Gerard Henderson, China, John Howard , Chairman Rudd, Julie Bishop and did we mention John Howard?

(Above: ah memories, here).

Here's how the game is played. It's tricky, but on a week by week basis, you could generate plenty of play money for yourself.

First take a Gerard Henderson column on a week by week basis. Let's start with today's offering No need to be concerned about hurting China's feelings.

For each of the opening and subsequent paras without a mention of John Howard, add ten dollars to the pot. By my count, that means forty buckeroos from this week's outing.

Now count the number of mentions of John Howard's name in the column, and add ten dollars to the pot for each mention. That adds another seventy bucks, making a total pot of a hundred and ten dollars.

Now generously grease a pig - preferably dubbed "John Howard's legacy" - and whoever can hold the pig for ten seconds takes the pot. Please ensure any animal welfare concerns are taken care of by not physically hurting or causing emotional distress to "John Howard's legacy."

This is a game for all the family, and it's suggested that the winner should take the entire family from their picket-fenced home to a slap up meal financed by their winnings in a family restaurant in a family suburb, while wearing Howard's battler T shirts.

Okay, okay, enough already with the heavy irony and cheap sarcasm that threatens to topple over like a drunk with too many bottles of cheap rice wine under the belt.

Because in essence it's hard to say much sensible about Henderson's latest outing, such is its predictability.

You see there's no need to worry about China, because - well, let's not mess about with it, let's come out with the truth - Chairman Rudd is really John Howard. So all's well:

Howard and Rudd have handled China differently but with similar effect. Howard in effect junked Australia's public concern about human rights abuses in China. Never a sympathiser with the Communist regime, he made his stance by referring to the importance of Australia's relationship with what he termed the two great democracies of the Asia-Pacific - the US and Japan. However, Howard met with the Dalai Lama in 2007 against the express wishes of the Chinese leadership.

Rudd took a different tack by publicly expressing concern about human rights in Tibet during his address at Peking University last year where he spoke in Mandarin. He also met the Dalai Lama two years ago but said that he only discussed spiritual matters.

The Federal Government has granted visas to the Uyghur activist Rebiya Kadeer. Judged by its actions in government, it is most likely a re-elected Howard government would have granted her one this year.

Well it makes an interesting change from reading Piers Akerman on China and the China threat (look out, there's a red under that bed), even if it's done so from the position of a relentless buffing and burnishing of Howard's legacy.

It's also extremely predictable, with the world sorted once again into a standard binary. There's John Howard and his fawning follower Chairman Rudd, and then there's the others, this time with a fawning approach to the relationship with China, which includes current WA Premier Colin Barnett, Whitlam, Fraser and Paul Keating.

And surprisingly it seems some current federal Liberals have now abandoned John Howard for murky fawning postures:

... last week the opposition spokeswoman on foreign affairs, Julie Bishop, accused the Government of bungling the handling of Kadeer's visa, and Philip Ruddock described the granting of the visa as a mistake.

On Sky News on Sunday Bishop described this year's white paper, Defending Australia, as a "needless provocation to China". It is no such thing, and broadly consistent with the Howard government's defence policy.

It is unclear why Bishop would want to be seen as making excuses to Beijing for Australia's essentially bipartisan defence and foreign policies. In fact, her position to the defence white paper is similar to the critique Keating expressed last month.

Oh good, some bashing of the increasingly eccentric and out of her depth Bishop, and her remarkably inept recent attempts to draw attention to herself. But then think of the price you pay - Chairman Rudd is really John Howard, and while he can never replace the great man, provided he minds his Ps and Qs, he can surf along in his shadow.

Henderson rounds out his column with a couple of unexceptional sundry further bashings. One's of Chris Uhlmann for offering up soft questions to Liu Jieyi (you can find a transcript of Uhlmann's AM interview here), though Henderson softens his remarks by welcoming Uhlmann's appointment to the 7.30 Report in a bid to liven up an increasingly dull program (and who could argue about that, if only Henderson could look at his own increasingly dull columns dedicated to the memory of John Howard).

The other is a bashing of Don Rothwell for his unsubstantiated claim that the Australian Federal Police might also be investigating arrested Australian businessman Stern Hu, to which claim the plods only gave a standard neither confirm nor deny (you can find a transcript of that program here).

So while insisting the Australian government should remember Stern Hu, Henderson remains positively sunny and upbeat about the Australia-China relationship, suggesting any current difficulties will be resolved, and good relations can be maintained.

It's a report card which John Howard would be proud of, but Henderson awards it to Chairman Rudd, and not those fawners or fear mongers.

Eek. Now you can see why it's time to count those mentions of Howard's name and indulge in some pig wrasslin' fun for all the family, because the canny Henderson knows how to inspire fear chaos and confusion with the news that we had to replace John Howard with his ghostly ghastly alter ego in order that we might keep him running the country ...

I suddenly feel faint. Now wear that tee with pride.