Loon pond heads north by north east for the spring loons, the odd hawk and handsaw ...

(Above: Buddy Holly doing it for Lubbock, Texas. And a NSFW alert for a few images below, depending if and where you work).

In defiance of media hysteria, the fear-mongering threat of terrorism, and the prospect of visiting a nation driven insane by the commentariat and Fox News, the pond is finally off to America.

But at least it's New York, home of inner urban elites, and therefore despised by the rest of the nation for the most part, until 9/11 reminded them it was actually the vibrant commercial and cultural heart of the empire.

It's still hard to find a decent coffee, but at least they try, and the food is so much better than Lubbock, Texas, it's hard to imagine it's in the same country (hey we love you Lubbock, or at least we love Buddy Holly, but damned if we didn't eat the worst meal in all history within your hallowed city limits).

The pond has already sent a number of scalpers (sorry we meant to write 'ticket brokers') in to happy retirement in Miami, and so is unlikely to resume transmission for a week or so.

Hey, there's not going to be any time to scribble.

We're off to connect to the zeitgeist, the day after Obama visits downtown New York. We're more likely to be at Century 21, but that means our hearts will be in the right place as we desperately try to kick start the American economy (and get revenge for that fifty cents in the dollar trip).

As for the loons, worry not. America has more active, vocal loons per square foot of native soil than any other country on earth, and so it remains an aspirationally upward inspiration to other countries striving to increase their home grown level of loonacy. It even encourages people to abuse and mutilate the English language and deploy words like 'aspirationally' ...

Here's hoping we don't meet a 9/11 Truth Movement or birther loon or the latest twist, the bin Laden 'deathers', because being locked up in the old USA would be a baaad thing ...

Meanwhile, please continue to enjoy Australian loons, such as Paul 'Colonel Grumpy' Sheehan, Gerard 'desiccated coconut' Henderson, Miranda 'hang a greenie from the lamp post' Devine, Christopher 'let's hear it for the Pope yet again' Pearson, Chris 'libertarian anarchist lover of big business' Berg, and Andrew 'the locksmith's friend' Bolt.

Oh no, the pond will be missing the bolt's television premiere of his brand new program, given an amazing timeslot on a Sunday morning on network Ten, apparently so it can be watched by the teen market, who've given up on Justin Beiber and now want to suckle on the teat of informed political opinion.

Teens, this is how it's done. Climate change? Bah humbug. Blacks? Bah humbug. Mollycoddling nanny state? Bah humbug. Tax the rich or the mining industry? Bah humbug. And so on and on to infinity and beyond, as Buzz 'Lightyear' Bolt fights all the evil Zurgs around him.

Suddenly Justin doesn't sound so bad? Sorry, Mr. Bolt is your new video hit.

Still, there's going to be devastation and bleakness at the pond, because who will compose the off Broadway musical The Book of Bolt, a searing portrait of a tabloid journalist who thinks he's been given the golden tablets explaining all that matters as to the way life should be lived?

Delusional fear mongering and pronouncements from on high guaranteed, with Charlton Heston the only actor able to carry the role with any conviction, unless god is looking for a new gig. Time to revive the cold dead hands of Heston?

Weather and editorial limitations permitting, why not drop a note in the comments section, explaining that you're mad as hell, and not going to stand for this commentariat loonacy any more?

Why just today Colonel Grumpy has broken his silence for a special bout of Islam bashing, in Repressing women is sharia's raison d'etre.

You might feel the need to scribble a note remarking on the remarkable way Paul Sheehan has, over many years, made a speciality of bashing western feminists, and uppity women who dare to have an opinion different to his. High heels and fashion are his special forms of revenge ...

And if you're not outraged by Colonel 'damn those feminists' Grumpy's double standard, perhaps you might want to urge him to embark on an equally strenuous bout of Roman Catholic church bashing, paying particular attention to the way the Pope and his minions maintain a rigorous anti-woman stance - to the point of sending a hapless Toowoomba bishop packing.

The silly bugger wanted to hang around a little longer to help out kids damaged by sexual abuse, with a teacher at a Toowoomba Catholic school admitting to sexually abusing 13 young girls during 2007 and 2008. (Bishop knew of his departure).

You might want to scribble furiously about the mote in Colonel Grumpy's eye, and the considerable mote in the eye of the Catholic Church.

Well here's the good news. The SMH has disabled comments, because they knew Colonel Grumpy would send the readership into a frenzy. And that's good, because remember when you make a comment, you're only feeding and rewarding the bastards.

A hit in rage is still counted as a hit to run up the advertising tab. And a comment shows the commentariat is doing good work by generating mindless controversy.

Why not just settle down with a good book, or a nice piece of music, and enjoy life? It's short enough, and the moments need to be relished ...

Let the loons squawk off in the distance, and soon enough you'll be lulled into a pleasant, peaceful sleep, while wearing loon pond recommended apparel, of course ...

And just to show we're down with it, let's end with a note in support of Muslim actress Sila Sahin posing nude for German Playboy.

It's not something we'd usually recommend for young women, but hey, if it alienates Catholics and Muslims it must be good. Anyone who can say, after being shown photos of Sahin, that if she was his daughter, he's kill her, because "that doesn't fit with my culture," needs to revise his notion of culture. (Islamic community angry at Muslim actress Sila Sahin posing naked in Playboy).

Kill because of nudity?

There's a sickness in all religions, but you can bet Colonel Grumpy will only ever deal with one.

So to be fair, to balance the books, let's make mention of the vandalising of Andres Serrano's Piss Christ (Attack on 'blasphemous' art work fires debate on role of religion in France) by Xian fundies.

Of course Australian Xian fundamentalists were having a go at the work way back in 1997, as you'll be reminded if you head off to the report in Art Crimes, with the Pellist heretics trying to injunct the show on the basis that it was blasphemous.

Everyone's seen Piss Christ, so what to run as an image? How about a salute to nunsploitation? And Ken Russell and The Devils, as found in this A to Z of Sexual History: N - Nunspolitation, which doesn't mention Boccaccio's The Decameron, and so really doesn't cut the mustard.

The immortal Boccaccio is available at Project Gutenberg in an old fashioned translation but to get the full flavour of tales like the third day, where a gardener pretends to be dumb and makes out with a convent, a modern translation is to be preferred. Now go for it Ken:

There, I'm not actually sure it's from Ken's show, but that's how it's done Colonel Grumpy.

Offend all religions equally, and deliver a swift, hard kick in the balls to the patriarchy and self-satisfied, smug, feminist-bashing male members of the commentariat while you're at it ...

Good loon hunting, or a life of peace and quiet and joy, to all during the pond's break ...