In which eel- and Malware-bashing continue as the order of the reptile day ...

(here)

The pond has to hand it to ScoMo …

Feed the media chooks some corn about new leadership rules and there won't be any mention in the media about the onion muncher's blistering attack on the NSW Liberal party and the attempts to subvert the Warringah Motion and the democratic right of Liberal party members to have more power in choosing who should stand for parliament.

Lord's sake, it was only by the greatest display of will power that the onion muncher bit his tongue to save a fellow climate denialist from the baying mob of democrats with the party … even if the consequences might not be appealing, and the hypocrisy rampant ...

Crucial if the Liberals are to retain government? (here) 

Why, entrench the PM in place and all be well, and we can look forward to a new era with a new Ming the merciless and who cared about that jibber jabber about reform, it was really only part of the sport of eel- and Malware-bashing …

But enough of high comedy, low hypocrisy and base cupidity (it might not exactly fit 'greed for power', but it does rhyme with gross stupidity), the mood continues positive in the lizard Oz …

Of course it's not the senior Liberals who are deserting Malware. It's the reptiles. How they loathed him, how they're all jumping on for a bit of eel- and Malware-bashing …

Now here the pond must pause to disagree respectfully with Christopher Warren in Crikey, who somehow imagined that the reptile rage machine might be softening …

Journalism lies deep in News Corp DNA? Less outrage? By golly that's a vision splendid ...

It's just that omeone forgot to tell Moorice and the lavishly paid Dame Groan …

It might seem perverse to ignore the thoughts of the $357k columnist, but when Moorice calls, the pond always answers, and this day he's joined in the reptile sport of Malware bashing … (take one good axe handle, head to the nearest creek, and if no eel is present, just have at the demonic shape lurking in the bush, you know, the bunyip, the boogeyman, the eastern suburbs big foot) ...

Hmm, he began the dismantling of the White Australia policy while blathering on about the immortality of their race?

Indeed, indeed, the pond is fondly reminded of Ming the merciless's 1954 policy speech, wherein he promoted great plans for wheat, diary and egg stabilisation schemes, talked proudly of public works, rabbited on being the true workers' party, celebrated national health schemes, and marvelled at the social services available in his welfare state … and so on … (here).

From the cradle to the grave, Ming was there to help, so naturally Moorice would celebrate someone with a genuine understanding of forward planning and community values, rather than those poseurs on the left, always wanting the government to be interfering busybodies, with their talk of the Snowy, stabilisation schemes, being the true workers' party, national health schemes, social services, and public works …

The skill is to talk of independence, while feathering the nest, so let the feathering continue ...

Is it in any way funny to find a crony capitalist deploring crony capitalism? Of course, and that's why the pond cherishes the coal-loving Moorice …

Naturally he's at one with climate denialist Craig Kelly, naturally he has no time for abject nonsense of the Warringah motion kind. The demon beast must be slain, the existential threat from within opposed ...

What whimsy that the immortal Pope should also have taken up the theme, with more thematically relevant Pope always available here ...

Ah the grass roots have been truly rooted, which is why the pond found that opening bit of Christopher Warren's piece even more surreal ...

Hang on, hang on, the reptiles still employ Statler and Waldorf, under deep cover, to scribble the editorials for the lizard Oz … 

And as Moorice so ably demonstrated, the demon beast of the eastern suburbs must be ritually slain, over and over again ...

Why does the pond find this so funny? 

Well for the entirety of Malware's reign, the reptiles couldn't get enough of the onion muncher. How they loved to run his think pieces, even as the thunking stunk of undermining, how they ran endless stories devoted to wrecking, how they celebrated his every blistering attack on the Liberal party, how they championed his and the lesser Kelly's climate denialism, how they pointed out each bit of white-anting and sledging …

It takes an exceptionally fond parent to see one spoilt child indulging in temper tantrums as a hero, while the other is just a mean brat ... 

How agitated and upset are Statler and Waldorf by all this? Well in the last bit of the rant, they completely forgot about paragraphing ...

By golly, apparently they have problems with coaches in football, what they need are a couple of the Statler and Waldorf reptiles coaching from the sidelines …

But that reference to the bouffant one reminded the pond that it had missed out on a treat yesterday ...

He should have been axed earlier? And now they've set up ScoMo so they'll find it hard to axe him?

See how quickly the oscillating fan's talk of the lesser Kelly and democracy and the Warringah motion has faded.

But also see how the Statler and Walford reptiles now have a new straw dog, who will keep on giving and giving, in the same way that the onion muncher once did.

The pond suspects that they simply won't be able to give up the horror movie, that on a slow news day, they'll return again and again to look into the abyss, or perhaps under the bed ...

Now it might just be the pond, but that insert photo of the dog botherer made him look like a genuine sociopath, stalking the hapless, NBN-destroying Malware …

The pond felt a tremendous warmth for the reptile graphic artist. He made the dog botherer look positively weird and demented, like a clown figure. It would take a Pope to catch the exact likeness …but surely including glasses would help reveal the demonic stare ...

  

But the thought made the pond hurry through the streets, anxious to be home before darkness fell …who knows what terrible beast might be roaming the street calling for blood, or perhaps a gigantic dose of hypocrisy ...

Actually the pond here must agree with the dog botherer. It would be truly sensible for the Liberal party to expel Malware. The pond couldn't imagine a better way to prepare for the forthcoming federal election. It would work in much the same way that expulsion from the Liberal party saw the onion muncher retreat into ignominious silence, and retreat back to his former calling of a rigorous monastic life …

Just kidding, because the pond is feeling very light-headed from all the eel-bashing exertions, but at least there's only one gobbet to go …

It seems the answer is simply to ignore Malware, the way that the dog botherer, the bouffant one, the oz editorialist, and Moorice have already done in style. Say not a word about him, just walk on by, even if it might be terribly difficult, given the way the reptiles spend each day delighting in comparing him to horror movie figures, with comparisons to Michael Myers, the Entity, Annabelle, Jason Voorhees, Minnie Castevet, the Babadook, and Annie Wilkes yet to be made ...

"Morrison's only hope is that voters soon tire of the circus."

What a laugh machine the dog botherer is, and how he stands as a definitive rebuke to Christopher Warren's analysis and his suggestion that the reptiles might realise that their business model is broken and that they now only have as readers an ageing, angry old demographic shouting at clouds …

It's what they do, it's all they can do, and they'll keep shouting at Malware and the ABC right up to the election, and then if it goes against them, they'll still keep shouting about beautiful coal and the dangerous blacks on the streets of Melbourne, and the only upside to it all is that it also provides a wondrous blaze for the likes of Rowe's illuminating cartoons, with more Rowe here ...