Convening a meeting of the flat earth society ...

(Above: click to enlarge for the good oil and a totally useless object).

Okay, we've got a lot to get through today, it's a busy agenda, all that the pond asks is that the language be kept civil and polite, down there with parliamentary standards.

Madam chair, as you can see, I've tabled a guide to knitting of a kind which even the pond has been known to understand and enact. I would like it noted that I can almost cope with the continued existence of the Australian Women's Weekly, I can almost cope with the image of a PM conjured up from deep within the 1950s and the time of Ming the Merciless, I can almost cope with the notion of knitting itself, despite stereotypical notions that women should have the slightest or vaguest interest in it, but I'll be fucked dead if I can cope with the sight of someone knitting a toy for a bloody Royal ... a bloody ponce git English Royal ...

Please, resume your seat, it's well understood that on this site the insulting concept and term of a "Royal" is only used in reference to money or in the presence of David Flint and then only as a term of feral abuse, and it should be noted that Flint's tribe have made no mention of the knitting ... strange for a bunch of crowned republicans ...

Madam chair, I would like it noted that when asked to unite behind former Chairman Rudd, the pond reserves the right to choke on its vomit, or perhaps on a large sandwich, on the principle that what was good enough for Jimi Hendrix and Mama Cass is good enough for the pond ...

So noted, and let it be so.

Madam chair, it has come to our attention that the President of the United States has, in the matter of climate change, announced that there isn't enough time for a meeting of the flat earth society.

Oh dear, that's unfortunate. Haven't the reptiles at the lizard Oz and Tim Bleagh and the Bolter called a special meeting to denounce this most unfortunate remark?

Madam chair, it seems that the Bolter has yet to respond, being too busy denouncing Rob Oakeshott and the knitting of toys for Royals, fierce and admirable republican that he is.

What then of the Bleagh?

No Madam chair, he too is protesting the knitting of toys for Royals, which perhaps marks his turn towards Republicanism at last.

Piers Akerman then? Surely Akker Dakker?

No Madam chair, he's obsessed with the return of the Ruddster, to the point where he even demands that we forget the matter of the toy for Royals. But then he's notorious for his solidity with the Republican cause, so his concern for the Ruddster is a way of downplaying knitting for Royals, as you can read:


Many in Canberra still believe that former PM Kevin Rudd’s forces will still drag him to challenge and that he will have replaced Gillard by end of play Thursday. 
That will make the display of a knitted kangaroo look like a very small error of judgement indeed.

Oh dear, does that imply some sort of displeasure at Royal knitting and Ruddsters?

What about Miranda the Devine?

Silence since June 18th at her blog, Madam Chair. We've sent out search parties, but we believe she might have gone off to meditate with the Yeti and develop new anti-bicycling strategies in case a lycra-clad lout wins the election...

Dear sweet long absent lord, is there no one willing to attend a meeting of the Flat Earth society to rebuke President Obama and climate science?

What about the reptiles at the lizard Oz?

Sorry Madam Chair, the only mention of the deviant devious Obama this day on the front digital page of the lizard Oz concerns the appointment of a new US ambassador to Canberra.

Otherwise all that's on view is the usual. There are hordes of members of the commentariat turning up to denounce the unseemly challenge that seems about to happen.

Hang on, hang on, what's that last splash in the digital carousel of doom by Dame Slap, aka Janet Albrechtsen?

Yes, it's true Madam Chair, suddenly the lizards of Oz are realising that they won't have a stuffed toy to kick around any more. It's time to tackle that troublesome serial pest, so Dame Slap demands that the party Man up, Labor and expel Rudd (behind the paywall so you never have to care).

Would it be possible to woman up?

Sorry, Madam Chair, the notion of such feeble language is completely beyond Dame Slap, who regularly mans up herself. And by golly does she show how - should the Ruddster return - the next few months are going to play out amongst the reptiles at the lizard Oz. 

By golly, well spotted, it looks like it's going to be a feast or a field day:

It was only after Gillard's stocks plummeted that we learned the truth about Rudd's removal. He was a psychopath, said Steve Gibbons; he had no Labor values, said Wayne Swan; he ran a chaotic, dysfunctional government, said other ministers who also complained about Rudd deciding big policies with no consultation. Off the record, a senior Labor figure told ABC journalist Chris Uhlmann that Rudd was a narcissist, a "crypto-fascist (who) made no effort to build a base in the party". His faction comprised poll numbers and when the polls dipped, Rudd was out.

Oh dear, a narcissist crypto-fascist psychopath with a tendency to chaotic dysfunctionality and possibly sociopathic tendencies? That's sounding unnervingly like the pond ...

But hasn't The Age and Crikey and the Fairfax press in general and the ABC and all the pundits at the lizard Oz been insisting on the return of the Ruddster?

What's going on? What's going down? Is this just the first of many bouts of commentariart lizard oz Murdoch abuse as a new knitted toy hovers into view?

Labor is left with two choices. Make Rudd leader to satiate his desires or expel him from the party. Forget the first. It will only prolong Labor's pain. That leaves expulsion - perhaps just as unlikely because it will require enormous courage and determination to deal with Rudd in one final, fell swoop. It's drastic. It's dramatic. But it is final and effective if Labor wants to rebuild its brand free from Rudd's crazy narcissism. 
Under the ALP state constitutions, any ALP member can charge another with behaviour that warrants expulsion. The federal executive can also seek expulsion. The grounds include: action or conduct contrary to the principles and solidarity of the party; behaviour that is disloyal or unworthy conduct; engaging in disruptive tactics; making public statements about internal party matters that may harm the best interests of the party; not supporting the ALP platform and rules of the party to the best of the member's ability; or failing to vote and work for officially selected party candidates. 
After the election dust has settled, a convincing case could be mounted against Rudd if the many criticisms of him are true. Take the allegations about Rudd's leaks. They are legion. Latham details some in his book, The Latham Diaries. In Confessions of a Faceless Man, Australian Workers Union boss Paul Howes wrote about more leaks just before the 2010 election: "It seems that the same person who leaked last night's story to Laurie Oakes has now given similar quotes to Peter Hartcher at The Sydney Morning Herald. It firms up my suspicions that Rudd is waging a dirty war against the Labor Party." Howes wrote that he became so incensed by Rudd's alleged behaviour that on July 30, 2010, he drafted charges against the former PM to warrant his expulsion but never filed them. Interestingly, Rudd has never taken legal action against any of these allegations of disloyalty. 
Labor has expelled men greater and lesser than Rudd. Billy Hughes was expelled while PM in 1916 and Jack Lang was expelled in 1942. Each expulsion is different but in each case it's done for the good of the party. It will be up to Labor's future leaders - men such as Bill Shorten, Greg Combet and Howes - to find the courage to rid the party of this troublesome, capricious, vengeful, angry former PM, toothy smile and all.
Yes it is ... talk of the toothy smile of a crocodile, and the Ruddster given a resounding pummelling and slapping around the ears, and that's before he even mounts an actual challenge ...

That Dame Slap certainly leads a rich fantasy life.

Can we have a show of hands then?

Point of order Madam chair. We're most reluctant to have a show of hands.  The meeting still wants to discuss the great moral challenge of our times ...

If you must. Proceed.

Sorry Madam Chair, the best we can do is offer up Innes Willox in the lizard Oz complaining yet again about the price of carbon, courtesy his piece in the lizard Oz, Business pays too much for carbon (behind the paywall so you can avoid the unpleasant sight of a whinging whiner wringing his hands).

That's it? That's the best on offer for the flat earth society?

So be it. The flat earth society will reconvene once the matter of the narcissist sociopath is resolved.

Let it be noted in the minutes however that the lizard Oz is doing its best for the carbon cycle by recycling, and charging its users for the pleasure:

Yes, that story by Jared Genser ran in the Wall Street Journal, with a date of April 25th 2013 attached to it, under the header In China, Repression Is a Family Affair (outside the paywall for your free reading pleasure).

Oh brave climate science affirming, abstemious, canny, frugal reptiles at the lizard Oz.

Meeting adjourned.