In which Tony Abbott spurts a lot of retardant foam ...

You might be able to imagine the pond's untrammelled pleasure at the sight of Tony Abbott today attempting to sell his budget and bungling his lines.

Truth to tell, Abbott would find it hard to move pork fillet at a char siu party, let alone try to flog a pork chop to a Passover celebration.

The hapless bungler is feeling the heat so much that he can't get his story straight - possibly because a lot of people now realise he couldn't lie straight in bed:

Prime Minister Tony Abbott's claim only students who begin university in 2016 will be affected by a deregulation of course fees has been contradicted by university vice-chancellors and the federal Education Department. 
Fairfax Media revealed on Wednesday university leaders fear up to 160,000 school leavers could be forced to select courses without knowing whether they will pay tens of thousands of dollars in extra fees. 
University of Western Sydney vice-chancellor Barney Glover asked for the postponement of fee deregulation during talks with the office of Education Minister Christopher Pyne last week. Peak body Universities Australia is also calling for a delay, saying the government has not allowed enough time to implement the changes. 
Mr Abbott told ABC Radio on Wednesday morning: “If you start a course under one system you will finish it under one system. “If you start next year your conditions of study won't change. It's only for those who start when these changes kick in in 2016 who will have the different conditions applying to them.” 
This claim is at odds with the federal government's website explaining the changes to current and future students. A spokesman for the Department of Education told Fairfax Media: "Students who enrol in a Commonwealth supported place after 13 May 2014 will be charged under the existing arrangements until 31 December 2015. After this date they will be charged under the new arrangements, as determined by their university or higher education institution." (more here)

And then he got the details wrong over the co-payments due under his butchering of the health care system. Ostensibly one of the key measures in the budget. Jolly Joe Hockey got that wrong too ...

Forget about the sexist wink, this is a man who isn't across the detail of his job.

Could it get even more pathetic?

Well yes it could, with Abbott comparing the budget to a fire brigade putting out a fiscal fire. (yes, he did, here at ABC news)

Now the pond is inclined to childish metaphors and loonish behaviour, but then this is a pond for loons and so it's perfectly right to be completely gormless. There's no need to sound prime ministerial.

But what about a prime minister who sounds like he's explaining difficult things to a bunch of pre-schoolers? And then can't even get the details about the fire engine right? (He probably doesn't even know that Dennis changed hands yonks ago, do a Greg Hunt here)

Could it get any worse?

Well yes it could. Abbott also buckled so quickly and so hard that he promised tax breaks, better known, since we're dealing with nonsense, as pie in the sky or one hand in the bush is worth two in the bye and bye. Or some such stupid metaphor.

The grateful reptiles jumped on that one, with Jared Owens rushing out Tony Abbott says tax cuts could flow after harsh budget:

Tony Abbott has held out the prospect of tax cuts in his next term of government, as a reward for accepting tough budget cuts and tax increases now. 
Amid a public backlash over his government’s first budget, the Prime Minister this morning stressed the harsh measures were “not an exercise in sadomasochism” and that tax cuts could flow “in the not too distant future”. 
 “If we are a strong and responsible government and are prepared to take the tough decisions now to get our country back on track, I am confident that within a relatively short period of time we will have the economic strength and the prosperity to start looking at things like tax cuts down the track,” Mr Abbott told 3AW. 
 “I would like to be in a position to offer tax cuts in our next term. At the moment I’m certainly not guaranteeing that or promising it, but the whole point of getting the budget under control now is so that we can give tax cuts in the not too distant future. (more here, may be behind the paywall because the reptiles can't bank the tax cuts just yet).

How pathetic is that? In a single leap and a bound, we've jumped from a dire budget emergency to the land of milk and honey ...

If you're going to do the carrot and stick routine, at least do it with skill and nuance, rather treating everyone like donkeys that can be bought and sold on a whim ...

Meanwhile consumer confidence tumbles, ABC here, and then as a capper to the capper, and just to round it all off, up spoke Cory Bernardi:

Liberal senator Cori Bernardi has roundly criticised his own Government's budget, saying concerns about it are "legitimate". 
In a weekly newsletter, the South Australian Senator from the Coalition's right wing has taken a swipe at the federal budget measures, particularly the decisions to bring in a debt tax and to spend the proceeds of the $7 GP co-payment on medical research. 
"There are plenty of regular people who are disappointed with aspects of the budget and their concerns are entirely legitimate," Senator Bernardi said. 
 "It is now up to the Government to spell out the facts and convince Australians that the proposed changes are necessary and manageable." (here)

Somehow the loons escaped from the pond and thought they could run the country ...

By golly, it's going to be hard work for the hagiographers and the knob polishers, but each day now the pond rises early, eager to see the chaos unfold like a fire engine spurting foam into the sky ...

Or some such stupid metaphor ...

(Below: and the rest of the First Dog budget cartoon here)