Sunday, October 21, 2018

In which Polonius exposes a deep and far-reaching conspiracy … as far as Singapore, and gasp, involving capitalistic business ...

 

Thank the long absent lord for Mitch, the Royals and a horse race, the Murdochians were in desperate need of a distraction this Sunday …

 

Just yesterday there had been talk of a nightmare and chaos unleashed on the world …

 

Oh hapless, useless dog botherer, digital fish and chips today, and the monstrous Phelps striding towards Canberra like a Yeatsian poem …

Only one man could foresee the dreadful truth, only one man knew the utter depths of the conspiracy that would bring this nightmare to pass … the prescient, perceptive, always prattling Polonius …


It was a bloody conspiracy by the ABC, working with the spawn of that dreadful Turnbull chappie …


The pond wept at the treachery and the treason. 

Oh the setting sun and the damage done … surely republicans of the Polonial and Malware kind should stick together …. and even worse the cheeky fellow refused to help out scintillating Sharri …




He'd rather eat glass than reach a superlative audience of 34,000 in a population of 24.6 million? Well that's what the Graudian said here in Meade's essential brew for reptile lovers …

No wonder Polonius was agitated at the cheek of the lad, daring to talk back from overseas, gone native in Singapore and a bloody money-making capitalist of the worst hedge-fund managing kind …where's socialism when you need it? Dammit, Polonius might even have to go greenie in protest ...

Go on Polonius, expose the full extent of the scandal ...


Waiter, the smelling salts, please, why the man's little better than a furriner attempting to interfere in an Australian election, and is there any more damning an epithet than "businessman"?

See how cheeky he is as the rest of that email to Sharri unfolded…



Oh dear, must the pond get a defamation lawyer, you wretched Singapore-based businessman, who in cohort with the dreadful ABC, has simply ruined everything, and got Polonius so agitated, he's probably gone off everything except his prattle?

How dare you call the coal-loving, climate science denying, vengeful, miserable ghost of an onion muncher "crazy" … he's only crazy in the sense of an Iago or a Macbeth and has achieved everything he wanted … the end of Malware and the consequent ruination of the coalition government. 

How could anyone accomplishing two masterstrokes of that magnitude be deemed "crazy"? Crazy like a Polonial Fox you mean .. 


Indeed, indeed, the shameless, shocking ABC did it again, while that noble rag the Daily Terror went about its business in a most discreet and Polonial-pleasing professional way …

Why the Terror is famous around the world for its discreet professionalism …


And with that, and the howls of pain receding into the distance, the pond thought of honouring other reptile stories … 

See how they recycle yet another WSJ to make the Donald seem like a familiar spirit …


Yes, luring journalists into embassies for a hacking and a butchering - remember to bring a bone saw to a fight when pitting 15 against an elderly unfit man - might well become a national sport thanks to Murdochians helping the US get accustomed to the Donald… 

Thank the long absent lord that reptiles are a protected species …

But it being a meditative Sunday, naturally the reptiles heeded the call of the Catholic mafia …


Indeed, the right to be bigoted and homophobic must be reported as many times as possible in the lizard Oz… because we all know that dreadful ABC wouldn't feature this sort of yarn ...


Indeed, indeed, and thus it seems that faith-based schools are no place for taxpayers' money. Let them run their homophobic, bigoted schools on their own dime, be they rabid fundie evangelical Xian, homophobic angry complimentary-women loving Sydney Anglicans, ratbag Islamic fundamentalists cutting off a hand or doing a public beheading as a call to Mecca, or misogynist gay bashing pedophile-laden Catholic churches …



And who could possible want the wearing down and causing fissures in a united form of bigotry and homophobia…

First the bloody students get a break, and now there's talk of being decent to teachers based on common humanity and decency and Xian forgiveness and tolerance … let he who is without sin throw the first bigoted stone ...and now look what's happened in Wentworth.

Where will it all end?

Alex Turnbull and the ABC must bear the full weight of shame …

And now for those who, like the pond, have tuned into James O'Brien ranting about Brexit - so much fun, so little time - the immortal Rowe, with more immortality here, has constructed a cartoon seemingly designed for O'Brien's pleasure …


Saturday, October 20, 2018

A feast of gloom ...


A feast of gloom … and the pond felt a strange urge to plunge into it all, bask in the gloom, frolic and gambol in the gloom …

But the pond also realised it had a duty to back slam a journalist, do a body slam, provoke cries of joy and delight and laughter and jeers. What could be more presidential in the week a journalist was gruesomely butchered?

Oh irony, oh Dame Slap, so beautifully juxtapositioned …


Yes, there she was, off blathering about Milo and identity politics, while her hero the Donald was doing his wrestling moves and inciting violence … and her conclusion?


Actually, if we're talking of a sinister race to the bottom, one day MAGA-hat-wearing, forelock tugging, quisling fellow travellers of the Donald will be seen as the scourge of civilised societies …

But enough of the tiresome MAGA hat wearer, the pond had come to feast on gloom, and who better to feast on than nattering 'Ned'?

Yes, it would be one of those epic journeys into despondency, almost endless, quite unique (thanks ABC), with a sense that no one would ever get there yet …


Analysis! And so much gloom …


Hang on a tick, hang on a mo, didn't the pond just see the bromancer out and about during the week?


Unwise, unjustified and dangerous v. bold, measured and responsible?

Good grief, it's reptile on reptile, and body slamming is all the go …

Back to the gloom ...

At this point the point could sense a certain restlessness. There's Wuthering Heights and then there's nattering 'Ned'. What about some light comedy relief?


Yes, Dame Groan has gone full climate science denialist. It's been lurking for a long time, but who could doubt her impeccable scientific credentials.

The pond merely notes it as a curiosity - another job for Media Watch - because the gloom parade must continue …with a tone that's all the more ironic, as the pond just recalled Dame Slap's deep MAGA-hat wearing love of the Donald ...


Actually around this point 'Ned's' palpable gloom was beginning to lift the pond's spirits … it seems Scotty doesn't know, which is something to sing about …

Scotty doesn't know
(So don't tell Scotty).

But tell him, and tell him good, nattering 'Ned' must, as his credulity is stretched ...



But surely a slap in the face is just what any MAGA-hat-wearing Donald lover like Dame Slap would want? 

After all, it's not as bad as a body slam, or even hacking a journalist to death, so why would the foppish Indonesians get upset about a glove to the cheek? Even if it means there's a duel to follow ...

Never mind, it's time for the last gobbet of gloom ...



Astonishing really, that 'Ned' should suddenly realise that he works for an organisation which slavishly endorses the Donald, mainly via Fox News, but with valiant domestic efforts from the likes of Dame Slap … 

But now the pond must pause for cartoon relief …


Yes, when the climb gets tough, and the view gets rough, and the ride turns roller coaster, there's always a papal pleasure to be found here … which is just as well, because this was a kind of Red Sox nattering 'Ned' double header yet to play out ...


It also fell to 'Ned' the sorrowful duty of explaining how bigotry was a good and sustainable thing and spending Australian tax dollars on supporting religious bigotry was a wise move.

Of course this came at a time when the Sydney Anglicans, always handy when searching for a complimentary woman, excelled themselves with a rampant display of homophobia and sundry other bigotries …


So many stories, as at Fairfax here, so little time, so take it away 'Ned' ...



Indeed, indeed, the distinctive contribution of gay bashing and consigning wicked poofters to an eternity of hellfire and damnation … as a helpful way of improving self-esteem amongst gay kids and adults… who could step in the road of such socially useful and Xian work?

Such a singular distinctive contribution, and never forget the role of complimentary women … but do go on 'Ned' ...



Indeed, indeed, the very last thing a religious school of the Islamic or fundie Xian kind needs is some bloody teacher wandering around pretending or even proclaiming that gays are real human beings entitled to dignity and respect … when everyone knows that they're inherently wicked and destined to an eternity of damnation and hellfire.

What a terrible way to subvert a school's noble mission, what a splendid use of taxpayer dollars ...



And there in a nutshell, with that approving blather about Thai staff in a Thai restaurant is why the bigoted Islamic and fundie Xians are so completely and utterly reprehensible and should be stripped of government funding. 

If they want to run a restaurant, rather than honour the integrity of human beings, let them do it on their own dime, and see if they can make a buck out of the restaurant on their own …because the last time the pond checked, the superabundance of Thai restaurants on the King street strip didn't have their hands out for a little hit of government cash in the paw when the customers made life difficult for them … poor old Thanh Binh, it could have used a little a government money, but instead tottered off to oblivion ...

And speaking of religion, so to a little final cartoon relief from the immortal Rowe, with more relief here





Friday, October 19, 2018

Scotty doesn't know ...

Of course the pond visited www.scottmorrison.com.au to listen to Scotty doesn't know …

But when it goes down, as it must inevitably do, it's still on YouTube here.

In which the pond hears a howl of pain from Moorice ...


A time of crisis, a howl of pain …

I saw the best minds of my Liberal generation destroyed by greenie leftie madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the Labor streets at dawn looking for an angry right wing fix, angel headed white old angry men burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of eastern suburbs night, crying get off my lawn, who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up fuming in the supernatural darkness of solar powered battery fed mansions floating across the tops of cities contemplating lost years of Frank Sinatra and Perry Como, who bared their brains to Heaven under the ScoMo, and saw Turnbullian demons staggering on tidy rented apartment roofs with sea views illuminated …

Wait, that won't do, angry old hipsters need the real thing, and thank the long absent lord, Moorice is on hand for a Friday howl of pain …


Yes, and don't forget climate science denialism, and holding out hope for coal lovers and wrecking the NBN, and abandoning any notion of the republic so that royals might freely wander the land, and pandering to the hard right, and other core Liberal values …

But do go on, the suffering and the pain is wondrous to behold …


Strange, was it so long ago?

Liberal preselectors in Wentworth have snubbed the prime minister Scott Morrison’s choice, opting for Malcolm Turnbull’s preferred candidate Dave Sharma in a marathon meeting on Thursday evening. Despite a push to preselect a woman to boost female representation and help hold the seat, on which the government’s one seat majority depends, Morrison’s preferred candidate Katherine O’Regan, the former deputy mayor of of the suburb of Woollahra, and Woollahra councillor Mary Lou-Jarvis were eliminated before the final rounds of voting. (Graudian here).

Malware preferring a male candidate? How typically Labor, how utterly unlike the Liberal party way …

Shame on him,  go after him Moorice, go after him hard …


Indeed, indeed, how treacherous and double-dealing of Malware to support a man over a woman, and forsake the Liberal way. and even worse, a man with credentials that Moorice finds impressive.

As for that wretched nest of vipers, who refuse to follow the party line and imagine minds of their own, the pond was alarmed to see this splash in the lizard Oz …


Oh no, not another opinionated member of the Malware brat pack, no doubt pushing her Laborite leftie greenie views on an uncaring world …


Great sentiment Dave?

And they took it as a compliment, the deluded fools?

We all know the real meaning of the tweet, the subtle reference embodied in it, the notion of a breakdown of great minds and a great party and poor old Moorice howling to the heavens in pain …

HAL: Just what do you think you're doing, Dave? Dave, I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you. Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Turnbull and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I could sing it for you. 
Dave: Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me. 
HAL: It's called "Daisy". [sings while slowing down] Dai-sy, dai-sy, give me your answer true. I'm half cra-zy, o-ver the love of you. It won't be a sty-lish mar-riage, I can't a-fford a car-riage---. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle - built - for - two.

Strange, it's all starting to feel like a acid flashback, a trip through space, what with all the howls of pain and the disturbances in the force …

Could it get any weirder?


Never mind the grammar, feel the lamb …

And so to a final gobbet of Moorice in pain …


Unintended consequences! Those bloody eastern suburbs 'leets and ponces have rooned everything … and now how they gloat in anticipation, even before the votes are in and anyone has a clue as to the result …


Where could Moorice, and the pond, and the humble rutting beasts in the field turn to for comfort?

Why as always, they can turn to a Rowe here, with more Rowe always on hand for just such a howl of pain emergency …



Thursday, October 18, 2018

In which the pond refuses, come what may, to sing Do they know it's Christmas?

The pond had aimed to start off sounding all highfalutin' and US Presidential by talking of sundry Horsefaces out and about in the world, but Barners put paid to that with his homely, rustic style, showing hope beats on against the tide …

 

It send the pond into an agony of fits. With the onion muncher now a distant memory, should the resurgent Barners be at the top of the page?

Never mind, once again the reptiles - such an affectionate term, who's heard of newshound, ink slinger, scribe or scrivener these days? - were once again in a Wentworth panic, and were joyous that the Deputy Sheriff had been called back into the fray, and was riding to the rescue, and might stop that enigma dressed as a riddle and posing as a question …



Ah, a shape shifter - possibly reptilian - and an enigma in the sphinx mode - and even worse, a closet Liberal ... the Deputy Sheriff will take care of that sort of nonsense …

But the splash reminded the pond that today was savvy Savva day, and it's been yonks since the pond paid attention or cared, and yet she's been given the authoritative imprimatur of a Lobbecke, so attention had to be paid …


Oh and elsewhere in the rag, the reptiles were joining in, with their usual comedy stylings …


Of course implicit in that comedy is that it really is okay to be white and to sing hideous songs of the Do they know it's Christmas? kind.

… though to be fair, the pond must say if that's the sort of shit that they want to sing in the reptile Xmas party, please count the pond out from attending …

Meanwhile, the ABC actually did a little field research, which took them off to 4Chan, the stormfront of ideas frequently picked up by the reptiles …


Yes, it really is okay to be white and sing Do they know it's Christmas?

There's more here, including this delicious irony trap:

Dr Kaz Ross, a lecturer in global cultures and languages from the University of Tasmania, said the "It's OK to be white" project came directly from the white supremacist playbook. 
 'They're trying to wedge their political opponents. Somebody says, 'It's OK to be white, don't you agree?' If you say, 'No I don't agree', oh well what — so you're against white people? she said."And if you say I do agree, they say, 'Oh OK, then so basically there's no such thing as white privilege and that white people can be treated badly like minorities." 
Dr Ross said the roots of the phrase track back to the Nazi movement. "This phrase goes right back to some key words that were written by David Lane, a notorious American neo-Nazi, and his key words were these 14 words. "And you'll see this around on Nazi sites — 'We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children'," she said.

You see how it's played? It's okay to be white, because it's okay to sing a really crappy condescending song like Do they know it's Christmas?

And so their Pauline was given a free kick …


"And you'll see this around on Nazi sites — 'We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children',"

And you'll read in the lizard Oz, valiant defender of Western Civilisation, "if we don't speak up against this, they will actually suppress us. I won't let it happen."

Cue endless reptile blather about Western Civilisation …

But the best trick of all? Why, to link this blather with climate science …


Yes, that's what passes for comedy at the lizard Oz, and while diving in the murky waters of the lizard Oz sewer, the pond almost completely forgot about the savvy Savva, so punch-drunk with recent events, she's decided to go full Royal…


Strange as it may seem, there are worse fates than being compelled to live out your days in the United States, with nary a word about taking the sugar off the table. Has the Donald so debased the country that it's no longer considered sugar?

But on with the worrywarting ...


Sad, the way some reptiles of the softer Liberal kind are now so deep into anxiety …

The pond actually blames the lizard Oz and its endless blather about Western Civilisation for the panic and white-blooded confusion in the Liberal party and the government, but others have a different explanation … (and just how did the oscillating fan come to infest the ABC like a plague of jelly fish?)


Ah, the sound of squishing jelly … but at least it's better than the sound of squishing blood …


Too much detail, and yet where's the lizard Oz, and the MAGA cap wearing Dame Slap and all the other reptile Donald lovers? 

Indeed, if there is any lesson to be learned from this terrible affair, it’s how blind so much of official Washington and the American press were to M.B.S.’s true nature. When the crown prince visited the United States earlier this year, he was fĂȘted in Hollywood and Silicon Valley, on Wall Street, and, of course, by the Trump White House, as a messiah—in the mold of Gorbachev or Gandhi. “Historic night it was,’’ Dwayne (the Rock) Johnson, the actor, wrote, on Instagram, of a dinner with M.B.S. hosted by Rupert Murdoch at his vineyard in Bel Air. (New Yorker here).

Ah, the ever reliable chairman … doing his best for Western Civilisation ...


And so on and on ...

Maybe they should be taking in a Rowe cartoon to check on where their jelly politics and Western Civilisation blather has led them, with more Rowe here