Friday, June 28, 2013

Let the gladiators enter the ring, and let there be blood, lots of blood ...

(Above: found on twitter)

The first whiff of humbug and hypocrisy didn't take long to land, and it came with current Chairman Rudd urging the brethren to be kinder and gentler to each other, followed by Albo closing down the Reps with more blather about kindness.

This idle chatter from a man who stalked Gillard for years until he finally nailed her to the cross and expelled her to the briar patch of life? And from a man who specialises in the art of steel-toe-capped head kicking?

Not to worry, naturally the Senate carried on with the usual exchange of insults.

But it reminded the pond of the sort of pious nonsense that Tony Abbott led with when he proposed a kinder, gentler polity. Yeah, like ditching that bitch witch ...

Well the pond doesn't much mind who's playing at the Coliseum (Colosseum only to trendies), though it will need to be the matinee session with good pricing for the front seats.

The pond is up for a Rudd v Abbott re-match, provided there's blood.

Let there be blood, and plenty of it, bucketloads and bucketloads, like the tsunami of blood that poured out of the lift well in Kubrick's The Shining.

And let it be a clear- and dry-eyed bloodletting and let there be no sanctimonious tosh and whiff of humbug hypocrisy.

Oh sure, no knuckledusters, no eye-gouging, no hair tugging or bag snatching, just the usual rules ... and blood. Did we mention lots and lots of blood?

No talk of a gentler, kindler polity. Just the assault and battery we've endured from the Murdoch press these past three years ...

Oh and plenty of popcorn. Not that fetid salt and buttered crap that drives the pond down to the front row of the movies, but the good old crunchy icing sugared and flavoured popcorn you used to be able to get in the stalls at Tamworth, centre of the known universe.

Now the pond realises this is a minority taste, but remember, be kind and gentle to minorities.

What's that? Talk of sanctimonious righteous hypocrisy? Oh you can all shove a huge bucket of salt and buttered, stale, sickeningly greasy popcorn down your throats ...

One thing this plea might help stop is the sort of nonsense that came through the email to the pond yesterday, in yet another profoundly offensive editorial, which perforce is at the top of the Crikey newsletter.

Crikey seized on the brave work of Wendy Davis, the Texas state senator who filibustered Rick Perry and his minions, which saw the Republicans bizarrely attempt to redefine the concept of "midnight" (Abortion bill defeated after Texas Republicans concede vote came too late).

Now anyone who does over Rick Perry in any form is a heroine, and Davis's feat sent social media, especially of the feminist kind, into an entirely warranted and deserved frenzy.

But what did the Crikey editorialist make of it? Well the piece began celebrating Davis this way:

Yesterday, a lone woman stood up to her (overwhelmingly male) colleagues who were trying to take away her rights and silence her voice. She stood in the legislature and spoke for women everywhere, and when she could stand no more her colleagues and the people who elected her stood with her. And at least yesterday, she was triumphant.

And then this popped out:

Yesterday, in Australia, our first female prime minister stood up to her male colleagues who were trying to silence her voice. She stood and called their bluff, and she said she was not going down without a fight. But then, when she could stand no more, her colleagues and her friends spoke for a man with a blue tie instead. And while a few remained loyal to her, it wasn't enough. In her final speech as prime minister, she took to the podium alone. "What I am absolutely confident of is it will be easier for the next woman and the woman after that and the woman after that, and I am proud of that," she said. And no one stood with her at all.

Indeed. And amongst the 'no ones not standing with her at all' was the Crikey editorialist of a few days ago, who urged her to step aside or be dumped and for delusionals to stop treating her with any regard at all.

So what's the point of this piece of pious nonsense and claptrap?

What an epic fail as a way of sending Gillard on her way.

Ah well, it won't be long before Crikey stops turning up in the email box, and that'll be the end of the torment and, sob, First Dog. Oh First Dog ... but we promised no tears ...

And so to an increasingly urgent demand. Where's the bloody paywall at Fairfax?

It didn't take long for a new angle, a new way to assault Gillard, popped up in the headlines:

Childish, adolescent, petulant and envious, and we owe it all to Tony Wright scribbling The first day of the rest of her life, which in the natural order of things should have been safely locked behind a paywall.

Happily there were a few punters in the comments below the fold who noted that the story was petty, as well as predictable.

Where's the story about all the other perks all the other retiring politicians will be "enjoying". Where are all the male politicians. Where's John Howard and his perks? Mark Latham? Gra Gra Richardson? Why only Gillard?

Well we all know why ... and well played Mr. Wright. You know about the nasty cheap shot. Thought of a second career in the UFC?

Bring on that paywall, bring it on now ...

Frankly anybody who had to put up with Paul "generally vile" Sheehan  deserves a cosy retirement, and sure enough yesterday the general grump said farewell by accusing Gillard of being the worst kind of hypocrite . Sheehan couldn't resist a final backstab in Blood on Julia Gillard's guillotine, before shifting his front stabbing to Bill Shorten and current Chairman Rudd.

It was another touch of class from a man who has never backward about being a forward first class hypocrite and the pond reckons every politician deserves a parliamentary pension, and a substantial one at that for enduring that vale of no win tears and back-stabbing ...

Now the pond isn't inclined to tears - Gillard did indeed live and die by the sword, as all politicians do - but at least she did the honourable thing, and fell on her sword, instead of hanging around like a spectral wraith for the next three vengeful years.

It should also be noted that she was subject to some of the most vituperative, gender-based remarks and assaults going around in politics, with Abbott cheerleading along and sometimes at the head of the baying pack of hounds.

Which is why you can see the pond wants that paywall now. Let Sheehan live and die by the paywall, and see how many punters stump up for the pleasure of reading his tirades ...

Meanwhile, the pond has handsomely collected in a private bet with a mug punter who really should have known better.

The bet was about the length of time it would take the reptiles and the hacks at the lizard Oz to wheel in the sky like sparrows and take aim at current Chairman Rudd.

Surely, the hapless punter suggested, it would take a little longer than the time it took for the signature and the GG's seal to dry?

Oh foolish punter. First out of the blocks today?

Oh well played Judith "groan it must be the terrifying" Sloan.

Even Denis Shanahan wasn't so nakedly obvious, talking of challenges, challenges naturally that current Chairman would fail, but at least challenges rather than feral talk of outright failure at the very first hurdle - perhaps the Ruddster even tripped on his spikes coming out of the blocks!

Yes, if the date is the rumoured to be August 24th - heck let's make it November 24th - he'll have any amount of time to satisfy Dennis "the tie" Shanahan that he's an abject failure.

And now, if you'll pardon the pond, can we just take a look at the photographic group think that litters the print media today:

And in the lizard Oz's digital page, it became this:

Yes, it's Rudd v Abbott, watched by a yearning, hopeful optimistic woman, as her man goes into battle with a fiend who needs to fix his mistakes, because he's a failure.

So it goes.

Meanwhile, the pond is still keeping an occasional climate science watch on the reptiles at the lizard Oz, and today's outing features Bjorn Lomborg, with the reptiles demanding payment to read his take-down of the World Bank for daring to think that climate scientists might be right.

There's nothing new to read - Lomborg remains the only person in the world uniquely able to understand climate science and what should be done about it. 

What is routinely outrageous and shocking is that the reptiles at the Oz should demand payment to read this tosh, when such is the desperate vanity of the man that you can read it all at his Facebook page, here, under a June 22nd date ... for free. 

For bloody free ...

You mean we should pay as a way of having all the other Lomborg Facebook tosh filtered out?

Yes Lomborg is now so far outside the mainstream that he's turned himself into a Facebook blogger, while the lizard Oz demands money to read his six day old thoughts about how in the world of climate science it's the World Bank that's preventing free energy and everyone living in utopian bliss. Or some such utopian nonsense, while Lomborg swipes mightily at utopians ...

You can see why by the time the pond got to Maurice Newman scribbling Labor gambled and we all lost (behind the paywall so you never have to know or care).

Indeed, in much the same way as we might say that John Howard gambled, and the ABC and climate science lost ...

What to do?

Well at least David Pope - more Pope here - is having his usual field day ...

Bring on the gladiators, provided Russell Crowe stays outside, eating pizza and watching the thugby leaguers outraged that anyone might want to ban from the field common assaults that would earn jail time on the streets ...


  1. Got my invite from Fairfax yesterday. To think I used to be a daily "real paper" subscriber now seems impossible. I simply sent them feedback that Hell would freeze over before they will ever get another cent out of me. Got nice reply suggesting my feedback would be passed on. I think I would rather read my old "Man Junior's", if I could find them.

  2. Let us know when the subscription runs out and I will forward FDOTM to you on a daily basis. I had just renewed when the offending editorial came so I can give you the cartoon for about another 12 months.
    Its the least one can do in thanks for one of the few sane and rational voices in the Australian media.
    ps if ever you want a pay wall I would be happy to be inside it.

  3. Thanks for the kind offer Anon, but the pond already has a source for FDOTM (and Crikey online too), and it won't cost the pond a cent, and so it goes.

    And good one Stan, as the pond maintains the rage and smells like teen spirit. The pond grew up on a bizarre combination of the Robin family in the (English) Woman's Weekly and Pix and Australasian Post, now all lost. Weird times in Tamworth.


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