In which the pond takes a break from domestic anxieties and the heat, and plunges in for a swim ...

Ever since the reptiles put up a tighter paywall, the pond has been swamped by discussion starters that leak outside … whether it's even more on South African farmers and the Tudge response, or the Folau matter, and the oscillating fan and sponsor still troubling the reptiles, or dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and poor old Josh and Barners and the onion muncher and the whole damn thing …

But with Washington awash with gossip about the Donald working up the steam to sack Rod Rosenstein and perhaps Sessions, the pond thought it would take a lunch time break … what with there still being record temperatures in the land, and the Donald's work only just begun, and all the reptiles can do is worry about blackouts in South Australia … and besides, the pond has a number of cartoons to work its way through …

Speaking of mindless adulation, the reptiles did a ripper this day …

A stunning victory?

Hmm, the pond knows where that's coming from …

Of course it took only a few moments for the pond to cop a splash of cold water in the face, thanks to Politico ...

Chinese President Xi Jinping's promise to reduce auto tariffs is not the win for President Donald Trump that it appears to be. While Trump praised Xi’s proposals on Twitter — “Very thankful for President Xi of China’s kind words on tariffs and automobile barriers,” he posted — analysts and business leaders shrugged off Xi’s promises to open markets as old pledges that have yet to be fulfilled. They also dismissed his vow to reduce auto tariffs as inconsequential without other, larger changes. “The Chinese are great at saying what folks want to hear,” said a U.S. industry aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity to be more candid. “Hope springs eternal, and it would be great if the takeaway from this speech is that the Chinese are truly now committed to a level playing field. I think it’s really, quite frankly, a stretch to make that case.” Xi’s offer to cut auto tariffs could be interpreted as “the Chinese version of an olive branch,” but any reductions could be negated by other, non-tariff barriers, said Derek Scissors, resident scholar and China economy expert at the American Enterprise Institute. The problem is the Chinese want to placate Trump by increasing imports without addressing their massive subsidies and regulations that make it hard for foreign firms to compete in their market, Scissors said. Xi’s speech is less of a bending toward Trump administration concerns than an “olive twig” likely to spur only marginally greater market access, said Scott Kennedy, a China analyst at the Center for Strategic and International Studies.

Meanwhile, there's the ballooning budget … and sundry other matters …

But once the reptiles get a bee in their bonnet, they can never let it out.

If the pond had one bet, it would be that Xi will do the Donald for dinner, and then dessert. 

This isn't particularly pleasing - the pond isn't entranced by dictatorships, but it's also true that Xi has a much better political environment in which to work, while the harried and hustled (and incidentally narcissist and dumb) Donald has all sorts of fires to confront … not to mention the longer term legacy he's going to leave the world …

Touchingly, the reptiles reprinted the Donald's tweet and went on to look at their eggs sunny side up ...

Markets come, markets go, but Xi is in for the long game, and the Donald is in for assorted short-term eruptions, some self-induced …

What's even funnier is the way that the reptiles dragooned Bob Carr into heiling it as a victory for Trump ...

The pond realises it's the business of the reptiles to pretend that everything is going along swimmingly and in a perfectly normal way, and that their kissing cousins at Fox News are delivering the right sort of advice, and helping run a very tight government ship, steering around the shoals to a bright and glorious future ...

… which is why, on days like this, that the pond sometimes whether it should just go for a swim …

In which the pond is waiting for "Ned" to natter ...

Relax, that's just a bait and switch cartoon. 

The pond has, thanks to the lizards of Oz, arranged a stunning programming of stupefying navel-gazing and fluff-gathering for its morning outing …

The pond remains captivated by the stormy weather abroad, and is now into the final episode of Wild Wild Country, which is just as well, because on the way there the pond accidentally stumbled across The Drum last night and discovered it was being hosted by the oscillating fan, with Caroline Overington on the panel …

It really, truly is their ABC … and to celebrate,  the pond reluctantly returned to the domestic civil war. Drum roll, maestro, it will be a slow build …

Yesterday, while the pond was out and about, the onion muncher, following on the belligerent Barners, came out swinging, and naturally the reptiles immediately stood to attention …

  

Wonderful stuff, as Barners and the onion muncher and assorted others in the cracker barrel go about the business of making sure that it's absolutely not crystal clear what the government stands for, apart from a confused bunch of loons shouting at and haranguing each other about coal … and hapless Malware pretending that somehow he's in control ...

And then just to prove he was out of control, Malware turned up again to claim that he was truly, rooly in control …

And the result?

Well the reptiles reminded their readers that actually everyone wants the top job, except maybe the Bishop, a sure sign that she really does want to be the first female pope down under …

Now there's nothing new in any of this, the point about constant repetition is the same scientific process that leads to exfoliation and the breaking down of rocks … or marshmallows of the Malware kind …

And here's the result of all this speculation, here's where the rubber really hits the road ...

Another heart-wrenching bout of agonised hand-wringing from nattering "Ned".

The pond realises that this is an acquired taste, that hearts and minds have long been stolen by the Caterists and the Speccie mob, but the pond finds something entrancing at the sight of "Ned" sobbing into the aspidistra plant on the what-not in the hallway …

Sheesh, that's deep. It explains why "Ned" is a minority taste, up there with some of the giants of literature …

Let us not speak of the civil war at all? Oh come now, "Ned" is just warming up ...

Sometimes the pond, trying to explain the obscure appeal of "Ned" in his nattering resorts to surrealism,  expressionism, or a hearty dose of existential despair ...

Indeed, indeed, what has he said? What is he saying? Will he mention "paradigm"?

   

Some might think that this, after all, isn't Syria, it isn't even the United States, gun crazy and quickly going mad … 

At worst there'll be a few years of comrade Bill and then the land above the faraway tree will move on …

But when you're determined to be the bore in the corner hand-wringing in paradigmatic expressions of hand-wringing doom, everywhere is bleakness and despair ...

Now the pond will grant you that when someone shouts oh for fuck's sake, just get a life, it sometimes wonders why it remains addicted to reptiles of the nattering "Ned" kind …

And it's it could all have been said in a cartoon, but where's the fun in that? 

What a spoil sport that David Rowe is, and more spoiling Rowe can be found here … and remember all the best turkeys should rest on a bed of onions ...

In which the pond offers a double dose of Caterism, and it's guaranteed to work better than activated charcoal ...

Each day the pond begs for mercy, and each day the reptiles continue to torment the pond.

The pond is almost tempted to accept that dinkum clean Oz coal is the way forward, oi, oi, oi, just to stop the crusading … because sure enough once the reptiles get going on a crusade, little Sir Echo, aka the Caterists, can always be relied to chip in …

First a bit of virtue-signalling. This presentation of the Caterists is only intended for the amusement of passing readers, and is an entertainment, and users must accept full responsibility and gamble sensibly.

Anyone who intends to respond to that immortal line "A new HELE (high efficiency, low emissions) coal-fired power station on a brownfield site might do the trick …" should keep the response within the decent parameters of a belly laugh, verging on a horse laugh …

Anyone resorting to the Fairfaxians for a price check here ...

A backbench push for a new taxpayer-funded coal fired power station has been derided as "ludicrous" by energy analysts who believe it would cost at least $3 billion, drive up energy prices and take eight years to build.

… must understand and accept that the Caterists are very used to getting taxpayer cash in the paw, and so questions of price are meaningless.

The Caterists are adept socialists, so "if the government stumps up the money and starts today" is just another way of saying, "hey let's approach the Department of Finance for another grant for the Menzies Institute …"

And so to the dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi part of the show …or perhaps, in a dissembling way, hamsters at work in their wheels ...

Point of order m'uh lud, the implication here is that the malt tanks were used in the brewing process. As anyone who's done a tour of the place would recall, the tanks were used to hold the malt …

The main feature of the building was the malt store tanks. They were an innovation for their time and were believed to be the only ones of their type in the Southern Hemisphere. They were erected by the Monier Concrete Co, who succeeded in obtaining the tender in competitions with all the leading boiler makers of Victoria, the cost of building them being £100 cheaper per tank than the steel ones. There were 21 of these tanks installed, twelve in the southern half of the building and nine in the northern portion. The tanks are built of cement and bluestone concrete, with perpendicular steel rods, laced with cylindrical ones. The bottoms and dome tops are made of the same material. They go through the height of two floors, their capacity is 1450 bags or close upon 6000 bushels each. This makes a total holding power in the 21 tanks of over 120, 000 bushels. (pdf here)

Is there some new trend that the pond can celebrate with tatted, bearded hipsters?

Would Monash have swung with the times? Not if he wanted to remain a luddite dear to the heart of the Caterists …

But speaking of young people, it's only fair to mention what a difficult proposition they are …

The pond is out for the rest of the day, but as a bonus for those who missed it, the pond is proud to present last week's Caterist opus - who knows, enough of them and the pond might yet either bankrupt itself or the Speccie mob …

And luckily, in this outing, the Caterist brooded about those young people with their trendy ways and their sense of grievance - apparently they lack the nous to head off to the Department of Finance and stick out a humble paw for a decent cash grant ...

It has an even more ironic resonance when it's remembered that the Caterists, lacking frugality, thought pissing a couple of billion against the wall on a new coal-fired power station was a bit of an alright whizz …

Impatient millennials? The Caterist was just beginning to warm to his ageist war rhetoric ...

Ah indeed, the public servants. Where would we be without the bureaucrats in such august bodies as the Department of Finance?

It goes without saying that Labor's task is roughly equivalent to the brutal, unedifying task of Department of Finance bureaucrats, robbing the hapless  taxpayer in order to drum up a decent cash in the paw grant for the Caterists … though whether it will be enough for the imending settlement is up to the court to decide …

Of course the Caterists are amongst the first beneficiaries of public spending programs, though every so often they seem to forget it …

Suck on that doctors, lawyers, welfare workers and teachers … and to hell with you, young people, with your impudent air and uppity ways …how easily you're conned ...

As usual, it's been an exhausting journey, and all the pond can offer survivors is a Rowe cartoon … 

Perhaps it would have been wiser to point out at the start that there's more Rowe cartoons here, but then some mug punters would have taken an early mark and raced off, and not suffered with the pond, and where would be the deep moral lessons and the reform of the reprobates in that?

In which the pond senses another reptile free speech crusade approaching ...

After the party comes the hangover, but thank the long absent lord, Barners had the guts and the gumption to set the clock ticking, and we can all look forward to another party by Xmas …

In the meantime, there was important business to attend to. You see the moment anyone drew attention to the recent strange behaviour of the weather yesterday, that's the very time that the reptiles get going... on more important matters …

Well played Ben … now please make sure you mention the coal lovers' forum, dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and praise be, surely coal is the best solution ...

Ah, it's another day at the lizard Oz, and so to the main feast for the day.

The pond had overlooked it when Alan Jones spoke up … he spent most of his column talking about the dire state of rugby in Australia, and the pond quite frankly wouldn't mind if rugby died and went to hell tomorrow …

But speaking of hell, it goes without saying that the right to consign poofters to eternal hellfire, damnation and suffering is very dear to homophobes, bigots, Daesh, Islamic and Xian fundamentalists, and Catholics and of course the Catholic Boys' Daily, and lately they've abandoned Margaret Court to take up a new cause …

Relax, the mutton Dutton certainly isn't talking about cutting back the importation of thugby players of any denomination … especially if they have a good homophobic bigoted Xian heart …though it helps to also love the notion of Prince Chuck as a kingly man ...

First course …

Is there a complimentary woman in the house? 

Of course the angry Sydney Anglicans hold dear the right to berate poofters and consign them to eternal hellfire … and how pleasing it must be for them to see a thugby unionist with the simple-minded prejudices and hate baked deep into the mind … and full of righteous suffering ...

But this clearly wasn't enough. When the reptiles go on a crusade, disguised as reporting, the degustation can be endless …

Second course …(and naturally to show where their sympathies lie, the reptiles would use a value free header, of the "the right to speak freely about how poofters are an abomination and an affront, and are destined to an eternity of hellfire in an imaginary place, as I point to the sky and thank my imaginary friend for the good work She does in helping me win on the rugger field, though when the other side win, it's clearly the work of the devil, in congress with abominable poofters …")

Or some such thing ...

Now as mentioned the pond had let the man in the London toilet pass by when he scribbled … it was about as silly as the dog botherer quoting Martin Luther King or the recent valiant reptile attempts to embrace Prince Chuck as a manly king …

"And would not expect not to be so judged"?

Well it was a silly double negative, though not perhaps as silly as when the dog botherer chipped in with talk of Martin Luther King or demonstrated a surprising intolerance about the right to speak freely with whatever might come to mind ...

Of course the thugby player isn't spouting hateful bile, so much as the simplistic, simple-minded understandings of a person skilled in handling balls and bum-sniffing and other important thugby skills, and therefore worthy of reptile concern...

How about that? The reptiles forced to head off to the "generally socially progressive readership" in the letters section of the Fairfaxians to mount a defence …

In other news, the readership of the lizard Oz values dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and hates all this new-fangled energy nonsense. Bring on the April heat, it's way better than winter ...

As for Freedom Boy, is it right for our free speech lad to call the thugby player a dim-witted brawny pack of muscles while also a bear with very little brain?

Never mind, the important thing in doing the steps in the Tabakoff dance is to marshall many forces and opinions, before finally reaching the conclusion that the Daesh, and other religious fundamentalists should be free to speak their mind, because, as everyone knows, in due course, poofters will head off to an imaginary place thanks to the words of an imaginary friend recorded long ago by goat herders ...

Oh it's all terribly hard, with a lot of flip-flopping, but it's all to do with religious freedom and the right of Islamic and Xian fundamentalists to maintain the right to identify the demons in our midst ...

Uh huh. In much the same way that religious bodies turned the matter into a public relations win by showing extreme tolerance in the matter of SSM …

Oh they don't like it up 'em, that's a fact, and they hate the way that the tables have slowly turned. How they yearn for the good old days of clear-cut Daesh thinking ...

And speaking of marriage, just to get it over and done with, the pond cut out a number of noble reptile illustrations, but just had to keep in the one with the happy young couple … correct sexual orientation preserved, and humanity saved ...

Debate him but don't vilify him? In the same way that the Xians and Islamics and such like have debated homosexuality but never vilified it these past few thousand years?

Never mind, naturally the reptiles would end with Kurti and the right of people to be free to say things with which we don't agree, which is why the pond feels free to say that Folau really is a fuck-witted dimwit of the childish kind, and so is Kurti, and so are all the rest of the loons who believe their imaginary friend entitles them to persecute a tribe of people who, if you think about it for a nanosecond, were put on this earth by their imaginary friend …

Well it makes a change from Margaret Court, and the reptiles will no doubt keep it going for a few weeks, it being about the only way anyone will pay attention to the losing ways of thugby union ...

And so, because it's been an interminable ride, to the Pope of the day, which shows Malware on his own bike ride to Xmas … with more Pope here ...