It's coal, coal, coal for Australia, dance Ms Bishop dance, but no clicks for the reptiles ...

The pond was going to click on Tobias Feakin's piece for the reptiles at the lizard Oz, and ask him why he thought:

(a) the jihadist social media machine was in any way streetwise? Did he think the Pope taking to twitter was like, man, really down there with it, cool, hip daddyo, and any other bit of 1950s argot he could muster ...

(b) Governments needed to keep up with the allegedly streetwise jihadist social media machine on a streetwise level, as opposed to monitoring it for security issues and such like...

Did Tobias have any understanding that any time Government attempted to be street wise it was invariably lame?

Did Tobias understand that lumping all the work on Government was peculiar in a rag ostensibly dedicated to small government, yet always whining and moaning about what Government should be doing? Like keep up, streetwise, with crazed fundamentalists ...

Did it occur to him it might have been more interesting to have a splash saying Murdoch newspapers need to keep up with the allegedly - in Tobias's lunchtime - streetwise jihadist social media machine?

The problem, of course, is that any time the Murdoch media attempts to be street wise, it's invariably lame.

And then pond was thinking about asking Greg Sheridan a few questions:

Like why Greg 'the bromancer' Sheridan continues to exist ... and to scribble ...

Like why in the splash he posed such a straw man, straw dog set of polar opposites, so no doubt in a simplistic way in the full piece, he could simple-mindedly demolish the straw, and marvel at the strength of his intellect, while infuriating readers who can hold more than 1 and 0 in their minds at the same time ... though perhaps unable to be absolutely indifferent to Sheridan's routine daily stupidities ...

But then a marvellous, wonderful thing happened.

When the pond clicked on the splashes for the stories, up popped an all-devouring, all-consuming page of the kind that you routinely see on the lowest kind of sites, usually offering you a chance to make a cool million by working for thirty minutes a day at home, or a cool movie player that could handle the avant garde flv files you're downloading, or a computer cleansing program which will fix everything, including your control of your computer ...

Instead of a header and a teaser par, you copped a begging, pleading, demanding pop-up, and this was it ...

Yes they're now that desperate.

Of course the pond could still have found the columns via google, but frankly the pond was so pleased that the reptiles were so desperate that we did a little jig of joy and decided today not to pay any attention whatsoever to the reptiles.

Sorry reptiles, you flashed a "never to become a Murdoch subscriber at any time for any reason" reader, and it seems only fair not to bother having a conversation ... it's not worth the click or the link, which would see stray, random pond readers, who might innocently click on a link, assailed by this sort of aggro pop up.

That's visual assault and battery. Why the pond may as well send a stray reader off to 4chan.

You see reptiles you've actually helped, are currently helping and will no doubt in the future continue to help the killing of the planet, with your regular, devoted attention to climate denialism ... who wants unrestricted access to denialism?

Jon Stewart was in fine form this week on the follies and all it took was some ice and a glass of water, and a giant towel to mop up the oceans:

Yes the pond can get better insights on the luddites by heading off to a comedy channel than by reading the reptile luddites at the Oz.

And there's bonus comedy elsewhere. Like David Rowe, and more Rowe here. Now there's a man worth a link, at least until the equally desperate Fairfaxians get sniffy:

Ah that old riff. Good old Tom Ewell and poor unhappy Marilyn, and its coal, coal, coal for Australia ...

It's not much of a movie, The Seven Year Itch - if you want pure Billy Wilder it has to be Some Like It Hot, which way back when introduced to the pond the idea that a man could marry a man because, let's face it, nobody's perfect.

But even average Wilder deployed to send up Julie Bishop and the Abbott government and the Murdochians, and their scandalous failures in relation to climate science is a better use of Marilyn Monroe's image than spending a nanosecond with the reptiles. Take it away Billy, remind the pond's gentleman readers of days of lost innocence: