Tom Switzer, Greg Sheridan, and a bag of Krispy Kremes to get under way with a hearty breakfast USA style ...

(Above: feeling a little queasy already? Wait, it only gets worse).

Devastated.

That's the only thought today. The witch is dead, long live the witch. Christine O'Donnell not elected? How can this be? How can Americans be so thoughtless, so uncaring of their satirists and clowns? Jerry Brown back as the Governor of California? That's Lazarus with a duodecimal bypass ...

And another thing. Some people might think that loon pond has no ulterior life. But we do. When we're not contemplating the hideous nonsense scribbled by the commentariat, we might be off taking a look at Boing Boing, like normal geeks. Or reading John Birmingham. Oh how we lust for his balding pate and his satirical way with words, and his book on Sydney isn't half bad either. For a toad ...

I keed, I keed, we love the toads, and what fun it is to smote them with a golf club, just like we're reliving He Died with a Felfafel in His Hand.

But that's not the daily business of the pond. As any ex-Catholic would appreciate, the most important duty is the one that involves laceration and wounding and guilt and trauma, and to achieve that, you have to spend your time reading the fear mongering thoughts of the commentariat to lather up a decent overwhelming sense of shame and a yearning for the rapture to strike right here and right now. That's what happens when you yearn for Birmingham's fierce chin and way with words. Guilt, sordid toad-loving guilt, like a yearning for for his scribble on the decline and fall of Krispy Kremes. Is the fall of a nation's doughnut the first sign of the decline and fall of the entire American empire? Can bankruptcy, moral and practical, be far behind?

Or is this another fad we can blame on inner urban sophisticated elites, who, upon discovering that Krispy Kremes had started to spread throughout the country, suddenly decided their elite airport-inspired longing for the product was quite common and proletariat?

Yep once more the liberal elites are to blame.

Well apart from bringing down Krispy Kreme and the American empire, what's on offer by way of fear-mongering guilt-laden thoughts today?

Well before we get too Catholic about it all, happily along comes Tom Switzer to save the day. We're always on a quest for lunatics to remind us of the important role sanity can play in the world, and Switzer is another of those embittered souls who for some reason lurk on the ABC's website. It's a kind of superior, sophisticated trolling, and you can find him at work in Left-liberal lament, getting the hapless cardigan wearers agitated.

Switzer spends the first bit of his piece explaining how the economy had nothing to do with the current election results, but rather that it's all to do with the way America is deep down deeply centre right.

Which provides a stunning explanation of how America voted in the Obama "machine" in the first place. But it's when you get this sort of silliness that you recognise you've stumbled on a man without any redeeming signs of a sense of humour:

Finally, some left-wing activists now conclude, "It’s the voters, stupid," or, to be more precise, "It’s the stupid voters." How else to account for the insulting and contemptuous attitudes of liberal satirists Stephen Colbert and John Stewart? Pity the poor know-nothing American who's been conned by right-wing shock jocks and Rupert Murdoch’s 24-hour conservative cable news channel.

Uh huh. But funnily enough Foxtel regards this pair of scallywags as jewels in the crown, and so have conspired to snatch the shows away from Aunty, and stick them back behind the paywall, as part of a desperate conspiracy to slow their current churn rate.

And actually Tim - might I call you Tim - it's Jon Stewart, and he's funny, in a clever way, rather than in the insulting and contemptuous and predictable way you manage.

But Tim did remind me that our very own tea party rag, The Australian, would be in a state of orgasmic ecstasy this morning, and sho' 'nuff, there's Glen Sheridan positively drooling at the mouth in Americans flock to the Tea Party:

... all partisanship aside, what a fantastic election this was, and how much a source of optimism about America it should be.

Yes, it's win, win, win, and gold, gold, gold for the United States. The Tea Party is wonderful and had a huge win (and never you mind about Christine O'Donnell and Sharron Angle), and the Republicans are big winners, and Sarah Palin is a big winner, and Palin is a kingmaker, and the Tea Party program for reforming America is wonderful. And yes we too can't wait to see creationism and intelligent design back in the schools of America. After all, we need a science and technology led recovery, and what would a Kenyan Muslim know about that sort of thing?

But then a dark shadow crosses the sky like a cloud above a host of golden daffodils:

The disillusion with Obama seems savage and frankly a bit exaggerated. But the moral, I guess, is that he who runs like a celebrity dies like a celebrity. I don't mean that Obama conducts himself in any personal sense like a celebrity. But in his campaign for the presidency he seemed to be presented as a cross between Oprah Winfrey and the Pope. People invested all their hopes, all their vicarious identity, their very emotional being, in him. No politician can ever live up to those sorts of dreams.

Yep, and what's the bet that the politicians currently elected in a wild frenzy of lathered up anger will live up to their sorts of dreams? And so satisfy all the Tea Partiers who invested all their hopes, their vicarious identity, and their very emotional being in the Tea Party?

Thank the lord, the dark cloud soon passes, and Sheridan is back cavorting, and romping, and slobbering in delight:

Two Punjabi governors in the US! It's fantastic ...

... I see it all as a magnificent sign of America's determination to come to grips with the key economic challenges. There are bumpy times ahead but what a splendid thing democracy can be.

Yep, the witch is dead, long live the witch. What fun to see such a splendidly superficial analysis of democracy in action, and never mind if a candidate drops an estimated US$150 million or more of her own money in a bid for a Governorship, but still fails to score the crown. And how bizarre that in the campaign for federal races alone it's been estimated that some US$4 billion has been dropped by contending forces, many of them and much of the spend unaccountable thanks to the recent Supreme Court decision. (here and here). If that's democracy at work, will someone give me the odd US$100 million so I can be suitably, inspirationally democratic? At a grass roots level of course ...

And what fun to see such pure untrammelled joy in a commentator ever ready to leave partisanship aside for the greater good. Why John Boehner bursting into tears won rave reviews when talking about his journey on the way up from struggle street to a handsome orange tan and many hours on the golf course, and this from from Sheridan: Oy vay! (as they say in the classics).

Oy vay indeed, though I'm not sure which classics Sheridan had in mind. Cry me a river?

But that leaves us just another time to note another bombshell in the tea partier's rag of choice, as The Australia's intrepid reporters uncover Bombshells in NBN documents.

Amongst astonishing nuggets? The $26b in equity funding might be tricky, and the briefing paper uncovered by an FOI stresses the urgency of acting swiftly on the NBN.

Dear sweet absent lord, The Oz getting agitated about all the things the government must do to roll out a major bit of infrastructure. But what about its own infrastructure? Namely the long promised antipodean paywall. Why is that so long in the making?

Let's hope that the feds pull together an NBN more quickly than News Corp has managed to pull together its paywall down under, once promised for the second half of 2010 and now with Xmas almost upon us, still missing in action.

Could it be that somebody inside has been reading The Guardian? Time's paywall figures don't add up to a new business model.

Or could it be that chairman Rupert figures that in the end people will pay for the pleasure of not reading Greg Sheridan? In much the same way that I pay people not to assault me with a baseball bat to the brain ...

Maybe, but what to do about trollling types like Tim Switzer dropping their pearls of conservatism amongst the swine of cardigan wearing ABC readers ... for free?

Never a day without problems or torture on the pond. Waiter, bring me a Krispy Kreme ...

And now since Tim doesn't seem to get out much, some Christine O'Donnell jokes, insulting and contemptuous in the required liberal manner, but strangely not from Jon Stewart or Steven Colbert:

"Christine O'Donnell released a commercial in which she says, 'I'm not a witch.' That's pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent's slogan, 'I'm not Christine O'Donnell.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Today we found out that a third college Christine O'Donnell said she attended has no record of ever knowing her. I'm starting to wonder if she ever really went to Hogwarts." —Bill Maher

"Republican Senator Tom Coburn said yesterday that Christine O'Donnell, if elected, will be able to combat the stupidity in Washington. So I guess they're going to fight fire with fire." —Jay Leno

"You know this Tea Party candidate, Christine O'Donnell is causing a lot of controversy with her kind of unorthodox views. She's come out against masturbation. You know what that means? She's out of touch with those voters who are in touch with themselves." –Jay Leno

"More problems for candidate O'Donnell. It seems she canceled all her Sunday talk show appearances after a video surfaced her on Bill Maher's TV show where she admitted she once dabbled in witchcraft. So, apparently, she is pro-dabbling, but anti-diddling." –Jay Leno

"Christine O'Donnell says that she once had a date on a satanic altar? Well, who hasn't?" –David Letterman

"Christine O'Donnell looks a lot like Sarah Palin, and you know what that means, more work for Tina Fey." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin tweeted a warning to Christine O'Donnell that the national media is seeking her destruction. That is ridiculous. If the media wanted to destroy her, they would just douse her with water." –Craig Ferguson

"So listen up, Christine O'Donnell -- and Rosie O'Donnell too while we're at it -- we need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you'll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A lot of people love this woman. In the last 24 hours she's raised more than $1 million. Which I think is ironic, because she's against masturbation, but she's taking money hand over fist." –Craig Ferguson

"She is against masturbation. Frankly, I don't think it's any of her business what I do in the privacy of that voting booth. This is America, once you close that little curtain, you should be able to pull any lever you want." –Jay Leno

And plenty more here. You've got to love America, but not in the cold dead way of a myopic Sheridan. Best comedians in the world ... if not the universe ...

(Below: and so vale and farewell for the moment to Christine O'Donnell, but hey she's sure to come back, just like Pauline Hanson. Here's hoping she knows how to dance).