And the Fairfaxians make front page mayhem ...
And the Fairfaxians clutter the front page with tales of corruption and coppers and fuzz against junk...
And cartoonists whimper with delight and pleasure ...
The pond naturally turned to the land's top broadsheet for its usual reliable, balanced reporting, which has made it the most respected record of political events anywhere in the world, showing those assorted wretched Times a thing or three ...
A journal whose integrity is unquestioned and whose journalists will jump in the deep end and tackle any topic and nail any miscreant to the mast, without fear or favour.
Here no ideology or bias, as Chopper was wont to say, no ideology or bias here ...
Now let us examine today's front page coverage of the Bronniechoppergate affair, yesterday's front page being an exemplary example of investigative journalism, and today's coverage even more grand and exciting and detailed:
Oh dear, the pond is terribly sorry for having wasted your time. Perhaps the reptiles will resume broadcasting after a short break in transmission.
But the pond always sees the glass half full.
What joy to see another honourable, venerable school of journalism at its intrepid best, carrying out that old Japanese tradition - yes the pond has been to the legendary Tōshō-gū shrine in Nikkō, Japan:
Those monkeys exist there, and at the broadsheet heart of the down under Murdoch empire.
That same link produces another great example, an example for the reptiles to follow:
But really all this history guff is a bit too upmarket for the reptiles. They might need something a little more modern, a little more cute and South Korean:
Elsewhere in Murdoch la la land the sound of crickets chirping is also strong.
But slowly things are beginning to shift. The first to break ranks was the Daily Terrorist:
And the kraken has woken. Hear him roar as the HUN awakes from its slumber and appeals to its subscribers, as if people have to pay to discover the Bronnie's in a touch of trouble:
Meanwhile, the reptiles ponder deeply.
Will acts of omission deepen the high regard in which the reptilian, lizard Oz is held?
Should trees be killed just to defame an empress?
Will their front page silence save Bronnie?
Or should they now campaign for her salvation?
The pond commends to the reptiles a very scientific thought experiment in these troubled times:
Meanwhile, for those who wondered what happened to that link provided by a correspondent yesterday to that whittering twit affectionately known as the poodle, when not being celebrated as Bronnie's lap dog ...
Oh dear, the poor fatuous fop, the silly poodle.
Oh dear, how cruel, how unkind. Stand up to him poodle, bark and tweet loudly.
Oh dear, scrub the poodle nickname. Henceforth the goose, and as always, much more at the Auspol hastag here.