In which the pond settles for nattering "Ned" tedium and a useless baker of WSJ droning...

 

Shattered, devastated. The pond woke to the news that Dominion had taken the money and run, and so six weeks of blockbuster entertainment went down the drain in a flash, and all the pond was left with as a memento was that courtroom sketch* of the chairman giving evidence...

Not that you'd have known anything about it if you were a lizard Oz reader. The reptiles have studiously ignored what's been going down, and belatedly dropped the news into the triptych of terror section ...

What else then? Well the pond is well over Dame Slap's "I'm alright Jill and fuck you" routine, and the only joy to be found in that Chuck piece was the chance it provided to link to Marina Hyde, even though a master herpetologist and esteemed correspondent had already noted it. 

Hyde's How is Britain rising to this inspiring coronation moment? By obsessing about the Sussexes again saw her in splendid form, and as always put Dame Slap to shame, with the pond having a snack on the moist, wet bits ...

...Back on the official channels, strong efforts are being made to get people excited about the approved royal menu for their subjects’ day. It feels somehow apt that the official dish selected by King Charles is a quiche, given quiches are often wet and almost always disappointing. Like some of Charles’s recent walkabouts, the dish has been regarded as a good use of leftover eggs. Traditionally, indifferent cuisine is a celebrated feature of royal occasions. Of a banquet on the eve of Elizabeth’s coronation, Richard Crossman noted in his diary that “the food was cold and not very good”. Charles’s official coronation quiche features tarragon, the king having failed to commit entirely to the bit, and bung in that most divisive of herbs, coriander.

And the pond was gazumped by another expert herpetologist and esteemed correspondent, who noted Charlie Lewis's piece for Crikey ... ‘Purest star in the Murdoch firmament’: Miranda Devine does us ‘proud’ (sorry, likely paywall).

It produced an abundance of comments, above average for a Crikey story, with the wags on fire with salacious hits...

Mercurial: I wonder how much Devine would enjoy being “grabbed by the pussy”?
Kimmo: Being a dutiful conservative, she would blame the victim.

And then there was the Devine's record ...

...As part of her long-running opposition to advances in LGBTQIA+ rights — be it in the form of marriage equality or anti-bullying programs — she has made some notable errors. She has relied on the American College of Pediatricians, a fringe group of somewhere between 60 and 200 healthcare workers who spread discredited and false claims including attempting to link homosexuality to pedophilia. Plus she incorrectly claimed that terms such as “girl” had been banned at a high school as part of a proposed implementation of the Safe Schools program.
Perhaps the most costly error came when Devine responded to a video of Murri boy Quaden Bayles weeping and saying he wanted to die after being bullied, by asking aloud whether Bayles had been “coached” to say things that “no nine-year-old would say”, eventually leading to an apology and $200,000 as part of a settlement.

There was also a handy link to the source of much of Charlie's material ...Meet the Murdochs' newest star

...Vanity Fair reported Allan’s role at the Post was partly to keep the pro-Trump crowd onside in a way that didn’t alienate its relatively liberal New York readership. According to VF, Allan understood that “if you’re talking to a New York audience, you can’t go full MAGA … You can’t just be all Fox News.” Apparently no-one told Devine.
She has been unwavering in her florid devotion from the very start, arguing before his 2016 victory “compared to Clinton, [Trump] is a paragon of virtue,” and after it that “a great force has arrived to rescue Western civilisation and its name is Trump, Donald J Trump”.
After his coronavirus diagnosis, she wrote in the New York Post: “If the president bounces back on to the campaign trail he will be an invincible hero who not only survived every dirty trick the Democrats threw at him, but the Chinese virus as well” which earned a retweet from Trump himself — along with Devine’s email address, exposing her to a volley of absolutely shocking abuse from the so-called tolerant left, like “you are dumb”, which she promptly turned into content.
She’s maintained this loyalty since, repeating the baseless election fraud theories, defending Capitol Hill rioters and obsessively covering Hunter Biden, US President Joe Biden’s son.

Great entertainment, and to think that the Devine "hang that greenie from the lamp post" Miranda was once a regular at the pond ...

But there's only so much time you can spend with a fuckwit before the scales fall from the eyes and a sense of tedium and ennui and a squishy quichy vichy feeling sets in ...

The pond doesn't blame Dominion for ruining its day or the next few weeks. Who would pass up the chance to rifle the chairman's pockets, score a handsome donation to the business, and make off with a goodly amount of the chairman's shekels?

But it doesn't leave much for the pond this day ...

Warren fear mongering again, Geoff barely able to chamber his excitement about the Price being right, and barely warm leftovers from the WSJ?

Sheesh, must the pond revert to the stodge aka as nattering "Ned" and the war with China? Sadly it's just a rhetorical question ...

What's remotely interesting about the pompous, portentous old dotard's latest outing?

Well it comes a little down the track, but it is comical, because we've reached peak "Ned" says what someone else says ...

Clearly reptile eyes had started to glaze over because someone inserted a snap of tanks, sure to send the bromancer into a tank frenzy, but only worth noting in passing ...

The pond is aware - thanks to the bromancer - that tanks pose absolutely no threat and are a complete waste of time and money, so what were the reptiles thinking, sticking this reminder of an arcane relic into "Ned's" piece?

The pond wanted to get to the bit where "Ned" said someone else said ...

Ah, thar he blowed, with at least four of "Ned" saying "Babbage says" ...

At this point the reptiles stuck in another snap, this time of anti-tank fortifications in Taiwan ...

The pond knew this was a devious ploy, because the bromancer had assured the pond that tanks were completely irrelevant.

Assiduous herpetologists will remember such masterpieces as ...

And this ... a tanks for the mammaries joke ...

So the pond was completely unmoved by that notion that tanks might be used in modern warfare. It was completely preposterous, the bromancer had said so, and so the pond could return to enjoying "Ned's" game of saying that Babbage says ...

Oh the pond should be fair. There was at least a "Babbage asks" and a "Babbage concludes",  and as for those grounds for optimism trotted out by "Ned", reptile king of recycling, the pond decided to drop in on that bit of recycled WSJ ... not because the pond expected to learn anything knew, but simply because it was there ...

Remember, this is a loon scribbling for a branch of News Corp, and if you want expert bashing of British twits, remember that the likes of Marina Hyde do it much better ... and if you want fun bashing of the state of the United States, why not drop in on Charlie Sykes' quick hits and morning shots, including but not limited to ...?

Instead of that sort of fun snap, the reptiles broke into Baker's piece with a boring snap of Londinium which didn't even feature quiche ...

Meanwhile, Baker was droning on, in the way of drones who have only one purpose in the hive, which is to reproduce blather about "woke" ...

Meanwhile, on another planet ...

South Dakota’s governor told an audience of people that her two-year-old grandchild has several guns.

While speaking on Friday at a National Rifle Association (NRA) lobbying leadership forum in Indiana, the Republican governor Kristi Noem told audience members her toddler grandchild has multiple guns, reported Mediaite.

During her remarks, Noem spoke about her grandchildren: Addie, who is almost two, and Branch, who is a few months old. Noem then said that Addie already had a shotgun and a rifle.

“Now Addie, who you know – soon will need them, I wanna reassure you, she already has a shotgun and she already has a rifle and she’s got a little pony named Sparkles too. So the girl is set up,” said Noem. (Graudian)

At this point the reptiles stuck in another snap, this time of the Goldman Sachs woke building ...

And then there was just a gobbet of ranting to go ...

What a splendid wank by an excellent wanker, without any regard for what's really going on in the country ....

Not to mention the rot at the core of the apple ... Fox Cries Uncle, Will Pay $787 MILLION to End Dominion Trial

The reptile drones can keep blathering on about the woke, but has anyone done more to divide and ruin the United States than the chairman and his supine scribblers and braying TV clowns?

* All the pond was left with was that sketch of the Chairman featured on Colbert with a joke about testicles ... and so to a late-breaking infallible Pope, quickly added by the pond to catch up with the reshuffle ...

Now that's a Captain Potato ...

The it's off to the immortal Rowe of the day ...

Way too many details, but did that hot band have something of the Some Like It Hot about it?

 

Aw, they didn't have the potato on piannah ...