Some joker from The Punch is calling. Oh no, I told you, whatever you do, don't answer the phone ...

Thinking of opening a new feature on the pond, called rabidus fragosus madidus, or as we know it from reading The Punch, the Friday dilemma.

The question: what to do when a time-wasting, bleating minion of Murdoch rings demanding quick, cheap, free, greasy fast food answers?

(a) flee the country;

(b) turn off the mobile phone and hide under the bed;

(c) arrange a set of wall to wall meetings which fills in the time until one minute after midnight, at which point turn into a pumpkin;

(d) tell them to fuck off, because as an academic, I'm paid to do research work and engage with the education of students, and not act as a free resource for minions of Murdoch;

(e) patiently explain that they seem to be able to wank on without any use for actual informed thought;

(f) inform them that talking to a Murdoch minion is worse than having a yak with a telemarketer, then rudely hang up;

(g) advise them that academic bashing is the sort of cretinous sport we expect of Murdoch minions, then speak in very big words involving complicated concepts, which sees them hang up within a minute (this is sometimes known as the post-modernist semiotician strategy);

(h) get a first year student to answer the phone, only to discover the Murdoch minion just wants a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer. You know, like Rupert can punch his way out of this one, can't he?

(i) any or all of the above, though perhaps always ending in why don't you just fuck off, you condescending, time wasting gits?

Oh dear, I see that no one will understand this unless they read the Punch team's Friday dilemma: Why don't academics answer the phone, which creates a new Friday dilemma.

Is there any way to waste time more effectively than to read drivel at The Punch?

Construct your own alphabetical list ...

Meanwhile, a correspondent has kindly drawn my attention to a collect of vintage photos of New York, by amateur photographer Charles W. Cushman, to be found here. They are amateurish, but at the same time that's what makes them work as a celebration of New York. And what a great, infinitely interesting town New York is, with visuals that take in more than just the charms of Manhattanhenge.

And at the same time, for those entranced by ruins, there's Kinugawa Onsen: You and me and the devil make three, a nice piece about the hot springs resort on the river of angry demons, and its abandoned hotels, while you can collect some good photos at Kappa Onsen hotel haikyo, also with close-up views of Kinugawa Onsen.

You can travel back in time to vintage New York, or you can dally in Japan, and yet still you read The Punch? To quote Janet Albrechtsen quoting another intellectual giant, please explain ...