Ross Cameron, Alan Bond, and what's the odd billion between chums when we won the America's Cup?

(Above: you there, stand and deliver. Painting by Sidney Nolan).

Ross Alexander Cameron was once a Liberal member of the Australian House of Representatives, was a strong proponent of Christian family values, and was a founding member of the Parliamentary Christian fellowship group (here).

Perhaps he still remains a strong proponent of Christian family values.

But a while ago, as is the way of many American Republicans these days, he was caught out having an affair (I've cheated: 'Family man' MP's bombshell). It cost him his job. (Voters voice disapproval at Cameron's affair).

Well no man is an island, let he who is without sin cast the first stone, people in glass houses, walk a mile in someone else's shoes, and so forth and etcetera. Sure I know some think adulterers and fornicators should be stoned to death, but here at loon pond, we run a broad church which happens to exclude clap happy Christian values and fundie Muslim social extremism.

That said, isn't it strangely poignant and bizarre that in a desperate bid to fill up its new National Times masthead, the Sydney Morning Herald should now resort to publishing such redemptive tosh as this piece by Cameron, under the header The name's Bond - and it's about time we gave him the credit he deserves.

Well I'm afraid that my view of Alan Bond was altered forever by the delirious image of him snatching a business card from Paul Barry, flinging it to the ground and stomping on it like a child. That was in the days when Bond was gravely ill and stricken by memory loss, which conveniently meant sections of his hard drive couldn't remember what he'd been up to in his business dealings.

But back to Cameron. Is there something touching and hopeful about his desire that we forgive Bond his sins, in much the same way, I guess, as he might hope that we will forgive him for spouting pious Christian platitudes while making out like a fornicating devil?

Perhaps the most extraordinary feat of his amazing life has been to make it back into the BRW Rich 200 today. The Statesman's headline last year read: "The return of a legend … the name's Bond, Alan Bond."

And how did the forgetful, seriously ill Bond manage this miraculous recovery? Thank the lord it had nothing to do with ill gotten gains salted away in Swiss bank accounts, or hived off to family members for safe keeping.

Meantime, Cameron weeps for the fallen hero:

He moved silently, knowing every article bearing his name would begin with the sentence "Convicted criminal and former bankrupt …"

Rupert Murdoch wept on the Newport wharf in 1983, saying, "I think it's absolutely fantastic. What Alan has achieved from his humble beginnings should be an inspiration to all Australians.'' I suspect Bond is enjoying his obscurity, but a more accurate and balanced opening to future profiles would read "Alan Bond, visionary and national hero …

So much weeping, so many salty tears. Oh that's sweet, a media mogul weeping for the memory loss stricken Alan Bond, even if lately Bond has tried to take News Corp to the cleaners in the courts.

But you know there's something quite poetic and apt about starting a mention of Bond with 'convicted criminal and former bankrupt', in much the same way as it seems quite reasonable to start a story about Cameron with 'acknowledged adulterer and former member for Parramatta'.

Or am I being cruel? Well after reading the piece about Bond, not really. Here's Cameron on Australia winning the America's Cup and Australians realizing they can do anything:

Victory in World War II was euphoric for all the Allies. For uniquely Australian exuberance, the Sydney Olympics and the Bicentenary rate highly but neither can touch Australia II passing Liberty to win Bond's last-ditch attempt. It made the front of The New York Times, The Washington Post, Le Monde and The Times. This paper's 175th-anniversary edition said it "received top billing as the clear cut No.1 sporting event for Herald readers".

Excuse me? How did a mention of victory in World War II end up in a sentence dealing with the splendours of a win in the America's Cup? For sheer unadulterated stupid blather, that has to rate highly on the all time 'top of the pops' blather chart.

Is the Herald now conducting a poll to see which statement will receive top billing as the clear cut No.1 bit of blather for Herald readers? No need. They have a winner.

Now ask yourself who currently holds the America's Cup, where the last races were held, and when the next races will be held (don't know the answer, go here, don't give a flying fuck, give yourself an elephant stamp).

For god's sake, it's just a bloody yacht race, a way for squillionaires to piss money up against the wall, instead of playing polo and putting up a big polo pitch and centre in a quiet English village (Packer faces UK polo pitch showdown). And while Bond stumped up the money, it was others who had the technical and physical skills to win the thing. Name me the last executive producer you credited with a film's artistic excellence, as opposed to the director and writer and performers?

Anyhoo, Cameron pauses briefly on a few Bondian set backs:

He presided over the country's then greatest financial collapse as corporate interest rates hit 20 per cent ...

But of course that's just a rhetorical device which allows him to bathe his hero in an ever more eerie golden light:

...He wasn't Robinson Crusoe. When the world has a recession today, Australia has a mild one. When the world had a recession in 1990, Australia had a shocker.

Rates were set too high, too early, for too long. Rupert Murdoch went within a breath of insolvency, Westpac nearly slipped into the abyss and John Symond watched his credit card be cut up (but paid back every cent and bounced back to revolutionise home lending).

After all, you see, everybody was doing it, going broke (but why haven't they put Chairman Rupert in jail if he's just like Bond).

And after all, what's a few bad debts amongst chums. Sure you might have lost your life savings, but we won the America's Cup!

The ancient Greeks put debtors into slavery. In England, bankruptcy was once punishable by death. Western jurisprudence, however, realised the untold community benefit that flows from people taking commercial risk. We reformed. It is no longer a crime to go broke.

Insolvency is never pretty. Bond was guilty of raising too much debt and not enough equity - as were the directors of Allco and Babcock & Brown last year and we haven't sent them to jail. Bond was criticised for paying too much for assets, like the Nine Network for $1 billion.

Sure, Bond made a few mistakes. And so did a few bankers. But it's hardly a crime. It's not like he went out and lifted a hundred bucks from a servo. Lordy no, he lifted hundreds of millions. That's not a crime, that's a skill!

And never forget Vincent Van Gogh's 'Irises' was worth US$53.9 million, no doubt about that, and what the heck if it involved a US$27 million loan? (A $27 Million Loan by Sotheby's Helped Alan Bond to Buy 'Irises').

And don't forget, we won the America's Cup!

In 2006, half of PBL was sold for $4.5 billion. Bond's view on future value of media assets was ahead of the market's.

Way ahead of the game, so way ahead when he was declared bankrupt in 1992 he had personal debts of A$1.8 billion. And creditors accepted A$12 million, a little over half a cent per dollar. (here).

But don't forget we won the America's Cup!

Bond Corp was a high-growth, high-risk stock. Investors were happy to take the ride up the curve. But when so many have lost money, regulators feel intense pressure to produce a villain. Bond became the lightning rod to earth a million grievances. The Sulan inquiry went for six years. He was wrongfully convicted over the Rothwell's matter, and after he was released from 90 days' in prison, he immediately faced the next round of proceedings. He spent four years in prison over a painting, and while inside, accepted a statement of facts admitting the fraud in relation to Bell Resources.

Oh the poor persecuted lad, relentlessly tormented by people who somehow thought he should bear the blame, might even have a little personal responsibility for losing billions. The outrage, the indignity.

But what's a little fraud and a little jail time, weighed up against that invaluable fact that we won the America's Cup! Which is comparable in its own small way with the feeling of euphoria the allies achieved by winning World War II.

And Bondie - I'm sure you won't mind if we call him Bondie - did so many other things:

When he began his first development east of Perth aged 20, its real estate was competing with Hobart for "worst performing capital city". Today median prices in Perth beat Sydney.

He saw the wealth in the Cooper Basin and bought Santos for $27 million in 1975. It is now the main source of natural gas, valued at $12.6 billion and employs 2000. It would be worthless if Bond had not built a 1200-kilometre pipeline. He probably would have survived 1990 if the South Australian Government had not despicably abused his right to retain ownership of the asset he created.

Yes it would have been worthless without Bondie's pipeline. Nobody else would have, could have bought a pipeline, and for some strange reason the South Australian government decided they'd take over the company in 1979 to avoid South Australian gas supplies being put at risk. When it was all working out so well for Bondie. He could have survived and thrived if he'd just been allowed to degut South Australia ... and frankly who'd mind, except for a few crow eaters, known universally to be weird for their peculiar addiction to supporting and even, when they regularly lose, devouring the Crows.

There is no Kalgoorlie super-pit without Bond. A hole in the ground now visible from space was once a ramshackle collection of small mining tenements.

He established Australia's first satellite television network - Sky Racing. Bond's signature is visible on the Sydney skyline in one of its tallest, and arguably most beautiful, structures, Chifley Tower, sold for a record $1.2 billion.

He built Australia's first private, not-for-profit university. Bond University received top marks in 10 categories of the Good Universities Guide 2008 - the highest ranking Australian institution.

Well yes and he also owned the Sydney Hilton at one time, and Network Nine - you only get one Alan Bond in your lifetime - and the Castlemaine, Tooheys and Swan breweries.

Hey, you've got to buy a few things and set up a few things along the way as you contrive to drop a couple of billion.

But Bond University is about the only thing that survives from all his corporate shenanigans and wheeler dealer horse trading that has any merit, if you happen to be rich and able to afford a private education (and here's a pdf of their twenty years on puff piece). Unless of course you count winning the America's Cup, which produced a euphoria roughly equivalent to winning world war II.

Well I guess Australia is a country that's always held its criminals in high regard. Where would Channel Nine have been without Underbelly, where would Sidney Nolan be without Ned Kelly, come to think of it where would the entire mythos of the country be without a sociopathic Irish gangster killing a few cops and robbing a bank or two?

Yep Ned Kelly is right up there with winning the America's Cup and World War 11.

My explanation? There must be something in the water out Parramatta way to explain our love of high flyers who can make off with the loot.

By the way, if you want to read Paul Barry's article Greed won't let Alan Bond rest, why not go here. It's part of a long on going feud between Barry and Bond, but this time Bond's attempt to settle the matter in court was dismissed (Alan Bond loses again in Federal Court battle).

So Bond and his partially recovered fortune - bugger those long forgotten creditors - are still in the wars, but remember we won the America's Cup.

Alan Bond, visionary and national hero, as written up by that well known visionary and national hero, the former member for Parramatta?

I don't think so, but from now on we'll have a treasured place assigned in loon pond for Mr. Cameron which he can call home ...

As for the National Times, strange they didn't allow comments on the piece. Or perhaps not so strange. They might have had to employ a person for the day monitoring the abuse that surely would have flown ...

(Below: van Gogh's Irises, which was almost once owned by Alan Bond. Never mind, we won the America's Cup).