(Above: Kudelka making a Paul Howes' genitalia joke. For his apology, go here).
In shocking news today, a man has been charged for biting a dog because of its display of overt, indecent factionalism.
This week’s announcement by Apple of its iCloud music service, with similar music services offered by Google and Amazon, demonstrates the trend towards mobile wireless devices at the cost of traditional fixed-line services.
On current trends, the final roll-out of the NBN will coincide with the demise of fixed lines to many households.
(Below: and now an intertubes joke for Mr Andrews. More Dilbert here).
In shocking news today, a man has been charged for biting a dog because of its display of overt, indecent factionalism.
In even more extraordinary news, heavyweight unionist and ALP factionalist Paul Howes has bitten former chairman Rudd for displays of overt, indecent factionalism, and for running a party of zombies.(Calls for Labor Party reform opens old wounds).
Oh it's the unions v. the right-wing v. the left-wing v. who have you got - sweet lord where did they find Chris Shacht to comment - in what was apparently recorded as round two hundred and three of the eternal factional rumble in the jungle, with excellent sightings of kettles and pots indulging in name-calling.
When last noticed Howes was being celebrated for his role in the decline and fall of former chairman Rudd:
Union boss Paul Howes had to withdraw two sections of his tell-all book documenting his role as one of the ''faceless men'' who knifed Kevin Rudd after he was warned the content was defamatory. (Pulped: missing chapters in union boss's Rudd book).
The guess is that when former chairman Rudd called Howes a factional thug, he really meant to say he was a practical rug. Or is that a tug? (Foreign Minister in stouch with Paul Howes).
Meanwhile, Howes - who perhaps might have been factional in the past but thinks things should somehow change - is still celebrated for his singular contribution to policy in the matter of climate change, after demanding not a single job be lost as a result of structural adjustments (apparently the matter of no child living in poverty has been postponed for another decade). (Strange bedfellows in carbon tax debate, Memo Paul Howes: reform means change. Sorry.)
Enough already. I've always wondered why the Liberal party didn't just arrange a generous supply to a Labor party national conference of handsome kasumi - or even honyaki knives - as a kind of Trojan horse gift, and watch the slaughter commence ...
No need for anything else, just the pleasure of watching the factional thugs go at each other in assorted rounds of cock fighting, and best of all, no need for the special pleading of the commentariat, which in the case of Christopher Pearson this weekend reaches an ostentatious mawkish crescendo.
Yep, Pearson is in standard form in Feeding the news cycle with half-done deals, blaming the hapless Federal government for all that's wrong in the live stock trade, as if the industry itself was blameless, had no idea what was going down, and didn't do its best to imitate mushrooms and keep everything and everybody in the dark.
Pearson's special pleading then reaches an extraordinary height in the matter of Australia pretending that Christmas Island isn't actually part of Australia, and so shipping arrivals from a non-existent island to an offshore facility - wherever it is placed - is merely a matter of assessing the relative kindness involved, be it a rattan cane in Malaysia or desolate isolation in Nauru.
Pearson lathers himself up so pompously that he even manages to deliver this line straight:
If Kevin Rudd had been involved in the process from the outset it's hard to imagine it wouldn't have been more deftly handled.
Dearie me, knock me down with a feather. Is this the same cafeteria Christian who featured so extensively in Christopher Pearson: Rudd a cafeteria Christian, and who was hailed as a bureaucrat out of his depth and horse meat ready for the abattoir (Sins of spin the hallmarks of twin prime ministers).
What happy news that the bureaucrat out of his depth has somehow found his feet again the eyes of Pearson, and is seemly capable of sorting anything with his bureaucratic skills ...
What's that you say? it's just the usual dose of Pearson tripe, wherein any point that's made is all in service of the greater Abbott? How unkind ...
Though you might have a point if you manage to get to the end of Pearson's piece and see how he celebrates Abbott's grand-standing, this time by taking a trip to Nauru to assure himself that it's a viable option.
What, he's going to come back and tell us that the once richly corrupt Nauru is now a desolate, desperate lump of guano in the middle of nowhere entirely suited to delusional Australians anxious to pursue an 'out of sight, out of mind, anywhere but here' policy, in stark contrast to the current response of Turkey to Syrian refugees on its borders?
Yep, after fucking over Iraq and Afghanistan, what else can we do except shovel them off to a remote island to dwell amongst the bird shit?
Ditto Pearson's celebration of Abbott's regular visits to Alice Springs. It seems that taking a two day tour of the trouble spots and town camps is so much more caring than dropping in for six hours as Gillard did, as if somehow the coalition managed the intervention any better than the current government is doing.
Pearson makes a joke about Potemkin villages, but of course it was the Howard government that set in motion the vast salvation of the Northern Territory by beginning the erection of a vast array of Potemkin villages ...
Enough of this sickening hagiography already, here's hoping that Pearson is the first of the commentariat The Australian hacks shove behind a paywall ...
Happily The Punch is still free to its readers, so cyclists and NBN users can relax in a Pearson free zone, and enjoy the ramblings of Kevin Andrews in The NBN will arrive just as we don't need it anymore.
Andrews has made the astonishing discovery that Australians are increasingly using mobile and handheld devices, and so QED, no one will need landlines, the NBN, or desktop computers anymore.
Right now this blog is being pecked out by a pigeon taking my dictation as it types into a miniature micro iPhone whose letters can only be read by ordinary mortals with a microscope.
Such are the astonishing advances of science, and fresh news in suggests that by next week this micro miniature computer will be embedded in my head and I will directly connect into the matrix over the ether, thereby removing any residual need for landline connectivity.
Meanwhile, back in the surreal world of Andrews, you have to be capable of remarkable leaps in logic to achieve your goal of a world free of desk top connectivity:
Uh huh. Another blithering idiot federal politician who doesn't have a clue. But why do they all congregate in the Liberal party?
On current trends, the final roll-out of the NBN will coincide with the demise of fixed lines to many households.
Yes the arrival of fixed lines will see the demise of fixed lines. Quick, someone tell Foxtel it's doomed, because we'll all be watching it on our mobile devices, and have absolutely no need of a decent connection for our sixty inch - or is that eighty these days - screens.
It seems that a world where a multiplicity of devices providing multiple forms of connectivity is simply too complex for the Liberal party, and so we get the mantra "mobile good, fixed line baaad", while at the same time displaying a complete ignorance of the limitations of spectrum and wireless is par for the course ...
Well better minds than me have tried to explain these things - a kind of 'internet for Liberal simple-minded bicycle riding dummies' course - but if Kevin Andrews is the kind of futurist the party is offering the future, then truth to tell the future is totally fucked ...
Still, another good reason why they'll have to close The Punch, because you surely couldn't charge for this kind of rambling ...
Finally, just a note that Pauline Hanson's worst nightmare came to pass last night.
No, it's nothing do do with the strange affair of the fake witness (Hanson 'witness': I faked name), but rather there was Lang Lang up on the Opera House stage, and Chinese in the orchestra and Chinese in abundance in the audience (and a restless bunch they were too).
Ah well, you'll miss the theatrical enhanced selling of the music by gesture and look, but all the same if you're not in a position to see Lang Lang bang banging away, you can catch him tonight on ABCFM knocking off the Rach 2. Make sure you only listen on a portable mobile device, if only to please Kevin ...
Fun Chinese food and music and Pauline Hanson the victim of some bizarre sting, and no I'm not talking about the legal advice she's been receiving?
Why am I not paranoid about the world coming to an end?
I used to attended parties with Paul Howes in his student days (mutual friends). It is so strange seeing him refered to as a "power broker". He seemed so nice....
ReplyDeleteNot to worry. I've broken bread with assorted Labor head kickers, and they all seem nice, until you get your head in the road.
ReplyDeleteKeep the head out of the road, vacate the seat, give up all your land, rights, tithes, inheritances and contrary opinions and the right to be difficult and exceptional, and all's well ...