Kalling all konspiracy theorists, there's a konspiracy happening somewhere right now, perhaps right next to you ...

(Above: screen cap of the Menzies House blog post that shows how clever it is to do the KKK routine. Link below).

For those with a taste for irony, the Menzies House site is a rich and perhaps under-appreciated source of iron.

Take Janet Thompson's The Idiocy Continues, which starts off in fine fettle, with an eye-catching sub-header:

The left seem to have an obsession with doomsday senarios, Janet Thompson.

Some of the lefties that Thompson immediately identifies?

Well there's John writing Revelations, no doubt the very first mystical Marxist, and then there's Nostradamus, a veritable prince of the lefties, what with his prophecies about cross-eyed leftists taking over the world, and Malthus, for all that he was an Anglican curate in the Surrey countryside who became a professor of History and Political Economy at the East India College, and a fellow of the Royal Society.

Yep, these dudes are Marxist socialist lefties right up there with Rachel Carson and Michael Moore.

At that point, you realise that shoe-horning and cheerful misapprehension of the facts is Thompson's style, and it doesn't take a Nostradamus to know that she'll trot out the standard climate science denialism, including but not limited to the splendid notion that nine billion people on the planet is going to be jolly good fun and all will dine well, as they currently do at the moment (and perhaps that will leave more time for jolly hockey sticks).

Never mind posting some rice to the starving millions in Asia because (a) you can never rely on a government run postal service (b) the postage is too expensive in socialist run postal services and (c) Thompson and her merry band have already fixed it.

Thompson berates Tim Flannery, in the house style, for being a scientist who dabbles outside his field, and then in her notes explains proudly that she's an economist, primary producer, mother of four, and dabbler outside her fields (except she's clearly doing her bit for population growth, and perhaps sees this as some kind of merit badge and a knock down argument, though why she thinks I should care a whit or a jot about her motherhood status when it comes to discussing climate change must remain a mystery).

Of course if this kind of logic is taken to its logical conclusion, nobody could say anything about anything outside their fields, but since the pond's field is waffling, hey, we have a get out of jail card. Let's hear it for the wofflers ... or must we restrict our comments to our undoubted expertise in macrame in the future?

Moving right along, and speaking of the idiocy continuing, Andy Semple offers up a post headed Barnett thinks Chinese understand business and WA better than the Kanberra Komrades Kommunity (KKK) aka ALP.

Dearie me, author Andy Semple, what a splendid and klever konceit, Krunching Krappy Komparisons into Kornball KKK humour. Strange fruit indeed, as the song said to the lynching mob. So much more sophisticated and witty than Labtards, which after all might offend retards ...

As if to prove that it's not just lefties that have bizarre konspiracy and doomsday scenarios theories littering their konks, Andy 'KKK' Semple koncludes his piece thus in relation to WA:

Is that the sound of the secession clock I hear ticking?

Did you check the wind up Chinese clock on your bedside table first Andy?

I hear they tick very loudly because of the spring mechanism, a bit like the raucous sound of kuckoo klocks. Still, your tag "speak without fear and Question with Boldness" is incredibly krafty and kompelling, and it's grand to see libertarians in bed with the Chinese government, home of libertarian movements and freedom fighters ...

Yes, indeedie, and cigarette packaging will fund terrorists who will run rampant in Bali, speaking of kompelling konspiracy theories.

Of course the pond would love a civil war with Western Australia. The comparisons are eerie and compelling. The United States had a population around the 31 million mark when it started its civil war, a mere spittoon's spitting distance from Australia's current population, and we're heading in the right direction as Janet Thompson pushes things along.

And what better way to stimulate the economy? Come to think of it, why not a war with the Northern Territory at the same time, seeing as it's always in a bludging mess and with a chip on its shoulder about the Berrimah line. We'd love to see Queensland taken down a notch, full as it is of stereotypical vulgar white shoes. (There no Christian Louboutin shoes, no Louboutin there, of the kind that gives rich inner urban elites such rich pleasure).

Sadly South Australia would be a push over (given the way they build Collins class submarines) but still the idea of secession, revolution and chaos is a grand one, and an alliance between a breakaway WA and China to take over the other states is a perfect way to solve the GST dilemma, and show that klever konceits like this one are really a kind of new libertarian Nostradamus routine. I see the future, and it involves secession, or perhaps the death of John Lennon.

It could be the deep north and the west v the liberal elite in the south, and perhaps South Australia could play California, but please not fair to join with Tasmania as some Californian secessionists wanted to do with Oregon.

A few grumps suggested that Semple's kleverly krafted komparisons were a tad far fetched, which naturally roused Andy to indignation:

Lefties, just like the noted individuals above, are sour, boot-faced people with no sense of humour. They behave this way because they are motivated by grievance and envy, neither of which is a sentiment guaranteed to put joy in one's heart. They seek offence where none is intended; they strive to suppress the individuality of expression; and they like to control others.

No offence is intended with a KKK komparison? Well what on earth was the point of the komparison? Perhaps we think Semple looks like the back side of a baboon, but we hastily add that no offence was intended by that kind of genial comparison.

We look forward to Andy's comedy stylings at the next Jewish feast he attends. How about putting on a Nazi uniform - as Royals are wont to do - then read out the collective highlights of Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf. And if some uppity bolshy Jew gets upset, explain that they're sour boot-faced people with no sense of humour, and are motivated by grievance and envy in the Jewish way, and they're seeking offence when none is intended. Finish it off with a show stopping performance of Springtime for Hitler.

It should turn the Jewish feast into a riot. A guaranteed winner ... and if anyone complains, what a bunch of boot-faced grumps.

But wait, Andy has even deeper philosophical insights:

Humour, whose main purpose throughout existence has been to deflate such priggish, pompous, and sour attitudes, are therefore the enemies of the leftie - who wishes to standardise attitudes and behaviour, and whose political goal is to enforce and inflict as much control as possible over others.

Don't you just love a zealot who puts people into boxes and categorises them, then opines about standardised attitudes and behaviour, and rabbits on in the most paranoid fashion about political goals aiming to enforce and inflict as much control as possible over others?

Of course in a bar, mano a mano, it could be sorted in a much simpler fashion. Semple calls leftie a Klu Klux Klan lover, leftie calls Semple a fuckwit and glasses him, Semple is rushed to hospital moaning about how people are priggish, pompous and sour, and the whole thing's done and dusted in a trice. All before the six o'clock swill has finished ...

But enough talk of Semple and swill, since we wouldn't want to offend any pigs in the audience, because that would inevitably bring up talk of that well known tract written by a socialist Animal Farm, or perhaps that other work of a life long socialist 1984, both of which clearly demonstrate that lefties simply have no sense of humour. Or should that be a half-arsed undergraduate's sense of humour, determined to make South Park sound like Jonathan Swift? Sad to say, but the days of Alexander Pope and Augustan wit are long gone ...

Okay, enough already, it'll be a long time before the pond hits Menzies House again, not when we can get liberal doses of student scribbling courtesy of Honi Soit.

Instead we'll settle back with Miranda the Devine in A festival only for David Hicks, in which she cogently explains how Hicks was a deep and dire threat, only to quote Colonel Morris Davis, who explains how he didn't think Hicks was of sufficient stature to warrant prosecution. It seems Hicks main problem apart from being a fellow traveller and a foolish macho warrior was that he could walk amongst westerners

"In my view, one of the things that made Hicks a real concern, of real value to the other side was he looks like he could walk through any Australian or British or American crowd.

He didn't stand out," he said. "His support for their (the Islamists') cause could potentially be a bigger asset than he turned out to be because he was assimilated into western culture, one of those hapless dupes who got sent out on missions."

Uh huh, and now he walks amongst us, like Frankenstein's monster, though at the time he showed no signs of being a hapless suicide bombing dupe, as opposed to a wanna be macho posturing soldier keen to fire off a few shots to show he was quite manly.

It's a most curious exercise, talking up Hicks and his significance, and at the same time talking down Hicks and his significance. If ever you want to experience schizophrenia in its most direct form, you can always rely on the Devine. But perhaps the most bizarre part of the outing comes with this:

Davis compares Hicks's sentence to a case in Virginia in which a mother and father were sentenced to eight years in prison (reduced to 27 months) because they allowed their son to have alcohol at his 16th birthday party.

To attack Hicks you have to prove the American justice system is fucked in the head?

There's plenty more in the Devine if you want to re-live the culture wars, and the sense of grievance over John Howard's conspicuous failures in relation to Hicks, but as always Miranda the Devine has it all over the likes of Semple when it comes to comedy stylings ...

The pond doesn't have any time for Hicks, but then it doesn't have much time for a society which sends a family down for 27 months for serving alcohol at a 16th birthday party.

Why any Islamic fundamentalist Taliban terrorist would nod approvingly ...

And now a shout out to Andy with this song:

Southern trees bear strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the popular trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant south
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop
Here is a strange and bitter cry

Talk about a laugh a minute, and you can laugh along with Billie Holiday performing it on YouTube here. The KKK is just sooh funny ...

(Below: in the matter of thinking right wingers - adopting their ying and yang dualistic simple-minded, black and white, love and hate Robert Mitchum, simplistic view of the world for a minute are priggish boot-faced sour pusses who lack a sense of humour, how do you plead?)

(Below: sock it to me preacher man, give me some of that love, but while you're at it, don't forget the hate. Love that hate).