In which the pond has to explain being time poor for the umpteenth time before racing off in the chopper to get the climate and middle eastern policy juice ...

(Above: and more scrumptious, delicious, excellent, fin de siècle Rowe here).

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today at the pond to consider the text for the day:

Corruption of the press by Murdochian reptiles is the gangrene of the people.

Oh dear, that came out a tad Francis. The pond couldn't be going Catholic, could it? Could we have another form of words please?

Corruption of the body politic by the Abbott clique mouthing simple-minded slogans is the gangrene of the people.

Oh forget it, how long before that damned trouble-maker is taken out, and Rome can get back to corporate business as usual, and Catholics can get back to picking and choosing, like any decent religion or Abbott?

And now please allow the pond offer a personal explanation, and deep sympathy for, and abiding loyalty to Bronnie in her anguish.

Some simpleton trouble-makers and headline scribblers have been carrying on endlessly about a harmless trip to Geelong, and other assorted junkets and essential expenditures:

The miracle is that anyone would want to go to Geelong for any reason at all. How many times can you look at those cute seaside statues?

Oh they're so cute ...

Frankly, the pond understands. We frequently have to chopper a few blocks up to the IGA to get the juice and the yoghurt.

Some days it's raining, some days the traffic is hell or Jeeves can't get out the Roller, and sometimes it's just for the fun of the ride. And the pond is always time poor, what with the need for a little pamper and champers time ...

Born to rule, silver spoon stuck up the bum? Damn right, the pond loves to junket and laugh at the pathetic minions and envious bien peasants who gaze up at the chopper as it whirls above them.

A wag dropped a link to this cartoon into the pond:

No reason given!?

Sheesh, what part of "time poor" don't the bien peasants understand?

But enough of the pleasantries, because the pond is wildly 'excited' thanks to the advanced science made available by the reptiles:

And there was the pond standing under the wind turbines thinking it was 'excited' at being in South Gippsland, only a short hop to the Antarctic.

If only we'd known that the mental disturbances emanated from Graham Lloyd.

But enough of the pleasantries, let's get into a solid, chewy, hide-toughened text for the day, and see if we can spot a little comedy.

Where else to look but the Oz reptilian editorialist lurking behind the paywall?

The pond's favourite bit?

Even the Coalition is committed to monitor these developments through the Climate Change Authority.

M'lud, may it please the house, the pond has fortuitously drawn up the Climate Change Authority (Abolition) Bill 2013 and went so far as to lodge it at ComLaw here.

There, that should abolish that Coalition commitment.

Never mind, what a classic exercise in befuddlement, obfuscation, delay and dithering, and blather about "there seems little need for policy upheaval" because the quisling Hunt has everything under control.

This from a rag which in previous days has opined that it thinks a market-based solution is the only way forward and direct action is a rort that won't work.

Now suddenly the renewable energy target is a major part of the solution! Would that be the green energy losers denounced the previous day in the same rag?

Meanwhile, the denialists are out and about in their usual Terrorist way:

Oh it's too tedious and predictable, so let's turn to the other pleasures to be found in the gangrenous Murdochians, as the bromancer does his very best to sound even more hysterical and alarmist than Netanyahu himself:

That takes some doing but the bromancer is up to the job.

It reminded the pond of an Abbott statement yesterday:

“Look, we give it a cautious welcome but I probably should stress the caution at least as much as the welcome,” Abbott said. 
 “Yes, we certainly want a nuclear-free Middle East. The Middle East is the most unstable and dangerous part of the world. If any country in the Middle East were to get nuclear weapons that would be a horrifying escalation of tension,” he said.

Yes he actually said it - and you can Graudian the story here - and the ABC report let the muddled man's remarks slip through to the keeper, but what a relief it was for the pond to learn that nuclear weaponed Israel wasn't actually in the Middle East, thereby preventing a horrifying escalation of tension, and what a relief that we want a nuclear-free Middle East...

As for the hysterical bromancer, it's too tedious and hysterical to quote at length, but here's some text for anyone who wants to google:

As befits the routinely Chicken Little bromancer, there's a Joseph McCarthy tinge that runs through the piece - well if you're going to out-Netanyahu Netanyahu, who better for a role model:

Still the pond was appreciative of the bromancer endorsing Tony Abbott's call for a nuclear-free Middle East, issuing, near the end of his piece, his own passionate bromancer plea for Israel to get rid of its nuclear weapons, thereby preventing a horrifying escalation of tension in the Middle East.

Ha, got ya. 

There you were, racing off to read Sheridan right to the very bitter end, spending hours trying to discover where he said such an outrageous thing, and coming up with zip, nada, nihil.

But if you did get right to the bitter end, you'd have come across the bromancer's closing line, rich in comedy material:

Western politicians typically cannot understand Middle Eastern regimes with theological ­ambitions.

Because Israel isn't a Jewish state, and Jews have no theology and Israel isn't a theocratic state. That's why Jewish fundamentalists routinely answer the call to arms and national service ...

Should Israel be a democracy in which a minority enjoys equal rights, or an ethnocracy for Jews who believe that their right to the Land of Israel is greater than any other human right? Rabbi Zvi Yehuda Kook said: "This land is ours, there are no Arab lands here ... within its entire biblical borders it belongs to Israeli rule ... this is the decision of divine politics, which no earthly politics can overcome." (Haaretz, may be behind the paywall, and require a google).

And you could multiply that quote by the thousands, and coming from the heart of the current Israeli government.

How lucky divinity has no connection to theology.

Does this produce a final text for the day for deep consideration? Indeed it does:

Let it be said and noted, Western gangrenous Murdochian reptile journalists typically cannot understand Middle Eastern regimes with theological ­ambitions.

And so to First Dog, who today unveils his secret terror, which also happens to be the secret terror of the pond.

What if they took Tony Abbott away? What if the Murdochian press suddenly became reasoned, rational, calm and considered?

What if someone cut away the gangrene and we came to a little solid flesh?

What would happen to the pond? How could it possibly survive?

More First Dog here.