Enough already, so many loons, so little time ... time to face the organ music instead ...

So once again the pond owes fellow road users a profound apology. It must be truly disturbing to see a driver shouting at the radio, almost as shocking as seeing mobile phone users blather into the invisible air.

Why does it always fall to the pond to be out on the road at the wrong time, listening to the wrong radio, and with predictably wrong results?

In this case, the pond happened to catch the wretched John Dickson talking to the wretched Rachael Kohn, apparently in rebuttal of Gene Robinson (the pond missed that bit, but masochists and self-harmers can listen to the thing on RN here).

What's worse, it was a repeat of a show that the pond diligently avoids for reasons of blood pressure and the desire to maintain some vestiges of intelligence, yet here they were, Dickson and Kohn, yammering on sympathetically to each other about how in three thousand years there had been only the one Christian definition of marriage, and that being strictly between a man and a woman.

Now you can understand why the pond began to shout back.

Shameless lies or shameless profound ignorance, the pond shouted at the radio. What of polygamy you stupid. maliciously mis-informed or shamelessly distorting people?

Explain polygamy and its frequent appearance, including but  not least Abraham, the very founder of the Abrahamic tradition, who had assorted wives and concubines, but also David, with five named wives and assorted other wives and concubines - and if you want a short summary, here's the wiki.

Now don't take refuge by claiming Abraham was outside the timeline, at c. second millennium BCE, face up to some of the elements in the Abrahamic tradition and discuss them in an adult way. Stop sounding wilfully ignorant, and stupid ...

Oh feel free to do your "love teh gays but hate teh married poofter" speeches, expose your smarmy biogtry and prejudice all you like, but do it in a way that shows that at some point you've actually read the bible and understand what has been  handed down as part of the Christian tradition.

Enough already, the pond swears not to shout at the radio again, at least until Rachael Kohn next makes an accidental appearance.

Meanwhile, the pond is confronted by another crisis today. It will mean nothing to sensible folk living in sensible cultures, but for seven long years, New South Wales has suffered under the burden of losses to cane toads in strange tribal rituals ...

What to do? How to show solidarity?

Well it so happens that Charles Dutoit is in town and doing the Saint-Saëns' Third (Organ) Symphony, as purloined shamelessly for Babe, and what better way to spend a few hours away from the boofheads? The pond loves the sound of a good organ, and so it goes ...

Lately the pond has been enjoying the clarinet concerto by Finnish composer Magnus Linbberg - what a quirky tribute to Gerswhin and Benny Goodman and jazz - and thinking about this, it occurred to the pond what joy there is in exotic media.

Yes, the ABC can use Rachael Kohn to ensure the pond will switch off RN, but there are other alternatives. It could be ABC-FM, or while on the road that cockroach of the airwaves JJJ, or when in Melbourne RRR, and maybe now it has a shop-front on Broadway, 2 SER might be worth a go.

Confronted by the likes Kohn, why not flick the dial? It doesn't mean you have to listen to that damned parrot, getting high on amphetamine-infused, anger-laden bird seed ...

The same can be said in these bountiful times for newspapers. Now you might feel like banging your head on the table reading Janet "Dame Slap" Albrechtsen but there are plenty of alternatives.

The Guardian down under has already had its veritable first hit, exposing the gormless Julie Bishop and her word games over Indonesia, as you can read in Julie Bishop, Indonesia, boats and Guardian Australia.

Now you might propose that exposing Bishop is a bit like revealing Kohn has all the depth and insight of a sock puppet, and you'd be right, but still someone has to do the job.

The Guardian has maintained the same style as its UK masthead, which happens to be the same style as the reptiles at the lizard Oz, but here's the relief. There's not one EXCLUSIVE in sight, just the exclusive sight of Julie Bishop sounding like a sock puppet, as you can read in the original story Indonesia 'would co-operate with Coalition on boats (and never you mind what the Indonesian Ambassador might say).

The Guardian also provided a story on the gormless Abbott trying to sound tough by shouting out of the depths of the ditch that Bishop dug for him, as you can read in Tony Abbott addresses questions about Indonesia asylum contacts.

Now why, you might ask, is the pond pumping up a UK publication? Where is the loyalty to the American-owned media which dominates the Australian landscape?

What? You've already forgotten it's Dame Slap day, and Dame Slap is as supremely predictable as ever:

Yes, she's at it again, like a cracked 78 rpm record, where the shellac has long since melted in the sun, so that all that's left is a kind of hissing and crackling of the warped kind.

Now look, you might, if you want, ignore the possible implications for blood pressure in later life, by circumventing the paywall - you know how to google - and read Gender wars can't help the Labor cause any more than a quota PM. But surely the opener serves as a warning:

Girls, girls, girls. Please put down your gender guns. When will Labor women wise up and work out that if you hand out gender favours for women, it's easier to do factional favours for men. And when factors apart from old-fashioned merit determine preselection, too many unremarkable women and even more deadweight factional men end up filling Labor's parliamentary benches.

Girls, girls, girls? Oh fuck off, fuck off, fuck off ...

Funnily enough, there's a story going around that there's a fuss at the Manly football club at the use of "boy" (Kiwi claims racism at Manly NRL club) which in turn reminds the pond of the famous time that Bert Newtown announced to the world that he liked the boy (yes you can see it on YouTube here).

Which is a round about way of explaining that you can't even in jest, and even as a woman, get away with that sort of condescending opening, at least not when talking to the pond. Girls? Oh just fuck off ...

Enough already, the pond can't do it, reading Albrechtsen is simply too hard ...

But, but you say, what to read, and perhaps on the matter of Labor party preselection?

What, already forgotten the rhetoric about there being alternatives out there?

Well there's also a paywall problem with Guy Rundle at Crikey scribbling Dear Labor, please continue to treat us with contempt, but it is very funny, and it is very different from Dear Janet, please continue to treat us with contempt ...

Rundle is very winning in his plea for David Feeney to win pre-selection for a Melbourne seat:

This would be an epochal moment in Australian political history. Three years after the Faulkner-Carr review, which investigated how out-of-touch, arrogant and generally loathsome Labor is perceived to be by many of its supporters, the candidacy of David Feeney for this Melbourne seat would be a chance to show that the party has learnt nothing, absolutely nothing from the last three years, that its factional leaders would rather lose an election than lose internal party power, and that it continues to treat its supporters with utter contempt. 

Rundle also gets a jab in at the Caterists:

Please have as many people as possible in the local party read and learn Nick Cater’s The Lucky Culture and continue with the fantasy that the latter group of people are in some sense unreal and therefore don’t count — that there is some ghost 1950s electorate out there ready to materialise, Brigadoon-style, and vote in the last grouper to be offered to an electorate that includes the Socialist Republic of Northcote, the Hippie Demesne of Clifton Hill and the Lesbian Margravate of Thornbury.

And so on and so forth until he wraps it up:

Please show that you are truly a sovereign party — the Louis XVI of Australian politics, you have forgotten nothing because you have learnt nothing. Please, above all, hurry on the utter disaster it appears will be necessary before you take seriously the dire state of your politics.

Now Rundle in his initial outburst made a mistake about Feeney in relation to same sex marriage - Feeney supports it - but this is easily explained. He must have accidentally caught a burst of Rachael Kohn and John Dickson on RN, an irradiation more deadly than the fallout at Chernobyl.

Never mind, Rundle in full flight is better than being irradiated by Dame Slap, which is more like grasping kryptonite and holding it close to the brain ...

(More David Pope here)

But wait, don't stop there. If you want permanent brain damage, there are a host of options. How about Paul Kelly, showing all the signs of a zombie brain-dead apocalypse:

Say what? Tony Abbott as the head of a unity ticket? Abbott to fill the unity vacuum? What addled-brained vacuumed empty-headed dodo would even begin to think of Abbott as the man to deliver unity? As opposed to nattering negativity?

Wait, we have a winner for clown hero of the lizard Oz commentariat award.

Waiter, a gallon of the kool aid that deluded, delusional man is drinking. It's so beyond bizarre, he's mixed a little acid or dope in it, hasn't he?

Oh give me more, give me more, bliss the pond out:

Say what? The man and the program that the lizard Oz conducted a war against for the entire time Holmes was fronting the show?

Does Dennis 'the suit and tie' Shanahan think lizard Oz readers have short memories? Sorry, that's only Peter Garrett ...

But give me more, please give me more:

There's no fucking doubt, you first class loon?

When your splash should, if you had the slightest shred of intelligence, have read There's no doubt The Australian and all the reptiles at the lizard Oz and the rest of the dark star Murdochracy have a problem when it comes to fair and balanced reporting on climate change ...

So who is this Marc Hendrickx? What is his scientific expertise? What are his credentials?

Who knows. He's just a bloody blogger with a bee in his bonnet, as you can see if you read his blog here.

What was that the pond said about maintaining minority interests? Sorry, we take it all back. You're better off reading the back of corn flakes packs than reading bloody useless bloggers (yes we take one self-loathing pill with our orange juice in the morning).

And what's worse, this Hendrickx used to waste the ABC's time by filling up The Drum with his blather, another bloody geologist doing a bloody Ian Plimer, as you can see here ... until, it's likely, they realised they had one weird bloody cuckoo in their nest ... and so he turned to his natural cuckoo home, the lizard Oz, which now features bloody bloggers in its digital splashes ...

Enough already, it's all too much, the pond is starting to rant, as hordes of Kohns and bloggers and Dame Slaps and the risible Kelly and the suited Shanahan rise into the air like ethereal, spectral spirits ...

Time to think about Dutoit and a little organ music ...

(Below: a classic example of the lizard Oz's idea of reporting on climate science. More details here. Do they think this sort of stuff is just forgotten? Lie, after lie, after dissembling distorting lie, and yet they have the cheek to publish Hendrickx railing at the ABC)