In which the pond pits the bromancer against the dog botherer, and spares a tear for our troubled Gracie ...

What a perfect pairing, what  a match made in heaven, the greatest reptile minds together side by side, and the subject the Donald's prospects, though why there should be an election is a mystery to the pond, when it would be much simpler to delay the election until his death, or perhaps just make him emperor for life and be done with it …

As a result of this blissful co-joining, he pond could put aside the usual climate denialist talk, save worship of Maggie and Ronnie Raygun for a Sunday meditation, and indulge in its cartoon fetish, and where's the harm in any of that?

Best of all, the pond has no dog in this fight … after all, if Americans want to vote back in a grifter and snake oil salesman, a narcissist and a loony, and thereby hand the world on a plate to the likes of Xi and Vlad the impaler, who is the pond to argue?

No, more to the point is to compare and contrast the thrust and counter-thrust, the point and counter-point of the two reptiles, and see who emerges the winner, the top dog in reptile analysis …

Please allow the pond's preferred contender to step forward first - yes the pond has its prejudices and favourites, and thinks the bromancer top reptile loon, infinite in faculty, noble in reason, in apprehension how like a god …but can he continue to show that the dog botherer is just a wannabe pretender, a loser and a dropkick?

Immediately the pond was conflicted. It had to mark up the bromancer for sounding very positive - the Donald can still win - but really "Is Trump cooked?" is hardly up to the best bromancer openings. Perhaps "is the Trumpian goose cooked?" or "is the Donald a stuffed chook?"

There are many other questions the bromancer might have asked to get things going …

But in the end it's a minor stumble, and it's on with the gigantic, fantastic, psychedelic unbelievable carnie show, and remember children, these days, it seems everyone must join the bromancer in getting stoned to the gourd, or sozzled to the gills … so drop a tab now ...

Why that gives the pond a chance to slip in an immortal Rowe, with more immortality just a viral sniff away, and a chance of infection to be caught here …

Now here the pond must again mark the bromancer down. 

Sure, he mentioned the Donald and his expert handling of the virus, but next up, he quotes Charlie Cook, and why tarry with the bottle washer when you could spend time with the chef at his eponymous site here?

Still, the pond will allow it, because hope must spring eternal to the reptile breast ...

Here the pond must respectfully disagree. It's helpful to think of the United States as a vast land of like minds, united in their love of weirdness …

Is the bromancer prepared to embrace the weirdness? Didn't he start off by talking of carnies, geeks and chicken heads in an unbelievable reality TV show?

Not really, the bromancer still thinks, deep in his own weirdness, that it's all just a matter of counting the numbers and doing rational analysis, and then the Donald has hope, above all hope …

Surely we've moved past the pig metaphor? Surely we should be celebrating the rule of the lizard people?

Now in the reptile yearning for the return of the Donald, there has to be an obligatory tut-tutt, say a reference to his crude, coarse and offensive manners, but that short billy goat buttism can be swiftly set aside by celebrating how effective it is to be a vulgar buffoon...

Indeed, indeed, the Donald has an incredibly credible track record, and he is weird in a very rational way …

And with the US economy doing tremendously well, with a massively blown out deficit and depression -like figures, it's time for the bromancer to do a summary of his potent arguments …

An incredibly telling conclusion. There's no doubt Joe is as soft as a wet wick on China, and what is needed is someone with the coherence, consistency and strength of the Donald …

 

 

   

  

There's absolutely no way Joe Biden could match this tremendous record, and by golly, the bromancer has created a huge mountain of insightful analysis it will be hard for the dog botherer to match ...

Ah, the pond sees the dog botherer's ploy and must mark it down, because it's just another sampling of the dog botherer's special skill ... fear mongering. Long ago the dog bother learned you just had to warn the aunts on the verandah beneath good old Adelaide wisteria that the eastern staters were coming to take away their first born, and they'd vote endlessly for the likes of Sir Thomas Playford ...

Fear a win, fear a loss, fear everything, just be worried ...

Yes, the pond has it on sound reptile advice that Vlad the impaler himself is just a figment of the imagination, an invention of conspiracy pedlars and there's absolutely no truth to the notion of Russian interference in US politics.

Sure Vlad might occasionally poison the odd dissident, but is that so bad? 

Everyone knows that Vlad has dreaded the day that the Donald might withdraw troops from Germany.

And now the Donald is fulfilling Vlad's dread fear, and so it must be asked, is there a bigger or better sign of the Donald's belligerence towards this fictional ogre?

As for stirring up trouble, who needs the Russians?

The pond hadn't spotted the dog botherer as a Vlad lover, but really that's the fault of the pond. 

Of course a strong man correspondent would love equally strong leaders, and if only the dog botherer had been around in the 1930s, how he could have set the world on the right path to the triumph of the will ...

Potent points, and no doubt the Donald has been persecuted, and we should all do a Herman Cain and wander around without masks - oh the competition for the Darwin award this year amongst Republicans is especially keen and challenging - but do we need to get so agitated?

Shouldn't we just call the whole thing off?

And so to celebrating the unjust, unfair, wretched persecution of the Donald, a man who is utterly unwilling to spread conspiracy theories and fake news, because as everyone knows, the demon seed is everywhere, and witches and succubi threaten, and who knows where the next threat might come from …

Sorry, the pond didn't mean to have a two cartoon break, back to the persecution of the Donald ...

Indeed, indeed, who would inflame the risk to democracy? Who would spread misinformation? Where does this antipathy come from? What would fact checkers do if they were given too much spare time?

Besides, surely we should heap praise and medals on the triumph of being The Most Mendacious President in U.S. History?

And so to the dog botherer's summary ...

Antifa? That's the best the dog botherer can offer in his conclusion, up against the bromancer's killer remarks about China?

Call the pond biased, call the pond confused, but the pond thinks the bromancer nailed it, and the dog botherer fell into the trap of believing the snake oil salesman. 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and assessment of these two super reptiles, but surely the bromancer beat the dog botherer hands down with his killer assessment.

Of course there might be an embittered few who think the game was rigged, but surely that's the point, surely we should just play the game so that the GOP and friends, not least Chairman Rupert, can loot the country, and make out like bandits, while the mugs are left to munch on chicken heads in a carnie tent, and where's the harm in that? We all just want a little entertainment ...

The dog botherer  should take a few lessons from the bromancer - tut tutt about the Donald's tremendously effective coarseness, and then hold out the hope of him being a winner, without resorting to assorted Donaldisms, not least the threat that a few protestors are supposed to provide … save that sort of stuff for the aunts on the verandah in Adelaide.

Meanwhile, the pond just wanted to spare a thought for our Gracie.

In this troubled time, with the virus still raging and the light at the end of the tunnel seemingly extinguished, reptiles can get to feeling a little gloomy, and ask tricky, self-doubting questions suffused with despair ...

The reptiles understood poor dear Gracie's state of mind, and perhaps that's why they went with that image that suggests, conjures up, evokes, hints at a SloMo impaled on a cross …

Oh the suffering, oh the failure of the rapture to arrive despite the very best speaking in tongues. Is it any wonder that our Gracie is feeling gloomy?

Oh it's easy to see why our Gracie is so gloomy …

And what's worse, it's not just the Caterists with their paws out in search of a government grant. It seems everybody wants to avoid starvation and keep a roof over their heads. How selfish is that!

Poor, troubled, despondent Gracie … and yet surely there is hope. Surely she shouldn't give into the virus, surely she can rise to the challenge …

… and with that challenge in hand, tomorrow the pond will join the reptiles in a Sunday meditation celebrating the thoughts and deeds of Maggie and Ronnie Raygun, because the pond can never get enough shoehorning of new realities into existing ancient twentieth century ideologies ...