Miranda Devine, Paul Sheehan, and more tweets from the twitterati ...

(Above: can someone please explain why this twitter account is full of images of Fairfax rags? Has anyone caught up with the news that the Devine is a minion of Murdoch? Though the horse featured on the front page of the Fin is nice. Splendid mane).

There's nothing like a royal wedding to get the commentariat foaming with excitement.

Paul Sheehan rushed into print with Memories of Diana in wedding to buoy a gloomy nation, and burbled:

Diana may have been beautiful, beloved, photogenic, warm and shrewd, but she could never be mistaken for clever. She was also neurotic.

But Middleton is smart. Beautiful in an understated way, with a glorious and unashamed mane.

Mane? Glorious and unashamed?

By golly, don't let him near the filly, or next thing you know, he'll be patting her on the rump and checking her teeth, before remarking how she looks like fine breeding stock and worth a canter or even a gallop around the paddock. Silly old goose.

Naturally when there's nothing much to scribble about - once the fine mane on the fetching filly, the media, and the commemorative kitsch is covered - then it's time for Sheehan to draw up a significant sociological conclusion:

This process is proving as painless as the arrival of Australia's first de facto first couple, Prime Minister Julia Gillard and Tim Mathieson, a former hairdresser and hair products salesman, now the occupants of The Lodge.

Oh yes, the times are a changing, but the banality of the observations remains eternal. What a relief to know that this will be a "modern, working marriage" and that Middleton has a fine job for Party Pieces "All of which limits, rather than magnifies, the perception of the royals as being 'different'".

Sure, and she'll only be marrying into a family where grandma is worth a three hundred million pounds or so, and cops a hundred million pounds a year from the Crown Estate before expenses ... so they can do bugger all except hang around having emotional crises and go deer hunting and provide fodder for magazines and such splendid movies as The Queen. How quaintly lumpenproletariat ...

Over at the Daily Terror, Miranda the Devine seizes the moment in Royals better off with Charles bypass to talk treason, and suggest it's off with his head time for Charles the Third, in much the same way as King Charles the First had a brush with the executioner:

After all his public agonies, Charles should now take the many heavy hints that have piled up over the years and sail off into the sunset with his mistress-turned-wife Camilla, leaving his far more formidable 28-year-old son to be king, and the far more appropriate Kate Middleton as queen.

Yes bugger off Charlie, you're not the Devine's darling, because you're out of date, and out of touch:

The Queen announced the news of her grandson's engagement yesterday with the following tweet - yes, tweet - on the social networking site Twitter:

"The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh are absolutely delighted at the news of Prince William and Catherine Middleton's engagement."

It was a sign, not just that that the monarchy has arrived in the 21st century, but that it belongs to William's generation.

Hang on, hang on, what's that you say? Tweeting is now and cool and perhaps even fully sick wicked?

Twitter and Facebook, after all, are as alien to fusty 62-year-old Prince Charles as faithfulness was in his first marriage.

Oh dear, long gone are the memories of the potent destructive impacts of technology, perhaps more extreme than twenty Hiroshimas, a veritable tsunami of catastrophe on the plastic human brain, as celebrated by Miranda the Devine when she had a serious flirtation with the thoughts of Susan Greenfield:

... she points out anyone in the 1950s who suggested a link between cancer and smoking would have been howled down. And she remains unconvinced that Twitter, with its 140-character demand for brevity, is giving rise to a new literacy.

There was a guilty silence during the lunch as Greenfield looked around at the assembled journalists and business people and said, "I'm sure no one in this room has Twitter." The closet twitterati kept their mouths shut, and text messages went unanswered. (here)

Oh you dumbo Greenfield, the Queen has twittered and that's what makes her the monarch, long may she rule over us.

But hang on, hang on, what was that tweet reported in the Washington Post here doing in the digital ether?

Yep, poor old fuddy duddy Charlie no longer our darling is twittering on as best he can, and it was his tweet that made the formal announcement, as was right and proper - after all the dad has a role to play - but it counts for nought with the Devine, who is clearly as couth as a cut black snake.

These days everybody tweets. If you want more mindless tweets, you can of course tweet away with the Devine, here, or you might join Clarence House here for such splendid gobbets and bon mots as:

The Duchess of Cornwall travels on a Routemaster bus with schoolchildren to a reception held by @Literacy_Trust http://twitpic.com/37mc8s
about 6 hours ago via Twitpic
Statement from Prince Harry: “I am delighted that my brother has popped the question! It means I get a sister, which I have always wanted.”

For those too lazy to click on the twit pic link, here's the actual twit pic:

So the twittering tweeter can't even keep up with who's tweeting what. Surely this is first class evidence of the impact of social media on the plastic human brain, especially as in Miranda the Devine there's a heck of a lot of plastic to impact ...

The picture of Camilla is relevant to the story, because Miranda the Devine cheerfully regurgitates abusive comments directed at The Rottweiler on the royal family Facebook site ...

The comments are petty and cruel ...

But hey, I'm Miranda the Devine, very much inclined to the petty and cruel, so here's a few jokes about floating turds and staff Christmas party maids ... and so on ...

Never mind, it's all splendid news, and likely to save Britain, and even though there might be the odd loser royal, surely this has cemented our warm relationship with the monarchy:

The couple appeared to be so lovely and genuinely in love, it's no wonder their news has delighted their economically troubled nation, with the Prime Minister David Cameron and his Cabinet reportedly pounding fists on their desks with happiness.

In Australia, meanwhile, can't you just hear the sound of republicans gnashing their teeth?

Actually m'dear I'm chortling so hard at your column I don't have time to grind and gnash my teeth. Let's leave that to Dick Dastardly ...

"The fact that in 2010, a wedding announcement to the other side of the world between two young English people stands to impact on our own constitutional arrangements is simply absurd," the Australian Republican Movement's chairman Mike Keating said in a statement yesterday.

Ah, but it's not just the tweeting or Camilla that's an issue. You see Charlie is kooky and flawed, a crazed greenie.

In fact, it's time to remember that the extreme secret agenda outlined by Janet Albrechtsen yesterday in Extreme secret agenda aims to change our society has its tentacles deeply embedded within the British monarchy. You see, Charlie is worse than a Mason, a scientologist, a stone cutter or a Rosicrucian. He's a greenie, part of a vast international conspiracy with an extreme secret agenda to change our society ...

As a result, if Charlie were ever to come to power - oh save us Prince Willy, save us - there'd need to be a Cromwellian revolution. Off with his head:

William's engagement announcement also couldn't have come at a better time to eclipse the bad publicity that is sure to come from Charles' greenie documentary Harmony.

To be broadcast this week in the US, it is reportedly an attempt by Charles to pitch himself as a British Al Gore.

It could also be seen as his last-ditch pitch for what Diana called the "top job".

Oh the outrageous kooky cad, suffering as he is from delusions of green grandeur:

Charles says in the program, "I can only somehow imagine that I find myself being born into this position for a purpose" - to save the planet.

Billed as a "call to action on climate change", the project was his idea, and comes with a book and children's version.

Not the children! Won't someone think of the children in the clutch of this monster!

"He felt there were a lot of urgent issues to be discussed," his co-producer Stuart Sender told Reuters.

"He is very involved in the movie as a narrator, and on camera. Some of the Prince's projects are also featured in the film."

Uh huh. But it's not only Charlie who's kooky. What could you make of a kook who thinks this kind of catty comment is a killer closer?

... his (Prince Charles') first response to reporters' questions yesterday was abrasive.

"They've been practising for long enough," he said. Camilla said the news was "wicked".

Admittedly she had just come out of the musical of the same name, but why would Camilla employ a slang word used by people 40 years her junior, which has such an obvious double meaning?

Diana wins again.

Is there any clearer sign of the abrasive effect of twitter on Miranda the Devine's plastic fully sick wicked paranoid brain? Even when she indulges in idle gossip, she manages to sound demented ...

Meanwhile, the Australians for Constitutional Monarchy are fully sick excited at the prospect of a wedding ... wicked ... and naturally the nauseatingly supine, obsequious, servile, complaisant, deferential, fawning, and dutiful Tony Abbott announced in his lickspittle obedient way that he was the Leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition ...

Oh yes, it's way past time to bring back Cromwell ...

Behead the lot of them, starting with Paul Sheehan and Miranda the Devine, but why not include David Flint and Tony Abbott just for the fun of it ...

(Below: a few more splendid, glorious, unashamed manes to keep you going).