susceptible to the bromancer, and his paranoia about caucasian populations, which reaches a new level of white nationalism, even for him at his delusional best …

And now, moving on from this weird 4Chan shit, the pond just has the time to notice that the reptiles are continuing with their Orwellian police state routine …

The pond happened to catch a glimpse of The Drum last night, and there was some loon from the Sunday Terror peddling this nonsense, and as usual, the ABC politely standing by while the Murdochian regurgitated the new company line … 

And, almost inevitably, the lizard Oz editorialist carried on the very same way today …

For fuck's sake, while everybody else is trying to be exceptionally cautious, the reptiles are rabbiting on about diktats and state control? What the infectious fuck?

Suddenly they're quoting the dog botherer as an expert in how to deal with pandemics? We must be in backpacker heaven, carousing into the night hours in Glebe … will anyone save them from their own and reptile stupidity?

Suddenly even Gladys is accused of running a police state? Pity the poor coppers, required to go out and confront carefree loons, without so much as a face mask …

The plods in the field in the UK are suffering as they carry out their duties, and so are the fuzz against junk in the States. And amazingly there have been reports of people attacking supermarket staff …

And what cheek to end with "irresponsible demands for a premature relaxation of restrictions" after blathering on about police states and diktats …

If the reptiles have their way, people will still be wandering around infecting each other by Christmas … all in the name of reptile freedom of the post-Orwellian kind …

And so to the savvy Savva, because no matter the length of the post, the pond will have its Savva fix … and sadly, it seems she's taken the SloMo kool aide and gone off to the footy ...

Oh dear, what to say of the photo, except it's not a Lobbecke?

As for the text … what an opening comparison ...

It was about this point when the pond felt the need to wheel in an immortal Rowe, with more Rowe here …

There, that felt better, and the pond could return to the Savva ...

Ah well, it probably keeps SloMo's Pentecostal buddy off the front pages … and a few other things have disappeared too …

And so to the final Savva gobbet ...

Oh no, not the devious biological weapons deploying Chinese again. The pond felt in need of a cartoon from the infallible Pope …

Hallelujah, and usually the pond would end there … but of late the reptiles themselves have been in turmoil, and this in turn happened to involve the cult master Lobbecke …and respect and attention must always be paid ...

 

So much despair and so much trouble, and a Shanahan on the case - nepotism, moi? - but the pond decided to go the Miller … because the reptiles have already ignored the pond's humble suggestion.

Kill off the lizard Oz, which as the bromancer demonstrated ably today, is little better than a trawl through 4 or 8Chan, and save the local papers …

No? Well, then let us turn to the redeeming power of the cult master …

Now, the pond is no expert in interpreting the cult master - others are much better at deciphering the entrails - but that headline "revolt against Establi…" would have been more convincing if the ink blotter darkness had been emanating from "Coronoavirus: biological war is now top of mind" …

As for the rest of reptile Miller's moaning and whining, as News Corp joins the reality that's been faced by so many businesses these past few months …in fact they've been a little late to join the queue …well, once lured in by the Lobbecke, the pond is now in so deep that it would be as tedious to return as to go o'er ...

What's this? The reptiles moaning and whining and demanding that the government fix things for them? Haven't they heard this will only lead to an Orwellian police state? You know, with sinister heads of state demanding lavish praise?

Never mind, back to the reptiles, demanding freedom on the one hand, and on the other, that the world be cabined, cribbed, confined and bound in to saucy doubts and fears of the reptilian bromancer kind ...

Um, well, the pond doesn't actually profit from the reptiles, but in a way, nor does the world. It's the dear leader, Chairman Rupert, who profits as he spreads fear, confusion and chaos through sundry lands …

Dear Mr Miller, you do realise that News Corp helped launch on to the world one of the most inept leaders in recent times? One singularly incapable of dealing with a real crisis? And for this you think you deserve support? Why, the pond would rather donate to the Graudian than spend a nano second lifting a finger to help News Corp ...

You do realise begging for government help is a pitiful sight, at least if you spend all your time talking of free markets while deploring police states, and at the same time, regularly publishing IPA propaganda for Gina?

You do realise you're spruiking for a deeply corrupt and corrupting organisation, where the only humour to be found is the sight of "Judge" Jeanine Pirro getting on the turps and then getting on the telly?

Oh never mind, the pond has said it all before, here, have a cartoon or two …

In which the pond explains its reptile choices and ends up in modern times ...

The pond's curatorial issues grow deeper and more perplexing by the day.

Usually there are only so many reptiles that can be crammed into the space and time available, and yet all hands were on deck today.

There was nattering "Ned", there was the bromancer, there was Dame Slap, there was Dame Groan, there was the dog botherer, there was the lizard Oz editorialist, all clamouring for attention like that brat torturing the young couple in a hideous Irish housing development in Vivarium … and then there was the ongoing quest for an illustration to suit the interpretative powers of the reader of this site.

Perforce in the brutal culling the pond is forced to make, perhaps there's need for explanation and justification … and a deep peremptory apology, because the pond couldn't find an illustration.

But the pond could at least lead with the bromancer, parading his darkest fears, because that needed very little by way of justification or explanation … even as he's hemmed in and surrounded by the most dire circumstances, like debt and public servants getting a pay rise ...

Come on bromancer, justify the pond's faith, vindicate your selection as the top of the pack, the dog at the front of the sled …the mushing master …

Sheesh, what a ripper opener, though the pond had to immediately use up its infallible Pope … bruised a little in shape by the gallery format …

Ah, as it's always been done, socialise the losses, privatise the profits … but dread socialism is in the air, and the bromancer is in full panic mode ...

Yes, and what a tremendous service to the planet too …

Graudian away here, while the pond delivers the final gobbet of bromancer denialism …but denying what? Well, what have you got?

Indeed, indeed, how soon before the rich can get back to being rich, and rorting and looting the country, and the people tucked back into forelock tugging mode, and the reptiles ride on to greater delusions?

The pond's next editorial selection wasn't quite so clear cut, but the reptiles had lathered themselves into another panic … because if it's not socialism, then surely it must be the police state …

Deeply worrying? Troublesome, vexatious, disturbing? Only the dog botherer could deal with such a dire condition …

Eeek, coppers menacing the indolent rich. Why only yesterday on a bold and brave visit to the post office in Enmore road, the pond saw a copper menacing an innocent motorist, and the surly copper wasn't practising social distancing, and even worse was fining the poor bugger for breaking traffic rules … as if such rules should exist in these troubled times, when we all want to do is join Snake, and somehow escape from New York, or wherever …

And so to the dog botherer, and there will be plenty more shots of cops on parade, fuzz against junk …

Eek, a copper, and look, the deviant prevert is pretending like that there's a crisis or a virus or a something doing the rounds …

It goest without saying that the pond takes to heart the dog botherer's important message. In the name of liberty, it's important to get out and about and infect anyone, or indulge in a little brave sport, and inflict the virus on self, just to see if it's everything everyone cracks it up to be …

This is called planning, Donald style …

And so to the next gobbet … with the dog botherer naturally leading off with social media, himself having shown himself to be completely inane on it, an utter and complete twit, so useless he had to ban himself ...

Eeek, another ominous, and it goes without saying, activist cop. And just where would the dog botherer be without the word 'activist'? Activists here, activists there, and activists in what passes for hair ...

Is it wrong of the pond to hope that the dog botherer boldly and bravely decides to stand up to these draconian measures, goes out and gets himself infected, and perhaps infects others in his company? That'll teach the draconian government, that'll larn 'em, that'll teach 'em a lesson they'll never forget …

And so to the next shot of threatening cops ...

"We are apprehended by the danger"?

The pond apprehends that the delinquent dog botherer doesn't have the first clue about the larrikin spirit … and it's not just mad preachers in Florida, or spring breakers on the beaches, it's Australians, some no doubt operating on early reptile assurances there wasn't anything to see here, don't worry too much, we'll be back to work in a couple of weeks, shake hands and trot off to the footy, and if feeling stressed, party down dudes …or at least flock to the beaches …

And so to the pond's next selection, still harping away on the same theme, seemingly incapable of understanding that doing it tough for a couple of weeks might help the situation …

Sheesh, and the reptiles are always talking about the heroic generation of the war years, and they had to do it for years … and suddenly talk of a month or two, and suddenly the reptiles are acting as if they've been served a lump of lard rather than butter, and been made to live without the crispy bacon on hand before the war …

Here, have a Rowe cartoon, it might help with the digestion and ease concerns about a police state, with more digestible Rowe here …

And so to the final pond selection for the day, and the pond feverishly believes that little is needed by way of justification or explanation … because the lizard Oz editorialist always speaks for himself, and the Chairman ...

Yes, there was more whining and moaning and paranoia and doubt and fear-spreading done by the lizard Oz editorialist … and yet another trotting out of Big Brother, which the pond always finds amusing when in the presence of Big Chairman and his minions ...

Yes, it's those bloody useless governments, always making things difficult … which is why the pond simply had to rule out the star-crossed nattering "Ned" this day …

United front? What delusional planet is he on? Everyone knows that we're on the verge of a police state, and socialists and activists are in pandemic proportions, the fascist fun-hating guvinments around the country are ruining everything …

Is that the liberty to salute Chairman Rupert? And send weekly stipends and tithings to his minions, and get lost in the wonders of Foxtel?

And so to the losers … because the pond will offer a few examples of why it made its curatorial choices …

First a gobbet of "Ned" …

Sorry, the pond had already nodded off, and couldn't be bothered cutting and pasting anymore.

Frankly paranoia, and fear of cops and guvinment and guvernors and socialism, is much more to the pond's taste. Reptiles scuttling about in a panic, now there's a sight to please readers, as already it seems clear that a little social isolating has sent them stir crazy.

No chance to get out and about and do their Napoleonic thing, and instead they must be locked in the attic like so many kite-flying Uncle Dicks …

Now it's true that the pond faced some difficult choices, and both Dame Groan and Dame Slap were hot contenders …

 

But care for young people? Dammit, we're in a police state and the socialists are just around the corner, Dame Groan. You don't even deserve a gobbet … and as for Dame Slap, it was just more of the same, the IPA paying off old scores, and nary a hint of a huge slab of public money going to private hospitals …

The pond didn't need to read any more, nor did it warrant full pond attention. The message was clear. Private super funds have done spiffingly well in these troubled times and all is well, at least in Dame Slap's mind …

RBA officials are believed to be concerned that smaller funds with smaller average member balances would be more likely to be forced into an asset fire-sale.

Graudian away here ...

Yes, the message was clear.

Invest your super with the IPA, or perhaps Gina. They'll see you right … and while you're at it, why not party on the beach to show your contempt for socialism and the police state and the nanny state and those bloody activists …

And so in lieu of an illustration, a final cartoon …

And that, as seems to have been happening a lot recently, reminded the pond of Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times, still to be seen on repeat in the Capitol Theatre in Tamworth in the 1950s …

Here's a clip, and please, ignore the reptiles, and stay safe …the pond is enjoying the comments, which are vastly more amusing than the reptiles, and wants everyone in good condition to continue ...