Another day of headline bliss in paradise ...

Oh it's just another day of headline paradise:

With a bit of pop psychology for good measure:

But what if there's nothing inside Hockey's head, except a glowing neon saying "pillage, pillage, pillage"?

What about the Daily Terror?

Oh noz, not the tabloids. And news.com.au was at it too:

Tony Abbott was confronted this morning by an angry pensioner who says she works on an adult sex line to make ends meet, while hitting the airwaves trying to sell his tough budget. 
The woman’s story was enough to make listeners sit up and take notice — but it was the prime minister’s reaction, caught on video, that is likely gain more widespread attention. 
As caller Gloria introduced herself, saying “I work on an adult sex line to make ends meet”, Mr Abbott winked and smiled, apparently in the direction of ABC Radio host Jon Faine (off camera). 
As she continues, Mr Abbott broadened his grin for a few seconds — then looked straight at the camera and swiftly composed his expression. 
The PM, who was beset by accusations of sexism before the election campaign, then tried to deal with Gloria’s stinging criticism.

Eek, but it so happens that just below that story there was a convenient guide:

“Food, electricity, firewood, Christmas, birthday presents to my grandchildren or should we all just die and get out of your way?” 
He responded by saying he “absolutely” understood she was doing it tough and insisted she would still pocket carbon tax compensation even when it is axed. 
“But you don’t give a stuff though do you.” 

Say what? Are we in the company of a proven liar, routinely caught lying?

 4. NON-COMMITTAL STATEMENTS “Noncommittal statements are red flags — ‘pretty sure’, ‘probably’, ‘must have’ and, my least favourite, ‘maybe’.” 
5. QUALIFYING STATEMENTS “Cohen Wood says these expressions — ‘to be honest’, ‘there is nothing to worry about’, ‘I hate to tell you this’ — are often signal that the person is uncomfortable with his or her next statement.”

Absolutely. Can we throw in a wink and a nod and a nudge nudge?

Winking Man: Is, uh,...Is your pensioner wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more, wink wink? 
Pensioner: I, uh, I beg your pardon? 
Winking Man: Your, uh, your pensioner wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh? On the phone eh? Bit of a goer on the phone eh?  
Pensioner: (flustered) Well, she sometimes 'goes', yes. 
Winking Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, wink wink? 
Pensioner : (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. 
Winking Man: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! A bat on the telephone ...
Pensioner: Are you, uh,...are you selling something? 
Winking Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Just a bit of a budget. Selling a budget. And a bit of the other. The other ay? Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE! 
Pensioner: Well, I, uh.... 
Winking Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay? Sporty on the telephone? 
Pensioner: Um, she likes sport, yes! 
Winking  Man: I bet she does, I bet she does!  Goes the biff. In the scrum. Digit in the bum? Hand on the scrotum? Ay? Socks it to 'em. On the telephone, in the field. Bit of a mauler in a maul?
Pensioner: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket. 
Winking Man: 'Oo isn't? Tweaks the ball something fierce eh? Always standing at silly leg? Bowls a maiden over? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around? On the field, on the phone ...
Pensioner: She has traveled, yes. She's from Melbourne. (pause) 
Winking Man: SAY NO MORE!! Melbourne. Saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, cobber. Likes to ruck eh, take it up the guts, hand balls on the phone? Bit of biff on the field! Does good phone? Do you ask her for good phone?
Pensioner : I wasn't going to! 
Winking Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay? 'Photographs, ay', he asked him knowlingly? 
Pensioner : Photography? 
Winking man : Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more? Snaps on the Skype? Ay? Wicked ...
Pensioner: Holiday snaps, eh? 
Winking Man : They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography? You could Skype 'em ay, on the phone? If you had decent broadband ...

Lordy, lordy where did that come from? A variant on that sketch first aired in October 1969, and even then it was thought it was only a send-up of ageing dinosaurs soon to disappear from the world.

Sorry, now for something completely different:

Stella from Geelong said she had voted Liberal since she was 18 but she took the PM to task for lying about introducing new taxes and making her feel like an “idiot”. 
“What I cannot accept is myself and other intelligent voters being condescended to by a politician who won’t answer a straight question,” she told him. 
“That’s the last thing I would want to do,” Mr Abbott replied, conceding the fuel excise, which will go up as he restores indexation, is a tax. 
“I don’t want him to play games with words. Just come out and be honest,” the caller declared.

Oh surely someone will say something in favour of the man who thought that common assault - going the biff on the footy field - was some kind of badge of honour?

Yep, he mightn't be the best bet to have alongside you at Gallipoli.

But surely the Daily Terror can save the day?

No, all that means is that the lizards at the Terror don't read the reptiles at the Oz:

And who can blame them? What a turgid, boring read it usually is, full of ideological zealots of the first water.

WTF? How did that turn up? The pond has repeatedly said "sssh, whatever you do, don't mention climate change".

Any last thoughts?

Sorry, you can't have your country back.

The man with the smirk and the wink and the fisticuffs is in charge ...