John Safran, Kim Dalton, Jim Wallace, and fuzzy fearfulness grips the ABC

(Above: the Terror splash based on ABC honcho Dalton's column).

Shiver me timbers a storm is brewing, and now is the winter of Christian discontent.

Already the squawking from the fundies has forced us to close off a corner of loon pond so they can vent without shattering ear drums.

Regular visitors to the Australian Christian Lobby - you poor dears, don't you have a life - will realize that John Safran's Race Relations is going to generate an orgy of flagellation, some of directed at Safran, and some at the ABC, and some at the government.

In their press release Undies sniffing on the ABC should be another nail in the coffin for self-regulation, Jim Wallace almost has a verbal heart attack:

The start of a new series on ABC television this Wednesday night which features underpants sniffing, masturbation, sperm donation and other offensive material should be another nail in the coffin for a system of television self-regulation which clearly isn’t working, the Australian Christian Lobby (ACL) said today.

By golly, they surely know how to sell a show. Count me in.

John Safran’s Race Relations series is just the latest in a long line of programs which each try to push the boundaries of acceptable television further in a blatant quest for ratings,” ACL Managing Director Jim Wallace said.

Just how far are television networks going to be allowed to go before the government steps in and brings in proper regulation? Is it really good enough that a medium that is broadcast into nearly every home in Australia sets its own rules and for much of the time doesn’t even bother sticking to them?

Footage of John Safran masturbating in front of an image of the US President and stealing and sniffing what are supposed to be unwashed underpants should never be hitting our screens. According to media reports it sounds like the series gets even worse at it goes on, with Safran starring in a mock crucifixion scene – trying to make a joke of a sacred part of the Christian faith.

Um actually they indulge in mock and real crucifixions all the time in the Philippines, but I guess that bunch is Catholic and theologically suspect. As for the undies, would it help if they'd been washed and he was just checking the quality of the Fab soap powder smell?

Safran has himself admitted that he’s trying to be more outrageous with every project he takes on – something he appears to have in common with the TV networks. Should our TV viewing standards be set by this kind of measure? Whilever (sic) the television networks are in charge this is what we can continue to expect.

Oh yes that vile escalating John Safran. Personally I'd thought he'd gone way too far by making a show with a talking Christ-believing priest, the equally notorious Father Bob (here for his money raising blog), and of course, apart from being a theologically errant Catholic, no doubt inspired by Safran, the reckless Bob recently fought the good fight to stave off mandatory retirement. (and won, here, at least until 2012). Yep, in a continuing outrageous escalation, the Safran co-host wants to go on being a priest!

I guess Jim Wallace doesn't stay up at night on a Friday so he can see what SBS offers stick in the mud stay at homes at 10 pm - anything from trannies to strippers to ... well sex, and plenty of it ... which is just as well because we'd be distraught if he turned his blow torch on sweet hapless old asterisk seeking SBS.

Of course the lip-licking, lascivious, lamb chop munching, smut merchants that make up the Chairman Rupert tabloids just love all this talk of sex, and have been dining out on the impending Safran eruption for weeks. (We've already noted John Safran undies sniffing 'lowest point in TV history')

Naturally the fascination with pantie sniffing extends to The Punch, the dumbest cheap assed conversation Chairman Rupert can muster, often just a jumped up front for the low down gutter of the Daily Terror.

The ABC must be expecting to feel the blowtorch because gauleiter Kim Dalton has felt it necessary to issue the general populace a dire warning under the header ABC's Safran warning: if you don't like it, don't tune in:

I have some blunt advice for some of the people who will be reading this article on The Punch. And it is not the kind of advice you would expect from the ABC’s Director of Television.

My message is this: think carefully before you settle into the couch tonight for the 9.30pm premiere of John Safran’s comedy-documentary Race Relations. If you think you are going to be offended or outraged (or want to be offended or outraged) then don’t tune in.

This ABC program is not for everyone. It was not designed to be. By scheduling the series at 9.30pm and attaching an M warning the ABC is signalling that this is challenging fare. John Safran’s Race Relations contains material that some viewers will disagree with or find distasteful.

The pontificating prat goes on to talk about taking the hard decision to go with the show, rather than walk away and schedule something less confronting, more mainstream in its appeal. Instead he offers up a standard excuse. Innovation:

Part of the ABC’s role is to provide innovative content for its diverse audiences. Innovation necessarily involves a willingness to take risks, to be inventive and open to fresh ideas. It also means pushing boundaries – boundaries that some, often many, would prefer not to be pushed.

The net result can be content which challenges community sensibilities.

Oh dear, the hapless gherkin. Innovation. Not that it's funny or that it's great, but that it's innovative.

Well it's likely the only innovation in Safran's already established personal style is that having been born on the ABC through the series Race Around the World, the ABC didn't know what to do with the talent they'd discovered, and he high tailed it off to SBS to make a couple of good shows (especially his Music Jamboree), and then the ABC decided to steal him back as a way of teaching SBS a lesson.

So what the heck is the talk of innovation about when Safran's style is already familiar and ongoing?

Well the fuzzy headed wombat known as Dalton soon gives up on that argument:

He was a standout in the first series of Race Around the World on the ABC, where he made his television debut and has a loyal fan base on triple J’s Sunday Night Safran. For a decade now he has been providing unique insights into Australian society and culture. His style is intelligent, irreverent and irascible. He takes on the holy cows of culture and tackles them head on.

Yep, a decade - suddenly I feel as old as Ray Martin - and it'll be same as, more of, only different, in tonight's show.

Only after playing the specious innovation card does the benighted Dalton get around to offering a more substantial excuse:

To me, the strength of the series and Safran’s work is that the comedy emerges out of his genuine exploration of issues around cultural identity and deeply felt personal experiences where relationships have gone wrong as a result of cultural conflict. While he interviews a variety of people throughout the series, it’s always John himself, in all his confusion, who remains the butt of the joke.

It has been interesting watching some of the on-line chat forums sparked by some of the more predictable tabloid headlines of the past week. Yes, there have been calls for the ABC to yank John Safran’s Race Relations, to sever its links with the comedian. But the more predominant response to the outrage has been “Don’t prejudge the issue” and “Let me make up my own mind”. I endorse those latter views.

I hope that most of the audience will tune in because they know John’s work and who he is and they know they will be guaranteed an entertaining and thought-provoking program.

Well with this pre-emptive attempt at a strike, Dalton is clearly feeling the tabloid heat. Will the ABC see it through? Will Safran's show make it to the end of its run?

Judging by this piece of marshmallow from the fudge-like Dalton, it might well be a Chaser ride, with lots of ducking and weaving, and heading off to the pastures. Take Dalton's references to Norman Gunston and Chris Lilley, and see how the wind blows in the trees:

Imagine what would have happened if the ABC had baulked at the last minute on those programs, shelving the material because of pre-screening controversy. Yes, there is a risk in going first. But it is worth noting that the commercial media, which is quick to accuse the ABC of courting controversy, is very keen to exploit interest in these programs and then to chase the talent with big contracts when they win acceptance and critical acclaim.

The ABC backs John Safran’s Race Relations because it believes its audience is intelligent enough to make up its own mind on the material; to make its own assessment of Safran’s unique personal journey and the way in which he plunges into sensitive areas like cross-cultural, interracial and inter-faith love.

Oh dear, blather upon blather, and talk of personal journeys no less! Well one punter got the message hidden behind this kind of lathering up in response to tabloid fear mongering:

Kim, no idea why you should be warning conservative viewers NOT to watch the show. Seems to go against the whole point of confronting and thought provoking humour doesn’t it?

That said, hope there are enough brown underpants in Aunty’s offices, sounds like you guys are quite literally shitting it.

Well here's hoping the show's funny. That's all you can ask of a comedy show. Sure insights are nice - all good comedy offers them - but in the end either it'll be more cutting edge comedy from Safran or it'll be a dud. Whatever, no harm done, except to squawking loons.

Either way, it's completely gormless for the ABC to be apologizing up front for possibly offending or outraging people.

The end result of Dalton's pathetic, tragic attempt at a pre-emptive strike? As above, a tabloid news header ABC chief warns viewers ... switch off Safran.

This is the way to support your artists? Well let's hope that printing the controversy helps the ratings, and let's hope Dalton summons some spine when the heat falls on Safran, as it surely will.

Bugger it, if you can't offend a Jim Wallace, then life is quite possibly not worth living. And if you take the lascivious feigned outrage of Chairman Rupert's minions at face value, then clearly you've never bothered to enjoy their famous Hooters' calendar girls' gallery - all 76 of them - a few examples of which are appended for their sociological, cultural, comedic, sexual and economic value (and more plastic on view than you'd find in a Tupperware party).

Lordy Jim Wallace, so many images of sex around us, and so little time, but is it any more perverse to sniff panties than to yearn to fondle plastic?