In which the pond produces a bumper portmanteau of reptile pleasures ...

Naturally the moment the pond read Bronwyn Bishop's Choppergate scandal spawns 'Bronny Copter' game, (with forced video), the pond had to rush off to check the actual game at Bronny Copter ...

It is, in its own way, the ultimate meme tribute.

Of course the actual affair has now veered from a certain kind of Oscar Wilde cheese and cucumber sandwich on a silver platter farce to a bizarre Bourne conspiracy:

A spokesman for Bishop’s office said that on the weekend in question she had to meet people in the area on an anonymous basis because they did not want to attend public hearings of the inquiry. When asked how many people Bishop met and what date the spokesman said he was not going to go into the details of Bishop’s diary.  (Graudian it here).

It gets more Einfeldian and preposterous by the day, and it seems likely now that the first day of the next sitting is going to be very rich comedy ... pray she lasts to make it so because the omens aren't good ...

Oh no, say it ain't so. What would the pond do? How can this be?

But enough of the fun, because it's the pond's duty each day to consider the reptiles and to see what's getting them agitated.

And today the reptiles offered a double dose of agitation:

Naturally the pond was torn. Follow the Lomborgians or go through some routine Islamic demonisation with Dame Slap? What a Janet's choice!

And then it came to the pond, a bit like one of those gigantic bumper comic collections:

Why not do both? Why not pack them both into the portmanteau, or as anyone sensible knows, the good old Tamworth port!

For those who realise a Tamworth port isn't a Portuguese drink, here we go.

First of all the poodle and the Lomborg and the outrage and the shock and the horror and the indignation:

Uh huh. It's a bizarre and disgraceful intervention in Flinders' academic affairs, yet springing for four million to plant a cuckoo in the nest is seemly, proper, right and just ...

No wonder the pond knew it was going to be a ripper ...

Preserve its integrity while hustling coin from the poodle? Like a hooker trolling for a John, or a Christopher ...

Now there's a great punch line ...

But now for the test. Was Dame Slap up to the job? Would she rise to the challenge?

The header was promising. After all, in recent days we've had a stunning stand taken against the government funding and teaching of anti-evolution Christian fundamentalism in Australian schools by many, many reptiles - you know the sort of fundamentalism which saw that great headline Jehovah's Witness abuser quoted scripture while assaulting daughter, royal commission told. 

And there have been stunning examples of reptiles denouncing the notion of the crusade that inspired the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan ...and calling for the indictment of the war criminal crusaders, such as Bush and Howard and Cheney ...

Sorry, the pond stopped taking its medicine for a moment.

You wanted examples? Sorry, none seem to be at hand. Of course we all know that there are fundamentalist cults amongst us ...

Jehovah's Witnesses 'a cruel cult', ran the headline, Slamming the door on Jehovah, and yet, for all that, the cult managed to find itself involved in a government scandal in WA, here. 

Weird stuff, and then somehow the pond found itself In the Belly of Jehovah ...

But the pond's job is to get into the belly of the reptiles and discover the fear and loathing and the hysteria, and as always Dame Slap is up to the challenge, thanks to recycled David Cameron:

A promising start.

Condemning the child-raping, gay-loathing Catholic church certainly isn't enough to prove you're in the business of challenging extremists, but here's where it got real for the pond:

Bracing stuff indeed.

Wild conspiracy theories? Conspiracy theories that feed the extremist narrative?

Inevitably the pond was drawn back to the grand days of Dame Slap herself and her grand enthusiasm for Monckton's wild-eyed extremist conspiracy theories:

 There's more at Deltoid here, which avoids the tedium of the plot linking to itself. Sadly the link to Beware the UN's Copenghagen plot seems to be broken, but never mind, a kindly soul put up the story as a pdf here. And you can find the first part of it here at a denialist site here, with a broken link.

Strange, it's as if someone was embarrassed by a barking mad column.

Because frankly - it has to be said - Dame Slap is inclined to be nutty, and to be a lover of conspiracy theories.

So naturally she has another conspiracy theory ready to hand:

Now astute readers will remember this talk of victimhood is exactly the same sort of talk as has recently been the fashion with Adam Goodes and talk of his sense of victimhood and grievance and so forth and etc.

Naturally it leads to talk of Australian values, though what these are never become clear.

Perhaps the White Australia policy?

Never mind, it builds to a fine flow of rhetorical excess:

Yes, Australian values demand freedom of speech so that Islamics can be demonised even further.

Forget about the Aborigines and the Irish and the Asians and the Italians and the Greeks and the middle Europeans and all the others that have been given the dust-up by feral members of the commentariat and Australian values over the past hundred years or so.

Been there, done that, and now it's the turn of the Islamics ...

Never mind, let's go on asserting our confidence in our own homophobic, flag-waving, feminist baiting, Adam Goodes dissing culture and its heroic fearless leader and its faithful tribe of worshipful members of the commentariats - that'll teach the Islamics how to deal with gays, women and pesky blacks ...

Oh and the UN.

Don't forget the UN.

Its world government agenda will see gays and women running and ruining the planet with jibber jabber about climate science ...

Meanwhile, on another planet ...